Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Please help me to be able to marry him

mercy nikah


I am a Sunni syed girl. I was in touch with a guy whose is khan by caste. I was very much impressed by his religious knowledge and practice and he too was with me. We both decided to make our relationship halal by getting married. We use to chat on Internet.

Unfortunately I came to know that the guy is 6 yrs younger to me. I didn't tell him my exact age thinking he would betray.

I was so much attached to him that I told about him at my home. Waiting for him for past 7 yrs was a strong and hard decision for me.

Now recently his parents visited to see me and disliked me because of age differences. I have lost my time waiting for him and now this. Still I'm not able to tell him I am 6 yrs elder. He knows I'm only a few months elder to him. I can't think of my life without him. Please help and do dua for me.


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7 Responses »

  1. Honey I am sorry but there is no way but to be truthful with him. If he is a strong person he will accept you for whatever your age is but I am pretty sure that by now he knows that ur much older than you have portrayed yourself. And from Islamic point of view everyone knows tht it is ok for our own and beloved prophet (PBUH) first wife was much older than him. Pray but keep in mind only a strong man will be able to make a decision of such and I mean strong from the inside.

  2. Firstly you should not have lied to him about your age. Trust is very delicated thing once it's broken can't fix the way it was no matter how strong the person is. To me you didn't lost your time perhaps the guy lost his time you should take it that way. Still it's better to tell the truth before it gets more complicated.

  3. Assalaamualaikam

    Hard as it may be, I think you might need to tell this guy the truth about your age - there is no reason why age itself should be a barrier to the two of you marrying, but a marriage shouldn't be based on lies. It's also not something that you could keep on pretending, as it would come out sooner or later (legal paperwork, spending time with family, even a birthday card if your family send these...).

    Islamically, a woman needs the consent of her wali to marry, but there is no such requirement for a man. It would be less stressful if everyone were in agreement, but if his parents do not agree, he can still proceed with the marriage, as it is his choice to make.

    It may be that he could convince his parents to re-consider their opinion. If age is their only concern, he could remind them that The Prophet (peace be upon him) married women of all ages, and his first wife, Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her), was older than he was. If he isn't able to convince them himself, he could also ask an imam or a respected member of the community to speak with them about the matter.

    The two of you should not be involved in a romantic or intimate relationship outside of marriage, though, so it's important to ensure your communications with him are within Islamic limits. If the two of you have transgressed these boundaries, it is important that you both repent for this and take steps to prevent it happening again.

    Midnightmoon editor

  4. things are hard over here . I'm 24years of age... I'm in love with a girl. I want to marry her but my family and her family will think it is ridiculous. because I have only highschool
    diploma. my father wants me to get a university degree before I get married. I'm confused and scared that the girl might leave me before I finish. there's risk of zina here. I don't want to fall a victim...HELP ME !!!

    • Hyenachief, make a proposal to her family on the condition that you finish your university degree first. You can get engaged now, and married later. An engagement carries no official weight in Islam of course, but it represents a promise and will create an expectation. In the meantime, beware of getting intimate with the girl in any way.

      Wael Editor

      • thank you ! I have fears that she may not hold herself while I'm away...sorry, I think a lot of weird things because I love her dearly ! I fear hypertension. To be honest, I'm a faithful type. 4years of university degree is 'too' long...

  5. If his parents know your age they probably told him that too isn't it?

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