Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband wants a second wife because of my absence

Salam Alaykum sister and brothers.

I am a married woman for 3 years already. I got converted when me and my husband got married. Alhamdulillah my husband is supporting me with my religious activities.

Let me start from the beginning of my marriage. When we got married he didn't tell me that he is married but he and the first wife is not together anymore as they got their 1st divorce. I've waited patiently till they got divorce after 2 years. It was very difficult for me as he speaks to her secretly and he promised her many things that he will take her back and will take a house for her but he will stay with me only only.

Things become more difficult for me and my husband after our husband came out of jail. She makes too much dramas and problems. But now I am the one and only wife now of my husband as far as I know.

My husband was in jail for less than 2 years due to financial problem. I've waited for him and I have to stay in my sister's house and hide for I don't have any residence visa anymore because I choose to follow what my husband told me. To resign from my previous company where am I working and he will come out after few weeks only and he will make my visa.

Almost 2 years I am waiting for him to come out but still he didn't make my visa. Me and my husband got married by imam in his sister's house and were not able to file our papers in the court for marriage due to his problem he was been caught after 3 months after we got married. So I waited for a year and half again for me to be legal.

Last January 2013 this guy who is processing my visa under my husband's company told us that my fine in immigration is too much - it was 37,500 dirhams so he suggested to go for an amnesty which the government gave for expats who has visa/immigration issue to leave the country. And that arab guy who is fixing my visa didn't check with the immigration if we can take the amnesty and come back.

So I left the country and went back to my country to see my family and to fix my visa. When I came back to my husband's country I was been hold by immigration for 4-5 hours just only then I learned that I have life time ban because of the amnesty. So after staying in the airport lobby for 12 hours without sleep I have to fly back to my origin country. I am so devastated as well as my husband who was with me on the phone the whole night and making me calm.

Since then I got stuck in here in my origin country far from my husband. Our problems started, every week he will promise me that he will come here to see me but 3 months had passed already he still didn't come. He also promise me that he will fix my problem since all this visa problem was all because of him. For the last 2 months I am suffering emotionally. I caught my husband chatting with other woman and telling them he's single and he's looking for serious relationship. Then I asked him why he's doing this he told me he just gets bored at home alone. He says sorry and promises me he will not do it again. So I forgive him. But I don't know why every week we're having the same issue and same promises. I even use verses in Quran to make him realize that what he is doing is haram. The worst this I caught is he's making a deal with a prostitute using social networks and they even exchanges numbers and they had closed the deal that he will come on her place.

And I asked him to swear that he didn't have sex with anybody since I was away. Instead of swearing he got angry on me which is sign of being guilty. After we got married I learned he used to do the same things doing haram things - he even cheated on me on our 1st 3 months of our marriage but I gave him a chance and promise me that he will not do it again. I thought he learned his lesson already after he came out of jail. He was praying for like 6 month then he stopped. But when we were together for 1 1/2 year he is not doing any haram things as I am sitting on his head that Allah is watching. He was very good husband he really changed. I don't allow him to go out of house alone as I cannot trust him because one occasion and it was July last year when I attend the wedding of his brother's son we were not together and he didn't go the place were men where supposed to go. With all my trust I didn't think anything wrong but when we reach home he is so tired and straight he went to bathroom to take shower I check on his clothes I saw some stains. So I confronted him and I ask him to swear but he didn't and he get angry. So from that day I stop trusting him fully.

Yesterday I caught him again chatting as in on that very moment that he's chatting with a Russian lady since I have access on his account and he knew it. He asked the girl if she wants to go to His country - he will make visa for her and he will buy ticket for her and he told her also that he's not married anymore, and he even offer her to stay in his house when she'll arrive in his country.

So I called him and ask him what is this nonsense again, you told me you will stop this. Then he told me he will call me later as his friend is with him. After a minute he send me SMS telling that he will get married and that's it. I get so upset so I asked him to divorce me instead as I cannot stay with him anymore like this and I want to live a life in Islamic way. He even told me that he is allowed to marry up to 4 wives. So I told him I don't care how much wives you will have but I don't want anymore, because all of this things is affecting me and my faith... I know him he cannot deal justly having more than one wife as we've been on the same situation him having 2 wives and his not capable of supporting both emotionally, time, and material. I even told him that I know why you want to marry again it was because of sex that you cannot control. It was the 2nd time he told me he will marry again because I'm not there. In my mind how we can be together when you're not doing anything to fix your wife's problem.

So last night and today I send him email regarding having more than 1 wife. What does Quran says and what are the conditions. But I don't know if he reads it or if he understand it. He told me he loves me he says sorry it was his mistake and he promised me again that he will come this week and fix our marriage.

My heart is broken totally broken, I feel like my entire marriage life is I am waiting and being lied and cheated. I already came to the point yesterday that I didn't cry not even one drop of tears. My heart get tired of trying to understand him, to keep him reminded of what the Quran says about haram and halal, to reach out and tried to fix our marriage even though he is ignoring me and to wait for him to be true to his words.

I don't know what to do as I love him so much, if I have to give another chance when my heart is telling me to stop, when I cannot trust him anymore, or just ignore his wrong doing which I cannot because I care about him and I fear for the punishment of Allah to him and to me. I know it's my obligation to keep my husband's spiritual faith which become very difficult for me because he cannot accept the fact that I know more about Quran than him who was born Muslim. I don't really know why he wants to marry again but he wants me to keep as his first wife.

Sometimes I asked myself is it me who has a problem why my husband is doing this? Am I not a good wife? Is it because of my absence physically that make him do haram things? All of this is my fault? All i know now I'm confused between my love for my husband and love for myself. I even asked Allah why he is punishing me like this what wrong I have done, I've been faithful wife, I had changed myself. What wrong I have done?

I hope someone out there can help me as I really don't know whats going on with my life.


Asalamu alaikum...

This is a continuation of my post... Few days back I learned from one of our employee who no longer working in my husbands office, she told me that my husband told the people in the office who knows me very well as I help my husband to establish his business again after coming out from jail. I've been supportive to my husband and everybody knows how much I worked for my husbands business, we started just me and him and now he liked terminated me as I'm out of the country.

So 3 days back I learned that he had told everybody (employees, clients, other people who knew us, as husband and wife) that we are divorce already that why he is alone now and I'm not around anymore. I send him SMS about what I learned and I really want to be out of this pain and lie. He just SMS me stop thinking rubbish, and didn't reply anymore till the next day.

This time I'm really ready to just be divorce than suffering from my husband's behavior and continue to ignore me. Our marriage is falling apart, if I didn't call him or send SMS he doesn't care at all I will not hear anything anymore but he doesn't want. He is not calling me also. So the next day before I went to sleep I SMS him telling him that he really doesn't care anymore, and ask him to give me 3talaq as I cannot bare the pain anymore but he doesn't want. Yesterday I start sending SMS trying to be the same like how we are before but it's like I'm sending SMS to a very cold husband.

I really cannot understand anymore what's going on with us, what are his plans, why his not letting me go, why he is hurting me, why he is not being true to his words, I really cannot get any answer anymore. I'm tired of being a reserve in this marriage. Please someone give me good advise as I am really lost right now. Are we divorce already as he announced to people already that we're divorce already?

Hope someone can give me good advise.

- azizza09

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34 Responses »

  1. Assalamualaikum sister Aziza,

    I feel sorry for the pain you are undergoing. From your post, I can make out how faithful you were to your relationship and how patient you were with his unacceptable behavior. May Allah Reward you for it.

    I can make out how ambiguous your husband is, from your words: " But now I am the one and only wife now of my husband as far as I know."

    He has clearly betrayed you and does not feel the guilt, has no regret (from what I understand). You mentioned that he closed a deal with a prostitute and also that you saw stains on his clothes (though this case could be just suspision), and you said that he used to present himself as single to women on the web. This is wrong. I could have said that you may not have done enough to turn him on, but I am sure you mist have tried that, I get this feeling from your words, and Allah Knows Best.

    Taking a second wife is not the question here. And he is NOT supposed to marry another woman as he has been unjust to you and will surely go against the Quranic condition which says that he must be just in dealing with all his wives.

    Concerning his choice to stay in the UAE, he is not allowed to stay away from you for over six months without your approval. If he does, you have the reason to seek divorce. But according to me, even without this, you have the reason for divorce. His attitude seems evil and the fact that he was ready to visit a prostitute when you were present, the chances are even higher in your absense.

    Read this fatwa:

    Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked: I am a young man living abroad and I am married, praise be to Allaah, but the country in which I am working only allows a few employees to bring their wives. What is the Islamic ruling on that, as the job is only for a year or fourteen months to be precise?

    He replied: Some of the Sahaabah set a limit for a husband’s absence at four months, and others set it at half a year, but that applies when a wife has asked her come back. If he has been away for half a year and she asks him to come back and he is able to, then he must come back. If he refuses then she has the right to refer the matter to the qaadi (judge) and have the marriage annulled. But if she allows her husband to stay, even if it is for a long time, and more than one or two years, then there is nothing wrong with that because it is her right that she has waived, so she cannot demand an annulment so long as she has agreed to his being away and so long as her provision, clothing and other needs are assured. And Allaah is the Source of strength. End quote from Fataawa Islamiyyah (3/212).

    Tell this to your husband. And ask him to come back at once. If he does not cime within six months, approach a Qaadhi and ask him to annul the marriage so that you can marry someone else when time comes (in sha Allah).

    I pray that Allah Makes it easy for you and reward you for the patience. Do tawbah for the wrong you may have done.

    Abu Abdul Bari Editor

    • I forgot to mention:

      While I was reading your post, I was expecting you to say that you were banned entry into the UAE. This happens when a person defaults (or made to feel that he has defaulted) and is deported to one's home country.

      This happened to someone I know. Poor old couple; they had been to the UAE to visit their sons and I think also visited Saudia for Umrah. The sponsor reported them wrongly that they had escaped. They were caught and were made to spend a day or more in jail. They were then deported. When they tried to visit again, they were not warned, but accepted into the country, but when they found out their history, they were jailed again. They are now told that they are banned for life from entry into the GCC (all the gulf countries in the Gulf Cooperation Council). Perhaps the 37,500 Dirham fine has led you to this ban.

      Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  2. -Staying with a man who is not chaste and planning to have kids one day with him is not a smart option. Save your deen and move on unless he changes his ways and repents. You need third party intervention..his promises and conversations as u said keep repeating.

    Personally i would never trust a man like this. if he is not loyal and chaste (prostitute?)..then what is the marriage based on? second marriage is not the issue. The issue is his character. second marriage would not be a problem if his behavior was in line with islam n he could afford 2 wives.

  3. Assalamu aleykum wa rahmatullahi wa barkatuhu sister,

    First of All I would you to congratulate for reverting to Islam, May Allah keep you firm in your faith and make it easy for you to follow Islam correctly and completely.
    Really appreciate your patience and your forgiving nature. Remember Allah is with the one who is patience.

    Allah is not punishing you. It’s all your husbands fault. A bad person always does bad things we cannot blame Allah for it.

    Regarding your husband looking for a second wife, it is a very shameful act. If he wants to opt for a second marriage he should first divorce you and give you your mahar. But like you said he lying around in his office that he has divorced you just for the sake of getting married again is really shameful and sinful act.

    I also live in UAE and I know that many Arabs do like this. They are never content with one marriage. But there financial condition is pretty strong.

    I know that you really love him but love is not one sided. The fact that his opting for second marriage means he doesn’t love you any more. And I can guarantee you that once he gets another wife he will soon look to finish everything between you and him. This guy has lied to you, hidden things from you so many times still you have forgiven him.

    From the bottom of my heart I would sincerely advise your sister that you get divorce from this person and get married to some one else. You really deserve a better husband.
    And I am sure if Allah wills you will get a very loving caring and faithful husband.

    Dear sister never lose hope on Allah. Always make lots and lots of Du’wa and have patience. Sincerely from all your heart seek help from Allah.

    I pray to Allah that all your difficulties get over and you find peace and happiness in this life as well as hereafter.

    …and Remember Allah much, that you may be successful.

    Allah is sufficient as a Friend, and Allah is sufficient as a Helper.

    So establish worship, pay the poor due, and hold fast to Allah. He is your Protecting Friend. A blessed Patron and a blessed Helper!

    Salamu aleykum

  4. Salam brothers and sisters, thank you for you time on responding to my problem.
    For the last few days things is getting worst between my husband and me. I really think Allah is making way for me to know what kind of husband I have, that Allah wants me to open my eyes.
    My mom came the other day for dinner, she barrowed my Tablet to check her email and maybe got curious about my photos. By her surprise since my husband and I share a same account for our ICloud photos from him I sync in my mobile and iPad she saw my husband photo with another woman and she asked me who is that girl, I took the iPad from my mom and went outside to check what else is there and more photos came out which really inappropriate for any Muslim husband.
    So same time I send him the photos back to him and told him that this time I cannot accept it anymore (photo was really shameful-I don't want to mention In detail anymore).
    So I went to an imam yesterday to get an opinion about divorce he told me to talk to him and don't ask for it out of anger. So I called him and told him what ever the imam told me. His answer is ok will call you after work and we'll talk, but I mention to him already that I want divorce. He said ok will give you... So by 8 pm UAE time I SMS him to call me as I want closure already. His didnt call at all, he didn't even reply on my SMS...

    I'm just praying to Allah that my decision to ask for divorce will be the thing for me. Because I am scared that I might do something wrong out of anger... I don't want our family also to get involve with what we are going through right now. I just cannot understand why his doing all this things but doesn't want to let go..

    Correct me if I'm wrong "I'm thinking since he's not responding to any SMS and not answering my calls I should better just go on with my life and just leave him" ( for everybody's info we got married by imam only in his family house with 2 witness and family is there but we don't have papers as we're not able to file it because of him).
    Is it permissible in Islam to just go away from my marriage since his ignoring me now totally?

    • After more than 3 years of marriage and finding out that your husband is evil, you wish to just walk away and leave him? No, it is unIslamic and its forbidden to just walk away and leave him without divorce because you are clearly still his lawfully wedded wife.

      Secondly, marriage documents/contracts are not important during a wedding, its just there to protect both the parties and so if there is an imam and two witnesses during wedding, then thats considered as lawfull wedding with/without contract.

      If you decide to 'just' leave him and walk away, then you are being completely rebellious and disobidient towards Allah and your husband (I know your husband is evil, but that doesn't mean you should be one). If you decide to re-marry, then thats forbidden and illegal and constitutes fornication as you are still married. Etc.

      Therefore, either he divorces you and give you mahr(dowry) or you divorce him through khula and you return him his mahr. Bring your case to a local sharia council or court and they will insha'Allah guide you on how to proceed. Talk to your husbands family and tell them that you seek divorce, perhaps they will ask him to divorce you. Ask someone in UAE to get an imam to talk to your husband to divorce you because all you need now is a word 'divorce' from your husband's mouth, more better with witness. Just continue asking for divorce and most probably, he will do just that and maybe, show him that verse in the Quran which says, 'don't hold woman against their will'. Do not delete any proofs or evidences of your husband's unislamic behavior, perhaps you may need them to apply for divorce. Whatever it is, have patience, ask of Allah, nag Allah, do tawbah and pray regularly.

    • Wa Alaikum as Salam sister,

      In order to walk away, you will need to annul the marriage. Like I said, approach a Qaadhi and ask him to do that on grounds of absense for over 6 months.

      Even if he returns and you want divorce, you can ask him for it. If he does not agree, you can seek khula. After this, you can marry anyone else, in sha Allah, after completing the 'Iddah.

      Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  5. Assalamu aleykum wa rahmatullahi wa barkatuhu ,

    Elhumdulillah, All praise and Thanks are for Allah. Sister, you have made a very good decision. Its obvious that he his not interested in you anymore and that is the reason he is not responding to you.
    I can sense that now you feel happy and relieved by the way you have written.

    Yes it is permissible, you can go to Imam and he will guide you as to how to get divorce.

    I pray to Allah that you get a very loving and caring and honest, truthful husband. Ameen.

    Salamu aleykum.

  6. Salam...

    honestly im not happy that we will be divorcing... I am in pain so much... i want divorce but its hurting me as well... i love him but i cannot stay with him like this anymore... evrything was too much pain...

    i am confuse with myself also....

  7. Assalamu aleykum wa rahmatullahi wa barkatuhu ,

    Yes Sister, its not easy to give divorce especially to the person whom you love so much. But the truth is that his not interested in you anymore and that's why he is looking for another wife.
    This is a very bitter truth.
    You cannot force him to love you the way you love him.
    So its better to let go and let him be happy the way he wants to be.

    Eventually you will feel better. It will take some time.

    Dont be confused, logically you have made a very good decision. Listen to your brain. Listening to heart or desire is the one of the root cause of the pain and suffering in a persons life.

    Have patience and pray to Allah swt that this pain goes away soon.

    And also please move on in your life. The way he is looking for another wife you should also look for another husband. Otherwise you would always be thinking about him and it will spoil your health both mentally and physically.

    Pain is unavoidable part of life but its important to not repeat the mistake which lead to the pain and have patience and trust in Allah the All mighty.

    Read Qur'an you will really feel good.

    Hope this would make you feel better.

    Salamu aleykum.

  8. Thank you very much for all the encouragement... It really help me to make me strong with my decision... Now I know this is the best way...
    Just now he called and he told me he will not give divorce as he doesn't want. And admitted all his mistake... But I cannot take it anymore... I told him I want divorce and I don't want to in this marriage anymore... Then he just told me will call u again later I will just finish my work...
    The more he delay the divorce the more I am hurting, I cannot understand why his not letting me go...
    I guess I will just leave everything to whatever Allah's will...
    And ask for forgiveness and patience and wisdom...

  9. Good to hear to hear this sister, I pray to Allah that its easy for you to have patience and that you have a better future.

    Just want to share something similar which also happened with my cousin sister who is maternal relative. One of my Paternal relatives married my cousin sister. This marriage was a simple nikah where in there was a Imam, the couple and her mother and her sisters. Her father was not in favor of the marriage.
    This happened in the city where my maternal relatives live.

    After few weeks of marriage the husband goes abroad for some reason and he tells my cousin sis that he will call her there.

    Few months passes but still he doesn't call her there but always keeps on promising that he will call her to live with him. Later on again few months passed, now my cousin sister and her family is getting worried as why is he delaying so much after saying that he would call her soon. Later we come to know that he married another woman there. After some weeks of this incidence when my cousin sis calls him he says its true but he will call her and that he was forced to marry and will divorce his wife in abroad soon and call her.

    Later after again few months no reply came and then we really started to worry and then we came to know that the reason he married another wife in abroad was Green Card and that he would not give her divorce and stay with her only.

    This was a big shock for my cousin sister because she really loved him. She stayed in this pain for some time, got divorce through a Imam. Later after few years she got married to another guy.

    Now shes happily married. she has a son and her new husband really loves her and takes good care of her. And that paternal relative of mine is still married with that woman and has two daughters.

    Things that happen in life which are not in our control are in Allah's control and Allah knows what is best for us.

    Take care. All the best for the future and May Allah's peace and blessings be always on you.

    Assalamu aleykum wa rahmatullahi wa barkatuhu.

    • Wow brother thanks for sharing this amazing story of your cuz sis.
      I am happy for her that she has a boy, may ALLAH bless him health and knowledge.
      May he also be respectful to women, ameen.

      I am so happy that your cousin sis's first husband has two daughters, May ALLAH forbid, but ALLAH sure is in role of this, and has control her situation really well. I hope his girls get a good husband, not someone like him, otherwise he will know how it feels to misuse other people girls.

      SubhanALLAH, may ALLAH bless the good and punish the bad.

  10. i am so happy sister of ur decision da best is to leave him alone....
    insha allah make dua sister allah iz de almighty he cn do, leave it up 2 him keep faith in him and give all ur problems to him to take care that u will gt a relief...
    i encourage u to pray isthikara and do bit of meditation which will help u alot insha allah...

  11. Salam Brothers and Sister....

    Just 2 hours ago I got divorced Already... Alhamdulillah I am out of this miserable marriage... But there are things I learned that surprised me a lot...
    1. His family got angry on me for the thing they learned that I kept for 3yrs which my husband told me to keep it and never tell anyone...
    2. From that time (when his family learned about our secret ) all of them told him to divorce me and look for new wife because they don't want me anymore and since I cannot come back in UAE anymore. (Or maybe even before that learned the thing, maybe when they realize that I cannot come back anymore they already told him to dispatch me) I remember when all of us were sitting and discuss about my visa problem his mom said if she cannot come anymore then go marry again but she told it as a joke but my husband answered thath time no I will go to her country and live with her.
    3. They met already the new wife to be, and their already planning the wedding.
    4. In the afternoon when I asked for divorce he said he doesn't want. And ask him if got married already or have any plan of getting married again but he answered me "no why should I"
    5. I learned that everything was well planned already by my husband.
    6. I ask him why u keep me hanging and let me wait for u? How many times I already asked for divorce but his not letting me go...
    7. He doesn't have the guts to tell me straight in my face that he doesn't want anymore... I cannot understand why he have to keep me this long and hurt me so much...

    Regarding all of this his sister is the one who called me and break everything over the phone... She told me everything and that me and my husband is over already.

    After talking to her I spoke with him to give me 3 talaq.. But I still ask him some question... The only thing he told me is " it happen already" he didn't even say sorry for hurting me so at the end of our conversation I just told him "there no one blame for this, maybe this is out fate this is what Allah wants"

    After we close the phone I cried a little but I feel relief because I will be no longer suffer any pain from him...

    To everybody who gave me advice I am very thankful because earlier this day when I am ready everything it open my eyes to reality that my husband is not worthy of my love, my time, my sacrifices...

    Despite my failure marriage I am still thankful that Allah makes the way to get out of that marriage as he know this marriage will not make me a better person. I'm also wishing my ex husband to have a happy life and he will see the importance of marriage, love and honesty...

    • Wa Alaikum as Salam sister,

      Thank Allah and trust in Him for your decision. Observe the Iddah which is 3 menstrual cycles and then look to marry again. This time, in sha Allah, you will find a good man, not one like him.

      And sister, I wish to clarify one doubt. You said you asked him to give you 3 talaq. This is actually bid'ah, and that counts as one talaq only, meaning, if you both wish to reconcile, you can do so.

      May Allah Grant you patience and increase your Imaan, leading to higher levels in Jannah.

      Abu Abdul Bari Editor

      • Salam... I really don't understand he said it 3 time "u r divorce" in arabic and he explain it in English the he said it again 3 times... Anyway I don't have plan of going back to him after all? I forgive but I don't forget... The pain the he causede was too much... I know I will be better without him inshallah...

        Thank you very much for all your comments and advice... Thanks to Allah for taking me out from this marriage...

        • What I mean is that though he pronounced divorce thrice, it counts as one. Because three divorce pronouncements in one sitting is a bid'ah and considered one divorce - not three.

          Abu Abdul Bari

          • Assalamualaikum,

            Brother, please do not give the sister fataawa. Let her speak to a qualified imam. Do not confuse the sister. There is a difference of opinion on this issue (each based on proper daleel) among the respected ulema and it is not for us laymen to make rulings without adequate knowledge. Rather we should encourage the sister to consult established scholarly authorities available to her to help her in resolving this matter. Thank you very much.

            Also I would like to congratulate the sister for reverting to Islam. After reading your posts I am certain you have made the correct decision. I would like to advise you to MOVE ON and not look back. This man most definitely does not deserve you and keeping any kind of relationship with him will undoubtedly cause you unnecessary pain and suffering. Please put the past behind you and move ahead. Whatever pain you have went through you will be rewarded greatly by the will of Allah and it will serve as an expiation of sins. May Allah give u goodness upon goodness in this world and the afterlife and provide you with a righteous and caring husband who will love you and who you will love.

            Do not be fooled by words of men who claim that they will change and are neither on this side nor on that side. True sincerity is measured by action and not by words.

            Stay focused. Take care.

          • Wa Alaikum as Salam Warrior,

            I have read the dalaail of both positions. The conclusion is from the major scholars who say triple divorce is bid'ah. Some do say it counts as three, but the nusoos say it is one. I do not issue fataawa, but I am sure about this. Still, thank you for the reminder. The sister need not be concerned because she does not want to return to him.

            Abu Abdul Bari

  12. Salam sisters and brothers...

    I just have a follow up question regarding my post earlier... Since my husband divorced me almost 2weeks already he still didn't give me my divorced money, which he had promised me many times that he will send it to me tomorrow or later. But unfortunately he still didn't send me the money... And then few days back he got engaged already with a you get girl. And someone told me that he got married also... Anyway I'm not concern about that he got married or not, although it still hurting me...

    My question is, is it forbidden for me to keep asking for the divorce money? Or should I just forget about it, since I think he doesn't want to give the money...

    I'm asking for the divorce money since he left me without work ( because he doesn't want me to work), and I don't have any savings and the clothes I have now with me is not enough, he didn't also send my things from his house...

    I am renting a house and now I'm having hard time to get a job to sustain my needs... My parents are separated now and I don't want to stay with any of them since my mom is staying with her new husband and my dad is with new partner with the girls family... So I end up without any choice but to take my sisters with me and rent a house for 3 of us... Both of them are working but their salary is not enough to cover all the expenses...

    I'm really feeling so down right now as I'm feeling useless and unworthy...

    • Assalamu aleykum wa rahmatullahi wa barkatuhu sister Azzizza,

      Although it seems that he is not interested in giving you the money but i would suggest that you keep asking him since you really need it and your right to have that money.

      Also i pray to Allah SWT that you get a good job soon.

      Also if possible i would suggest you to find a life partner and get married, it might also solve all your problems.


    • Wa Alaikum as Salam sister,

      If he delays what he says, perhaps he intends to avoid giving you money. If keeping on asking him does not work, you may turn to legal action. When he is forced by law, he may act and give you your right. In sha Allah, it is not against Islam.

      Sister, even I suggest you to get married again when your iddah is over, in sha Allah.

      Abu Abdul Bari Editor

      • without even suggesting that to her, you should know that that is she soppose to think and thats what she want. ie getting married immeditely after her iddah is over..

        but you know what the challenging part is. (?) finding the right patner. she has to start all afresh again.

        to the sister in question

        i really echoe your move, you are very brave. you should never rue the action you took, because you did the right thing. seperating from this man is the right decision every lady would make.

        i would advice you to stop asking him of the money. he knows very well that he soppose to pay money, and he's keeping mute. your disturbing him will not make him give you your money.

        i suggest you forget about him. if he refund your money back to you, that is infinitly better for him. but if he refuses, then surely he is going to pay you in full in the afterlife, and he is gonna pay you whether he likes it or not.

        this man doesnt deserve love, her is never sincere , he doesnt worth you, and he is a gabbage as far as you are concerned.

        forget about him without a second thought. and try to move farwafd

        be patient and hold unto your deen, hold unto allah and He shall see you through.

        relax your self start a new search slowly, from your muslim neighbours, to your muslim friends, to muslim matrimonial sites.

        but open your eyes and be consciouse of any move of any pious muslim man that comes your way. make sure you dont fall into deceivers trap again.

        bro mohd

    • SALAM...

      SISTER! Why are you feeling useless and unworthy? It's not your fault is it? In fact your ex-husband is the one that should be feeling useless and unworthy, not you! Why should you feel useless and unworthy because of his actions? Please wake up! You're going through a difficult time, insha Allah it will be alright, just keep pushing forward. You are a great muslimah sister for having the courage and strength to face a situation like this, definitely not USLESS or UNWORTHY! Don't let these weak whispers of Shaytan bring you down. You have what it takes to be a true muslim woman, and that is extremely, infinitely valuable! In fact I am certain that YOU deserve a better man insha Allah. Your husband surely doesn't deserve a woman like you. Be patient.

  13. Congrats on your divorce, I can't be more happier for you. He will give you the money don't worry go legal.

    I hope you find a really good well mannered, respectful person in your life, ameen.

    Good Luck and never give up on yourself.

    Your beautiful and respectful, and you deserve way better, just don't get blinded with those who sweet talk and trap girls. Just pray for your future partner to be perfect.

    InshALLAH you will get all endless happiness and you will enjoy your life with new husband when ever you get married. ameen.


  14. and sister, i want to asure you that you a something of worth, you are never useless and you should stop losing your self esteem because of that worthless exhusband of yours.

    you are really worthy to us in this furum, and to the rest of the muslims scatered throughout the world. you are really worthy to the muslim nation, and above all, you are so worthy in the sight of allah. because as a believer (muslim), you are such a treasure, and you are more worthy to allah than the world and everything in it put together.

    and i want to asure you that you are loved by many, some you know them, and some you dont.

    and inshaAllah, you shall come across a pious man that will give you all the care and love you deserve.

    just dont forget Allah, keep on offering your 5 times salat prayers constantly and be patient.

    ALLAAH would see you through.

  15. Salam sisters and brothers,

    Thank you very much for all your advice... It really encourage me to go on with my life and start a band new life...
    I am thankful to Allah that I was able to find this site that motivates me to be a better muslimah.

    Thank you very much...

  16. Sister Azziza,
    I am saddened to hear of what you have gone through with this dishonourable man but inshallah I hope you are now at a better place. and you will find someone better. Subhanallah! a man does all this to another person and then refuses to even pay the Mahr?

    Anyways my question is now directed at the brothers who have been replying and seem to be knowledgeable, cant you guys help the sister find an Imaan who lives in UAE to approach this loser and get her mahr for her? is it what we Muslims should do to help another Muslim who has been treated unjustly? I have a feeling if he did what did to a local girl, he would have pay to up asap. so cant we who are born Muslims not try to act as this sisters Wali and send some pious men to this man and his family and urge/convince this dude to pay the sisters mahr?

    • Amira, unfortunately we are not equipped to intervene personally in the way you're describing. A lot of the posters here could probably use that kind of personal assistance, but we would need a full time staff to handle that kind of thing.

      Wael Editor

  17. Asaalaamu Aleykum Bro Wael,
    I understand, but really to me this sounds like something that would not be too complicated, I can Google masjids in Dubai get a number, I even have a cousin that lives there who could get me an Imam's number and the sister could call him or one of you brothers could speak with him and explain the situation, I would volunteer to do it myself but I am not sure if it is appropriate for me to speak with him as a woman. I also don't speak Arabic if he does not speak maybe an Arabic speaking brother could ring. I don't know guys inshallah you will get thawab for helping this sister out, sometimes part of dawah is also helping someone in practical ways... with the sisters permission of course.

    I am a social worker by profession so for me I am always looking for solutions to problems and ways I can help, this seems like something we can at least try.

    p/s may be people willing could volunteer their time to do this types of things.

    • Salam Sister...

      Thank you for your kind heart, I know my situation now is really devastating... And trying fix my life again was really hard... I'm still thankful to Allah providing me with my everyday needs with the help of my family ... And most of the time I really feel pity to myself... But I'm just leaving everything to Allah, I know he has something better for me... I tried to ask him for the divorce money again but he is not responding at all, so I just decided to just forget about it... Maybe his thinking since we doesn't have marriage contract whether he give me the divorce money or not I cannot do anything legally....
      I know him same thing he did with his first wife when they divorce, he also doesn't want to pay the lady the money by trying to keep her, then at last he wAs forced to since she filed a case against him... So for now I will just leave everything to Allah...

      Thank you very much sister I was really touch by your concern on my current situation... May Allah bless you and all who had given me a good advice and encourage me to go on and start a new life...

  18. Aliza is there an update on how you are doing? I hope you are well

    • Salam, Thank you for asking on what's going on with me.
      it's been a while since the last time I checked my post. I was just rereading it today my post and the comments. while I was reading somehow I feel happiness in my heart coz it's been a year now since I got divorce and alhamdulillah I am doing good. Though I was not able to get a job, and have a monthly salary, Allah still provide. I am helping my mom for 8 months now with her business. It really helped me while I am moving on. I am not 100% moved on already but inshallah in Allahs time one day I will.
      for the last one year I got some proposals but I am not yet ready and have a trust issue. so instead all the proposals I got I end up rejecting them.

      When I was still Christian I got into relationship for two years to a good, respectable, God fearing, and humble Christian guy. last January when he learned that I am divorced already he wants to come back into my life. He still loves me and my daughter, and my whole family likes him. problem is he is not Muslim.
      He even told me he is willing to marry me, and wanna grow old with me. I have trust issue, I'm even scared of getting committed to anybody. As I am looking for pious Muslim man but my family is against it. They thought all Muslim man is same with my ex husband.

      anyway I'm not really thinking about it, I am focusing my time and my life with daughter and don't want to rush into marriage. I know Allah prepares everything for me. If this guy is the one for me Allah will make a way for him to become Muslim.

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