Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I dont know what to do about my posessive mother in law


I've been married 3 yrs..and have no kids .. both me and my husband got ourselves checked we are both fine AllhamduLilah.. Drs are going on with their normal standard procedure and then later on they will try IVF(test tube)......

My problem just doesnt start there... I am married to my cousin and live with my mother in law is very posessive about my husband...She doesn't let him go out to work or even with 3 years of marriage we have never gone out to a restaurant to eat alone....or just to roam around like normal married couples do....going out of station is something which i can't even ask as in the city we have never had the liberty to do so...I tried that as he is masha Allah a five times per day prayer. I thought he might want to go for Hajj as i thought that maybe going there and praying might help us with having a baby...but even that he wouldn't do....he goes everywhere with his parents but not me...yes before marriage everyone knew that his mother is possessive but no one knew that she wouldn't let him go out with his own wife. He hardly complains about it himself - I'm the only one who gets bugged by this...I go alone parents ...dr's....or even if it's work I go alone....

I want to know the rights of a mother in law and wife...if I'm not mistaken there is a surat or ayat in which it is mentioned about the rights of a mother in law...

I don't know. My life in that house is so empty... I love children. There is nothing wrong medically...plz tell me what to do...I'm first they were not paying for my medical...the IUI(artificial insemination) and now they offered to pay for test tube too...they are the type who love money. Their own daughter is sitting at home for the past few yrs just because they won't give some money to her husband...i think if test tube fails they'll divorce me..telling everyone,"we tried ...even paid for the dr's but it didnt work"

I'm so depressed. I love him...even though we dont have a normal married couple life in the house is like it doesn't matter if i exist...the sister in law is very dominating and even the servants are rude to me...i still want to stay with's not my fault that we are unable to have kids..its Allah's will so what can i do? why should suffer because of that...I'm very possessive about him and can't imagine him with another woman - it breaks my heart...when i think about if he leaves me and marries another...and she bears his kills me....please tell me what to do. I think I'll have a nervous breakdown.

(plz tell me any wazifas...duas..any prayer for a child...and for peace of mind..and for my husband to feel affection twds me)


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9 Responses »

  1. salaam my dear sister i really feel for you kids are a blessing from allah however i think your other issue is stress it has a knock on effect on your body and to be honest with you you need to get out of that situation speak to your parents tell them about what is going on

    allah hafiz

  2. salaam sister

    I really do feel sad hearing this I know how many other people out there just like you try so hard for kids yet they still have to wait a long time.

    my cousin she was in the same position as you however mash 'Allah her patience granted her two beautiful children in the end , it took her around 4-5 years though.

    All I can say that Allah is witnessing everything all of us go through and theres always a solution to the situations we facing but all of us just need two keys to making it success and that is the power of dua and patience from Allah .

    With great time anything can happen.

    so sister please try to be as much patient as you can and in shaa Allah Allah swt will grant you a child in no time ameen.

  3. asalamu alaikum,

    sista all I can say maybe its a blessing you don't have a child. sista take a step back and take a look. your mother-inlaw has dominated your life. you cant spend time like a married couple, since you a treated as a children. your husband is only allowed to go with his mother? seriously what kind of joke is this?

    now just imagine if you had a child, what would happen? although the mother has more right over her own child, do you think your mother in-law just gonna sit back? no, she gona take over and decide how the child will be raised, to the extent you will become just a housemaid. its possible, do you really want a lifestyle like that? you get no respect, you don't have to put up with it.

    you also said "i think if test tube fails they'll divorce me..telling everyone,"we tried ...even paid for the dr's but it didnt work" and "the sister in law is very dominating and even the servants are rude to me"

    also your husband doesn't seem very supportive. talk to your husband. you said you work but not your husband?

    I think its better if you left rather them telling you to divorce. a woman without a child has a better chance to remarry than women with a child.

    be patient, Allah(swt) will replace this lifestyle with something better. hope things work out..

    ma salama

  4. Salaams,

    Regarding your mother in law, your husband should be the one to address this issue with her. He is head over you, and if you are distressed about something in the household then he needs to take the proper responsibility in managing it. The fact that he doesn't personally find it bothersome is irrelevant, you are his wife and you have rights over him that he is obligated to protect, even when it's his own mother who is violating them. I can assure you that wanting to go out with your husband and be with him alone is natural and normal, but what she is doing is not. I believe probably the only lasting solution you will find to that issue is moving out of her home and you and your husband living in a home of your own, but again you will need to bring this to your husband so he can be the man about it.

    As far as your infertility, I'm not sure why the doctors are suggesting going straight to IUI if there is nothing medically wrong with either of you. That procedure is generally reserved for couples where the man has a low sperm count or the woman is not ovulating regularly and cannot be made to do so with medication. Most practitioners would recommend starting to chart your BBT and work toward having intercourse on your fertile days, and if that doesn't work perhaps trying a few rounds of clomid before considering more invasive and costly options. I think maybe you need to see another specialist for a second opinion, because either they haven't found the real cause of your infertility and something is really medically wrong (it could be your thyroid, PCOS, stress delaying ovulation or any other number of things) which you would definitely need to know, or they are trying to milk money from you by having you go through unnecessary procedures.

    -Amy Editor

  5. Sounds like you've married a man who's under his mother's thumb. From what I have seen, the behaviour of socalled momma's boys never goes away. But I'd urge you to talk to your husband and your mother-in-law - who knows, it mgiht miraculously make a difference. But other than that, there's not much you can do. As sister Amy says, it's really your husband's job to do something about this matter.

  6. Okay I understand the mothers bring possessive towards her son but why can't she? She raised him all his life he came from her womb she fed and clothed him maybe it's the fact she loves her son soo much she finds it hard to move away from him . Not all mothers are that possessive but if your husband not got problem with it then why have u. Fertility problem is itself its own issue may Allah give u a child and give u happiness u deserve.

    • Salaams,

      Sophia, true love for another human being isn't about possessing them. It's not about controlling their every move or keeping them all to oneself. That's not love, that is psychological sickness.

      Every good mother bears the pain of childbirth, makes sacrifices to raise their children well, and does everything they can to make sure their children have everything they need. But the difference is, healthy moms don't do this so they can "own" their son/daughter at the end of it all, but so that their son/daughter can grow up to be a good person who is ready to take care of a family of their own. We raise our children to let them go make a difference in the lives of others and change the world, not to live as our servants for the rest of our natural lives.

      Wives have rights too. You are asking why she has a problem about what's going on as if she has no rights of her own, when in fact she does. Her husband is obligated to take care of her needs, as a woman is supposed to find that in her husband and no one else. A father/brother/uncle/son etc cannot meet the special emotional and intimate needs that a husband can, and his mother is selfishly preventing that.

      -Amy Editor

  7. Salams,
    I noticed that you said you wished you were more like "normal couples." But the key is not to look at yourself as abnormal bc that can be very depressing. Allah swt made us all different and beautiful, so please take some time to appreciate how He made you. Love yourself first and the others will love you next. Spruce yourself up and make yourself feel gorgeous just for the fun of it! Sometimes it helps to really impress yourself, bc then you can impress all those around you and earn their respect. Then when you feel strong you go to your husband with your heart glowing on your face, and a full case built for why the two of you need to find your own home, and take those types of patient baby steps until he is ready to break away from the nest with you. Tell him this is not the life you imagined when you married him first. Open up to him. He sounds like he is your only friend in that house, so tell him as a friend what your thinking.
    May Allah make it easy for you sister

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