My wife has an extra-marital Relation; when confronted, she reported me to the police
Jail cells and corridor
Asalam u lekum
My wife had been involved in extra marital emotional affairs on internet while in marriage. I am writing my painful true story for general awareness that how a wife mother of kids cross her cultural and Islamic value in other country like north America where there is no family value but freedom that destroyed many families .there was everything in home a women can dream in her life. I am very easy going man never bothered my wife to wake for me for food at odd time.
Life was hard but I was happy with family, though during our 11years of marriage I never felt very close relation like other couples have.one day when I came from Job at 11 p.m. I found her Facebook open. I just open her messages there I saw a guy with whom she has affair. I was shocked and couldn’t believe that my wife can be cheater. I showed her messages, where she wrote that I hate my husband and i love you more than him and how to dump my husband. She didn’t get nervous she told me that yes it’s me and it’s not his fault so don’t say anything to him.
Next day she said that if i can forgave her it will be fine if not then leave me. I said look , I love you, God gave us two sons and its not acceptable in any society to have extra marital relation. its sin in our religion.she promise that she will not contact that guy again.but I got suspicious about her.God knows how i use to work while thinking she might be chatting this guy again.one day again I caught her chatting with different FB ID.our relation turn really ugly every time I suspect her when she hide her IPhone and e-mail from me.one day she said she can’t erase that all from my mind, but she is not in contact with that guy any more.
I request her that look why you r doing this to me I only worked and worked for you and kids then why you want to destroy this little world of me and kids. This relation is based on trust but she never tried to save this relation. Just imagine what husband can feel when her wife cheat on him and he work honestly.
One day she called police that my husband assaulted me. when I came from job, police handcuffed me, I was hungry and spent night in remand centre on bare cold floor I cant forget that night when my own wife jailed me just bcz I stopped her from affair.
court put condition on me no contact no call , OMG I was so badly hurt that i cant go to my home or see my kids those feelings are so painfull i cant explain.. After many appearance in court and her full try to sentence me God didn’t want me in jail and her criminal case was withdraw .during whole court case period i was so depress that why my own wife want me in jail and who will care property and kids bcz she never worked for single day during 8 years .
Then she filed divorce. Child custody and asset case in court .I called her look God gave us chance to live together thats why God saved me from jail..I tried my best to assure her that no one care you better then me .but she is so rigid stubborn personality she never think whole family and relatives are in pain and grief bcz of her actions. People even are sad when their pets are lost .
My concern questions are...
1..After three years of separation, now she want to patch-up, should i forgave her for the sake of kids. Because I fear they will lose all Islamic values too. Advise me
2..Is this marriage still valid after this long period and having no sexual relation.
May Allah protect us all from this miserable situation.
Regards
~ shaukatwazir
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Hi Brother,
she cheated, got you arrested, filled for divorce, stayed 3 years away from you. Now she wants to patch up.
My opinion, she tried something and she did not like it. She is playing if you want to join her.
She is not worth your time and effort. Move on. You can still help your children learn their religion even if you are no longer with their mother.
Good luck,
Reader
Walaykum assalaam wr wb,
Shaukat, control your emotions and never let this happen again. Same scenario occurred with my own brother. It is so sad that these women still succeed themselves under the shadow law and under. My sister in law did the samething and after living separate for 3 years and when the money for social assistance was aboutv to stop, she started throwing emotional cards. My brother got fooled and once again went into that crap just for the sake of kids. It has been almost 12 years now and he still in his home like a mice. He is not allowed to say anything to his children and neither we are allowed to see his children. She cooks whenever she feels like cooking and would swear on my brother and our family if anything goes wrong. If her needs are nit made then she will threaten my brother to call police. No one is allowed to visit their home, whole day what she does is watch TV and gets ready to fight e. My brother takes this garbage only for the sake of kids and what people would say. Now I could see his children don't listen to him and treats like a crap.
So my suggestion to you brother, don't do the mistake of taking her back. You have done enough and suffered enough. And living with a women whose character is not good speaks everything. Get married to some God fearing sister and move on. And don't marry someone from back home, most of the times they are not trust worthy and indulge into wrong things as they get frustrated for living far with their families
Allah knows best
dear brother,
so sorry you went through so much pain. you have been manipulated enough by this women. you need to draw a line.compromise is good in marriage but not to an extent that one starts exploiting and abusing the other. yours was an abusive relationship ---end it and find a women who can be a good wife and mother o your kids.
Asalamoalaikum brother,
I am very sorry to read about your situation. I pray that Allah swt rewards you for your patience, ameen.
Based on what I have read, I suggest that you do not return to your wife. Please file for divorce and move forward with your life. Go to court and fight for at least 50% of custody for your children. They are just as much your children as they are hers. It doesn’t matter if she likes this or not. She brought this upon herself. You were kind enough to give her another chance and when someone cheats on you, it is very difficult to trust them again. Despite this, you tried to reconcile with her. She got you falsely arrested and tried to throw you behind the bars. She does not deserve you, period.
You need to love yourself and not let people walk all over you. I know you had good intentions; you wanted to save your marriage, but brother it takes two to tango. She clearly did not care about you, was selfish and only thought of herself. She went as far as getting you falsely arrested. Such a person does not deserve your love and sincerity. She is probably returning in your life because her previous lover dumped her and she thinks of you as her fallback support.
If I were you I would try to fight for full custody of the children. Such a woman cannot be a good wife or a good mother, unless she sincerely repents, which I doubt she is doing. It is your duty to protect your children from the filth she has immersed herself in and ensure they are learning their deen. If in court she accuses you of being abusive and therefore tries to deny your right of having custody of the children, you inform the judge that she placed false arrest charges on you which she eventually had to withdrew, and if you were such an abusive father, why did she not for 11 years call the cops and inform them of your abuse and neglect towards the children. Why now?
A cousin of mine had to go through a similar situation where his wife physically cheated on him and slept with another man, and had web cam sex with various other men. He gave her one chance, to make amends or he’d file for divorce. The condition was that she was to provide him with her passwords, etc. He downloaded a soft ware in her computer where he could detect what she was doing. She made other accounts thinking he wouldn’t find out and was still cheating on him. He saved everything as evidence and called her family over. With proof in his hand he gave her divorce and moved forward with his life. He gave her a condition, either he would keep all the kids or she would because he never wanted to see her face again. She decided that she would keep them thinking she could try get extra child support money from him. In the end she gave up and a year later handed all the kids over to him. He is now in the midst of getting remarried again, alhumdulillah. My point of telling you this story brother is that my cousin remained strong, diligent and didn’t give up. In fact after his divorce he went straight to Mecca and asked Allah swt for guidance and strength.
I suggest that you stay strong and move forward with your life too. Many people have gone through what you are going through today and didn’t turn back to their cheating spouse. You can do it too.
-Helping Sister
Assalamu Alaykum, Brother Shaukatwazir,
Please decide what you think is in the best interest of you and your children. Consider that a good home life is very important for children. But a good home life involves two pious Muslim parents. If you think she has the ability to act in a pious fashion, then that will help you decide. Also consider if you can truly forgive her. Taking her back a subconsciously resenting her will not help either.
Once you have decided, then pray a course of Istikhara to confirm your intent. This will give you the chance to think on your decision, and also will allow Allah to guide you.
After than, focus on your path, on your journey to Jannah, and helping be a good Imam for your children, and your wife if she remains on her path next to you. However, remember that your wife must travel her own path. No matter how much you may want to, you cannot carry her on your path. She must walk her own path with Allah, and it may or may not be next to you.
AmericanMuslim
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
brother vry sorry abt ur condition bt never re examine dat person who has cheated u bcoz islam says barte hue ko bratnewala is not momin.perhaps she is feeling remorse on wat she did but still she can repeat d same mistake, it is bettr for u to control ur emotions n try to forgt her bt never her mistakes.this duniya is not that choti n insha allah u'll get d best of ur life ...otherwise isthikara is d bestest option b4 taking any decision u'd better perform isthikhara it will bring d best result inshaallah
I would not even think twice about talking this women back she is selfish a cheater ungrateful person. You will find someone so much better then her that will treat you like a real king not like her. Women like that should never ever get an chances. I'm superise you still wanna take her back, be a real man and open your eyes before you think about this. And as for your kids you can always be there for them and insallah one day you get your kids back from this ugly human begin.honestly I'm so against cheaters men/ women should never be forgiving cheating is such an ugly thing.im a married women marsallah 27 years old I would never cheat on my husband and he better do the samething. My point is when you guys first got married you should have been the man and never let her walk all over you brother. Once a women get to much freedom this stuff happen this is what I think. Insallah Allah help you get threw this pain soon.
@muslimgirl i actually totally agree with you there.
leave this women she DON'T DESERVE YOU BROTHER, you deserve a real women who will show you respect not someone who cheated on you and knows the meaning of marriage. Do not patch up ONCE A CHEAT ALWAYS A CHEAT, SHE IS PLAYING WITH YOUR EMOTIONS. Please say strong with your imaan and izaat (respect) do not except her back she will only disrespect you, move on and remarry someone else and may you become strong. As for your children you will still see them and make arrangements with the mother and as a father to see them inshallah.
..'once a cheat always a cheat'.. Not really sister samina. People can change. We dont know for sure ithe women repented or not. If she have and regrets her action then she too deserves another chance. just like you say past is past and people who have premarital relationships and sex before marraige should hide it from their spouses even when asked. so you cant say here 'once a cheat always a cheat'..
Good point, MuslimGirl
AmericanMuslim
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
@muslimgirl
Yes I can say once a cheat always a cheat in this case because she the wife should have known better to not have cheated I mean what sort of woman does this especially when your married. Knowing ones past or not is completely different situation because an honest loyal person will confess before marriage, the guilt eats the person up and ones who have committed mistakes are requested to conceal their past sins. If they have repented and changed which I know many people have deserve a second chance, but this woman don’t because she is ungrateful and maybe I am being harsh here may Allah forgive me but bottom line is marriage is not a joke once vows have been taken maybe people should look at that before marriage and playing with someone’s emotions which in this case this woman has done I feel sorry for the guy the husband more than anything. But for one to cheat on someone who is already married who's to say they wont do it again, in my opinion that is more a sin and wrong doing of there own they deserve what they get.
Ok a little late but i think for the sake of your children and your own needs you should either accept her or marry some one else.
Assalaamu caleykum brother -
Even though I'm extremely late, I without exaggeration agree with the first comment made by @Reader ....
I think you have spoiled your since you let her be at home for all those years and never kept her busy (send her to work or school). By being home for so long, she got bored and decided to do something about it which the only thing you actually know is a Facebook relationship but who knows whats more.... (think outside the box)
I'm not an expert in religion-wise but thinking of taking back the women that almost destroyed your whole life by sending you to jail.... just the fact that your considering should be a crime itself. think about your decision for a minute.
Like i said, "think outside the box" for 3 years, are you trying to tell me she hasn't met anyone yet? ...Really?
All I'm saying is... Your too good for her, and your children will realize that .... go back to your community and find someone pure and better than this woman and inn shaa' Allah you will find one!
You know how it is in this country, once you go to jail, that's it. No job - No living - No getting out of the country either. so You will definitely find some one who appreciates your hard-work and love.
and brother, don't forget to pray Salatul istikhara inn shaa' Allah.
wasalaamu caleykum.
salaam bro
plz dnt take this woman back she has committed sin and this has not only effected u but also ur children and both sides of the family, be a good farther to your children and teach them to be good muslims in due time you will find a wife who will respect, love and care about u as much as u do also forgive ur wife for the things she has done as allah tallah has said that it's important to forgive a person, pray namaz and the quran allah knows best and you will know what to do
i am really sorry to hear what happened 2 u inshallah things will get better
i hope everything works out 4 you peace
aslaawalayqum I am 17 years old And in my opinion I do not think that you should get back to this women because she has done an evil deed sending you to jail if you were an honest father she had not reason to send you to jail if i was you brother Don't go back to her hope my advise is write If i have said anything bad please forgive me
oh 1 more thing when uyou find anather wife don't spoil her too much because if you let her walk on you She will get an advantage on you so becare ful of wimen brother
she calls the cops and without any evidence they arrest you? purely based off her testimony? thats not how things work in canada/north america
It is difficult to trust anyone these days. My wife of 19 years now aged 42 has been cheating me
for last 2 to 3 years. I never got suspicious about her all these years but few mo
Assalam o Aaikum,
Brother our sister is right...don't look back...and my dear you are not the only one I have suffered atleast 10 times more the way you did...I was married for seventeen years and have two daughters who hates me with their guts as they lives with her mother so obviously she has managed to poisoned them against me....Atleast you have your family to back you up unfortunately I have no one...so I have been licking my own wounds day and night without knowing the direction where I am heading to....but all this time has given me strength and courage to find what God wants from me if HE has taken my world within this world....brother try to find the right person in order to receive the cure of your issues and also to find out what needs to be done to overcome those issues.....we both are not in a position where we SEE THROUGH we both have been cheated and ditched for no reason so we are unable to see what is lying in front because of our heavy hearts and emotions.....in last take care man...and try to eat all the food in your neighbors kitchen.
Rebel, sorry to hear about your family situation. I understood all of your comment except about eating the food in your neighbor's kitchen?
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
leave her.
No never
Never give her a chance again
Because she is a cheater
Allah will punish her and
U should go for mary again with someone other
Allaah give us a chance to marry four time
Go nd complete sunnat
find the legal possession of kids and when u have taken ur kids legal possession expel that unfaithful woman from ur whole life forever. u cannot trust twice on the same woman. man can be reverted with honesty when unfaithful but woman once become unfaithful she cannot be never ever again..remember my words...
I'm sorry this happened to you. Women psyche cannot be understood. Many times women destroy good family lives. Haven't we been told that females are born from side of man, they can't be straight thinker and doer all the time.
what you did wrong was you should have sent her back home if that was possible, otherwise she did what she did. Ignore her completely soon you will have your kids back also.
find another woman and let her rot