My husband took another wife without my knowledge and wants me to come back to him.
Betrayal by a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in life.
Assalam O Alaikum,
We have been married for 15 years, have no children due unexplained infertility reasons. My husband always assured me that he loves me and won't marry again. I was on good job in US. He never fulfiled any of his duties towards me; used to go to his mother in pakistan and spend 9 months at a stretch and I had to wait for him every year. He got citizenship as my spouse last year, left happily this January. When he was leaving I requested that he should take me with him and he refused and said until I am settled in Pakistan and get a good job, don't leave your job. He carried on talking to me everyday with a promise that he will be back in July but got married in May and I was the last person to know after two months.
I have filed a case for my dower, now he is asking me to come back to him because he is able to afford me now. He says if I don't go, I will get his baddua (bad dua/prayer for someone); my prayers won't be accepted; I am committing a sin by not talking to him. I don't want to get divorce yet but I want to get my dower from him first, is he right in claiming that my nikah will be converted into Khula if I dont go back to him; he never asked me before to come back but now he wants to take the dower back and thats why he wants me now. I dont trust him anymore beacuse he has not only broken my trust but lied to me as well. Help and guide me please, I am very distressed because I want to follow the right path. Guide me please.
Sana Saeed.
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Salaams,
per wikipedia:
Khula (Arabic:خلع) is the right of a woman in Islam to divorce or separate from her husband. A woman seeks a Khula while a man seeks a Talaq. The Iddah period (waiting time after a divorce) of a woman whom seeks a Khula, is one menstrual cycle or one month if she is no longer menstruating. This is different from when a man seeks a Talaq, when the Iddah period is three cycles or three months. The Mahr (dowry), depending on circumstances, may or may not be given back to the husband.
As you can see, marriages cannot be "converted" into a khula. If you want to divorce him, that is a khula. If he wants to divorce you, it is talaq. A lot of times, if a woman does request a khula, she is to return the dowry he gave her when he married her to finalize the termination of the marriage at her request. Many times, if the dowry is not returned by the wife to the husband, it is usually because there was serious neglect of her rights during the marriage and the husband knows it, and does not believe he deserves the dowry back.
If you don't want to divorce him, then it is up to him to issue you a divorce if he wants it by giving correct talaq. If neither of you want to divorce one another, then you are still obligated to fulfill each others rights as spouses regardless of him taking a second wife. If you remain his wife, you should try to be as amicable to his wishes as you can, even if this includes going to where he is or speaking to him to work out your problems. As long as you are married, remaining avoidant is not a viable option to use for problem solving.
Now, if he wants to make "bad dua" for you that is a choice he must face between him and Allah. As Muslims, we are not to want harm for each other even if we are harmed. In fact, to me what you are describing sounds more like "evil eye" than it does supplication. I personally don't think that Allah honors requests from Muslims to hurt others that are made with poor intentions. Also I can tell you with certainty- there is no du'a he can make at all to keep your prayers from being heard by Allah. We cannot manipulate or control Allah, and Allah won't honor the wishes of the nafs.
Regarding your dowry. You say that you are asking him for it now, but you should have received this at the nikkah. The mahr is one of the required aspects of Islamic marriage, and the fact that you did not receive it at that time makes me wonder if your marriage was truly valid at the time. Either way, he needs to give you your dowry immediately- whether you choose to return it with a request for khula or keep it for whatever use you like. You do have the choice of whether you want to remain in this marriage now that it is polygamous, so I advise you to think seriously about whether you want to continue with your husband or look in other directions. I also suggest you make istikhara about the matter, and whatever path you end up following- commit yourself wholeheartedly to it.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Divorce him already! he's just using you, and his bad dua or whatever wont even be accepted, who is he to be saying that? its only God that makes the changes in our lives.
You deserve someone who loves you, ans would want to spend him time with you, not someone who would go abroad and have fun and get married, he thinks he owns u?
Allah help u sis, wish u the best!
(Editor's note - I edited your language and approved your comment. Please do not use bad language in your comments next time, or the entire comment will be deleted. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)
Assalaamu'alaikum...zar please control your Anger, it kills your Imaan...be careful. I do understand the situation of our sister but that not the solution to be angry.
Oki Sana...the prob here is, its 15 years of marriage...Good God. I'm asking myself how could it end like that...i'm so Sad right now.
If you feel your trust will consolidate again onto him so go back to him and start a new life. Don't Worry the love from him will not decrease if he does according to Islam...because he need to be equal to both of you and gives you both everything u need.
But whats going on right now...perform istikharah and see what happen next.
But your man what he did...hmmm...he just got a work, i'm asking if he will be able to look after you both and financially supply both of you...
You were the one feeding him...pfff...The problem nowadays is that we are not practising Islam as it should be, specially man.. 🙁
My father in law touched me but i do not know whether he done it knowilling. If he did does that mean my husband is forbidden to me?
Wahida, no, it does not mean your husband is forbidden to you. It does not affect the legal status of your marriage in any way.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalaamu'alaikum Wahida
Sorry to go against Mr Wael but according to certain circumstances it does become forbidden...better you see an A'lim...its not something light!!! So be careful u may live in Zina which i don't wish...may Allah Ta'ala guides u...
Take Care
Ma'assalaam
@Brother "Ready for Death" (you better change your name because no one ever was, is and will be ready for death; fear Allah),
I don't know what you mean by "certain circumstances" which make it forbidden; sister has clearly said that she doesn't know whether he did it knowingly or un-knowingly. Apart from that if there was something else (which clearly falls in Haram category or crossing the limits) that her father-in-law has done then sister would definitely have given us details. So, I suggest that you should stop blowing things out of proportion and causing doubts in people's minds. You need to have a clear understanding about what is Zina or what falls under Zina. Brother Wael has only answered her question about "whether her husband is forbidden to her?" depending upon the information provided.
Wasalam,
Muhammad1982:)
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
As'Salam Walaikum - My dear brothers and sisters ... My father in law isnt a very good man. He married my mother in law aka my aunty (kala-mums sister) when my kala was young and he had grey hair. He had several marriages before and after he married my kala. So the circumstance it has confused me. I don't want to say wrong about someone even if he is my enemy but a voice in my heart says theres something not right.
Whether he did it purposly or not i wouldnt be able to find out coz hes no more in this world. Which puts me i another dilema.
I and my husband fight all the time,is that a sign that telling me something. I could block my ears not to hear my heart but how can i become blind to the sign that cannot be ignored. I want to put things right. I love my husband dearly but knowing that by chance if my SUSPIOUS is right then i am doomed lol By Allah i will leave my husband only because i fear Allah but what about my children-they are still at a innocent age.
As'Salam Walaikum - My dear brothers and sisters ... My father in law isnt a very good man. He married my mother in law aka my aunty (kala-mums sister) when my kala was young and he had grey hair. He had several marriages before and after he married my kala. So the circumstance it has confused me. I don't want to say wrong about someone even if he is my enemy but a voice in my heart says theres something not right.
Whether he did it purposly or not i wouldnt be able to find out coz hes no more in this world. Which puts me i another dilema.
I and my husband fight all the time,is that a sign that telling me something. I could block my ears not to hear my heart but how can i become blind to the sign that cannot be ignored. I want to put things right. I love my husband dearly but knowing that by chance if my SUSPIOUS is right then i am doomed lol By Allah i will leave my husband only because i fear Allah but what about my children-they are still at a innocent age.
Assalaamu'alaikum Mr Muhammad...
Keep reading what Mrs Wahida has written n then u give me ur idea...the problem here is that u wana start a debate wiz me which is useless...first of all u should have respect my point of view n if u didnt agree wiz me u should have given the best opinion not to give a lecture to me...but thnx alot i have learnt from that.
By the way why i told her that because the way she wrote what had happened...this had already given me an idea of the situation but not u...now read what she wrote down, ull understand her situation...that why i told her to seek from an A'lim not people like me
Finally ready for Death is a question from me ReadyForDeath?
Happy now...Take Care...u also we'll see soon...like i told Mr Wael too 🙂
May Allah Ta'ala blesses u with Hikmah...