All my non-practicing friends are married yet I am single who is always striving to obey/please Allah.
Assalam alikom,
I have an issue that I don't know how to deal with so I am seeking advice from anybody who can help.
All my life I have done my best to be a good Muslim girl. I pray more than 5 times a day, including sunnahs. I also try to wake up and pray qiyamah prayers, and when I miss it I feel guilty, as if I have missed a mandatory prayer. I fast and give zakat. I have never dated or had a boyfriend, and rejected many men who pursued me for a dating relationship (it is rare to find a muslim who has not dated around where I am from) and I don't party. I have a strong will, I have never fell into haram where most girls would. I listen to quran on my ipod because I feel guilty if I don't dedicate some of my time during the day to the Quran. Basically, I do my best to please Allah swt and to follow Islam.
My issue is I have 4 other Muslim girlfriends. Our community knows us as a group that never parts basically. We became very close during college and after we graduated we still remain very close. I am the eldest of them all and they have all gotten married except for me. What I don't understand is they all are the exact opposite of me. They do not pray unless I am there and I beg them to pray. They do not remember God unless put in a dilemma. They do not wear the hijab, and they wear tank tops, shorts, etc. And they have all dated and had a number of boyfriends in their past, and eventually all married their boyfriends.
As much as I am happy for them, I cannot help but feel jealous and lonely. I cry everyday, sometimes once, twice, etc. Even right now I am. Most of the time I am sad, but sometimes I get angry. How is it that girls that do not strive to follow their religion get what they want after they did haram? They get to feel loved by the love of their life. I am done with school, and I have a career, unlike my friends who are still figuring out their professional life. But how come after all these years of trying to please God and doing the right thing I am not being given what I want. Sometimes I feel like God has forgotten about me. I feel like I will never find a husband. I'll never feel loved. I'll never get that feeling of being on cloud nine like my girlfriends.
As I know they are on cloud nine because they don't stop talking about their marriages. I don't want to judge, I don't want to call them bad Muslims, but how come the girls who are not practicing as strictly are getting exactly what they want, meanwhile the ones that are striving for it are being left in the dark? When I cry to my mom (I know at my age, I shouldn't be) she tells me that some girls are not as strong, and need to be given a husband to reduce temptations. But don't all girls, religious and non-religious feel temptations too? Don't all girls want to be loved?
I am ready for marriage and I plan on doing it halal way (through parents and setting up meetings etc) but the problem is, when my parents get a suitor they always ask for a picture of me and my parents give it to him, and each time as soon as they get the picture they say no. They make me feel like I am physically unttractive, although I get a lot of men (Muslim and non-Muslim) pursuing me, but only for dating relationships.
As you see, all this is making me feel very depressed. What can I do to help myself?
Aida.
26 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Walaikum salam sister Aida,
Sorry to hear that shaytan is putting you down. I can relate to a lot of things except that I am a brother and have just one close friend who is Alhamdullilah married with children. Sister, it's easy to loose sight of things that happen in our life; what we need to understand is that everyone's path/destiny is chosen by Allah. If we are to compare ourselves with the people who we see successful/blessed (which could as well be a trial) then it's only fair to compare ourselves with people who are/were less privileged. This is what gives me comfort and gets me going Alhamdullilah, I am not young either, I turned 30 a week ago Alhamdullilah. So, please don't let shaytan/devil whisper in your ears all these negative thoughts. Believe me; when I say that how much I long for family, children, love etc etc but at the same time we know that Allah (swt) knows best why it hasn't happened yet. May be we are hasting into marriage and don't even realize the responsibility it brings with it; may be Allah (swt) has something better for us in store. May be our Creator is testing us with singleton and see if we will be thankful or not or wants to save us from suffering that we may incur by marrying the wrong person.
Allah (swt) says;
Certainly, We shall test you with fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to the patients; those who, when afflicted with calamity say, "Truly to Allah we belong, and truly to HIM shall we return." It is those who will be awarded blessings and mercy from their Lord; and it is those who are the guided ones. (Al-Baqarah 2:155-157)
Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said;
"Indeed amazing are the affairs of a believer! They are all for the benefits. If he is granted ease of living he is thankful; and this is best for him. And if he is afflicted with a hardship, he preserves; and this is best for him." (Muslim)
Hazrat Abu Huraira (R.A) reported that the Prophet (PBUH) said,
"Whenever Allah wills good for a person, He subjects him to adversity" (Al-Bukhari and others)
Hazrat Abu Huraira (R.A) and Ka'b ibn Malik (R.A) reported that the Prophet (PBUH) said;
"The parable of a believer is that of a fresh and moist plant; the wind tilts it this way and that way; and so is the believer; he continues to be subject to affliction. And the parable of a hypocrite is that of a firm cedar tree; it does not shake - until it is uprooted all at once." (Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
SIGNS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS : -
The prophets and righteous people are afflicted the most, and their reward are the highest. Sa 'd (R.A) reported that the Prophet (PBUH) said;
"The most in their suffering among the people are the prophets, then the best, then the (next) best. One is afflicted in accordance with his/her faith. If his/her faith is firm, his affliction is hard, and if his/her faith is weak, his/her affliction is light. Indeed, one would be so much subjected to adversity until he/she walk among the people without any sins." (Ahmad and At-Tirmidhi)
Life of believer has always been a test, even the life of our beloved Prophet (PBUH) and HIS companions was a test. Who could be better than them? Who were given the good news of Jannah in their lifetime but still had to bear a lot of test/sufferings with patience and not to be ungrateful to Almighty (swt). The event of Taif, story of women who used to throw rubbish at our Prophet (PBUH) and HIS (pbuh) treatment of her; when enemies of Islam planned to kill Holy Prophet (pbuh). Countless other events from the other Prophets/Messengers of Allah can be found in Quran. You must have read the test Prophet Ibrahim (A.S), Prophet Ismail (A.S), Prophet Moses (A.S), Prophet Jesus (A.S) and others went through. What was the point of putting them through all the tests? In my humble understanding, it was a way of showing/letting us believers that "right path" or the "Path of Truth which is Islam" is not always easy to follow.
We know that nothing in this worldly life comes easy, so why we think that Jannah will be handed to us in plate for nothing? Sister, marriage is a big commitment and their are countless horror stories just on this forum alone to make you count your blessings, don't rush into it and enjoy your life as much as you can. I can understand the pressure you must be facing from parents, siblings, friends, family, community etc etc but it's not something that you can do anything about.
Sign up on matrimonial websites, attend marriage events, join charities (where you might meet some suitors as I was recommended), tell your friends, family, colleagues that you are looking for a suitor for marriage. Make a lot of duas as they are the weapon of the believer; beg and plead with Allah (swt) to bless you with someone who will lead you to Jannah, someone who will cherish you, compliment you, help you improve in your deen and most importantly be a good leader of the family to raise them to be good Muslims iA.
Write back if you need further assistance and iA we will try our best. May Allah (swt) give you strength to fight off shaytan and stay on the right path and patience to earn Jannah. Amin.
Muhammad1982,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
wot do you mean that u turned 30 and u r not young,it hurts those who r unmarried nd 30 yrs old they r.im 30 and still unmarried,it hurts me alot whenever i hear,or read that above 25 r old.really upset.
ASSALALALAIKUM-
The One who denies Qadar (Divine Decree)TENDS TO LOOSE HIS/HER FAITH-
One fundamental belief in Islam is that of divine decree, which if you want you can also call pre-destiny. It is the belief that all things have already been decreed beforehand, before Allah created us, and that it has all already been written down and recorded.
The evidence for divine decree is found throughout the Quran and hadiths, hence any Muslim who does not believe in divine decree is not even a Muslim.
Let us first quote the evidences from the Quran and hadiths that prove that divine decree is indeed a reality:
Muslim reported that Ibn Umar (May Allah be pleased with him) said:
"By Him (Allah) in Whose Hand is the soul of lbn Umar, if anyone possessed gold amount to Uhud mountain and spent it all in the cause of Allah, Allah would not accept it unless he believes in Qadar (Divine Decree)." Then he cited as evidence the words of the Prophet (May the peace and blessing of Allah be upon him) : "Iman (Belief) is to believe in: 1) Allah; 2) His angels; 3) His revealed Books; 4) His Messengers; 5) The Day of Resurrection and Al-Qadar (Divine Preordainments), the good and the bad of it."
It is reported by Ubadah bin As-Samit ((May Allah be pleased with him)):
He said to his son, "O son, you'll never get the taste of Iman until and unless you realize that what has afflicted you was not to miss you and what has missed you was not to afflict you. I heard Allah's Messenger (May the peace and blessing of Allah be upon him) saying: 'The first thing Allah created was the pen. He ordered it to write. It said: My Lord what shall I write? He said: Write down the Destinies of all things until the establishment of the Hour'. O my son, I hear Allah's Messenger (May the peace and blessing of Allah be upon him) saying: 'Who dies believing something other than this, does not belong to me.' "
In a slightly different version by Ahmad:
"The first thing Allah created was the pen. He said to it: 'Write' and in that very hour all what was to occur (was written) until the Day of Resurrection."
In another narration by Ibn Wahb, Allah's Messenger (May the peace and blessing of Allah be upon him) said:
"Whoever does not believe in Qadar (Divine Preordainment), whether good or bad, will be burned by Allah in the Hell-fire."
It is reported in Musnad Ahmad and Sunan Abi Dawud on the authority of Ibn Ad-Dailami that he said:
I went to Ubai bin Ka'b (May Allah be pleased with him) and I said to him "There is something within me (doubt) -regarding Al-Qadar. Please narrate to me something that perhaps by it Allah would take it (doubt) from my heart.
" He said, "Even if you spend gold equal to the weight of Uhud mountain, Allah will not accept it until you believe in Qadar. And know that what has afflicted you was not to miss you and what has missed you was not to afflict you and if you die believing something other than this, then you are one of the people of Hell-fire."
I then went to Abdullah bin Mas'ud, and Hudhaifa bin Al-Yaman and Zaid bin Thabit(May Allah be pleased with him) and they all reported something similar from the Prophet (May the peace and blessing of Allah be upon him) to me.
Sister Aida, As-salamu alaykum,
You say that your friends are sinners and got what they wanted; while you have been religious and performed all your prayers, but did not get what you wanted, namely a husband.
Did you do your prayers and all your other worships only in order to get a husband? If so then your 'ibadah has been empty and meaningless, and you got exactly what you earned.
Muslim believers pray, and fast, and give Zakat, and go to Hajj, and praise Allah, and give to the poor, etc, in order to please Allah, and to earn Jannah. That is a sincere and true motivation. To obey Allah, to please Him, to glorify Him, to show gratitude to Him, and to earn barakah in this dunya and the next.
If your intention was pure, then you have earned great reward for all your actions. If you do not see your reward now, you will see it in the aakhirah. When your girlfriends are being punished in the grave, and on Yawm Al-Qiyamah, and in the fire of Hell (if that is their fate and Allah's judgment), you will be in comfort, receiving the reward of all you did.
That is, if your intentions are pure, and you worship purely for Allah.
Do you think you'll still be complaining at that time, and envious of your friends?
You really need to ask yourself if you believe in the Quran, and in Allah's promises. You must analyze your own intentions, because I feel there is something very lacking in your level of sincerity.
I also suggest that you learn to be grateful for what you have. That does not mean that you should not strive for more, and hope for more, but do not be ungrateful. Appreciate what you have. Thank Allah for all your blessings. SubhanAllah. You have an education, a career, a good mind - these are things that millions of people struggle for, and hope for, and yearn for. Take what you have and build on it. Be grateful!
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I agree with Wael's advise
You believe in sake of allah not others or people o prove a point. Sister we are all in a test do you think people who are married are happy, personally i think the whole world has gone mad lately. Like wael said be grateful with what you have, be patience everything for better. With jealously and bitterness isn't going to get your prays answered or help you, you need to be positive and pray with a pure heart for yourself then you see & be strong for you.
brother wael,
asalamalikum,
i have a lot of repect for you so saying this is not very easy.
this young sister is just feeling a little low ,as like any other person she aspires to get married and and be loved and its not happening. its only but natural to feel that you are left behind. specially when you are in a group of people who seem to enjoy this happiness despite being involved in unislamic behaviour.
its like any other thing , for instance if iam working very hard and with loyalty in a job but my colleague gets the promotion instead then you feel a little dejected.
ofcourse Allah is most just and what ever happens in our life happens by the will of Allah.
i dont think she is doing all her prayers and ibadah just to get a husband. but she has reached that age where thats what she is looking at and as for any other thing she looking upto Allah for this to be granted.
i think saying that
'You really need to ask yourself if you believe in the Quran, and in Allah's promises. You must analyze your own intentions, because I feel there is something very lacking in your level of sincerity'
is a bit accusatory. i apologise if you did not mean it that way and its only me interpreting it this way.i just think that if Allah doesnot judge us till our last breath than who are we. what level of imaan one is having in the heart is only known to Allah isnt it?
like the example of the person who had murdered 99 people and was looking for a way to repent an abid told him you have no chance but an alim told him repent door is always open.
i just always feel that we cant make judgements on peoples intentions at all. it is best known to Allah.
for sister Aida,
dear sis, dont loose heart. inshallah you will be granted the happiness. keep good intentions of Allah. pray and ask for getting married the halal way. i agree with what brother muhammed and brother ayaaz has said, i cant place it any better. may allah bless you with the happiness of marriage. ameen.
your friends got married but they also carry a bag of sins with them. you are will inshallah get married with no sins attached to it and inshallah allah wil bless that marriage.
Please dont compare to others. It does not mean that you will never get married just wait for your turn. Please remember that No one gets anything before the time. So be positive,
Dear sister,
I know what you are feeling because I wrote a same post, a year back. My advice to you will be stop communication with your girlfriends. It is only going to hurt you more, if you continue friendship with them. I also felt jealous and asked myself Why Me? If you keep on your friendship with them it will become hard for you to get rid of jealousy and when your hurting most, you could even backbite about them. You have to be careful that in your weakest times you do not commit such a severe sin of backbiting.
It is very difficult to not be hurt and feel jealous when you have such friends who are not the same nature as you. I know because I have been in the same situation as you. But now I feel that those friends of mine or these girlfriends of yours are not special. There are thousands of women like them all around the world who have sinned but then later got lucky to live the life of an ideal housewife with their trophy husbands and children.
I removed them totally from my life and made better friendship with other girls at my uni. Later in the year when my honors final was starting, one of my classmates dad suddenly died of heart attack. The poor girl had to give the examination the next day after burying her father. I was there to support her and I saw how unforgiving life is for her. She is from a poor family and education is important for her, she never had the luxury to go out with boyfriends and have fun. Yet she had to bear such a tragedy. After I saw her all broken down but still coming into the exam hall to continue her life, I realized how much Allah has blessed me. It is a shame the I ever was jealous of anyone.
Sister for you to find peace you have to look away from these friends of yours and see others who are living with a thousand difficulties each day without calculating how many times they prayed or how good they have been. Otherwise you will just be jealous of your friends and diminish your own good deeds.
@ruhiiejarifa your reply has even made me realise how lucky i am even if i am single you have hit it on the point some people will never appreciate with what they are given and then theirs others who will continue believing allah everything for better inshallah for all of us. Your advise on friends is so true sister i hate people who gossip or backbite, you have to be true to yourself and know your limits in wrong and right. Remember this no human is a human friend only put your trust in allah and ask allah.
Assalam O Alaikum sister ruhiiejarifa,
Masha Allah, good advice but I humbly disagree with the part where you said that she should break-up with her friends just because they talk about there seemingly perfect married lives. Surely, it's part of good manners that they consider sister Aida's feelings but abandoning them wouldn't be a good thing:). Besides, if you read her post; she has been the one to encourage them to offer prayers and follow Islam to their best.
If she isolates herself from everyone then it will only make her situation more difficult and that will be ideal time for shaytan to attack her and lead her astray from the right path. Instead if she takes parts in activities and socializes with the right crowd then their are more chances of finding someone for marriage. Maybe their is a brother who is looking for a pious wife, maybe their is a sister/mother who is looking for a practicing girl for their brother/son. Their are endless opportunities out there masha Allah.
Just my two cents:).
Muhammad1982,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Dear Muslimah,
I know how you must be feeling with all this that is going in your life. It is only because my elder sister is not married yet
and it is the same situation where people asks for the photogragh and Biodata and then after coming to know that she has eye glasses and less attractive do not turn up again. It is not that we are not trying or my parents are less woried about her you dont know how your parents must be feeling for all this that is happening to you. Not even a single day goes when my mother dont cry for my sister.
There is a small dua that you can recite after you farz prayers;
Rabbana hablana min azwajina wa dzurriyyatina qurrata a’yun, waj’alna lil muttaqina imama. (25:74)
"Our Rabb, grant us in our mates and offspring the joy of our eyes and make us imam for those who guard against evil."
Hasbunallahu wa ni`mal Wakil.
"ALLAH IS ENOUGH FOR ME"
Recite it with complete faith in allah and ask for his help only.
As far as my knowledge there is definitely someone or the other for you in this world and if not then dont worry you will definitely get someone in jannah for ever and ever and ever. This is what I always say to my sister who also gets nervous and feel depressed when people rejects her. We should always keep in mind that only physically attractive woman cannot make a life heaven sometimes their beauty can make our lives hell.
Never feel jealous of any of your friends. "NOTHING IS PERMANENT" The happy times are never permanent and the bad times are also not permanent.
Allah swt knows each and every thing, never says such things that can weaken your iman. Repent towards Allah swt and ask for what you want.
May Allah swt bless you with happiness.
mashallah you are such a kind brother. may Allah bless you brother ayaz.
sabur and dua will help you, inshAllah!:9
Very touching story! I am sure God has someone very special 4 you. You just need to be a little patient, @ the end everything will work out in your favor. It is not that you are unattractive; honey, you are God's masterpiece and God loves so much for you to settle for some guy that will not treat right. Keep the faith and don't give the devil too much power by putting negative thoughts in your mind.
Dear sister Aida
I can perfectly understand ur plight and whatever you are feeling and going through, because i am in a similar situation and i too have witness other friends who have committted lot of action that islams forbids and who have suceeded in life despite their very unislamic hehaviour. As far as i know i am a god fearing girl who practice my religion to the best of my knwoledge and ability.
Sister let me tell you my story, i was engaged to a guy and that guy cheated on me and broke the engagement, infact he got engage to me just to please his mother however at the same time was having an affair with a divorcee. After my engagement was over people asked me all types of question n the guy family blame me saying that i was not an obedient girl n my way of dressing was indecent however sister that accusation was completely false. i was so much hurt and mentally depressed and my parents too were extremely hurt. But that guy got married later on and now have a child too, but he has soiled my reputation. Allah might forgive him for that but i never will, i cried everyday to Allah and ask him to make justice. can you see the situation, i was the one who was innocent and wronged however the one who hurt me and betray me is today enjoying a peaceful life, is happily married and settled in the marriege and in the eyes of the society and as far as i am concerned, the society pass judgement on me, why i am not yet married? i am getting old, what i am looking for etc...
However sister nothing is in my hand, i am very down and dejected at time then i say that i have to believe in the devine decree, like brother yusuf Ali said and i agree with whatever brother muhammad and brother Ayaaz says, so we should not lose hope and keep on praying to Allah and keep on asking for his help. We should strive on praying with sincerity and live the rest to Allah. Never doubt that your duas are going unanwered, if not today we never know when Allah will answer them and we reward you for your sabr. so sister keep on praying and if possible wakes up for tahajud proayer, this part of the night is very effective for asking your needs to Allah who is closer to his creatures.
Also there is a little dua that i would like to share with you
"Allahumma inni asaluka min al khairi kullihi ajilihi na alimtu minhu wa ma lam aalam"
"Oh allah i ask you for all the good which is in the present or in the future, which i know and which i do not know" ( A comprehensive dua taught to Aisha by the prophet SAW)
Dear Shanna,
When you feel sad about what happened with you, remember that Yusuf(as) was betrayed by his brothers and also wrongly imprisoned; remember that Ibrahim(as) was made to jump in the fire by his own father, remember that Rasool(sws) was mocked by his own family, remember that Ayesha(ra) was slandered falsely, remember that Isa(as) was rejected by Bani Israel. I am by no means undermining what happened to you, am just reminding you of these stories so you can see the wider picture. Some things may seems like a calamity at the time, but there is always a bigger plan - a Divine Plan behind everything. Perhaps Allah is testing your patience and is pleased everytime you ignore the ignorant comments, lies and slander; and perhaps He(swt) is pleased everytime you maintain 'hope' and 'faith' trusting that something better is waiting for you? Perhaps Allah will reward you for all this in the form of the best husband you could ever have wished for? Perhaps He(swt) will reward you in some other way? The point is - this difficult time is valuable for you, as you can reap so much reward from it.
So continue being patient but at the same time, let go of your anger over what happened. They will be held accountable for slandering and cheating you. They are already in loss for their ignorance and jaahil behaviour, unless they repent. You on the other hand are Alhumdulillah in a better position. You have your faith and spiritual awareness - insha'Allah thank Allah for this. Retain your humility and thank Allah for saving you from marrying into that family and in turn make dua that those people realise their errors and make tawbah.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Sister,
I was also in your situation for many years and used to be very depressed.
But finally i did get married, its not necessary that marriage will bring all the happiness in life, I used to think that i will be very hapy after marriage. That did not happen. Now I dont know whether i was happier before marriag or now, as I wishh at times that I didnt et married, at least I had a hope but now I have lost that as well.
Enjoy the time when you are single and spend time doing good things, I wish I did that. I can hardly do that now as due to stress, I am so sick now.
I pray we all get the happiness in marriage that we all are hoping for.
Dear SisterZ,
Thank you a lot for your most valuable advice, it gave me a great comfort reading it and help me to realise that if Allah tested his prophet and messenger then Why not me. Thanks a lot again sister.
As for siter Aida,
ther a little typing error in the dua i wrote above, it should be ma alimtu instead of na.
sallam sister
dont get your hopes up! remeber the Quran teaches us that we all ahve a partner out there! secondly you feeling like God has forgotten you is the devils way of getting into your deen.
were here on the earth to serve God nothing else! ,men are not important not to say that you will not marry inshallah you will. but dont make hasty decidions as they can end up being ones you may regret?
Allah hafiz
Asalamu alikum sister,
I hear you sister. But one thing i learned is have patience and make dua AND on top of that if you want something- go for it. I am not sure if you have looked and asked people to look on your behalf.
Let people know around you that you are seeking marriage and somehow through your connections you might find somebody or however way you expect to meet people.
You can be patient, but you can also be actively seeking a partner as well.
The reason i said that is because i was ready to get married and i was actively looking and subhhanallah, it worked.
But my dear sister, never despair-there is someone out there for each of us, and inshallah you will get to meet this fellow...soon.
Sam
Wow! Very touching stories. May Allah give you all peace and happiness in both worlds.
Please do ASTAGHFAR TO ALLAH every time WHEN YOU cant say with your tongue meditate in your heat.....INSHAALLAH YOUR PROBLEM WILL BE SOLVED
As Salam alaykom, I finally found this post again. Well unfortunately it has been 5 years since I've written this question and I am still in the same position. I have done ummrah and pray to Allah I find a husband but still no luck. I've tried going into the community and Islamic websites and still nothing. I am not sure what else I can do. I was 25 when I wrote this comment and now I'm just several months away from turning 30. Does anybody have any suggestions for me? Thank you in advance.
Assalaamualaykum Aida,
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this difficulty in getting married. You write:
"I am done with school, and I have a career, unlike my friends who are still figuring out their professional life."
While it may be difficult not to compare yourself to others, you should then also compare in things your life does have...so many do not have the education and/or skills to be independent, and you have these things completed MashaAllah. You don't really know how your friends are doing being married but not having their professional lives together. They may be feeling somewhat dependant and confused and talking about their marriages so much because that's the only positive thing in their lives right now. When you do Inshallah find a husband, it may be late, but you will also have other things to contribute to society due to your education and employment.
Also, Allah may be testing your patience in order to provide you with someone or something better later on. Do you think you could focus on your contributions to society in the meantime, such as through your employment, volunteering, friendships with others, and just have faith that your marriage, if it is to happen, will happen by the decree of Allah?
For someone who has completed her education, etc, 30 is not very old at all to still be looking for a husband. I know people who found "the one" in their late thirties, and were very successful and wise by the time they did. I also know people in their 30s who are single, or married without children, and still living very successful and admirable lives.
So fear not sister! Your good acts will not go ignored by Allah and Allah has provided you other things to get you through in the meantime. To have 4 good girlfriends is a miracle in itself! Inshallah you will find a good husband one day if you still want to in ten years time, and you will have a nice big wedding party with all those friends in attendance.:)
Hugs,
Nor
Palimuslim25- I feel as if I am writing this post. I have the same questions.
Sister Nor- I love your responses. It's truly inspirational and feeling of hope.
I have question on this thread. What about girls who took of their hijab because their parents pressured them, then they flirt their way to the top- to attract men for marriage. When obviously these men won't marry them for their hijab. These girls are superficial and won the guys heart, simply by flirting with them. These men didn't see if the girl finished school, has a career, is honest, will be a good household wife. They enjoy their flirtatious ways. What happens in their marriage in the long run.
It's so easy for these people to get married. But so hard for righteous girls who kept themselves pure and living to please Allah. Yes, I know it's a test from Allah. He loves to hearing from his servants. I pray and believe that at the end you get the best.
Assalaamualaykum Sister Tami,
Thank you so much for your positive feedback on my advice. I'm glad that I could impart some hope and it makes my whole day, really!
As far as your additional questions are concerned:
"What about girls who took off their hijab because their parents pressured them..."
I do not believe that the girls that took off their hijab because their parents pressured them will be held accountable for this. Due to the emotional bond between parent and child and the dependence on parents, it would be very hard for one to defy one's parents in their situation. This does not, however, give them license to flirt knowingly.
"It's so easy for these people to get married. But so hard for righteous girls..."
It may be easy to get married through flirting, but maybe not as easy to stay married...life is about more than flirting. Now of course, there's nothing wrong with flirting with one's husband, but there will be other responsibilities as well in both the spiritual and worldly realms.
I think it's best to think of your life as your path alone from birth to death, which truly cannot be compared to others.' Others intersect your path, but your test is tailor-made for you and only Allah knows what each of us is being tested with, so it's best to compare ourselves to our own selves as we once were, taking into account all our challenges, rather than to others as they are now, not knowing theirs.'
Hugs,
Nor