IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

Asalam O Alaikum,

I have been married for 7 years to a Muslim man who was such a good Muslim, father, provider and Husband. I started to see a change in his character 2 years into our marriage when I got pregnant. He got a part time job as a club bouncer and I felt like his faith (iman) was so strong that this would not effect his deen. He told me he hated the job and made dua that he could find something else. He would work minimum wage jobs or part time so he would “need” to hold on to the bouncing job. At least that is how I feel, Allah hu Allam.

While we were both very excited about the pregnancy, he asked me to stay home from work because my job was very physical. By the way, a month aftre that I told him that; I was pregnant and he quit his main job (bouncing). Our aprtment caught fire and burned down so we had to move in with my parents so, he didn’t feel the need to work anymore. As the time passed I gave birth to our daughter but he would never be home. I would ask him about his whereabouts all the time. Now, this was the man that was usually at work, the Masjid or at home. If he wasn’t at these places he was with ME. Anyway he  returned home after the Fajr prayer so, I asked him either you have a girlfriend or you sell drugs? He told me neither one was true.

Well, when my daughter was 2 months old; he got arrested:( So, I finally found out the truth that he was hanging out in the projects selling drugs and I suspected that he was smoking weed. I loved my husband so much that I waited 14 months for him to be released. While he was in jail, I got an apartment and took care of all the bills, my 2 children and brought his daughter to visit him and kept her for weekends, just to keep the family together. When he came home I thought thinkgs would be back to normal and they didJ also I got pregnant shortly afterwards Alhamdullilah.

Then he got a part time minimum wage job and started bouncing job in the club again. We used to have little petty arguments here and there but nothing serious. Last summer a week before Ramadhan I got a call from my doctor saying that; I had contracted Chlamydia. So, I confronted him and he balmed me for it. After a while, he confessed and appologised; I forgave him and hid didn’t tell anyone(like a fool). That’s just how much I loved this man. All this made me nosey and I would read all his text messages at all times to keep tabs on him. Something that I never did before because I felt like he would NEVER betray me. I found out that he was talking to 4 other woman 3 claiming not to have any sexual relations with him and 1 that I never called.

I confronted him and we argued and I was looked down upon for spying which is haram. So, I let that go and then he would pick arguments to leave and I found out that he is in a sexual and emotional relationship with another woman. I begged him to stop and he said he will. Two weeks later they were still talking and they were even in contact with each other while we were at an Islamic conference together for the weekend. So, I confronted him again and we argued. One night I went sneaking again when I asked him to come home and read Quran to the children. He was with a total different woman so I asked him to leave. He  took some of his stuff and left but returned the next day while I was gone. I asked him for a khula and also asked him if I could keep my dowry? He granted the khula and agreed to allow me to keep my dowry.

My question is; am I divorced? Is this it? Is there any waiting period for me?

Also, he is smoking weed and I do love him but I wouldn’t be a good Muslim if I stayed in this marriage. I rather that he fornicate than commit adultery as it is a lesser sin. So, would I be punished for divorcing him? Allah knows my intentions. My feelings are no longer a factor; his deen is at stake. I just want to thank Allah for keeping me firm on my deen.

UmSumayyah83