Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My wife continues to be promiscuous after deceiving me

Keeping secrets


I am going through a bad phase of my life. I got married a year ago. It was an arranged marriage and my mom liked the girl so immediately put a ring on her finger without doing any reference check. I live and work abroad and my mother was anxious to get me married because of my age and baldness (hair loss). Plus, she is a widow.

Within the span of three months, our Nikkah was scheduled, and I was excited and happy to get married. But during the first night, I found my wife wasn’t a virgin and I was heartbroken. Later, during the rest of the ceremonial proceedings. I saw couple of messages from other guys! I warned her not to talk to guys anymore as it's haram.

After a couple of weeks, I got her visa and she came to the place where I work. At this point, I further got to know that she was in a relationship and sexually active....I took her phone history and came to know she had slept with 4 to 5 guys since her undergrad days.

My question is: how can any girl let a random guy touch her? I have heard girls get comfortable only when they know a guy for a long time, but she has allowed one of her friends to barge inside her house, went to a hotel with another, and with yet another, had intimacy once then invited him for a wedding as a "close friend"...and after that wedding, he seeked her mother's blessing without my knowledge!

I took her to Umrah and she confessed that she use to smoke, go out with friends as her parents abandoned her alone at home when they were working abroad, due to loneliness she use to go out for movies, hang out with friends and on several occasions, mistakes happened.

I was totally devastated. I went for Islamic counselling several times but nothing worked. Her parents knew everything about her and they lied to my mom, acting highly religious instead.

She is now 7 months pregnant and every day, I am going through mental stress and my life has been turned upside down. One problem is that she acts innocent and starts crying all the time, which makes me melt--after all, Allah knows better if is she is innocent or acting dumb.

Now I am in two minds: whether to divorce her or forgive her and let go. The biggest problem is my mind. I am not attracted to her, nor do I talk or share everything with her. She is trying her best to save our marriage, but there is no mental compatibility, she is a bit healthy-looking and I am athletic, I don’t like to hold her hand, and am not comfortable to go out with her.

But one thing is that I've taught her Islamic values from scratch: she didn't know anything, and her parents didn't even teach her how to do ghusl. I don’t know whether she is innocent or dumb. Please advise me. What should I do? It will be year now since our nikkah.


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2 Responses »

  1. Salam brother, honestly speaking if she did this before she met you and repented to Allah then its okay for you not to know about her past but in your case she had sex with another men while married to you. That is a horrible thing to do!!!

    Also is the baby is even yours? Honestly speaking you probably need a paternity test. You have to decide if you want to still continue your marriage. Seek help from ustad or councelors.

  2. I am so sorry to hear that you have to deal with this kind of misery....
    May Allah swt make things easier for you, ameen.
    If I would've been in your position, I would definitely, withouth a doubt divorce this woman and try to move as quickly as possible.
    There are plenty of sisters who are divorced who would have a lot less bagage than this woman that you mistakenly married.
    If you stay married to her, your mind simply won't find any peace, I'm afraid.
    Plus, you've mentioned it yourself already, you have simply been deceived.
    As you probably know, we're not allowed to marry anyone who doesn't practise the salah. (which was probably the case when you married her)

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