Personality disorder is affecting my faith, family life and causing other problems.
I've become so obsessed I don't know who I am anymore
Assalamoelaikum, I feel like terrible person. I have a mood disorder and am constantly arguing and fighting with my own family. Sometimes i have reason to be upset but i blow things out of proportion I take medications but they are not helping. My family has burnt out listening to my problems and they are tired about hearing about my struggles. I do plan on getting counselling i think this will help. I feel like i can't do anything right and i am a bad Muslim I feel like a hypocrite and after reading the Quran i feel worse. I tried listening to recitations but they are in Arabic i don't understand, it just seems pointless. I just hate myself i have low self-esteem i am not getting any where in life or moving ahead. But i have to admit when praying it has helped me and i plan doing it more regularly. I just feel overwhelmed by everything, i don't go "out" and i lack experience and knowledge. I also don't have much friends =(. And now i think i am starting to feel jealous towards other females who have accomplished more. It may not be jealously but it makes me feel worse like i am never going to be successful especially being diagnosed and told, and i feel too i have this nasty bipolar disability which gets extreme and has screwed my life up. My family will eventually move on too. I am single and i feel like i will be like this and childless and nobody wants me either because my attitude just sucks. Purple22.
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Walekumsalaam sister,
Why dont you try this?
when you are angry Say "Auzubillaheminashaitanirrajim" ( I have not type it well)
Or if situation permits go to Wudua.
It calms us down. Saitan goes away and we become normal in temperature.
There are online translations of Quraan available if you want to read it. You can not say it is pointless to read it in Arabic but read translation first and then Recite Quraan in arabic. Trust me you will enjoy it.
As a muslimah we should not be jealous to others. You learn good things from others instead of comparing it with yourself. We all have some or other problems in life and we do not know much about them. Therefore, you should not just be judgmental and think they are more happy/lucky than me.
Be nice and kind to your family. I know you think they are not fair but so are you. Just like you have some expectation with their behavior or what so ever, they also expect many things from you. "give respect to elders as they have done more good things than you and be kind to younger as they have committed less sins than you." Why dont you communicate with your family about what you think. And what you are scared of. Like you think you wont get married or they will leave you some day. It can be funny that they might be thinking you dont want to marry at this age and you will get annoyed or disappointed that they want to leave you by get you married. They might be giving you your space by talking with you less.
I have given you psycho social advise. religious advise by experts is remained be patient 😀
Allah hafiz
Pray for me as well in your prayers.
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Asslamaualikum :
I will say that you should do sabar in each stage and condition. I assure you that Allah is with you. As Allah say many times :
InnAllaha Ma' As'sabireen. Allah is with them who do sabar.
Secondly you should do zikar as most as you can. So that your connection with your Allah become strong and your problems become easier. One of the good tasbeeh which Prophet Muhammad SAWW say in stress is:
Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum! Bi rahmatika astagheeth
يَا حَيُّ يَا قَيُّوْمُ بِرَحْمَتِكَ أَسْتَغِيْث
you can also tasbeeh the names of Allah such as 'Ya Wakeelu' 'Ya Mukeetu' 'Ya Mumeetu' .
Recite this Ayah of Quran regularly:
حَسْبُنَا اللَّهُ وَنِعْمَ الْوَكِيلُ Hasbunallahu wa ni`mal Wakil
Allah (Alone) is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs (for us).”
Also consult with any good female psychiatrist. May Allah help us and guide to straight path.
Wama Alayna Ilal Balagh
Assalamualikum.
As Salamualaikum,
Sister Purple, it is quite normal among people today to occasionally have such a feeling. But you should calm yourself down and not say anything to anyone.
To have control over your mind, you should try to associate yourself with the Quran as much as possible. Listening to it will help you concentrate. Listen to Shaikh Nasir bin Ali al Qitami or Shaikh Mishari bin Rashid al Afasy or Shaikh Salah al Budair. There will in sha Allah help you concentrate.
What you could do is grab a copy of a translation of the Quran, then play the recitation of any of there Shuyookh. And read it while understanding. If you think it is fast, pause after every Aayah, understand it, then move ahead. Though is can not bd studied in detail, this way, but just a summary of what Allah Says will bd understood in sha Allah.
When you have listened to it for a while, thy to read the part your have listened to, by beautieying your voice and trying to imitate the reciter you just heard. It will make you fall in love with the Quran in sha Allah.
Also practice daily supplications in the day and the night. You can take help from the book "Fortress of the Muslim" available here:
http://d1.islamhouse.com/data/en/ih_books/single/en_hisn_al-muslim.pdf
In sha Allah, it will help. Read the biography of Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and learn from it. The best one you can read it "The Sealed Nectar - ar Raheeq al Makhtoom" by Shaikh Safiur Rahman Mubarakpuri Rahimahullah, downloadable here:
http://sabr.com/downloads/category/4-seerah?download=8%3Aar-raheeq-ul-makhtoom
Whenever you get angry, as sister said above, recite "A'oodhu Billahi Minash Shaitaan ar Rajeem".
In sha Allah, it'll be fine. Don't over-think, as it will only bed to your worries. Just trust in Allah and do what you can, for the rest, leave it to Allah.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
GET HIJAMA by a qualified person in addition to all tht nd make du'a
What is Hijama brother? This is not very clear.
Dear sister,
Its sounds as if you have a lot going on, and all i can say is read a book called 7 habits of highly effective people- that is if you like reading. But i promise you, that it will change your attitude as it has helped me ALOT!
It kind of opens your eyes, because it talks about paradigms (how you see the world ) and about our attitudes in life and about our life.
It also talks about being reactive versus proactive:
Are you just reactive to your life around you?
for example i dont have a job- i feel sad and depressed and dont end up looking for one because i dont feel good- therefore you dont get a job in the end.
versus- proactive- i dont have a job- here is the plan i will follow to insure i get a job and i wont give up- and through efforts made you eventually get one.
which one are you? Do you just wait for life to happen and let it effect you- or do just make things happen in your life?
Also, he talks about responsibility in the book. Many times we like to play the victim card. Dont play the victim, you have responsibilities and you can change your life around whenever you are ready. No one can help you, dont wait for people to pick up and carry your burdens for you.
For example "I just cant do it!" ""I am like that and I cant change!" - "oh he makes ma soo angry i just cant help it" - by saying these statements- you are giving up all your power and giving away your future- and saying that you have NO CONTROL and that other people/or things are always controlling your mood, your life, your situation- are they controlling it- or are you supposed to be in control?
Allah has given you full capacity to take control of your life, but you drop that control by playing victim and not taking responsibility and initiative.
I know this may sound really harsh, but I am saying this because its important to reflect on.
So ultimately- the fights with the family- you are in control and you can change your behavior- you can change your behavior by looking at things you can control in the situation and manipulate those. Change what is in your power. You cant change your family or replace them- so change your self. Come from a place of forgivness, love, and accepting them as they are- and you will notice a big difference. Allah tests you with your family, so prove to Allah that you can pass the test with flying colours.
This applies to your life, you may feel like you are not getting anywhere- so sit down and make long term goals- short term goals and go for it. Dont blame your mood disorder, dont blame anyone else for holding you back expect for yourself. Stop beating yourself up and make a plan and follow through. If you are single and want to meet people- find halal ways of meeting them. If you are lonely and need companionship (as we all do), find a hobby and meet people who have the same one. Join a class, whether islamic or not and just do it.
As for comparison sister, that is one thing that is sure to cause anyone depression. You may look at someone else and see their life as great - but never compare yourself. You will only cause yourself serious heart ache. Look within yourself and compare yourself to what you did yesterday. That is only comparison you should be making. Allah sends all of us on a different journey. Someone else's life may look rosy on the outside, but it may not really be. So be happy for those that have more than you, and be grateful by looking at those who have less than you. Thats why Allah says to help those in need because it really does give you a reality check and tells you how lucky you are. Think of happiness as a verb, it all about action- do you do things that make you happy or do you let other things control your happiness/emotions.
So my ultimate point. as i have blabbed a bit much. Its not the mood disorder that is effecting your life and situation. You are effecting your life and situation. You are the driver in the car of your life, you choose where to go and where you will end up. Take responsibility for the things that are going on in your life that you can control and inshallah Allah will assist you with what you cannot handle.
Hope that i was not too hard, but I wish you all the best sister purple.
Salamz
As salam alaikee. My Sister in Islam,
May Allah heal you Sister. Ameen.
Please read my full reply and try to do as such as you can.
1.Play surah baqarah in your house everyday. Below is a link to a full version on youtube with english words. You may not like to hear it at first but still listen to it. This surah forces the devils that want to harm you out from your home.
http://youtu.be/Zcrsfg-EeqM
2.Learn the last three surahs of the quran in Arabic and say them every day. They also are a protection against devils, magic and people who may be jealous of you and want harm for you.
Surah ikhlas word for word
http://youtu.be/EGw4hzC29Y4
Surah falaq word for word for beginners
http://youtu.be/rgPqNrbnKcU
Surah Nas word for word
http://youtu.be/1qQUXUONS28
3. Learn ayatul kursi or at least play it. It is chapter 2 verse 255 in the quran. Shaitian cannot bother you when you say this verse.
http://youtu.be/GOcZNAgQin0
Try to say the above surah from #2 and # 3 three times each after salat fajr and salatul maghrib and then in the night time before sleeping. At Night you should spittle into your hand (mostly air)then recite into your hand and blow air into your hand and wipe over you body before you sleep. Do this every night and Insha Allah you will begin to feel better.
Shatain is an enemy to man and he is always trying to lead us astray. But the above surahs are a protection for us. Be sure you are saying bismillah when you come in your home and when you eat and when you remove your clothes. Also if you do not already have one buy a fortress of the Muslim supplication book. There are supplication for Allah's protection and blessings that we should read every morning and evening.
Please know that the recitation of quran is a cure and it has been shown to cure personality disorders and other types of "mental illness" schizophrenia, visual hallutionations, audiotory hallutionations PTSD, depression and others.
Depression is a result of sins even if the doctor says its a chemical inbalance. When a person tell a lie there are certain chemicals released in to the body and the frontal region of the brain is affected we must understand that when we commit sins something happens in our brain and to our spiritual hearts and when we make dhikr something also happens in the brain to neutralize the effect and the darkness is removed from the spiritual heart.
A study was done years ago on non muslim and they had then to repeat phrase of dhikr ( they did not know what they were saying in arabic) but the test showed changes in the brain and the whole body including lower blood pressure and other physical effects.
Please do not believe that because you do not know what you are saying that is is pointless this can not be farther from the truth. So don't give up hope and you must believe that Allah hears you and will help you when you begin to help yourself. (shaytian gave up hope and he wants mankind to do they same so he can guide them astray)
So to the next part: To remove sins use a lot of dhikr- you can say subhan Allahi wa bi hamdi, sunhan allah azheem 100 time or more every day
or say subhan Allah, alhamdulillah, la illaha ill allah, allahu akbar every day as often as you can, This will not only make you begin to feel better but it will remove your sins.
May Allah grant you success ameen
I learned a lot. JazakAllah.
May Allah Pak help u sis purple.
and May Allah Pak give all of u Ajer for giving good suggestions to her. It helped me also. JazakAllah Pak Khair.Aameen.