Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Love and sex before marriage

Secret relationships are a bad idea

Not that I'm in the habit of taking advice from church billboards, but in this case they have a point. Secret relationships are always a mistake.

OK, this is my problem. I am a muslim and I am 21 years old, and have a girlfriend who is also a muslim she is also 21. We have been going out secretly (nor her parents, nor my parents know about our love) for about 4 years now and I love her, she means the world to me. Equally she loves me too, I know this because she keeps telling me.

But the problem is that she does NOT want to marry until she finishes university, and I dont want to marry yet ethier as I think I am too young. She asked me if I want to marry her when the time is right and I do. She told me that she does NOT want to have sex before marriage. But would it be OK if we did as we both know we are going to marry each other? oh and the other thing is that we have not had sex, but we do kiss and have slept in the same bed but not done anything, is that also wrong in islam?

I love her so much, that sometimes she takes my breath away. Some of my friends at first said that it was just a simple crush, but now I know its not, we have been together for exactly 3 years 10 months and 14 days. I know its real love because we both feel the same way! Before i met her i used to drink alcohol and smoke, she has changed me as a person and in result we have both fallen in love.

Would it be OK in islam if we had sex?

And the phsyical things we have done so far (kissing) is that a sin as well?

- joe

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190 Responses »

  1. uno ye it wuld be bad having sex before marriage...because everywhere in islam it says sex before marriage is haraam. If you are so sure that u r both going to get married then sex shouldnt be n your head it should never ome in ur head. i am not perfect and i am definatley not a islam expert, however its the obv. I am17 also in a relationship and have been for the past 2 yers and 9months, and i love my boyfriend hes 21 aswell and he loves me alot back. We both promise eachother marriage. but something if u just really have to wait for

    and about the kising and other physical stuf u wer on about, yes that is sinful.As i have read, for a islmaic girl if a man who is not married to her, for him to even touch her hair is such a huge sin, so imagine how bad it must be for you to both kiss eachother. But i dont blame neither of u for this, because the majority of muslims who ahve byfriends girlfriends kiss eachother. Its all about inner strength an individual has, and whether one can help them self from temptations.

    well i cant say much more than that, apart from that i hope you both do live longa nd happy together and you get married one day soon inshallah. May Allah have mercy on u aND FORGIVE U AMEEN

    • well this is really embarassing that we muslims girls n boys haivng sex before marrige. Do you think just because of love sexual relation should be allowed in islam or it should be declared as HALAL not obviously not u r going to get married r nt u will never ever hav to sex with other gender. Actually this restriction imposed by islam looks putty aukward but do u know what it is hundred percent surity that it will have many scientific and physical benifit for us furthermore this will lead to a good healthy matrimonial life. so in either case u should b think to do about it

      • yes,sex is unlawful,but if some one by mistake kiss n hug their gf/bf n after that they realized thier mistake tht he/she done wrong,is there any kafara for it? means (behak jana or kiss or hug kerna)

        • sirf suachy dill sy ALLAH sy toba kr lain

          • Assalaamualaikam

            Please try to post comments in English, if possible.


        • assalamualaikum
          if u have kissed your bf/gf without knowing that is it right or wrong, cry to allah n ask for
          forgiveness from your heart for what u have done, i believe that allah will forgive you
          but you should not repeat it again after knowing that it is haraam

    • Aisha,

      I do not think this statement above is authentic. Please be careful before associating words to Rasul(sws). Perhaps the hadith you had in mind and got mixed up was this:

      He (sws) forbade being alone with a non-mahram woman and said that no man is ever alone with a non-mahram woman but Shaytan is the third one. (Sahih Muslim)

      SisterZ Editor

    • yeah sex is like a sweet poison at the time it tastes good but after that it crushes your pride honour sanity dignity and my pride is a lot more valueable than my life

  2. According to Islamic Sharia, a man cannot have any kind of intimate relationship, be it emotional or physical, with a woman unless they are married.

    That means the relationship you are enjoying with your girlfriend is unlawful. It may be difficult for you to follow the advice that I will give you, but I will give it any way.

    Our deen is the religion of obedience. Allah has given you the free will, which you can use either to obey or disobey. Successful will be those who obey without any question or making noise. Shaytan was given the chance to obey or disobey the command of Allah, but he chose to disobey. He disobedience earned the curse and the wrath of Allah and he will therefore be inflicted to severe torment in the on the day of reckoning.

    When someone discovers that he or she is involved in some acts of disobedience, the first reaction that comes to our heart is "It can't be haram.". The Shaytan will continue to reinforce this feeling. He will to make this relationship appear rosy and innocent in your eyes. He would try his best to make your feel good about it despite your disobedience of divine command. Shaytan will say, "Look you are not that bad. What is the problem if you are having a relationship, you are not having sex. There are so many people who are worse than you". The point is, if you take comfort from such feeling, it would not benefit you least. It would rather led you to remain steadfast in disobedience of Allah and eventually help you commit bigger sin.

    So how can you come out of this act of disobedience? I would say CUT OFF your relationship right away. if you think that you will do it gradually, you will never be able to do it.

    In Islam, there cannot be any feeling of innocent sensual love without marriage. The feeling of love that you are having for this girl is in fact a felling of lust but in disguise, presented by Shaytan.

    Today you are thinking that you would marry this girl in future, but do you have the knowledge of future? Can you just tell me what will happen in next 10 minutes? You can't. So how do guarantee yourself that you will marry this girl? And what you would do if there happens unwanted pregnancy? Who will take the custody of that child? Will you then go for abortion? Kill a baby?

    The bottom line is: you are now faced with two options: give this relationship up or linger in sin. If you choose the first option, first sincerely repent to Allah. If you choose the latter, you will fool none but yourself. Allah wants magfirah for us, but Shaytan wants indecency and disobedience. If you choose the way of Shaytan, remember that Allah is severe in retribution. Do you think you have the ability withstand the punishment of your Lord?

    May Allah guide you correctly.

    • Everything Stranger said is correct. Just because you plan to marry one day does not change anything. It is still haram. If you want to be married to someone, you don't want to start your relationship based on sin. Don't you want to approach your future marriage with purity and sincerity? Don't you want to do it in the best way so that Allah will bless your union?

      Wael Editor

    • My advice is if you can't wait to be intimate with her, get married now so you are lawful for each other. You won't have to hide from your parents anymore.Don't worry if it is too soon to marry. it wasn't too soon to fall in love was it? Do the halal and marry now. It doesn't have to be a big wedding. It can be small so long as it is legal. The big wedding can come later if you both want it.

      • i agree here. you can just do halal nikah, small dinner with family so everybody knows you both are married. then whenever you are ready financially you can rent a place for you both.
        look for halal only if u really live her and want your relationship to be blessed

      • I agree. If these people love each other, they should get married. They've been together for wayyyyyyyyy longer then whats necessary to know such things, and they shouldn't delay it any longer. If anything, them waiting to have sex is quite comendable, because a good amount of people would have done it long ago. Get married! I don't know why people freak out about it so much. You have no doubts, you want to comit to her, and you want to do it proper. I'm sure your parents would prefer that over zina. Also, you guys are adults. All that s___ about being "too young" is non sense. For 7 years (or more) youve been allowed to drive a car. For 3 you've been counted as a legal adult. People younger then you are getting married, joining the army, starting families and other things. Like come on brah. You aint a little kid anymore. Also, you should be thankful you live in a muslim family, because mine would prefer i had sex outside of mairage and wait till im 30. Take atvantage of this! If you can do things right, DO THEM RIGHT!!!

    • how did u know these ? i mean ur answer is the most appropriate and informative and practical ! how , where'd u get so much knowledge ... I wud lyk to know more .

    • you know Mr. Stranger,
      I am a Muslim too, and right before reading these comments I was listening to greatest Muslim Dr. Zakir Naik and he said loving someone is no sin, so please, I do agree with the part that there should not be any physical but saying CUT OFF is not the solution and loving someone is not so weak to just let it go, instead I would say they should marry now since they know they want to marry each other and there is no age in marriage, after 18 anyone can marry because they are mature enough. So please, don't advice someone to forget their love or CUT It OFF, because if its real love it is NEVER possible.

      • "Peace", I think you misunderstood Dr. Zakir Naik. Of course love is not a sin. Allah has created us to love each other. We should love all our Muslim brothers and sisters in the sense that we care about them and want good for them. We should love our parents, siblings and children.

        However, the proper place for intimate love in Islam is marriage. We need to control our own behavior so as not to get ourselves involved in any intimate relationships (emotionally or physically intimate) with any non-mahrem of the opposite sex.

        Wael Editor

        • hi guys i hv a crush on a nn muslim boy n he also has bt i dnt undrstnd wt should i do ..shoud i strt reltion shp wid him cz i luv him so much or lev him¿¿

          • Alia, we don't have "relationships" and boyfriends/girlfriends in Islam. What to do is very simple: let him come with his family to your parents and propose marriage. If he is not willing to do that then he is not serious and is just playing with you.


          • Leave him. You can't marry a non muslim. Remember that if you give up something for the sake of Allah. Then Allah will compensate you with something better.

          • I have been curious about this issue (discussed on this website) for a while now, it being something controversial in our society and relationships between male and female beings being more acceptable in the 21st century. In my opinion, I as a Muslim kind of find it odd to be extreme about the issue. I don't think I could possibly go straight forward to marriage based on a crush like suggested in other comments, I mean you barely know the person, let alone marry him directly. I do not believe having the 'platonic ' gf/bf relationship is wrong and sinful, as in dates or talking to each other as long as the two resist the 'temptation', in this case engaging in sexual intercourse, it being something that comes after the end all relationships may be a trial from God to test our resistance to temptation and the strength of our faith. I do not believe I should be punished for loving someone, or for being in the presence of a man and merely hand touching. We also have to consider that the interpretations of the Koran were made centuries ago when things were very different, in a different society, where even mixed schools was forbidden. In the end whatever your choice, I sincerely believe that God almighty is forgiving, not a tyrannical or harsh God that people tend to describe, shown to be feared from (exemple: if you do this you go to hell, so one would fear more than understand the reason behind the forbidden and fear God instead of respecting him), but more of a forgiving God as long as one feels regrets and repeats for whatever sin he commits. In addition any wrongdoing is somehow punished in life itself, so I don't really know. In the end one should not believe what they HEAR, but see for himself. Read the Koran yourself, because there are many interpretations that may or may not be true, like how religion is used for terrorism, and interpret it in an objective and humanist way. Just don't do something you might regret later on. Good luck with any path you may choose

      • thnx... u solve my prob... i m in love nd never wana loose... we will marry soon I.A

      • Narrated by Abu Hurayra that prophet (S.A.W) SAID:Allah will say on the day of Resurrection,where are those who lo e one another for my glories sake.Today I'll shelter them in my shade,today there is no shade except my shade.

    • thanks dear

    • all this above mentioned is true... i love my allah
      and i believe in islamic teaching to be ultimatly benefitial for a human life...
      appart from that in todays modern times as our generation is going through there puberty to maturity its very difficult to control social media and porn sites arent making it any easier although i do understand that this is the time globalization being international so to speak. many muslims are practicing sex both men and women are having sex before marriage.... call it physical need,love,promising marriage, or watever the reasom might be. i have done it. with a girl that i didnt love.. and she and i did iy because we needed physical bonding.... i do feel guilty for it..

    • mashaAllah so nice to read all ur review i think his is in crush for that girl O heloo mr.. love is not the name of sex U love her and she loves u so y u don't marry to each other its jst u can't WAh..!! wat a brisle idea u hav huhh...n girl enough mad to make sex for her love is right love is blind but emotions should be control under islam ....May Allah see u right path ameen..!!

      • assalam o alikum
        NOOR sister how can they marry to earch other untill the girl's father dn't give permition for nikah or merry? what do u say about this?

    • Assalamu alaikkum ,

      I do accept what mr.stranger said as the perfect solution. Adding to that if you are in such a real love for that girl and you asked that can we have sex ? I think its better u can get married to her immediately which will make all your haram as halal and your deeds there on will be accepted by allah(swt) . May allah guide us in the right path .

      • Eum you do know that some (I repeat some and nowadays it's more) people would have sex without feelings for each other? I'm not saying I am for it, but it does exist, therefore it would be just for the 'fun' of it (not speaking from experience whatsoever me still being single and a virgin), it's something 'modern', where physical needs and desires are fulfilled and satisfied regardless of emotional feeling ...

    • Wow! Jazakallah! for the reply. Personally I did not think that if someone who associates with Islam as not to have sex would think that making out with each other is Ok.

    • is it possible sex after nikah but still do not get married mean still rukhasati had not done?

      • Assalaamualaikam

        Your question doesn't make sense. Nikah is marriage. Rukhsati is a cultural tradition and not part of the Islamic marriage process. Once two people have had their nikah, they're married.

        Midnightmoon editor

        • Yes, I agreed. But the problem with us is that our so-called traditions can't let us to lead a simple life.

          • I wna know about the sex talk in islam btwen the boy friwdn Nd girlfriend im really worried about this
            Plz rply me soon and help me out !

      • If the nikah is complete then the couple are husband and wife and can enjoy all the normal privileges of a married couple. It is strongly recommended to have a walimah as well, so that everyone knows the couple are married.

        Wael Editor

    • I will try my best to implement on your advice.. May Allah help me...

  3. If u guys truly love each others, y aren't the parents involved?
    It's been said my our prophet Mohammed(pbuh) you rather had a nail hammered to ur head them to Touch a woman. So u can see what ever u guys are doin is wrong. U guys sleep on the same bed u said. U do know eventually u guys might do something, so y even put urselves in the situation! Just because u love each other doesn't give u the right to go head and commit some sorts of sins and eventually zinna. So I will advice u to get ur parents involved, put ur relationship on hold until u guys officially get married. Inshallah u will try to make better decisions from now on..

    • I don't get this. You are supposed to be the master of your actions no? You are always given a choice: either do good or bad choices, so if both of them are proper believers and have no bad intentions, let them be practically in close contact with each other nothing would make them fall into sin...

    • Assalam o alaikum...

      • Ushna, please register and submit your question as a separate post, or read the advice given on posts similar to yours in our archive.

        Wael Editor

  4. All this is so true. I have been married to a man who loved another girl so badly. They never thought they would separate, but they did. She is also married and has kids. But she has told him that she would never forget him for the rest of her life even after her marriage. I have been married to him for 11 years and yet I cant get her out of his mind. He talks about her even when in bed with me and says that what he has for her is true love and it will never go. Just imagine what I have been through. I was so cautious in my youth and obedient to Allah that I never let any guy into my life, even though there were many who proposed marriage to my parents. Life has been so unfair to me. He also loves me and gets hurt thinking that he is making me upset. He even repents for seeing a girl before me, but is not ready to let go of her. Now he wants my permission to marry her. I have accepted to this as I do not want my husband sinning anymore but decided that I would stay away from him once he is married without a divorce. I can never think of another man in my life. He was given to me by Allah and I really feel he will always be the best match for me except that he will not be mine anymore. If only he had stayed away from a woman before marriage, my life would have been so peaceful and happy.
    All you men and women who get to read this, please do think that you could be doing the same thing to another girl or guy. Love must happen only inside wedlock, anything outside will ruin families and peace between married couple. Besides matches are fixed by Allah, you have no way of knowing who you will get to marry until you actually marry. Stop dreaming, if you call yourself as a muslim, then better follow Allah's commands than try to rationalize love before marriage.

    • Hello Sister,

      I almost cried when i read ur really touched my heart to c the position ur in. In all this i just want to tell u sumthing....ur giving up ur husband to another woman becoz u dont want ur husband to sin anymore....ur intention is to keep ur husband from angering Allah out of ur love for your husband....I am so SURE that inshallah u will have a grand reward from Allah SWT....ur niyyah is great and inshallah i will remember you in my prayers....i know how it is to love a man and want good for him...even if it means that you have to take the pain yourself...sister inshallah i KNOW Allah will give you a great reward for your perseverance to be a good muslim girl( in ur early years), a good muslim wife to your husband and above all, a good servant of Allah.

      take care sister

    • I am weaping after reading ur reply....
      I am in love with someone and m too frustrated to get marry with him. but my parents will not let me marry to that boy.I am feeling the situation that will happen to me and my guy.
      What u has gone through is too difficult to do sabar on it.
      MayAllah bless you. Please pray for me too. That me and my guy get marry with the will of Allah and parents. Ameen.
      Otherwise we both will be spending the life but not living. 🙁

      Allah Hafiz.

      • Sisters, such sad messages. I love a guy very much but he has been torn between me and another and it would seem I have lost. With my understanding of Islam, I wish I had stuck to the halal way and remained obedient to the rules set. My family accepted him when we said we wanted to marry, but regardless of trying to make it halal, I have still caused myself pain by being close to him out with of marriage and him changing his mind.
        The problems with being involved with anyone before marriage is you can have full intention of marriage, but this intention may not become reality. Therefore it is best to sustain and have saber. It has been a long time now and I still love him and can't see how I could love another so strongly. I pray Allah grants us our prayers and we find good husbands and happiness.
        Dejected, MashAllah for your choices to let your husband go to another, after so many years. may Allah reward you

        • Please do not think this way dear sisters.... This is truly sad.... Do not think that loving someone is wrong, our hearts were made blind and created by Allah himself, when one feels love for the other he should marry them, and if not (the other partner refusing for exemple) one must let go and continue in life. And marrying someone who does not love you and feels affection ('clean love' where no physical contact was made) towards another is marrying the wrong person, for mutual love should exist before marriage, and his doing wasn't quite 'sinful' because no one chooses to love someone deliberately, it is blind and uncontrolled... May peace be upon you all and may Allah good you towards right paths

      • may allah help you through. leave everything to Allaha and just aks him for khair.

        May allah bless you.

    • To: Dejected ...
      Wow, speechless, as being almost in the same situation as you. I haven't seen any women so loving caring and so much giving to her husband. but what if he wants to come to you, will you let him comeback to you. i mean for giving you your sexual needs...I am so speechless right now, mashALLAH May ALLAH grant you with lots of rewards in this world and in the hereafter. May your husband fall in love with you after you have done all this. i mean fall in love with you the same exact way he is in love with that other lady. your heart is big your have so much courage. Your an amazing person, I wish you will get what you desire ameen. I don't know what to say... speechless.

      P.S. I wish you still come here because i want to know what was the aftermath of all this. i will pray a lot for you.

    • your words brought tears to my eyes. I have been in love with my cousin for almost teen years and at points we accepted that we can't get married as life was putting so Manny barriers on our way . I decided to stay single rather than marring another man as I knew I would ruin his life because my love for my cousin was unconditional that I would never ever could let it go of my mind and heart, the same did his love for me and he also decided to stay single rather than to marry another woman but not be able to love her. ...

      we struggled years and just now after I left everything to Allah and only and only asked him for khair allah made our nekah happen today. yes exactly today we got married and I feel like life is heaven now.
      It would not be possible if allah did not want this.
      we all should leave everything to Allaha he knows better how to deal with issues. through years I longed for him and forgot to ask allah for khair. all the time while praying all I knew to ask from Allah was having him without asking Allah whether he is for my khair or not. That is why allah kept me waiting for years until I realized no nothing and no one is more meaning than surrendering to allah completely and asking him for khair.
      After realizing this and putting Allah's love in my heart I stopped aching for him, though I still loved him but it was not like my life as before. in this ramadan my prayers changed to asking allah for khair and even unbelievably I asked allah if he is not for my khair don't give it to me and instead grant me grand patient to forget him and live my life the way allah want.

      suddenly things changed and our families who were like enimes and the only barrier toward our marriage cane to us saying that they don't want to ruin our life by their pride and that we can get married if we really love each other. ..I was shocked by the fact that how so fast Allaha showed up me his sign of mercy and granted me my love. ..
      we both went to do estikhara if we were for khair for eachother and amazingly the estikhara answered us positive. ..we have been so happy since a week now and the first thing we did after my family said yes to him was offering Shukur salah and asking Allaha to make this relationship a better way for being better Muslim and help us to support each other in our deen and emaan.

      The reason I am saying my story is that yes try not to fall in love before marriage because you never know if your marriage can happen. If it doesn't then four lives would be ruined. you both and your husband and wife.

      May allah keep us all in the right path.

  5. Assalam-o-Alikum Bro,
    Let me tell you a similar story, not some one else but Mine. I also posted my situation here on this website and is still on the frontpage. Well, the relationship you are talking about, might seems to be love to you but it is one of the Saitan's best work. I had also been in a relationship with so called "Love Of My Life" for more than four years, we had all those promises and the same situation as yours, no family involvements and same young age senario with Uni responsibilites. Well, in short, Yess I did go further off my limits which resulted into unwanted pregenancy which we both wasnt looking forward to( Just wanna mention, yes we took protections, but it happened only once, Thats it). Anyways, now we had started realizing how stupid and unmature our act was. Its been more than 7 months and I havnt see her and we just contact once in a while to find out hows her health. We havnt decided anything. But all i want to tell you, is I also had the same feeling, but now I realizing that my love wasnt actually a true love, but just this lame feeling of attraction and LUST, which had bond us together for all those years. Since that day till today, I feel so ashamed that no words to describe. There is little innocent life is about to come into this world on the basis of HARAM relation. I never studied religion before, but this sin had brought me closer to my Deen. I have read more Fatwas than I have ever read in my whole life. All my point is, I know now, what this Haram act makes you feel. Its one of the biggest sin which Allah forbids. Look, If I had knew what I was about to do is such forbidden in Islam, I wouldnt even consider it. But for you, If you havnt gone further, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE dont do it. I wished i could take things back. Allah make few of us as an example, so people can learn from it. Learn from me, I hate myself now.I cried, when I read your's post, as it sounds so similar to mine situation but having intemacy is aint love, just lust.
    In the end, I'll say, being in a relationship, dating, holding hands, kissing, for sure feels good as its a Satan's way to take you against your God, but it is not Love. It just an attraction and lust. If you really think you love her truely, than go far from her, give it a try, donot contact her for a long while and then if you still have any feeling for her, than PLZ wait for the right time which is marriage. It just the matter of couple of years. If its Love than you'll wait until you get marry or lust will get into the biggest sin you cant even imagine. As the brother above said, If you feel like you had a pure relation, than wait to start your relation purely after marriage not with the sin which will take you far far away from your religion. There isnt anytime I wished I could take things back, not because of this preganency or else but only because my Allah has called it one of the biggest sin. Please read about Zina and forcination, it might help you. I hope you learn a lesson and I pray Allah wont let you go further. Do repent and ask Allah forgivenss of all the sins you did.
    This might not be very useful or matured advice (as I m still learning and not even in my 20's yet), but if a single brother can learn from my unmature act, than I dont have anymore to wish.
    If your relationship is truely love not lust than prove it by stopping any sort of Haram contacts with her until the right time of marriage comes. Prove it to her and yourself.
    May Allah makes things easy for you and show us the right path.
    P.S. Please pray for me too. Nothing has felt good after I followed Satan's path of Zina and disobey Allah.

    • If you decide to take yourself away from her just be sure you talk to her and have her understand you are taking yourself away from her and why. So she is on the same page as you. Otherwise it is very hurtful. When my guy has issues he goes away and tells me why after. This is always painful. So I made him promise me to tell me why before he does this. So far he has respected my wishes and this time he is not hurting me by taking him self away from me without telling me why.

    • Salam brother!
      Wow ur story is extremely touching.
      May I please ask u something then. I am a girl and I have been in a relationship with this boy for nearly three years and recently we did have sex. Saddest thing about it is that none of us knew what was happening and when I found out I started shaking and crying. I can by far say that it is the biggest mistake of my life and I hope and pray to Allah so he will be able to forgive me. U see the problem is this. I have never ever ever been in a relationship with anyone or even approached any boy. But with him it was different. It felt as if my life turned upside down because everything changed. But now I believe realisation has hit heart and I wish to continue to pray and look towards Allah however, the problem is that I feel as if deeply like him. And I am saying this because he is my first. First for everything. I don't know what to do though. Do I let go of him, because if i do then I will have to life with the fact that I am a non virgin and I let the one who I shared this with go. Or do I be with him? Because isn't it worse to leave hlthe one you had sex with in Islam ?

      I hope someone can find an answer to my misery.

      • Well I think that u let him go...sincerely repent to Allah and let him go...concentrate on ur studies and when the time of marraige comes Allah will be helpful...ur boyfriend may he be the first he is just using u... it's just again the handiwork of satan...Allah is most forgiving...ask His forgiveness and just forget that boy

    • I have gone through all the problems..i cried a lot.i also done a mistake.i loved a boy and he too loved me a i knw ma parents dont accept the relatn i tell him to break up.he dont aallow me to do that.and one day he kissed me,after that i feel im getting closer to him,he just ran away from me and engaged with someone else..i feel guilty for loving him and repend to Allah for loving him.we used to talk about unwanted things and all.when i tried to stop him he wnt allow me to stop he want me to love him again and he dont like me to talk with ma friends.i am actually fed up with him and want to get rid off him.but he is teasing me and hurting me a lot.icried a lot.i know wat i did is actually wrong and i dont want to keep aal those memories..i dont know wat to do....plz include me in ur prayers and may Allah help us to defend saithan and his deeds

      • May Allah Help you overcome your problems. Trust in Him and strive to protect yourself against approaching such actions again in your life. He kissed you, that was not his right, it is your husband's. Sister, do not let random men like him come into your life and make fun of you. Do not give him another chance to make you disobey Allah and turn to Allah.

        Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  6. Love as we have learned in the West doesn't exist. We have been brainwashed since our

    childhood that when a boy and a girl meet each other and make the decision to be together

    based on physical attraction and biological causes, that this is love.

    Real love has a lot to do with committment and responsibility. Sex and kissing is something

    great, without a doubt. But only with the one and only and in the holy institution of marriage.

    Two non-mahrams aren't allowed to share such a relationship. And believe me: Out of my

    own experience I can say: Just talking to your prospective partner for marriage, or fiancé

    without shaking hands, exchanging kisses etc is so exciting. The attraction is going to increase

    and in the end, it will be like a volcano. It will erupt and then it will be so beautiful

    and passionate and insha allah it's going to stay a lifetime with the right attitude. When two people

    get physical before marriage is like letting the cat out of the bag in advance. The whole excitement

    and passion will evaporate and marriage is not going to be a haven for halal love, but , like in

    the Western World, a useful alternative. Marriage is the only way of getting physical and there

    is a reason why we have this law. To appreciate marriage , to understand the significance of

    physical love and to bear a life-long responsibility. Concerning the fact that Islam even allows divorce

    as a last resort, it guarantees a modern way of life. As you can see, there is absolutely no need

    for pre-marital sex, unlike in the Western World, in which the institution of marriage in Christianity is

    so archaic and old-fashioned that people had to look for more "modern" lifestyles" in accordance

    with the human fitra Islam doesn't deny.

    Believe me, if the first person you kiss is your husband, you sleep with is your husband, the first

    person you hold hands with is your husband, the first person you smell and touch, you hug,

    the first person you look at with desire, it's going to be much more "fun" in the long-term.

    God bless you

    • "Love as we have learned in the West doesn't exist." You seem to be against the western world I take it. And you don't know what you are talking about concerning this type of statement. All people in ALL cultures and religions have their own way. Even your Islamic marriages don't work out sometimes. It's all in how we deal with the people not what religion we are or country or part of the world we are from.

      In my "WESTERN" family most of them got married to one person and stayed that way. I now have an aunt who has been married to the same man for 66 years (my uncle and mother's brother) and is watching him die as we speak. We are more worried about her being left behind because he is accepting his own fate. But she will be left alone without him always there by her side.

      This is just only one example of a couple in my "WESTERN" family. There are many more. There is just no room to talk about all of them. Those two are Catholic. I have mixed Catholic and Buddhist couples in my family as well. And I am Buddhist with a Muslim man. How we do things in our family is open communications, A lot of trust and compassion. So your way is good but you should not say in the west love does not exist because it does and you are wrong in the saying of such things.

    • masha allah this is so beautifull.. and soo true!!! i hope we all fine love like the one u discribe because THAT is TRUE love...
      god bless u..

  7. Dear brother, salam

    Sex before marriage is a very grave sin, so I say: forget about it, brother.

    So far, mashaAllah, you two have pretty much kept things under control, and I think you should get a medal for your self-control and patience. The fact that you haven't had sex shows how much you two love and respect each other. You obviously have a beautiful thing going, why would you want to throw it all away by giving in to evil temptations ? If you sleep together, things will never be the same again, you will lose all respect for each other, you will hate yourselves and most importantly, you would be committing a very grave, ugly sin. A good muslim has to save himself for his wife, and a good muslimah, has to save herself for her husband. And what a beautiful way for you to prove your love to each other.

    You say you have been kissing and hugging. That is not permissible in Islam, so I think you should refrain from doing it from now on.

    Both of you should talk to your parents about your relationship. You need their blessing in order to get engaged and get married in the future, anyway, so why not just tell them now ? You both need to know if they'll agree to this union and the sooner the better, and if they don't, it'll give you the time to try and convince them. Besides, when your parents finally know, you will be able to see each other at her house. You see, in Islam, a man and a woman aren't supposed to be alone together. When I was engaged, my fiancé would come see me at my parents' house, and the fact that my family was in the house too didn't stop us from getting to know each other pretty well, laughing, and having a good time (within the limits of what's permissible in Islam).

    If you think, you won't be able to stop seeing her the way you have been seeing her so far (being alone together, sleeping in the same bed, kissing and hugging) then my advice is that you convince her to get married right now. I know it sounds scary and you don't think you're ready, but if you want to be together, that is your only (lawful) option. I know boys and girls that got married much younger than you and they seem pretty happy mashaAllah.

    Whatever, you do : no sex before marriage !

    In the meantime, read Quran a lot, pray a lot, ask for Allah's help in keeping you away from sin. Fast. Do dhikr. The closer you are to Allah, the easier it will be to stay on the right path.

    I sincerely hope all goes well for you.

    Your sister in Islam


  8. Roux,

    I have never said love doesn't exist in the West, at least I didn't mean it that way. First of all, I'm

    a German woman and have the right to criticize my own culture, as self-criticism without pointing

    with the finger at others is allowed and recommended. We have to distinguish between:

    Love as an emotion itself and love as an emotion depending on values like honesty, commitment and

    perseverance. In our young modern western generation, we call everything love, even ethymologically

    we call sex "making love", although following desires is not love from an Islamic perspective, but

    shahwa, desire.

    You are right, love exists in every culture and nation, and many people can lead happy lives without

    even following a religion or being religious. Islam didn't come to change us and our nature completely,

    Islam doesn't say we are "animals" without following a religion. Islam came to perfect human nature,

    to give us guidelines , with which, if applied correctly, life becomes paradise. Many of my non-Muslim

    friends go to mixed gatherings, have pre-marital sex and have monogamous relationships that last

    a lifetime. But if it works, it doesn't work without values. They are either defined by religion or the

    people themselves, but there are rules which make the relationship stable. We can call so many things love,

    my brother says he loves Angelina Jolie. We all know for what.:)

    To conclude, Islam wanted to perfect the human imagination of love and desire, privacy and honour and

    nobody says we are all bad. It is a question of completion( in my opinion)

    Concerning hatred: I love the West, I live here, my daddy is western, my name is western and I believe

    the beauty of our Western culture is the freedom of speech, the justice, equality of men and women in the

    law and respect for the attitudes of the others.


    • ALL u said is just a desire to live in this world peacefully..or happily which is not our goal being a muslim
      Our goal is to worship ALLAH and clear that exam for the final reward or punishment.
      A true muslim can never be happy in this world
      for a momin or momina this world is just a cage

  9. Whoever you're going to marry is written in your desinty. Allah controls that, noone else. Even though you guys agree to marry, that doesn't mean its a 100% sure you guys will marry eachother. If another girl is written in your destiny as a wife then NO MATTER WHAT happens, no matter how much you guys love eachother toy will only marry that other girl. You asked a good question and I think right now if you love her you should only be worried about actually marryin her in the end. You should to pray to allah to change your destiny and put your girlfriend in you destny. That should be your main worry for now. And yess you can change yor desitny by praying. Thats the only way 🙂

  10. Hey Joe,How did things turn out for you after reading all these posts? how are things going with you and your girlfriend? im very glad you are trying to be cautious and care about what islam has to say. May Allah guide both you and her. There is an article i wanted to share with you and it is a question/answer article that i found. There are more questions of this sort on

    Love which ends in marriage – is it haraam?
    Is love that ends in marriage haraam?.

    Praise be to Allaah.
    Firstly: The relationship that develops between a man and a non-mahram woman, which people call “love” is a combination of haraam things that transgress shar’i and moral limits.

    No wise person will doubt that this relationship is haraam, because it involves a man being alone with a non-mahram woman, looking at her, touching her, kissing, and speaking words filled with love and admiration, which provokes desire.

    This relationship may lead to things that are more serious than that, as is happening nowadays.

    We have mentioned a number of these haraam things in the answer to question no. 84089.


    Studies have shown that most of the marriages that are based on prior love between a man and woman fail, whereas most marriages that are not based on haraam relationships, which people call “traditional marriages”, succeed.

    In a field study done by a French sociologist, the conclusion was:

    Marriage is more likely to succeed when the two parties did not fall in love before marriage.

    In another study of 1500 families, undertaken by Professor Isma’eel ‘Abd al-Baari, the conclusion was that more than 75% of love marriages ended in divorce, whilst the rate among traditional marriages – those which were not based on prior love – was less than 5%.

    We can mention the most important causes of this outcome:

    1- Emotion blinds one to seeing faults and dealing with them, as it is said: “Love is blind”. One or both parties may have faults that make them unsuitable for the other, but those faults only become apparent after marriage.

    2- The lovers may think that life is an unending journey of love, so we see that they only speak of love and dreams, etc. They never speak about the problems of life and how to deal with them. This notion is destroyed after marriage, when they are confronted with the problems and responsibilities of life.

    3- The lovers are not used to debate and discussion, rather they are used to sacrifice and compromise in order to please the other party. Often they have arguments because each party wants to compromise and please the other. Then the opposite happens after marriage, and their arguments lead to a problem, as each one is used to the other agreeing with him or her, without any argument.

    4- The image that each lover has of the other is not a true image, because each party is being kind and gentle and trying to please the other. This is the image that each is trying to present to the other during the so-called “love” phase, but no one can carry on doing that throughout his or her life, so the true image appears after marriage, and leads to problems.

    5- The period of love is usually based on dreams and exaggerations that do not correspond with the reality that appears after marriage. The lover may think that he is going to bring her a piece of the moon, and he will never be happy unless she is the happiest person in the world, and so on.

    But in return, she is going to live with him in one room and on the ground, and she has no requests or demands so long as she has won him, and that is sufficient for her. As one of them said, “A small nest is sufficient for us” and “A small morsel is sufficient for us” and “I will be content if you give me a piece of cheese and an olive”! This is exaggerated emotional talk, and both parties quickly forget it after marriage, and the woman complains about her husband’s miserliness, and his failure to meet her needs. Then the husband begins to complain about having too many demands and too many expenses.

    For these reasons and others, we are not surprised when each party says after marriage that they were deceived and that they rushed into it. The man regrets not marrying So and so who was suggested to him by his parents, and the woman regrets not marrying So and so whom her parents approved of, but in fact they rejected him because of her wishes. So the result is this very high rate of divorce for marriages which people thought would be examples of the happiest marriages in the world!


    The reasons mentioned above are real, and have happened in real life, but we should not ignore the real reason for the failure of these marriages, which are based on disobedience to Allaah. Islam can never approve of these sinful relationships, even if the aim is marriage. Therefore they cannot escape the just divine punishment, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “But whosoever turns away from My Reminder (i.e. neither believes in this Qur’aan nor acts on its teachings) verily, for him is a life of hardship”

    [Ta-Ha 20:124]

    A hard and difficult life is the result of disobeying Allaah and turning away from His Revelation.

    And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And if the people of the towns had believed and had the Taqwa (piety), certainly, We should have opened for them blessings from the heaven and the earth”

    [al-A’raaf 7:96]

    Blessings from Allaah are a reward for faith and piety, but if there is no faith or piety, or only a little thereof, the blessing will be reduced or even non-existent.

    And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)”

    [al-Nahl 16:97]

    A good life is the fruit of faith and righteous deeds.

    Allaah indeed spoke the truth when He said (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Is it then he who laid the foundation of his building on piety to Allaah and His Good Pleasure better, or he who laid the foundation of his building on the brink of an undetermined precipice ready to crumble down, so that it crumbled to pieces with him into the fire of Hell. And Allaah guides not the people who are the Zaalimoon (wrongdoers)”

    [al-Tawbah 9:109]

    The one whose marriage is based on this haraam foundation must hasten to repent and seek forgiveness and seek a righteous life that is based on faith, piety and righteous deeds.

    Please also see the answer to question no. 23420 for more information.

    May Allaah help us all to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.

    And Allaah knows best.

  11. salam
    i feel the most stupid person in the world. i love a girl she love me also we both had sex,,, i am telling you plzz keep it in mind... the day i had sex with her i cant stop blaming my self .. i am muslim. i am going to marry her next year our engagment is done. but my freind ... in my heart i still blame my self for this sin.. i have no peace.. i always say to my self y i did it. i cant see my face in the mirror. i am ashemed of my self. that the truth, I knw ALLAH will forgive me one day, But i have a wierd feeling al the time when i think about it, i dont knw what i can do in this situation,. I always pray for one thing may my ALLAH forgive me, I love her she love me plz ALLAH forgive me,,, My friends pray for me ... ALLAH show me the ryt path... Some people said ALLAH forgive the person if he or she had sex and then they marry togahter i dont knw is that true or not..

    I need the answer
    so i can sleep with peace.


    • Brother,

      Allah forgives all sins if we repent sincerely. Allah says: "Tell them, O My slaves who have wronged their souls: 'Do not despair of Allah's mercy.' " (Al-Zumar:53).

      The Prophet(saw) said that Allah(swt) says: "Son of Adam! If your sins were to reach the limits of the sky, and then you seek My forgiveness, I shall forgive you, and I do not care. Son of Adam! If you will bring sins equal in volume to the earth and then you meet Me (on the day of Judgment) in the state that you would not have suggested partners unto Me, I shall give you in return forgiveness equal to the volume of the earth."

      The Prophet(saw) said: "He who repented is like him who has no sin on him."


      These above Ayahs and Hadiths mean we should sincerely turn in repentance to Allah if we have sinned, turn to Him with the intention of never returning to that sin. Allah's Mercy overcomes His Anger and His Mercy is also far greater than your sin. So let the feeling that you are experiencing now, be a reminder and a warning to you next time you have an urge to sin - that short term satisfaction brings with it more pain than pleasure.

      Not to realise the immense Mercy of Allah is also a sin - so the key is to strike a balance between hope and fear. Hope in Allah's forgiveness and Fear of Allah's Wrath.

      *Fear: Remember Allah's Wrath, so this keeps you away from sinning and from creating a false sense of security for yourself.

      *Hope: At the same time remember Allah's Mercy, so this allows you to forgive yourself and move on positively, not downhill through despair.


      Now leave what has happened, waste no more time on dwelling. Instead turn wholeheartedly to Allah. Maybe He(swt) caused this to happen so you would come closer to Him(swt). Every moment is a new beginning and now is a new beginning for you. Make sincere tawbah and your slate is clean. There are many ways to seek Allah's forgiveness, for some useful information on how to do tawbah click on this link:

      From now on, also refrain from revealing your sin to anyone else. So Brother, bury this chapter now and here and turn a new page - a fresh/clean page.

      SisterZ Editor

    • Yes It's true brother !!

      The Fact that you are repenting and asking for forgivness Surely Allah is kind to forgive us all !
      Try your best to be a great husband and a great Muslim !

      Allah is mighty and merciful ,we just need to have Faith and the hope that Allah is mighty !

    • Kamran brother,

      This is very important that you became aware of what you did, similarly, you feel ashamed inside therefore, it shows you are a good man. We all make mistakes we are human we are not perfect. I can feel it from your text that you are honest person. So, just do repent (Toba) Allah is always kind.

  12. If a boy and girl had sex earlier but now they wanna get married, is it okay to do so ?
    One of my friend said its haram. please advise. thanks

  13. Well, I think that although real love depends on perseverance and committment, you can still "fall in love"

    before marriage; If you define love by marifa, piety and good manners, it may happen that we like a brother

    because of these traits and fall in love with him; we aren't allowed to have physical contact with him before

    marriage which only makes the whole process more exciting. So in Islam we also fall in love, but don't

    get physical, which makes everything more interesting.

    Jazakallah Kheir

  14. Hello friends...I am in some serous problem.....I been dating a girl & we both are pretty serious about each. & planning to get married...Even are parents know bout us but its not official yet.....The thing is we have been off our limits & some stupid person has told my girl dat if u get psychically involved with a person ,u cant marry him or her... (Which i think is totally wrong) .....So please help me on this....

  15. W.A.S. Maria... i did but couldn't find my answer.... CAN WE GET MARRIED OR NOT ? That all i want to knw

    • Salam Psybex,

      You have a comment made by M. and answered by Wael, two comments above yours. I hope it will help you, insha´Allah.

  16. Thanks alot Marai... Allah bless us all

  17. Hello ,

    I m in relation from 4 years, which was good relation, but from last 8 months, it changed,
    My boy loves me no doubt. I love him too. we didnt have sex yet. I am too ashamed too b in relation with him.
    so far what happend, i want to ask that if my guy gave me oral sex, does this chnges my vaginal shape? Will it have a permanent efect on me physically?

    All this is so pinching me, and I am breaking up with that guy soon, although i love him. because when i m with him , i couldnt control my emotions and let him do what he wants. I dont want to do more gunnah. I wnt to marry with czn, who is good in religion....

    ( I am ashamed of what happend 🙁 and I want pure relation after marriage }
    But I am afraid that if i marry my czn, he might know my previous relation.

    Please answer soon. what hsould I do?

  18. i have converted in to muslim i had a love she is also a muslim how to do marriage in masjid?

  19. Assalam-u-alaikum everyone. I am a sixteen-year-old Muslim girl and extremely distressed with dire need of advice and help. I was in a first relationship with this boy, also aged sixteen. Recently all my morals got over-ridden & now i have no idea what to do. Before we only used to chat online but recently i met him twice. In the second time, he attempted to cross limits & i shamefully only let out mild protests but did not attempt to stop him. We did not have actual intercourse but only just & did all else. I don't know what to do now for this shameful and immoral act and really need help. Should i still carry on in a relationship with him without such shameful acts till we get married? Or should i immediately break all contact with him? He really does say he loves me & i really love him too. Please anyone help me, i need advice & am so ashamed. Please help me and i hope Allah blesses you for it!!!

    • Nina, wa alaykum as-salam. Please log in and write your post as a separate question so we can advise you better. My short answer to you is that you should break off contact with this guy immediately!!! He is not a good person and is only trying to use you for physical pleasure. he will keep on pushing for this. Some guys will say anything to get what they want, but I guarantee you that he is not thinking about marriage in any way, shape or form. If he had any thoughts of marriage he would have approached your family and not behaved in this shameful way. Stop contact with him, make tawbah for what you have done, and avoid such situations in the future by sticking to the Islamic code of behavior between men and women.

      Wael Editor

  20. Hey,
    m a muslim gal n i had dis little relationship with a non muslim guy...... we used to tlk only on phn...but den one day...i called him home wen nobody was dere.....

    (Remainder deleted by Editor)

    • Please log in and submit your question as a separate post.

      SisterZ Editor

    • Mistake, you have already been told to log in and write your question as a separate post. I am deleting the entire thread of fifteen comments (!) that follows between you and brother Munib.

      Other people have been waiting patiently for up to two months for their questions to be answered. Your situation is not more urgent or important than theirs. Maybe in your personal life you are used to breaking the rules, or being treated like a VIP, I don't know. On this website you must follow the rules like everyone else.

      And brother Munib, after seeing the Editor's advice to the sister to log in and write a separate post, you should not encourage her and prolong the discussion here.

      Everyone please follow the rules of our website!

      Wael Editor

      • Salam

        I am really sorry Wael, i didnt really intend to break the rules of the forum.

        I once tried to login and post my question there but I somehow thought that posting here would give me more frequent answers which i was getting from Muniib.

        And you people are doing a great work and i know for a fact that lots of people must be posting questions to you everyday and you need to revert them back as soon as you can. I am really sorry for the inconvenience.

        You may be getting a lot of such questions every now and then, so maybe you have become quite indifferent about the feelings of such people. I am not used to breaking rules nor am I being treated as a VIP.... I just was so upset with that incident and so i came here and tried to get my problem solved.

        Never mind i hv gotten all my answers... Thanks a ton Muniib!!!! May God bless you 🙂

        M Sorry for the inconvenience. God bless!!

        • We're not indifferent to the feelings of people. If we were, we would not be running this website. But we do have a sense of fairness, and that means answering questions in the order they come.


  21. Hi Everyone

    I wanted to ask a question. I met one of my cousins through a family group on facebook. He lives in another country.. I have never been in a relationship or anything like that. What first intrigued me about him is his deen and the way he thinks. I am 19 and he is 20. I felt that he was alot more mature than all the other guys ive met. We started talking until the subject eventually drifted off to marriage. We both agreed we were nowhere near ready for marriage. Our parents do not know. Many times I thought to myslef this is wrong but other times people say that we are in different parts of the world and therefore you would not commit zina and its okay. I understand that in Islam there should be no contact before marriage. But how would you ever know much about a person if you dont communicate? I really do want to be a good muslim. I try to follow the straight path. Neither of us have been in a relationship before but is it still haram to talk to each other if we are not 'seeing' each other physically?? We want to tell our parents and get married sometime but I really dont think my parents would approve right now.. please help 🙁

  22. salam,
    i have a very weird question.i offer pray 5 time and a true muslim by heart but i have done mistake with communist and i am very ashamed on it.i cant marry him either.i feel very guilty everytime.kindly tell me how to say sorry to my GOD that he forgive me i feel truly sorry from the bottom of my heart.i am very me....

    • My dear Nida,

      This guilt and anxiety you are suffering from is a result of your disobedience to Allah(swt). Ya Allah, my Rabb... if only we all held on to Your rope from the start.

      Sister, Allah cares for us and wants us to do good, not to benefit Him(swt), but to benefit ourselves - so I am glad that you have finally realised your sin. You have done the first most thing and that is that you feel so bad for what you have done and you also desire that Allah accept your repentance. Allah(swt) says in Surah Zumar: “Say: “O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." There are some conditions attached to sincere repentance, they are:

      1 – Giving up the sin immediately.

      2 – Regretting what has happened in the past.

      3 – Resolving not to go back to it.

      4 – Making amends to those whom you have wronged, or asking for their forgiveness.

      See this link, inshaAllah you will find it soothing:

      If you have any further questions, please log in and submit them as a separate post.

      SisterZ Editor

  23. wat shud i say...
    im a muslim.... but im not muslim!!!
    i cried after reading ur issue...
    i did every wrong thing!!! i dun knw whether Allah ll forgive me or not :'-(

  24. Hi guys.. i have a question.
    I had a girl frnd and we both liked each other a lot.

    (Remainder of comment has been deleted. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. - Editor)

  25. i am in a relation from 6 years he's my relatve also we love each other

    (Remainder of question deleted by Editor)

  26. I agree with stranger

    My advice will be to marry each other NOW this will show how much you really love each other plus it wont be based on a sin

  27. i am very thankful to all my Muslims brothers and sisters, who shared their stories and experience to keep there Muslims fellows away from sin.

    (I deleted the rest of your comment. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. - Editor)

  28. assalaamwalekum....i have been
    (Please log in and submit your question as a separate post. Editor)

  29. Aslamm,
    I have a girlfriend who ive known for 3 years ....

    (Remainder of question deleted. Please log in and submit your question as a separate post. Editor)

  30. Assalam walaikum... I m engaged to my cousin.. I just wanted to knw dat my fiance n i meet fews times in a year as v stay far away from each other... Wenevr my fiance cums he french kisses me whch i m nt gud at doing at all n v r going to get married aftr 4 yrs... Is french kissing with my fiance acceptable in islam?? Plz help

    • Angelsara,

      Getting engaged does not make anyone Halaal for you. This man is still a non Mahram, just like any other non Mahram man.

      Kissing is not acceptable for this reason. You have sinned. You need to give it up immediately, feel guilty for having done it, and resolve never to do it again.

      As an expiation, you need to sincerely offer two Raka'aat of Salatut Tawbah and seek Allah forgiveness. I say this because Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said the same thing to one of the Sahaabah.

      If you still have doubts or have any other query, please login and submit your question separately.

      Muhammad Waseem Editor

  31. i hv done sex wid my frnd nd now how to avoid dis

    • amna, break off all contact with your friend. Make a sincere tawbah to Allah, and do not repeat this act. If you need more detailed advice then please log in and write your question as a separate post, and provide more details.

      Wael Editor

  32. Hi,
    The sex before marriage is 'HARAM' or illicit.there is a right time for every moment , you wait till marriage and do act accordingly.Love is a natural which can not be controlled but eagerness of sex can be controlled by men/ have a right to do only after marriages.

  33. I had a girlfriend when I was in school. She was junior to me. I love(d) her a lot and she too. After the my school I joined in a college and there I met a girl senior to me. we became friends.

    Now she loves me as a brother . she is religious than me. When she knew that I am in love with someone she told me to leave my girlfriend,it is not allowed in Islam. I knew that it is not allowed in Islam. Yet I loved . It was impossible for me to leave her, because my girl love me that much. but I never had sex with her nor kiss.

    She went to my girl friend and told her to forget me. And promised her she will do any help for our marriage(Nikaah).

    now my love dont contact me, but I know she is waiting for me.

    I leaved her to marry herself. I still hope I can.

  34. aslam o alaikum my brother and sisters.........i have a question that can we see sex videos,sexy girls videos,before marriage.......please reply me

    • Ahad, Wa Alaikum as Salam,

      No it is not allowed. It is haraam for you to do so.

      Abu Abdul Bari Editor

    • @Ahad

      no you can't see those things before marriage or after marriage.

      Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

      “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is All‑Aware of what they do.


      you should fear Allah.

      you should not watch those dirty things.
      Always bear in mind that Allah is watching you and can see what you are doing at all times.
      Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allah, Allah will compensate him with something better than it.
      May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  35. aslam-o-alaikum my brothers and sisters.........i had to ask that can we make a girlfriend in the sense of friend not in other sense......

    • @ahmer-

      Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.

      No, you can't my bro.

      free mixing between men and women who are non mahram to each other is not allowed.

      Why did you ask this ?

      May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  36. I have fallen in love with my cousin from several years, but neither she nor i ever discuss about our mutual affairs. One month ago i finally expressed my feelings and she too told me about her affairs for me. (Remainder of the comment has been deleted)

    • Siraj, Assalamualaikum,

      Please login and submit your question as a separate post. In sha Allah, we will publish it in turn.

      Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  37. I am natasha yousaf i had been in a very serious relation since a year the guy left me due to some misunderstandings . I dont know i am very depressed i feel like going close to Allah .When i pray it makes me feel good and light. I want to have relief in my life some kind of peace that remains constant . I am very out dated as in i do wear jeans i have male friends even i dated my boy friend we met eachother etc but now i feel like going close to God and i want to read some articles or books i which there are some punishments or details about being in a relationship, meeting a guy, wearing jeans etc so that fear remains constant in my heart please help me what shall i do ?

    • natasha, read the Quran, and do your prayers. Also see our series on fornication (links at the top of the page). It is good to have fear of Allah in your heart, and you should also try to cultivate gratitude to Allah, and love for Allah - a desire to please Him and obey.

      Wael Editor

    • @natasha yousaf -

      check this link see if you can find here what you are looking for..

      abdurrahman . org/women/index.html

      May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  38. assalualaikum

  39. Salaams,

    Please log in and submit your question as a separate post, with as much details as you can provide so that we can properly advise you in shaa Allah.

    -Amy Editor

  40. Hello here between you to share my probm and solution too...iwas searchin on net my question so I got this page and really liked ur problem is that I'm a widow since 3 years..i was doing good in life and I try to follow Islam in every aspect of life ..i never thought to get married again.,.but for sometime I met a person who helped me alot in diif prob and I felt that I fell in love with him but trying to hide from him..he used to advise me that I should try to find a guy and remarry..and he said otherwise spend time with him to rejoyce my life ...shoul I ask him for nikkah or just refuse his request for friendship...he is about 60 years old..married and very rich 39 yers old now and I can take burden my life by myself

    • Salaams,

      There is no intimate friendship or companionship between men and women in islam. Either pursue a marriage with him, or let him go. If you need further advice please login and submit your question as a separate post.

      -Amy Editor

  41. Of course it is a sin

  42. ...

    [Editor's note: Please submit your question as a new post for publication rather than as a comment on an existing post. That way it can be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah.]

  43. mai pakistani...

  44. Assalamwalaikum
    I am Aisha I am 16 years old I am engaged and he is 26 years old he luvs me a lot and mee too at first I disliked him slowly slowly I felt fr him we r away frm each other BT wenevr we got chance we met five times and kissed so many times and went on bed were lying on each other BT with clothes it WS ol done unknowingly I am very guilty abt it and our first kiss happend unknwingly ..plz help me ...we both wanna marry soon in sweet n simple way but our parents ll nt allow us until I cmplt ma 12 the plz help

    • aisha, I suspect that this man is using you. You must be very careful and stop meeting with him privately before you make a mistake you cannot undo. If he really wants to marry you then he can stay away from you and wait until you have graduated.

      Wael Editor

      • Initially we r engaged BT I too permited him and we wer supposed to marry in upcoming December he wants to be mine asap evn mee too bt out parents want to do it grand and later BT we don't want to sin more as in Islam speaking to ya fiancee is not allowed I guess I am nt sure abt it so we wanna marry soon he says he can wait BT we cannot stop speaking as we luv each other madly plz tel me wat to do

        • Assalam alaikum,

          Please listen carefully.

          You are 16 and as much as you tell yourself that you know a lot and that you are madly in love, the truth, dear, is that you don't know everything. Many adults don't know everything or close to it--also, madly in love really means raging hormones. Take away those hormones, sprinkle some reality on it, and you will have heartache before you can say 'madly in love' again.

          Do not, I repeat, Do NOT meet with this man alone again. Don't even talk to him because when you do, he probably takes complete control of the situation. You need to let your mother know if he continues to pursue you. As sad as it may be, but reality is that sometimes men and women say they are madly in love, but that statement means many things to different people. There have been countless times when a man says he loves a girl, they become intimate, and he leaves her, even if he is engaged to her--now you shouldn't stop because you fear him leaving you, BUT, you should stop talking to him alone and meeting him alone because Allah swt will be angered by this.

          Protect yourself, your chastity, your soul. This beautiful journey you call "madly in love" is tailored by shaitaan and built on lies. I would not be the least bit surprised if you tell him that you don't want to meet and ask him to speak to your father, his true colors will show. He would NEVER want his own daughter or sister to meet a man alone, but, he does with you--which shows his lack of respect for you and his lack of respect for himself.

  45. PLz any one answer

  46. Dear Aisha yes be sure about it that talking to fiancée in seclusion is not permitted in our religion Islam.
    So yes you both are stepping in sin.
    The emotions you are describing as madly in love is a phase of opposite sex attraction during early days of relation.
    Please try not to get carried away by them and DONOT step into honeymoon period before real honeymoon that's going to be after marriage. You both will spoil all the preciousness of tender feelings that Newley wed couple experience after marriage by experimenting them before and then suffering with guilt and regret.

    Now let's see your situation for any reasonable solution.

    I believe your marriage could be in 1-2 years? And you both want halal way of communication before that day.

    Only solution is simple Nikkah with just family members now and then grand rukhsati marriage later. There is NO other way.

  47. Frist marry her as per islam and do it.
    May Allah guide us

  48. Bro ........... I am so reserved ....... I dnt talk with any guy ... But I in past I was in love with a guy I used to talk to him about islam ....I advices him to make prayer fives times a day .... He was my friend bro .....he proposed me ......I was only 16 at that time but to noble ....I even dnt talk with my cousins my class fellows and at that time only for a month he talked with me and left me ..... Only a month I only talked with him .... Literally thirty days I talked to him then he left me ........ From that day I stooped trusting men's but still I love him only love him ....... He is everything for me ....but for him I am nothing ........ At least a year have passed but I dnt forgot him and I used to Msged him .... One thing more that when he left me I was alone only almighty was there to help me ..........I become more close to Almighty and realised my mistake ,,,, bro but still that guy lives in my heart in my breaths ...... Wht I will do ? I dnt have patience I can't live without him ..... I know even to think about a namahram is sin but I am totally living in his spell .......I know my mistake and all the time I apologise from my Lord .........wht I will do .......I am speechless ....... I know he ia a big flirt ....but still loves him .....he is the only guy I want to marry ...... And no one else ............ But is this a sin to love a man .....a silent love this a sin sincerity about him is sin according to deen tell me

  49. i m 18 years old .many of my czns take interest in me and force me 2 do rong with them means keep ilicit relations with them they dont want 2 marry with me they blackmail me 4 many ways what should i do?

    • nena, you need to submit your question as a separate post, and explain the situation in more detail. What does it mean that your cousins are forcing you to keep illicit relations with them? You mean you have sexual relations with them? Are they forcing or raping you? Why haven't you told your parents about this? Why do you spend time alone with your cousins? In what way do they blackmail you?

      In my opinion you must tell your parents about this situation immediately. This cannot continue. You must put a stop to it. Before I can advise you further I need more information, so please submit a separate post as I said.

      Wael Editor

  50. Aoa I have gf we love each other but the problem is that her father is cast conscious and we from different casts ... She couldn't tell her parents and want to do compromise that is she is ready to merry there ,where her father will be ready. So I want to ask that could our dua can change our taqdeer. And having another question, that is , is it wrong or right we talk to each other through mobile?

    • Wa alaykum as-salam. You have two choices. Either go to her family with a marriage proposal for her and try to convince them; or end the relationship. If you want to marry her, you must take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and convince her family. There is no benefit in a secret relationship.

      Wael Editor

      • Well you rit but m student now an she is also... I just can do pray and dua . nothing else. Because my father has been died and depending upon my elder brothers they had took the responsibility of my studies and so on ... At this stage nither my brothers will accept nor her... She is trying to convince and searching for a chance to tell them every thing.... Can my dua help in this mater because someone said me that ,``couples has been made on the earth before we born and it never be change by dua

        • "couples has been made on the earth before we born and it never be change by dua"

          This is not true.


          • Realyyyyyyyyyyyyyy if you are right then you don't now how much I happy because from that advise I was too much sad and hopeless and left to ask her in my prayers but now I'll fully do pray for us .. Plz you also

          • But the thing to tell her father there has a case . that her father might kill her might do something else wrong with her.. I told her elder sister but she blocked me and didn't give me any responce... So I have just only option that is dua and pray. And convincing her parents is her responsibility and she is doing that. That's why I asked about dua..

  51. I had a close relation with my he says that love does not exist before marriage and now what should I do? Should I marry him or leave him?

    • Yes. You should marry him or leave him. As far as which one, that depends on the details of your situation. If you need detailed advice you can submit your question as a separate post, thanks.

      Wael Editor

  52. My question is that i love one lady too much we done sex many times with each others we both love each others to much .....

    She say married with me i am also agree with here main issue is that she is married have 2 kids and she saying married with here but she stay with his first husband because of kids....

    What islam says if i married here his first husband still in is marriage or not

    And what is my relationship with here when i married here

    • Arslan, I'm going to refrain from blasting you, and I will tell you simply and plainly that your behavior is haram, sinful and corrupt. You have committed a terrible sin by having sexual relations with a married woman. To answer your question, you cannot marry her. I can't imagine what you are thinking. How can you marry a married woman? Do you truly not understand this? If you have any fear of Allah or concern for your aakhirah, you will end your relationship with this woman immediately and get out of her life.

      Wael Editor

  53. Thats a big sin in Islam. One shall not do this act. but now when they have realized their mistake, they should immediately repent to Allah.Allah is aware of their intentions, they should repent, cry and ask Allah for the forgiveness.

    Whosoever believes in Allah and the last day, does not have any right to shake hands with any alien woman (those to whom marriage is permissible) let alone kissing. Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h.) said: “ If one of you were to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle, it would be better for him than touching a woman whom he is not permitted to touch”. And the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) also said: “ Whoever touches the hand of woman, who is not permissible for him, he would be handed a burning coal the day of resurrection”.

    this is sort of a minor zina. But one shall only repent with the true heart. No doubt that Allah is aware of their intentions.

    Rest Allah knows the best~!

  54. I believe in Allah and his religion Islam and I also believe that Allah is the most merciful and forgiving and definitely will understand you better than us people. You see what I hate to see nowadays is Islam has been made into a really difficult religion. It's only Allah who decides what's wrong and right for you and I believe you guys are really young so you have long way to go . You need to understand that every thing is prewritten for you by Allah and it is what is best for you but you have the power to rewrite your own destiny because Allah loves his creation all of them Christianity , Hindus and Buddhist and what do you think they'll be sent to hell if they are non Muslims. I think it's our responsibility to help them convert as being a Muslim we'll be questioned more as to how and what we did to spread Islam the right way peacefully. They'll be people from non Muslims who have helped humanity throughout their life like for example mother Teresa . It's very simple one need s to have faith in Allah and everything is going to be alright because no one but Him knows what's best for you. In your situation see Allah has given you a code of book which is the Quran which states everything and which also applies to all the different era's that have passed and are yet to come that's the beauty of it it. And kind of tells you that no book have ever been written or revealed which can apply to all the coming era's and the era's that are gone past it tells you how one should spend his life. Now ones going to argue that it doesn't apply in 2015 but honestly we worry about a lot of things when Allah has promised everything to the humans what more do we ne He's promised a man's rizk everything is written from before. But again I think he loves us so much that he's allowed them to rewrite their destiny but in the allowed way. Like for instance you can't have sex before marriage and since you are living in 2015 you say it's difficult to marry at a young age where you wontt be able to support her but honestly since Allah has promised everything like riZq roti and kapra Makaan there's no reason to not get married and not believe in what he has told us and not worry abt the consequences.That's lack of faith in Allah.everything written in the Quran is for the benefit of human world. When your dad tells you about something you think he has experience and we should listen to him .why can't we all listen to what Allah has to say who is the almighty and all knowing. What better source and protection do we need. I'm sure we can't see Allah but that's probably for our own good as the human race will finish if He almighty comes infront of us. But we all believe in this external force which is holding everything together and looking after it after Us .whY has Allah sent so many books to guide us before the final revelation. Why would he have bothered to send us messengers and revelations if he didn't love us. No sin is big enough that can't be forgiven. So here's the thing i think Allah loves us a lot and will try His level best till our last breath to make us believe in him. Although he doesn't need to but he still does because he loves his creation and wants them to acknowledge him even that he doesnt need because he has olenty of Jin Jo harwaqt unki Ibadat Mei maseoof rehtay hain.
    It's just our belief our faith in Allah has weakened as nothing is being followed. I think all humans are created by Allah so they will all have a fair chance in day of judgement whereby everyone will be questioned but since Allah loves us 70 times more than our moms I believe he'll understand the situation better than any human . Alcohol is haram but alocholic might not necessarily be put in hell. Maybe that alcoholic has helped a lot of people and made a difference like in positive way in people's lives I think Allah will forgive him because his mercy is greater than any sin that we commit. What can we judge nothing so if you are strongly in love than I would recommend you get married and everything else will be taken care by Allah
    . He loves us more than we think we do and he has plans for future because He his all knowing and no one can think about you better than Allah. So If it's not happening than probably you guys have something else in store which is way better. Believe me I'm 30 years old and I've been falling in love since I was 13 but everything happens for a reason even relationships. I was crazy in love with this girl in my a levels for 4 years and I thought that was it . We never had sex thankfully I really liked her and I thought I was in love for 4 years when I wasn't . I even Sent my parents over for marriage proposal on which her parents were like let him finish his degree first and guess what uni life Changed everything for me. I fell out of love and properly in love with this new girl in uni There was no looking back since then and she was still in love with me ,I went abroad for further studies and went even further from her even then she wasn't letting go which made me feel worst but I realised it wasn't love it was just lack of exposure as soon as I met more girls who connected with me I actually fell in love with one of them. Her uni and mine was different but point being we don't know what's in store for us so the reason for early marriage In Islam still applies cuz if you want to have sex do it after you get married that is being legally approved so that you don't get carried away by other girls because first sex with the person makes your love way stronger so If you have sex now before marriage there is no guarantee that you'll get married to her after studies. I talked exactly like you but btw I've learnt one thing in life anything that you've been asked to refrain from is for your own benefit because he loves you the most and will forgive any sin as long as your till your last breath. Shaytan was Allah's creation and Allah loved him a lot but he refused to obey Allah's order if only he did that and did not go against Allah , Allah would most definitely have forgiven him but he decided to go against Allah and decided to do harm to his creation and since Allah loves his creation so much shay tan will not be forgiven because he's made us mankind do a lot of bad things. We need to have faith in Allah and If we can't follow his orders directly I think we should always be making Dua for the right direction from him and he or she will never go astray. Honestly if I would have married her then at the age 18 I would have been a happy man because the girls I fell in love after that were not only materialistic but also screwed me up mentally. I would have been a much better person if I had married that girl . Oh well I'm still unmarried and not in a relationship for the past four years. Went into a depression but came back stronger and looked at everything as an experience i wanted to get married after that with two girls and i had sexual relationships with atleast one of them and then I was cheating also cuz once you start having sex before marriage you go crazy with amount of girls would want to have sex with and its best for one to marry at an early age because we have sexual tendencies all of us and if it's not coming out at the right time than its a problem and you'll probably end up like me because the older you get the harder it gets to get married because the young age excitement is gone you've had plenty and youll prob end up cheating on your wife too so I think everything that quran mentions is perfect for us but nowadays people don't believe in getting married till they are actually settled. But my friend the truth is that the girl brings her own Naseeb and so does the baby so never think you are fulfilling there requirements , it's all done and sorted by Allah and I think the most important part of being in this world is to help each other Allah has created everyone the same way and we are supposed to love all of them because everyone's created by Allah . If only we can look at the bigger picture and focus on being better human beings than a lot of other worldly sins will be forgiven. only if equality is followed every crime will finish imagine everything everyone gets a share of no ones been created differendtly so if only equality was followed our country would do wonders in the world and You know people who think oh god this guy is poor so he doesn't deserve to sit next to me I think every poor person that you'll mis treat Allah will never forgive you for that as he's made everyone equal. He might end up forgiving you both having sex before marriage unless it's without the consent of one person .only if you like poor people and help them and think of them as your equal.Like for example no rich and no poor all equal but no one on this day has faith in Allah just by praying does not make you a Muslim . Helping people is the main purpose of Islam . Bring poor home and share Your home and belongings with him that's our purpose in this world for a greater cause rest is all secondary (no love is greater than Allah)so I suggest if you to have sex now do it after getting married because before sex will definitely cause problems no matter how much you say you love her Allah knows what is coming for you and patience is the key so if you can't get married now I'll say dont have sex and be patient and keep praying.everything else will be forgiven but not hakookal Ibad
    till the person forgives you. Allah might forgive you for sex (consent sex)but not if you've mistreated someone or done some harm to his creation In any way. That's it I'm not a scholar or belong to any religious group but I'll like you to know this one thing before I sum it up Allah loves you 70 times more than your mother can you imagine your mom to kill you for something ?there can't be anything which is big enough for parents to kill their children which they can't forgive or burn their children for that matter No right ? Imaging he loves us 70 times more than our mothers. How do you expect him not to forgive you ? And one should love Allah the most , irreplaceable love it is meaning it can't be replaced by even our mothers love . So fall in love with Allah and all his creation. One who is from a different religion should be told about our religion in a very peaceful way and leave the decision on him even if he does not aaccept it you Should still be nice to him/her because they are at the end of the day Allah creation

  55. Sory!! I cannot stop my fingers teehe~~ Alright, the main ques here, u want to have sex and u already sure you wil marry her, but... are you sure u will still in this world when the the time come 4 u marry her? What if, I said if, u have sex, made her pregnent, and then u die.. I know it harsh but the possibility is there. If u marry, at least her and ur parents can help but if u do it now with no knowledge of both parents?? Think b4 do. =) have a nice day!

  56. There is no concept of boy friend girl friend in Islam. So please avoid n save ur self from devilish activities. If you like some one, keep it with u n let the person be informed by your proposal. And let your emotions have outlet in fair way. You will have good children. And will win Allah s grace. Dond be occopied by western ideologies n by your wrong emotion(

  57. Assalavalekum. one muslim guy(my friend) is offered me marry him. but now we both are studying. after finishing our studies as well as 4 years we decided to marry each other.
    but my question is we was met at one place for sometime few minutes we both are holded hands. after that i came to knew holding hands is haraam. so plse tell me is it is really haraam?

    • Yes, it is haram to have any physical contact with a man who is not your mahrem. It is also haram to be alone with him in a private place.

      Wael Editor

  58. No, because suppose a couple of years down the lane, you both decide that you're not suitable for each other, then what? You can't even imagine the amount of guilt, regret and remorse both of you will feel at that point. It will literally tear you apart. I know right now you both think that that's never going to happen and I hope it doesn't but don't risk loosing your chastity and purity like that. If you really love and respect her then honour her by not destroying her purity and innocence.

  59. i cant do sex with my feoncy but i kiss an hug him. is islam permits us to do kisses and hugs with feoncy? we shaall married after few days.

  60. miss muskan you cannot have any sort of physical contact with him, even cyber sex with your **feoncy** you cant you cant but you can after marriage????

  61. I am 18 .. i am confuse bcoz I love a boy and i dont know that he love me or just playing with me.. he do sex in their past with their ex and I also do the same thing but now present I love him.. once upone a time he say that the love he do is fake but after some time he say sorry for it and ask me to forgive and continue this relationship but this time I am confuse that what to do.. we do hugs and kisses

  62. You have to get married after university but you have to get Nikah right now than you can do every thing before marriage.

    • Talat Mehmood: but you have to get Nikah right now than you can do every thing before marriage.

      What is the difference between Nikah and marriage?

  63. If i kiss and hug my boyfriend before nikah as it comes under zina so will our nikah be haram in islam

  64. UmmahHelpline has a similar question answered.

    I have sexual relation with a girl, can we marry?


    for answer clik the link.


  66. I just wana ask if a boy nd grl r not married bt only know each other as a boyfriend Nd girlfriend,
    Can they sex talk ? If they donot have sex with each other but they only do sex talk on fone nd txt ! I mean obviously this isn't allowed bt if someone does this? Then what !

    • This is haraam n not allowed .they should repent to Allah Islam boyfriend and girl friend relationship is haraam

  67. As-salmu alaykum. I need advice on istahara. i committed zinah with a girl May Allah swt forgive us both for our sins. We regret what we did and we ask Allah swt to forgive us. I believe that we all are sinners and we make mistakes in life nobody is perfect. We repented to Allah swt and since we haven't meet each other only spoken on the fone. We are fearful of Allah swt now we both fully on our deen and want to get married. My question is do I do istahara or shall I just marry her???

  68. You are supposed to do istikhara, get married and have sex. You are already on step three

    • a.o.a i m married i want to know that ( meri wife ka past m affair tha m usay 2 saal sa janta hu phla relation m tha ab 4 mnth phla e nikah hua us na mjh btaya ka us ko ak lrka blackmail krta tha r wo us sa milti rahi 3 4 dfa r unho na kbhi sex nh kia kissing r naked hotay raha r us na mjha kaha wo blackmail krta tha kia ap mjha guide kr sakta hain mjha kia krna chahya?

      is there any one who can guide me plz? iski waja sa kafi stres m rehta hu

  69. Not allowed to do things before marriage is zina after marriage is allowed so get married and enjoi the halal

  70. All I'm going to say is even if people marry by parents choice not everyone is happy. They get divorced or live loveless marriages. If two people have met fallen in love it's the best way to get married. Don't have sex until actually got married. You can't help your desires it's from heart and mind it's not sin falling in love is it?

  71. is girlfriend boyfriend relationship without kissing or sex allowed?

    • It is haram for a man and woman to meet alone, talk about intimate things, etc. So I would say yes, such a relationship is haram.

      Wael Editor

      • I have questions my question is I had sex with my gf believing that no matter what I will marry her is it okay if we keep having sex and after I marry her will the sin we made having sex will Allah forgive us will the sin go way

        • Rabin, I'm sure you know the answer to your questions. The sex you have been having is haram and is a major sin. And it is haram to continue. If you make tawbah, it is up to Allah to forgive you or punish you.


  72. If your in love who cares just enjoy it. There are many married people who dont love each other or fulfill others sexual desires. Better to be in love let the passion flow and then love will also continue after a marriage. Its too late after marriage to realise no one likes each other. If one can marry before sex better but its not easy as that. Love cannot wait sometimes. Religion is about control love cannot be controlled.

  73. See brother , its good that you have left alcohol amd other unlawful things with the help of guidance but having relationship is haram in islam . You have to wait until you get married. Before marriage sex is forbidden as well as kissing.

  74. We are instructed by Allah(S.w.t) in the glorious Qur'an not to move near Zina! Having sex before marriage is Zina! Ow are we so sure the marriage will come to pass.. Let's all strive and pray to Allah to make his worship and obedience easy for us as Islam is the complete submission to the will of Allah.. We should also seek refuge of Allah from accursed Shaytan when sexual urges comes, we should increase ourself in the worship of Allah, make wudu, perform nawafil, zikr and fasting, praying to Almighty Allah to provide the best partners and make our marriage easy

  75. Assalam o alaikum... I was also involved in a relationship, but now im engaged to the person i love and its been 4 years since then...
    My brother/sister, i also was once clouded by the question that arose in your mind while i was not engaged, we are very similar, I also did kiss my girlfriend but did not have intercourse, then i went to an aalim for the exact same question,
    He told me nikkah can be performed between namehrams, before nikkah you are namehram to each other, after nikah, you become mehram to each other. it means it will be a sin to even touch her with or without her consent before nikkah... kissing is just a trend introduced by non-muslims and following them in their steps is also a sin.
    After nikkah you can do whatever you want.

    Almighty Allah states “Success is really attained by the believers …. who guard their private parts except from their wives or from those (bondwomen who are) owned by their hands, as they are not to be blamed. However, those who seek (sexual pleasure) beyond that are the transgressors” (Quran 23:1-7)

    "So, marry them ... and give them their dues, as recognized, they being bound in marriage, not going for lust, nor having paramours." (Quran 4:24)

    "Our Lord, let our spouses and children be a source of joy for us, and keep us in the forefront of the righteous." (Quran 25:74)

    And Allah Knows Best

  76. If we marry the person then kiss is allowed before marrige?

  77. Brother Joe I read your whole situation I don't know when you asked this question. But I would like to answer your question as I not a Islamic scholar.
    You guys can do nikah in simple manner by informing your parents. As you both belongs to same religion so I think there would not be any issues and after completing degree. You guys can give and announcement that you both are married. This will make your relationship halal also.
    May Allah grant us with good deeds.

  78. I don't know why sometimes some people have to suffer for love I was married to my Cosin when I was 15 I had two kids for him and I lived with him for 5 years. During this marriage I went through hell I was beaten almost every week , there was no respect for me so far both from him and his family. Why ? I didn't really know why . His mom brought me up ( I was raised by his mom ) I left my mom and dad when I was 5 years old to stay with his mom . After staying with his mom who was my auntie for almost 10ys she decided to marry me off to her son. I didn't say anything coz I know I had no option so after the marriage we moved to the EU . Life in the EU with him was like hell for me , I use to wake up every night to pray to Allah for help I suffered I cried ..... I gained weight Life was hard for me ... one day Allah answered my prayers I ran out of our house coz he beat me up I had the courage to ask for help from social justice which I received I was helped by the government I got a divorced. I thought I was free I thought I have seen joy now but nope it wasn't the end of it . I met this guy which I liked soo much and he liked me too it was a crush for the both of us I told him about my past he he was ok to accept me with my kids for marriage I was sooo happy I thought I have found heaven on earth but no here comes another problem he told his parents that he has found someone that he wants to marry to his mom was ok with it but his dad said No 🙁 a big No ... and when I asked why with he replied to me that his dad said that he will never allow his son to marry a divorced woman with kids I was soo heart broken I felt like I was gonna die coz I have already been in love with this guy . We were planning to have a halal relationship not to do anything before marriage i was so happy about that .. but no it's didn't work that way . Smh ‍♂️ my heart bleeds every day coz am still wondering if I would ever find a Muslim guy that I love like him or if his dad would ever accept me ... I pray he does please my there Muslim brothers and sisters please remember me in your prayers:(((( I have suffered much I have suffered enough and I don't want to lose this guy . I love him and I want no other but him

  79. AOA

    My name is Komal, I've been in a relation with a boy since last 2 years. Since last 1 years we've been a bit physical like revealing body on video chats (which he always forced me to do because I didn't want a physical relation before nikkah) n we used to barely meet whenever we used to meet in person hugging n cheeks kissing was maximum we used to do
    Boy had promised me that he won't leave me ever so I placed my complete trust in him but now when I asked him to talk to his parents for our marriage his parents didn't agree according to him (according to him he talked to his parents last year as well n at that they said they will commit us next year) and he has left me
    It has been a month now almost and I'm burning day and night with the fear that Allah is punishing me for my sins and He will keep punishing me
    I sometimes pray that he comes back but now I feel he was just passing time
    What should I do? the pain is increasing day by day
    All this time I've been in relation with him I got more close to Allah, hardly missed any prayer infact I did many wazifey to get us together, did istikhara as well and all this time I've always seens positive dreams about us
    The only thought that comes in my mind these days is that boy was just passing time n he has used and abused me and Allah is very angry with me
    Will He ever forgive me?

  80. I beleiv that you are strong about your decision of marriage.. so continue your journey.,, but having sex is absolutely a kabirah gunah!! but for now we can say that being intimate with your partner.. which is a sin..could ne forgiven by Allah if u guys get married...but don't ever think of having sex before marriage... believe will not feeling anything great after doing will actually enjoy it after your marriage...knowing that Allah has actually tangled you both for the rest of your life.. but here you guys are not married & You don't know who Allah has written your life with.

  81. Assalamualaikum Brother

    I have gone through several comments and website, And according to me what you're doing is haram! There is no concept of secret relationship in Islam. No physical contact or hugging, kissing (Because she is a Non-mahram). And in Allah's sight, this relationship will not be considred halal since you have kissed her and slept with her. And yes, I would better advice you to delete her today! Not being rude, but this would be better to prevent the possibility of sex before marriage.

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