I want to do the right thing and marry her but her parents keep making excuses.
Asalamualaikum Warahmatullah…
With profound grief and sadness, today I am putting before you all my past life sins. I belong to a very religious family even then I committed many serious sins. I indulged in romance, so-called love, left prayers, never gave away any part of my income to poor. Though my family does charity from the money I sometimes send back home. For days, I told myself that I will leave all this one day, just for some days I will experience how girls behave; wanted to interact with some. I interacted with 4 girls but not physically; left them eventually but then 5th one entered and slowly slowly we got too close to each other. Alas! we had sex; we were sad at this, repented but every time we were alone we did it again and again, at least 6 times.
One day I spoke to my family for marriage and they accepted but the girl`s parents are not ready for the marriage. They say, They don’t have money, etc etc etc. Each time my family asks them, they make different excuses and then one day we met again and the session was too seriously done that she became pregnant. When we came to know about this we were shocked and at wits end. We had no other way except Abortion! She was five weeks pregnant. We visited a doctor and aborted the pregnancy.
THIS WAS MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ME; now that I repent seriously, I took up to prayers, and even make sure that she too is on right path. Alhamdullillah, now we are far from sins, still talk and want to marry. The question is; What is our punishment? Can we marry? Can we marry without the consent of her parents? Will I be blamed if I leave her only because her parents are not ready to marry her off? What if I get away, far away from her life? Please guide and pray for us.
-Truth Seeker.
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Truth Seeker,
DO (I'll not say please!) go through the ENTIRE discussion on the thread below and I hope you will have your answers.
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/i-want-to-marry-a-girl-whom-i-loved-and-had-physical-relationship-with/comment-page-1/#comment-54028
If nothing (not religion, not ALLAH, not parents) could deter you from doing the wrong thing, then what is bothering you now from doing the RIGHT thing?
Believe me, all the reasons you have listed here do not make any sense at all!!!
you are not living in a Muslim country so you will not be given the proper punishment nor can you take matters into your own hands so don't do anything to harm anyone. All you can do now is tawbah and repent sincerely for the sins you have committed.
Asalaam alaikum,
Brother Truth Seeker, the act of seeking forgiveness comes with the caveat that we no longer "excuse" our sins or gloss over them. I point this out, because in your post you seem to do so. Perhaps English is not your primary language, so please forgive me for this, but when you use words like "Alas," is signifies surprise, but we know that this is not the case when two people who meet in sin and go on to commit greater sin. One step in the wrong direction leads to the wrong situation, as you have been a part to and have seen the consequences of that fact.
Keep this in mind, because when you say, you had "no choice, but abortion," this is also wrong. You did have another choice and that was to marry the young woman quickly and honor her at that time. It also makes it seem that you are not fully in tune with the fact that a little innocent life was lost. I want to remind you that this life was pure and was a creation of Allah (swt).
Again, please forgive me if I took your words the wrong way. I just wanted to be clear on the above issues.
So what is your punishment? Much like the people in the Age of Ignorance who buried the female infants, it is possible that this child will be asked for what it was killed for, as well. This is a grave weight to carry in your life and so, each day you should make some type of acknowledgement through your work and in your relationships with others in your life. You need to become a man who helps orphans especially, since those children do not have parents.
Only Allah (swt), the Supreme Judge, knows your punishment and only He will make the proper decision for what has been done. In fear and in respect of this fact, your life should be led accordingly each and every day, as you continually ask for forgiveness and do those good deeds of righteousness and charity.
The young woman's family and their financial stature should play no part in her getting married. You are providing the mahr, and the ceremony can be as simple as possible. For this, take advice from the marriage of the Holy Prophet's own daughter Fatima Zahra (sa), and the things that were provided for her marriage as far as household items, etc. The ceremony was modest and the narrations tell her that she, Fatima Zahra (sa) had given her new wedding gown away so that a Jewish woman could sell it for food, before she could wear it to her own wedding. Examine this story in-depth, because it does emphasize that the most blessed of unions do not need lavish parties. Therefore, make it incumbent upon yourself and your family to provide the financial means for the marriage since this is the best way to belie this issues of her parents.
I trust that you have her mahr ready? Again, it does not need to be lavish, but please make it considerate of what she will need. The mahr is a very important aspect that often gets overlooked, so please do justice in this regard, instead.
The nikkah can be done swiftly with the proper witnesses present. Make sure she is well guarded in the nikkah with her wished met and stated correctly, bring the proper family together and get married to her. However, she must have a wali (father, grandfather, uncle, etc.) present. This is a must!
So let's summarise your questions:
What is our punishment?
Only Allah (swt) knows.
Can we marry?
Yes, provided she is Muslim, Jew or Christian or will convert to Islam.
Can we marry without the consent of her parents?
To answer this question, we must examine if that you two continue speaking, there is a possibility of you both falling back into sin. he answer is "yes." Is the excuse of her finances given a good one or an Islamic one? No. So the answer is "yes" you may marry her, though she must have a wali present.
Will I be blamed if I leave her only because her parents are not ready to marry her off?
This is not a good excuse (finances) to do so if she is a Muslim, Jew or Christian or will convert. Do not let her financial situation play a factor, because again this is not an Islamic excuse.
What if I get away, far away from her life?
Alhamdulillah, you both are on the Right Path of reformation and repentance by staying away from each other, praying, etc. Speak with her and her parents, and if you all agree that this is the best action to take, then leave each other. Allah (swt) will provide her with the best of His Decrees.
dn leave this girl other wise your sin feelings will increase,and did a mistake and more thing you aborted.the thing here was right go to her parents and tell them shes pregnant you dn know females body some times she suffers from infertility because of some problems arrive during first termination.this is the first thing.
and when she was pregnant you had a golden chance to get marry with her you can tell your parents they can tell her parents you know what is the problem here????
you did a sin here and instead of accepting it you repeat a sin of termination to correct the first sin.
now no need to feel regret and ask her parents for engagement even if it possible give them some money for this purpose.they will return you when possible if never then no problem ask them to collect money for simple marriage.