I want to marry him but his father refuses as I am divorced. Is it due to religion?
Assalamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh
I am new to this site but I am sure that I can get my answers on this site. I am a 25 years old divorced Indian female and am currently dating a muslim guy. We get along with each other very well since we have been together for past 3 years. I have been divorced for 6 years now. Me and the guy want to get married and settle down but just because the divorced tag on my name has refrained us being together. He doesn't have his mum with him and stays with his father and twin brother. We tried to talk to his father last year for us to get married but he refused due to me being divorced. I am not sure why he has said no to our relationship; is it because such marriages are not acceptable by religion Islam or is it something else?
Could someone help me with this because we are seriously in love with each other and want to spend the entire life together.
Sheenal.
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Salaams,
To answer your question, there is no reason why someone who is divorced can't remarry, or someone who has never been married can't marry a divorcee. It is all permissable. It may be that his father has reservations about what he believes you may have done in your previous marriage to become divorced. I am hoping that the gentleman you love is trying to work with his father to understand why he is concerned about you being divorced, and helping him to understand who you are beyond that label.
I don't think it would hurt if you wrote a letter to his father telling him about yourself as a person, what you hope for your future and marriage, and what you love about his son. Invite him to ask you freely any questions he has about you or your previous marriage (providing they are not too personal of course) and assure him he can come to you with any concerns he has. Also, if you have family members who can speak on your behalf with his father, this would help as well.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
What his father has is "cultural baggage" in which divorced and widowed are stigmatised - he is probably from the Pakistani-Indian background, where the nonmuslims have for ages treated such women as outcasts (though it is getting better with education).
On the other hand, Islam encourages the muslim community to help a widowed or divorced woman re-marry over a virgin, bec these women have been a companion to someone and are more likely to miss that relationship rather than a woman who has never been married. Just look at the Prophet (SAW) who was a virgin and married Hazrat Khadija (RA) who had been widowed and divorced, as his 1st wife.
I rest my case.
I beg to differ about the widows being stigmatised, I doubt any culture does that.
As for the divorcees it's wrong to judge them, completrly unaccpetable.
What people need to understand from the father's point of view is, this is a divorced woman, they're may be a genuine reason for the divorce ie, abuse or completely unhappiness, but there are cases of divorce where people simply divorce at the first hint of misunderstanding.
It must be shown to the father yorus was a genuine case for divorce and that you didn't divorce because you were slightly unhappy or something like that.
I myself would have to do a bit mor digging if the person is divorced, find out why they're divorced. Just the same way you would find out why such and such doesn't have a beard or why they don't pray 5 times, it's to give you a better idea of the person's character.
Most divorces are genuine, but because of the few sham ones, people are very weary, especially when you're brought up in a culture where you encouraged to spend your entire life with one spouse.