Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My marriage was forced and I committed a big sin

blackmail

Consequence of extra-marital affair

My Salams

If I am weak with my English I am soo sorry...

I am going to be honest here and tell what happened in my life, am sooo much depressed with my life right now, so please tell me what should I do now.

I have been married 9 years now, but am going to get divorced from my husband very soon. The problem is with my past. Nine years ago when I was age 15, I got married to a man I never liked... it was exactly a forced marriage, my parents forced me to marry him, but I knew he is not the man for me. I begged my parents sooo much but they never cared about my feelings. I even directly spoke to the man and told him I dont wanna get married to him. I told him that without any kind of feeling we can't start a life, that wont work. At that time he told me, ok, he will help me regarding this and stop this wedding.

But he did nothing. He had lied to me, and on top of it all, I couldn't convince my parents or that man about my forced marriage. I was helpless, and didn't have a friend or a close relative to share my feelings about this marriage with. So after a few months, my marriage took place, it all happened on my parents wish, and I entered into my marriage life with sooo much hate. I never wanted to accept that man as my husband.

I became sooo fed up with my life. My husband was careless in the marriage...he gave importance only to his business, and he never gave me any good reason to change my mind about him. I was alone with no love from anyone. He wasn't interest in sex life, which I was glad about, because when he touches me it hurts me like hell. I always felt I am living with a stranger, and life got harder and harder with him.

I did one big sin in my life when I was fed up with my forced marriage. One of my husband's cousin entered into my life... he was like soo caring to me, he learnt all my problems, he said he will help me to come out of this forced life. For a few days, I was sharing all my pains with him and he was there for me in a good way. At that time, I didn't know speaking to a nonmahram man is haram; I was just seeking only for care, but then, he stared sharing feeling towards me, and told me to get divorced and he will give me a happy life and stay with me forever. I don't know what kind of a feel I got towards him, but I was happy. I never knew that he is trying to abuse me with my emotional feeling, all of a sudden I started trusting him and fell in love with him, and I still didn't know I am commiting a haram. I just always needing a real love and care, few month we loved, then suddenly one day without informing me he left abroad.

After few year he came back and he told me "Sorry...I felt like we are doing a wrong, so I had to leave you." I was not upset with his answer. Still I felt he's a good man, I told him "its ok you get married to someone and be happy," but he said "no I still love you." Then he said to me that before he gets married, let's meet once. I said "ok," as my bloody mind was still childish. He met me once when we were alone. I never knew this will happen, but he pulled me to zina, and we committed zina.

That time I didn't know how big sin is a zina, but I realize now, and am seeking forgiveness from Allah Swt. After the zina, he left me completely and got married to another girl, and I was happy with that. I started living my life alone again, I didn't tell anyone about the sin I did. But after a few years, my problems with my husband got worse and he started having an affair, and he did sexting with online girls. So I pressured my parents that if I live with him anymore I will commit suicide, so finally my parents decided to take me out of this life.

Now I am planning for divorce with my parents' permission, but the problem is that my husband's cousin started misusing and abusing my name to make it seem like I am having affairs with many guys and like I am not a good girl. He is creating sooo many rumors about me, and he's blackmailing me that he will complain in the court that I commited zina with him and others. Wallahi I don't have affairs with any guys. What should I do now? I am sooo confused and am feeling scared for the sin I did... if my dad knew this he definitely will kill me. Should I tell the truth in the court what happened in my past? The affair is not the reason for my divorce; I am not happy with my married life. I know I have done a big sin, but this sin was done because of my forced marriage. Is my marriage considered valid? Can I tell them that the reason is "forced marriage" and get divorced now? Please anyone reply to my question. May Allah Swt Bless You All... please add me in all your duas… I realize my mistake and am fully turned towards Allah now... but still I have a fear.

Zainuu

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5 Responses »

  1. Stop seeking validation from your parents. They are no good. They will put you into trouble. If someone who you call dad capable of killing you because you did sin then perhaps he doesn't deserve the title of a dad and should be considered an enemy as he could be your downfall. He and his wife started this and now wanna complain because of what you did. If you decide to go court bring evidence of your husband cheating and then tell them this man was aware of everything and came and took advantage of you as he was aware of your situation. But seriously a court that deals with infidelity in my opinion is a waste of time and resources. Sounds like you're from Pakistan which is a hypocritical Muslim state. Escape from everyone and start fresh. Keep in contact with whoever you're close with

  2. Asalaamu Alaykum.

    Please do not expose your sins. That's between you and Allah and may He forgive you إن شاء الله. Do not expose your sins especially if you know it will make life more difficult for you. Simply state that your husband was not caring for you properly and that you were not compatible. إن شاء الله the judge will grant you a divorce from your husband.

    May Allah rectify your affairs and forgive you and us for our sins. May he bring you up from your dark place and gives you a spouse who will be loving and protective over you.

    Ameen

    • Sister Saba,

      Very nice, comforting answer Mashallah. What Allah has kept secret, let us not expose. May Allah reward you many times over sis.

      Nor

  3. Wa alakum salam

    You should have pulled the suicide card when your parent forced you to marry him but you know that already.

    You need to go through with the divorce no matter what. As to his cousin, deny everything and accuse him of making up lies about you on behalf of his cousin. Do not admit the zina, I know he is threatening you but its also somewhat precarious for him to admit he has committed zina - thats why he is saying you have are doing things with other people not him. It will be difficult for him to say that publicly and he almost certainly wont. Even if he did, just deny it and accuse him of making up lies to help his cousin.

    You could go on the offensive and let everyone know about your husband's affair and sexting and also his cousin being the same sort of immoral man. Don't worry about him saying in court or anywhere else that you did zina with him - he also did zina with you and his family and present wife won't take that too kindly - just deny it and accuse him of being desperate.

    No matter what happens, it will be better than living with your husband, so go ahead with the divorce. I assume you're already living with your parents.

    Don't talk to your husband's cousin as he will try to record you admitting to zina. Even if he has done that, don't worry he cant really use it as it will affect him.

  4. Let's first get one thing straight:

    he pulled me to zina
    This is not true at all. If it was, your sexual encounter would be called RAPE. But you DECIDED, willingly (because you gave your actual consent), to commit zina WITH him. You can't just denounce responsibility for your own choices and actions as soon as you find out they are wrong. Don't place all responsibility on this man all while taking none yourself. YOU willingly engaged in the zina - that makes you a zina commitor, not a (rape) victim. Accept that you made a terrible mistake, repent and don't do something like this again.

    The whole theme of your post is "victim" and "I'm passive". To some extent you are a victim, because your parents married you away as a child. Which is not only abuse, but very much paedophilia and illegal. At least in the West. I don't know where you live, but honestly...get the authorities involved. Your parents should not get away with child bride trafficking.

    On the other hand, you're not a victim because you're now an adult and still rely on the decisions other people make for you. You went along with zina, because it was suggested to you - somehow, no wasn't an option that crossed your mind. You're now only divorcing your husband, because your parents permitted you to do so. And now that you are getting divorced, you care too much about what other people will think of you. Yeah, it sucks that the man you committed zina with threatens you and blackmails you...but if you were smart, you'd do the exact same thing to him. He threatens you, you threat him back. I don't necessarily like or endorse eye-for-an-eye behaviour, but some people only back off this way. Tell him to stop, or you'll report him to the police for raping you, or something serious like that. Don't actually report a fake rape, though, because it's scummy and illegal to report a fake crime - but it's just to get him to back off and shut up.

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