He is older than me and wishes to marry me. What should I do?
Hi everyone,
Can you help me please? I am 16 year old girl from England and I am a Christian. I have been dating a man who is older than me for about 6 months now. He is Muslim and has asked me to marry him as he says he loves me. I love him too but he would like to move back to Pakistan after we marry and I want to stay here.
Please advise me what should I do?
Thanks,
16fenglish
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Hi 16F.
I would strongly advise you to stay away from this man my dear little sister, it is not safe and you should not be pressured to move anywhere. As a Muslim he should not be dating at all as it is against his religion. You are very young my dear and if it was my daughter or my sister I would be worried if she was dating an older man whilst she was only 16. Nice men can take advantage of young girls like yourselves. So please stay away. If you really feel that he is special then ask him to wait until you are 18 before marrying you and resume contact after you are 18. At this stage your family can get to know him and it should be safer.
For now I advise you to forget about this guy and marriage and enjoy life as a 16 year old. There are plenty of guys closer to your age who are nice. But focus on your education and become able to support yourself before you consider marrying anyone.
Feel free to write on here if you need further advice.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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As salamu alaykum, sister 16F,
Sister Sara has given you already very sound advice, please follow her advice. I will insist on what she said, even being very mature for 16, what I can guess because you are asking for advice, you know something is not right. If he is straight he would wait till you are 18 without seeing you.
Other thing is that you don´t know who he is for real, who tells you he is not married in Pakistan? and have children? Polygamy is allowed in Islam. Who tells you his family accept you or is going to be good to you?
What are you going to do alone with noone that can help you so far from your family? You are too young to go through so much unknown, and one thing is what you see a couple of hours and who he can be for real.
Please, stay close to your family and stay away from this man. You have a full life waiting for you, try to be cautious and involve your family, don´t be alone with him and don´t let him put a hand on you, no kisses, no hugs, no anything. Please, listen to this. You have a lot to lose and he doesn´t and careful about sexual transmited diseases and unwanted pregnancies, you don´t deserve to be worrying about this, you are too young and he doesn´t have anything to lose, he can just cause the damage and dissapears, he may not, but I have learnt that in this cases the best is to prevent if he really cares about you, he has to show it waiting for you and acting as a straight muslim man(no dating, no sex before marriage and marriage has to be done with the knowledge and consent of your parents, publicly and with some other requirements). As sister Sara says, I wouldn´t say a word different if you were my daughter, I hope this helps.
I am sorry for being so harsh, I hope you understand.
God(swt) bless you.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear 16F,
Both sister Sara and sister Maria have offered you invaluable advice. I pray that you will heed their words of wisdom.
You my love have a lifetime ahead of you. You don't need to go marrying anyone at your tender age. Go to school and set goals for yourself. As the mother of three girls, I encourage each and every one of mine to make their own way in this life. I don't want my girls dependent on any man...I want them to be educated and fulfill dreams of their own that they may have. You should want this for yourself too.
As sister Sara said, if you feel this man is special...ask him to wait till you are 18. If he truly cares for you, he will wait. The worst mistake you could ever make is to rush into things, especially at your age. No matter what happens, do not allow yourself to be pressured into making a decision.
You say this guy is older than you...just how much older is he? You have peaked my curiosity. I will be praying for you to do what is right and in your best interests here, not just for today but for the rest of your life.
Peace
Stay away from him. It's most likely a trap. Also, why on earth are all my answers being deleted? I'm giving my honest opinion. I am not insulting Islam, AND I am a devoted muslim myself who loves his religion. Just because not all of us think the same way, does not give you the right to silence me. Not all of us are suicide bombers. Not all of us think our children need to be raised the same way. So please, moderators, have some dignity and let muslims with different views speak out and give their advice. Thank You.
Aazil,
I have allowed this comment to be published. However I have personally deleted some of your comments today. You say in this comment that you are a devout Muslim, yet in the one I deleted you say there is nothing wrong with 'kissing and hugging' a financee and that its no big deal marrying a non muslim. What type of Islam are you preaching? Its definitely not the one from the Quran and Sunnah.
I trust that whichever of my colleagues deleted your previous comments did so with good reason.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thanks for letting it be published. I replied to your's and Wael's other comments directed towards me, but it seems it's been deleted. The Islam I am preaching is the one that my parents taught me and the same one my my friend's parents have taught them. My parents were born and raised in villages in Pakistan. Both of them married each other because they knew each other before marriage and LOVED each other. There was no emotional blackmail involved, which, unfortunately, we see so much of today even though Islam prohibits it. Since you were so nice as to post a video for me to watch, I advise you watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvfkMCaLh04
As I'm getting tired of repeating myself, I ask that you please watch the video with an open mind and post your opinion on it here. As you will see, not everyone thinks the same way, and without people who are willing to stand up for what they believe is right, this world would still be in the dark ages. Also, I ask that you please not delete this. I have not mentioned any more of my personal beliefs as you obviously do not find them compatible with yours, which obviously makes mine wrong (notice the sarcasm). I await your reply 😉
And exactly why was my post deleted? Truth hurts, doesn't it? I had hoped that the moderators on this website would welcome different opinions with open arms, but apparently I was wrong. And for that, the people who foolishly ask questions on this site are going to suffer. The answers I have been reading on this site have been very narrow-minded. Pretty much everyone posts the same thing. It was my belief that the editors/moderators would act like mature adults, but instead, you choose to act like 5 year old children who will not listen to reason. I don't know who deleted my response to SisterZ, and I don't want to jump to blind assumptions and blame it on one person, but to whoever did do it, I challenge you to reveal yourself and show me one part of my post where I insulted Islam, the prophet or Allah. If you do not, then I will assume my post was deleted because everything I had said in it was true. Your childishness only proved my point in my previous post. You call yourselves true muslims; well, if you indeed are, then why are my posts so frightening to you? If my view of Islam is incorrect, then instead of telling me so and justifying yourselves, why are my posts being deleted? Here's the video again for anyone that may want to see it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvfkMCaLh04
SisterZ, you're a woman right? Then this video should speak to you more than some other people. Until I get a reply, I will continue to post on here. Thank You.
Aazil, I don't know which post you're referring to, but I am blocking your comments from now because of your hostile and rude attitude toward this website and its Editors.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Aazil, I am curious what your standards are for saying that you are a "devoted Muslim." Devoted to what? You have posted comments (under your other name, Fatoush) saying that teenagers should date, that it's okay to have intimate contact before marriage, that it's okay for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man, that Muslims can raise their children with two religions and let them pick... all of that is contrary to the teachings of Islam. I think that you have not understood the very first pillar of Islam, the shahadah. What do you think it means when we say, "Laa ilaha il-Allah"? It means that we worship Allah alone, we obey Him, we seek His guidance in all matters, and we do not put own opinions and whims above what Allah has given us.
This is a free world and you can think as you like. This website, however, is devoted to giving advice from an Islamic perspective. You may be a Muslim, but your perspective is clearly not Islamic.
And your snide remark about suicide bombers shows the contempt in which you hold practicing Muslims. May Allah guide you. I also perceive some Christian viewpoints in your comments (for example your remark that we human beings are created in Allah's image). I hope you will try to learn about your beautiful religion, and not let your attitudes continue to be influenced by non-Muslim falsehoods, propaganda and stereotypes.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Aazil,
Please take 10 minutes to watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4etBhQJ2do
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
JazakAllah Khair for sharing the video SisterZ.
Aazil2,
I have replied to your previous comment. Last night, I thought about the way in which you wrote your comment, and I felt you were a little lost only because you have not been exposed to this oher side. So I would really appreciate if you read it with a big pinch of salt and an open mind. My aim was not to offend you, but to help you see a side to your religion that I honestly believe you have not seen.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I believe that if a man or woman are covered as prescribed in the Quran and Sunnah and are on TV in a respectable program and speaking with dignity and respect and are not free mixing with the opposite gender unnecessarily, then I personally do not feel there is any harm in them being on TV.
The TV is a source of Media like a newspaper, or radio. The difference is the man and woman can be seen. So their appearance needs to be well presented but not such that it attracts the attention of the opposite gender. That is my opinion. I still do not know what this video has to do with the initial discussion though.
Having said all this Aazil, we have both had an opportunity to express our opinions, so I think its time to stop here as this discussion should not have taken place here to begin with. It is meant to be a thread dedicated to the original author of this post. If you have any further questions, I will have to ask you to log in and submit them as a separate post, otherwise they will be deleted.
Best Wishes!
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thanks for your reply. I know you said not to ask anymore questions, so I won't. I will however tell you what I thought of your responses:
It's obvious that we've been brought up differently. You say that you can go to work with your non-muslim colleagues and still be treated with respect, so I assume that you currently reside in a western country. I have no idea where you were born or raised, but if it was in the west, then I applaud you for your committment and dedication to upholding your religous beliefs and at the same time, being respectable of others who do not believe the same thing you do.
The video was just intended to show that different people perceive things differently, but that doesn't necessarily make them wrong. I got the feeling my posts were being deleted because my perception of Islam is not the same as yours.
As to your responses to what I said, that's your opinion. Me being a devoted Muslim means I believe in Allah and respect him. As far as the Quran goes, I don't necessarily agree with everything in it. There are parts of the Quran that I find uncompatible with my moral beliefs and I will refuse to accept them.
I see no harm in attracting the attenetion of the other gender. Biologically, you need to be able to do it to pass on your genes to the next generation. You would not be sitting at your computer reading this if your ancestors were not able to get attention from the opposite sex.
I don't take offence at all when Christians call Jesus the son of god. Any Christian that calls Jesus himself God doesn't know what he's talking about. We Muslims believe Jesus was a prophet, and they believe him to be the messiah. We are allowed to go into their countries and practice our religion without being forced to convert. Their constitutions protect our right to practice our religion as we see fit. Unfortunately, most Muslim countries I know of aren't as welcoming of other faiths. This obviously doesn't apply to you. I understand you respect that other people have different beliefs. Not all Christians and westerners are perfect, but when I step out of my home, I take comfort in knowing that I won't be kidnapped and forced to convert just because I do not share the same beliefs as them.
You should also realize that the majority of Muslims are Muslims for the same reason the majority of Christians are Christians and the Majority of Hindus are Hindus-they were born into the religion.
You said that all religions are not like rivers that lead to the same ocean (Allah). That's fine and you're not wrong for it. There are a lot of people from different religions who feel the same way. I like to believe that I wasn't put out on this earth because God was bored and decided it would be fun to create us and then make us all live a certain way out of fear of burning in hell. Telling me that I'll feel the wrath of God isn't going to make me live my life a certain way, especially considering the God I love isn't a fearful one.
And as far as the whole no intimacy before marriage thing is concerned, I don't buy it. If Allah is all powerful and truly wanted all of us to be Muslims who worship him as according to the Quran for our entire lives, then he would of made us all Muslims. Do you honestly believe that he is going to punish an innocent Christian or Hindu living in a western country like Canada or America simply because he was brought up that way? Would he send him to hell even if the man spent his life helping others and making the world a better place? I don't think so. And if he does, then I can honestly say that's not the kind of God I'd want to be praying to in the first place. If Allah wanted nothing more than to be worshipped the Islamic way, well then, he obviously didn't do a very good job when he created humanity.
The most important thing in life is to be a good human being who makes a positive difference in the world. To me, that is 100 times more important than simply praying to God. I sincerely appreciate what you posted and I read it with an open mind. I have not read the Quran, but seeing as how we both have such different perspectives of Islam, I'm definitely going to give it a read when I find the time. That's what I took from your reply. I'll read the entire Quran and see how I feel about it in the end. As for you, I hope that you may be able to take something positive from my post and be able to keep it with you for the rest of your life. I agree that it's time to stop debating so I won't be posting on this again. If you, however, want to say something, then I'll gladly respond.
JazakAllah Khair SisterZ that video was powerful and a great reminder for us all.
Jazakallah khayr sister. what i sad video,
@wael: I understand your confusion and I will try to explain myself. Firstly, know that it is not my intention in the least to criticize or mock the way you perecive Islam. I said it is okay for teenagers to date. I honestly believe that it's ludicrous to think you are going to burn in hell just because you have been exposed to and willingly engage with the opposite sex. I said it's okay to have intimate contact before marriage IF the two people are enaged and getting married. I see why not. Also, that does not include sex. I completely agree that sex should only be between two married individuals. I dont recall saying "let them pick". I simply pointed out that it would be beneficial if children were exposed to more than one religion/culture, as it broadens their horizons on life and the way people think. In today's day and age, there are a lot of people who can take good things out of more than one religion and use them to their advantage. My "snide" remark about suicide bombers was not intended to insult practicing muslims. I pray everyday just like you. It simply means that not every muslim thinks alike. We're not suicide bombers, but there are some people who think it's a good thing to do. Similarly, not all of us believe we need to be raised/live our life a certain way. I'm a practicing muslim, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't mock my beliefs.
@SisterZ: Thanks for the video, it was nice. Honestly, I agree with a lot of what was said in there. That patient really shouldn't of been having sex before marriage. At the same time, I also believe there is no diety but God. However, I disagree that the man was dying because he did not pray. I do not believe that if he had said the testament, he would of been saved. The fact that he wanted to see his girlfriend is nothing to laugh about. I don't find it funny in the least. I understand that there are certain people out there who are highly conservative, but there are a lot of muslims out there (like me) who are opposed to living their lives as was done 1500 years ago. It's the 21st century. People change, society changes and so must we. That does not mean abandoning our faith. It means changing our perspective on the world. And also, WE ARE all created in Allah's image. My parents always told me a muslim is no better than a non-muslim, and that it was ludicrous and arrogant to think so. All religions are like rivers that all lead to the same ocean (Allah).
Aazil,
I've watched the video. But I don't understand what you are trying to get me to understand by watching it. Its irrelevant to our conversation.
My reason for deleting your comments was simply because what you have been preaching in the name of Islam is not Islam - it is your version of Islam and not an accurate one at all. Yes, you have a right to believe what you wish, but I cannot allow your views to be aired on this website under the misconception that they are 'Islamic views' - they are 'your views - period'. I will tell you why:
1) You said: "I said it's okay to have intimate contact before marriage IF the two people are enaged and getting married. I see why not." But then you also said: "I completely agree that sex should only be between two married individuals."
What does Allah(swt) say about this? In the Quran, in Surah Al Isra, Verse 32, Allah(swt) says: "And come not NEAR TO unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a faahishah (a great sin) and an evil way."
Aazil - what do you think Allah is referring to here? He(swt) is telling us not to go near to unlawful sexual intercourse. How can one avoid going near to 'Unlawful sexual intercourse?' It is by staying away from that which leads to it, and what leads to it is 'Intimacy', intimacy is the foreplay that is followed by sex. Having feelings for one another before marriage is not wrong. At this point, the two should either legally marry, or move away because 'nearness' will bring on: physical feelings, intimacy and then eventually zina. So the actual act of 'sexual intercourse' outside of marriage is not the only thing that is haraam, but everything that leads up to it is haraam: the spending time together, the gazing into each other's puppy glazed eyes, the sweet talk, the holding hands, the hugging, the kissing.
Rasul(sws) warns us: "The zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the ears is listening, the zina of the tongue is speaking, the zina of the hand is touching and the zina of the foot is walking. The heart wishes and and longs and the private part confirms that or denies it." Ibn Battaal (ra) also said: "Looking and speaking are called zina because they invite one to true zina. He then said: "the private part confirms that or denies it." (Narrated by Muslim)
He(sws) also warned: "If one of you were to be stabbed in the head with a piece of iron it would be better for him than if he were to touch a woman whom it is not permissible for him to touch." (Reported by al-Tabaraani; see also Saheeh al-Jaami, 5045).
Allah says in Surah Nur, Verse 30-31: "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze, and protect their private parts and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent and to draw their veils all over Juyubihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms, etc.) and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband's fathers, their sons, their husband's, sons, their brothers or their brother's sons, or their sister's sons, or their women, or the (female) slaves whom their right hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigour, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And all of you beg Allah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful".
The Prophet (sws) said, "...do not let a second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second." [Ahmad, Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhi]. What this means is that the first look is by accident. If this happens then do not take a second look. He(sws) further said: "the eyes also commit adultery by looking at someone with lust." [Bukhari]
And also he(sws) forbade men and women from being alone together. He (saw) said:"Never is a man alone with a woman except that Satan is the third party with them."
So - Aazil, as you say you are a devoted Muslim, this would mean that you believe in what has been revealed in the Quran and authentic Sunnah, in which case you would believe in the above Ayahs and Hadeeths. If someone was to believe in the above which prohibits one from being alone with a non mahram, from touching a non mahram's hand and advises to lower one's gaze infront of non mahram's - how is it possible for that person to hug and kiss his fiancee and it not be 'haraam'? A fiance/fiancee is a non mahram before Nikah is done. The point is, that intimacy outside of marriage is clearly haraam. But you choose to believe that intimacy it is ok - that is your opinion, not the Islamic one.
2) You said: "People change, society changes and so must we. That does not mean abandoning our faith. It means changing our perspective on the world."
I agree: "That does not mean abandoning our faith". What is 'our faith' as Muslims? It is believing in the Oneness of Allah and in trusting that His(swt) every word is The Truth. As Muslims, we believe that His Revelation - The Quran is His(swt) unchanged word, hence it is our code of conduct and guide to living on earth. So - when we follow it, we are adhering to our faith but when we choose not to follow it, we are abandoing it.
"People change, society changes and so must we." Yes, people change and societies change - i.e. fashions change, technology changes etc, we as Muslims take the good and leave the bad. We do not 'change' our principles. We remain steadfast in our principles and interact with all members of society - Muslims and non Muslims alike with respect, because they are all part of the Ummah. We do not change our identity to become like others. We are proud of our Islamic Identity. I am a Muslim, I wear hijaab, I pray at work and I am still able to interact with my non muslim colleagues without having to compromise a single one of my principles. I do not need to cut my skirt short to be accepted, I do not need to shake hands or hug my male colleagues to be accepted, I do not have to go socialising after work to be accepted. My colleagues respect me for who I am - differences included.
Allah revealed the following Ayah during the blessed days of Hajj, Surah Maidah, Ayah 3: "This day, I have perfected your religion for you, completed My favor upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion." If we go about trying to change the Quran, we will end up like the Jews and Christians who did the same thing. They changed their Books and now look at how many different versions they have and look how far from the truth they have both come.
3) You said: My parents always told me a muslim is no better than a non-muslim, and that it was ludicrous and arrogant to think so.
A believer is someone who freely submits to the Will of God. Is he better in the eyes of Allah, or is he better who rejects God, is ungrateful, or does shirk, worships statues and makes false statements against Allah claiming Jesus was his son or that Jesus is God (astagfirullah)? The one who believes in Allah properly, his beliefs regarding Allah, are better than the one who does not believe in Allah.
We as humans must be humble and grateful that Allah has guided us to the truth. We are only Muslims, because of Allah's Mercy. So we should be concerned about our non Muslims brothers and sisters - and they are our brothers and sisters in humanity as they are part of our Ummah as were the non Muslims in the time of Rasul(sws). We have a responsibility to take the message of Islam to them. If we have a not bothered attitude and think: 'I'll be a Muslim and pray, but these non Muslims can just get on with their idol worshipping, I dont care', this is wrong and we will be held accountable. We will all - Muslims and non Muslims be punished and rewarded for the bad and the good we have done.
4) You said: All religions are like rivers that all lead to the same ocean (Allah).
I disagree. Most of the religions came from Allah, but they will not all lead back to Allah, because they deviated from the truth. You believe that Allah(swt) is a Single Deity, that He(swt) does not beget, neither was He(swt) begotten (as in Surah Ikhlas). So what do you feel when you hear Christians claiming that Jesus(pbuh) is the son of God (astagfirullah) and that Jesus is God (astagfirullah)! This is making false claims about Allah. What do you feel when you see followers of Hinduism bowing down to and worshipping statues made of clay? Do you think this is Allah they are worshipping? No, they are not. These people are free to worship all they like and want - (may Allah guide them), but for you to claim that all religions will go back to Allah even though they are doing shirk shows me that you do not know your own religion very well.
5) You said: I disagree that the man was dying because he did not pray. I do not believe that if he had said the testament, he would of been saved. The fact that he wanted to see his girlfriend is nothing to laugh about. I don't find it funny in the least."
Who said anyone found this funny? I didn't. I found it very sad that a Muslim man was dying and instead of being fortunate enough to say 'Laa Illaaha Illallah', he could only cry out for his girlfriend whom he was having a haraam relationship with. You misunderstood the whole point of this video. 'Praying' was not going to save the man from dying. It would have helped in the hereafter with saving his soul. The message of that was quite simple.
***
Aazil - I do not know what your mother and father have taught you about Islam, but it seems from what you say here that whatever you have been taught is very confused. If you want to follow a faith, learn about it, don't blindly follow what your forefathers have taught you. Or atleast know enough to be able to differentiate between what the Quran teaches and what your parents are teaching you. Just do not associate distorted teachings with the Quran - if you wish to do so, then bring your evidences forth.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Aazil, some of your comments and my responses:
1. Me being a devoted Muslim means I believe in Allah and respect him.
How do you demonstrate this respect? Respect for Allah is demonstrated by obedience to His commands.
2. As far as the Quran goes, I don't necessarily agree with everything in it. There are parts of the Quran that I find uncompatible with my moral beliefs and I will refuse to accept them.
Again, where is the respect of which you spoke? The Quran is Allah's word, His revelation to humanity, preserved and unchanged until the Day of Judgment. And yet you reject it. And then further down in your post you admit that you have not even read the Quran! So you are rejecting Allah's revelation to you without even reading it? Astaghfirullah. Again, where is the respect? What I see here is contempt and arrogance. The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said that no one would enter Paradise who has an atom's weight of pride in his heart. This is exactly the kind of pride that he meant, where a person thinks that they know better than Allah, or that they can dismiss Allah's words with a wave of the hand because they don't like the content...
3. I like to believe that I wasn't put out on this earth because God was bored and decided it would be fun to create us and then make us all live a certain way out of fear of burning in hell.
Straw man. No one made this bizarre and blasphemous claim but you.
Consider for the moment the metaphor of parent and child. A person decides to have children, in part, because he/she wants a child to love, and who will show him love in return. If he's a good parent, he gives the child rules and guidelines on how to live. He expects obedience as well, because he knows better than the child, and is more experienced. (My little daughter likes to run in parking lots, but I don't allow her to do so, because I understand the dangers better than her). And if the child does something wrong, he must be punished, because that is how he learns that actions have consequences.
It's not a perfect metaphor, since we are not literally Allah's children, but it's close enough. Allah created us so that he could show favor to us, guide us, and love us. He has given us guidelines on how to live. He expects obedience, because He is our Creator and Master, and He knows better what is good for us. We don't see everything He sees. And yes, when we do wrong He punishes us, because not to do so would be injustice.
4. If Allah is all powerful and truly wanted all of us to be Muslims who worship him as according to the Quran for our entire lives, then he would of made us all Muslims.
You have described the nature of the angels. They have no free will, they hear and obey, and they all serve Allah. Human beings are different and of a higher order. We have been given free will. That makes our obedience to Allah all the more valuable, and precious. Returning again to the metaphor of parent and child, wouldn't you rather that your child obey you out of love and dedication, than be forced? Allah does not compel us, because if He did then we would no longer be human. We would lose the very thing that makes us special. Instead, Allah gives us guidelines, sends us Prophets and Messengers, reveals His word, shows us the truth, and asks us to follow. Those who do are rewarded (as they should be), and those who refuse are punished.
Obeying out of fear is the lowest state of obedience. Much better is obeying out of love and gratitude. Gratitude for every heartbeat, every breath, every bite of food, every step, every moment of health, every blessing in an infinite cascade...
5. Do you honestly believe that he is going to punish an innocent Christian or Hindu living in a western country like Canada or America simply because he was brought up that way? Would he send him to hell even if the man spent his life helping others...
The Muslim scholars have said that Allah will judge people according to what truth came to them, and how they acted upon it. Islam is the truth, Tawhid is the truth - the only real truth in the universe - but there are many avenues to reach it. Truth can be reached by contemplation of the creation, or by logical thought, or by active seeking. I have met many Muslim converts who have said, "I was Muslim before I even heard about Islam, because I believed in One God, and I was never willing to accept the tenets of Christianity. I was already Muslim in a way, I just didn't know it yet." In the Quran, we are told the story of Prophet Ibrahim (as), who arrived at the truth of Allah by simple contemplation. He considered worshiping the moon, then considered worshiping the sun, and in the end realized that he should worship the One who created the moon and sun.
I've also met converts who were seekers for some time before finding Islam. They knew there was a truth waiting for them, and they looked into one religion after another until they found Islam, and right away said, "Yes. This is what I was looking for."
My point is that thinking people really have no excuse, because the truth is there, and it shines clearly from falsehood. As for the non-thinking people, Allahu 'alam. The one thing I know for sure is that Allah is The Most Wise, and The Most Just. He will not do injustice to anyone. Whatever ruling he gives a human being will spring from His perfect wisdom.
6. The most important thing in life is to be a good human being who makes a positive difference in the world. To me, that is 100 times more important than simply praying to God.
There's truth in what you say. But they are both important. Doing good, and praying to Allah. They go hand in hand, and in the Quran they are paired constantly: "Those who believe and do good deeds."
May Allah bless you and guide you, and may you come to see the preciousness of the Quran, and Islam. It's a great gift.
If you wish to continue this discussion then you are welcome to log in and submit your thoughts as a regular post, so that we don't continue this debate on a post that has nothing to do with these issues.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wael, JazakhaAllah for replying to Aazil.
Aazil, I hope you will give Br Wael's comments some serious thought. The word "Muslim" is the Arabic term for "one who submits to God". And one who submits to God, follows His codes of conduct. You have many misconceptions about Islam and this is because you have never actually studied it. Your opinions about Islam are based on what you have learnt through your parents and the media and they are incorrect. You call yourself a Muslim, but have never read the Quran. You call yourself a Muslim, which is the term for one who submits to Allah, yet you reject the Quran which is the word of Allah. This makes no sense Aazil. If you want to call yourself a Muslim, atleast find out about the core of what its based on and that is the Quran and authentic sunnah. If you need help with understanding it, let us know. Once you have studied this and want to reject it, that is your choice, but do not say you reject parts of the Quran without even knowing your stuff. Thats arrogance.
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I would like to continue this discussion with you but can only do so if you log in and submit your post as a separate question. If you do that, I will copy and paste this discussion there inshaAllah. Unfortunately, any further questions or comments regarding this topic here will have to be deleted.
I look forward to receiving your post inshaAllah!
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
@Aazil,
Person who doubts Quran is not Muslim, so where are you, you decide. You feel like person should attract the attention of opposite sex in order to procreate, for that you have marriage, you feel like people are following the religion that they are is because they were born in the family following that religion, then why are so many people out there accepting Islam daily, you said you follow Islam what your parents and your's parent's parents are following, that in itself is wrong you follow Islam what is taught by Prophet (peace be upon him) and Quran ( which I think u have doubts or sorry u haven't read yet) so why don''t u know firstly know what Islam is , u say everybody advices the same thing because its Islam you advice in the light and within the boundary of Islam, there are certain domain u cant go out of it and u can't include your own things, so advices u get or more or less similar.
You say that Allah didn't did good job by creating humanity if he wanted all humans to worship Allah Islamically and he should have made all of us Muslim.
Certain facts for you, Allah ta'allah made each and every soul Muslim, before soul were given human form each soul promised Allah ta'allah that it will worship Allah ta'allah ( islamically of course) and live life as you have prescribed, but human comes in this world and they forget the promise they have made, so Allah ta'allah have send Prophet (peace be upon him ) and Quran to read and keep reminding oneself, but there is one old villain "The Lucifer" who has a battle with Allah ta'allah who said that the same thing that u r saying that human will not worship Allah ta'allah the way u want them to worship u, so Allah ta'allah said that there will be my obedient creation u will worship me even though u try to tempt that with all the earthly temptations.....................
I hope really u understand Islam and u know wht is the truth, it will seem u that all those who are not following the Islam are living in the matrix, those who decided to take red pill and continue to live in matrix never knowing wht the truth is, so understand Islam and yes Islam don't make terrorist don't allow terrorism...........
I have stumble upon this sight and been reading the questions and answers and firstly would like to say alhamdulilla and mash'Allah keep up the good work.
I am Muslim who is not practicing but have started to get back on the right path and have intention to be a better, strong practicing Muslim Insh'Allah, I am learning and understanding a lot on here too, thank you.
However the reason I am writing on here is that I find Aazil very offensive and strongly disagree with him. Him saying "As far as the Quran goes, I don't necessarily agree with everything in it. There are parts of the Quran that I find uncompatible with my moral beliefs and I will refuse to accept them" he can't pick and choose what he likes according to hes life lifestyle, yes that what the Christian and Jews did with the Bible, Torah, Injeel. He says he believes in Allah but the way he criticise and doubts Allah for men's actions. If you read what he wrote and the style of he's writing about Islam, Muslim, Quran and Allah you will notice he is writing as an impostor, I seen many non muslim site claiming to be muslim site writing these kind of nonsense so please why don't you delete he's post because it can do a lot of damage and wrongly influence those of us who are new to practicing and to the reverts or even the non Muslims. I apologies to Aazil if my doubt about you is wrong and may Allah forgive me too.
And now back on the topic, the question that been posted:
Girl 16F, the man more likely doing it for a visa legality to UK, America, wherever you are. Don't go Pakistan, its dangerous and he might not be who he appear to be, now if you tell him no you don't want to go and he can go and come back, you will wait for him, or tell him to wait for you till your 18 for marriage, you will see he's true nature, if he is good or bad...!!!
he don't love you. He is after your body. the day he eat you fully he will say good bye.
then you start crying.....