Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am angry at Allah for not getting me married

Assalamu alaikum my dear brothers and sisters in Islam,

I feel that I'm losing my faith. I don't know what to do about it. I'm of that age where parents start searching for a prospective groom. I was supposed to get married to a distant relative 2 years ago, but before the engagement that boy wanted to talk to me. It so happened that my mom asked his mom about his height. They felt very offended about it, and when I spoke to him he verbally abused me. When I told my parents about it, they called off the engagement.

After some days one more family came. They liked everything about us, but wanted me to stop wearing hijab after the wedding, so my family declined their proposal. Then one more family. This time everything was fixed. I was supposed to get engaged in 10 days, but the groom suddenly had a problem with my education. He stays in USA, and my education is not valid there. So yeah, once again my engagement was called off.

All this has left a deep scar in my heart. I see my parents getting worried about my marriage, and it kills me daily. I pray to Allah. Talk my heart out everyday. I weep unconsolably, and ask Allah to make things right in my life.

I have faced problems in my life before too, but this time it's too overwhelming. I had really bad depression and anxiety, even then I never lost hope in Allah swt. But this time it's very different, and I really hate this feeling. I feel that Allah is not accepting my duas. I get all negative thoughts in my head, and I'm so scared to say this- but sometimes I get angry at Allah. I wonder why is He not accepting my prayers? Why am I not getting what I want, when people around me are getting things which they ask for?

I recite Qur'an almost everyday. I don't know why I am having this feeling in my heart. It's so scary. I know we shouldn't become desperate when things don't happen right, and start questioning Allah SWT. But every time something goes wrong, I wonder why is this happening to me. My brother and sister are well settled, Alhamdulillah. My sister is married and very happy Alhamdulillah. What about me?

-Sister S

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8 Responses »

  1. Salam sister May I know how old.are you? I was somewhat in the same situation as you are now.

    I would cry on my way to work and from work. Huge fat tears would roll down my face. All I can say is that to keep on praying and making lots of dua. There were times when I would cry and beg Allah. Sometimes I would feel dislike at Allah for not answering my duas.

    But just as swiftly that feeling would disappear and I would feel remorseful for feeling that way. You have to remember that SHAIYTAAN will put evil thoughts in your head. So if you are feeling this way. Make dua to Allah to only feel love towards Allah and to keep the Shaiytaan at bay.

    I waited many many years before getting married myself. I was close to 30 when I met and married my husband.

    Allah is testing you and your faith. There IS someone out there for you. It's just a matter of time insyallah you will meet your husband.

    Take it from someone who went through it. Don't feel.sad and let down. Surely Allah has a plan for you. Surely his greatness has someone destined for you,sister.

    Insyallah I dua you will meet your other half soon. Do not lose hope.

    • Salaam Sister.

      Allah has chosen a partner for you. These are all tests. You will be rewarded for this. Maybe not in this world but definitely in the Akhirah. So please dont lose hope. That's the work of shaitaan. Shaitaan wants you to feel like this.
      If you find your losing hope just think people who had partners and lost them to war or like in New Zealand. They could easily say why me. However, they know its from Allah. We have to accept and know Allah knows how much you can handle. Allah knows before you even think about it. So please sister dont let shaitaan play on you with your negative thoughts. Allah knows your pain. Get even more closer to him. Pray tahajud stay in sajud longer. That helped me a lot in my times of difficulty. I will remember you in my prayers in sha Allah.

  2. Salam. I’m looking to get married too If you are still single we can talk to parents g

  3. Ya allah I am sorry for my sins for the month of Ramadan keep all my fast make all my duas come true make nei realize his mistakes and make him come back on his own what didn't I do for him I am very hurt right when he need money I gave it to him trying so hard to help him for gving him money whatever I can why would want you to pay me back or do something of the girl that's done so much for you alwys this world is selfish I am so hurt I need to make up rose after my thing. ya allah what didn't I do for people what didn't I do for al I am so hurt with this world. this world is so messy I wish I wasn't in a selfish world so messy up and lieing people when no one is your own. please forgive me for all the prayer I didn't do or all the bad things I did in this world I am sorry please make all my duas come true ameen ameen aemen ameen

  4. Man, I don't know If that's a valid reason to be upset with your Maker, hell I don't know If theirs any valid reason @ all to be upset with your maker (EVER).

    "And We did certainly create man out of clay from an altered black mud.” [15:26]

    ^^^That was you before you ever were born, so who are you to get upset with your "Maker/Sustainer/Fashioner"? Does that really sound to you like a "Grateful servant/ or a Humble servant"? Look, It's like this (My 2cents only), Instead of "Focusing on what He/She has, or that their Dua got accepted", focus on "What you have", rather than "What you want"? You have "Eye-Sight", you have the ability to "Think Rational, and contemplate", you have "Intellect", you have "Family", you have "Parents", all these things "Some PPL don't have", some PPL don't have "Eyes and are blind, Some turned blind In their older years, and others have never seen the Sunlight", some PPL are born "Crazy or Below Average Intelligence (I.E) Retarded", some PPL, are born "Deaf, while you can speak and hear", some PPL their "Mother's die giving birth to them, while Other's their Fathers died prior to their birth", while you have both Parents, so do you not reflect? These blessings you take for granted as If "You're entitled to them, while In Reality you're Entitled to nothing", It Is by the "Mercy of Allah (S.W.T)" that you have all of those blessings, so really do ponder on them and "Thank HIM for allowing you to have these blessings, while HE didn't allow those blessings for others".

    Hope this helps, besides, lets think for a moment clearly, the 1) Guy was verbally abusive towards you the phone, would you really wish to be Married to such a person, lol? The 2) Their family wanted you to "Stop wearing the Hijjab after Marriage", Is that really a good family to want to be part of or not? The 3rd had an Issue with your "Education", why? As you can see, by "Allah (S.W.T), making these Men and their Families (Wickedness), come out prior to the Wedding, you actually were saved from a Life of Hardships (Maybe)

  5. Asalaamualaykum Sister S,

    I completely understand how you are feeling, and you have related it very well (which shows your "education" is just fine.) Anger is a normal human emotion, and you will feel it from time to time. Allah knows everything that has led to your plight, and so He is also not oblivious to why you are angry. Patience is not easy sometimes...if it were easy, everyone would have it, and we know that is not true. From your story, it sounds like you have a ton of patience...someone else in your position may have wilted, given up on the prospect of marriage altogether, or been suicidal. You are none of those things. You are amazing and are only fit for an amazing guy. Perhaps in your waiting, you can develop some of your other abilities, refine your character, and prepare yourself for being an amazing wife to a lucky guy. Inshallah your pain and worries will end at the time prescribed by Allah. I truly believe that you will be very contented with what He has in store for you. Patience is indeed one of the hardest tests, and only a select few are given this test in its most difficult form. You were given it because Allah knows you can pass it. Also, don't worry about being angry at Allah. Just ask for his forgiveness once and it will be forgiven, if it was even a sin in the first place. Allah doesn't hold grudges.

    Hugs,

    Nor

  6. Salam,

    I recommend you start reading the Quran with meaning. It will help a lot more than just reciting it.

  7. I don't want to discourage you. Marriage is not meant for everybody. Allah has planned it for most but not all. It's pressumptious and kind of condescending of some people (not you) to assume marriage will happen for all. It doesn't. Many Muslims live unmarried not by choice. So it is not an automatic given. That said, how old are you roughly? If around 30 or early 30s you can still do what is in your power to do. You can actively seek partners at Muslim websites or websites closer to your own culture. There are Muslim dating events taking place in the West. Depending on where you live, these may be an option. You won't be alone but allowed to mingle and chat. Thee are apps for muslim dating and matchmaking. So find out what you want in a man and then go hunt.

    I am positive you will get married and I have a feeling you aren't really that old that you need to be worrying. So give yourself a break, keep an open mind and I hope you find the right partner soon.

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