Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What will be best path for me?

Brief Background:
I am Student of final year graduation of telecom engineering. Currently I am doing job as well earning $500+ per month. My father was pass away four years ago and my mother is on bed from last 10 years. I have 1 younger brother now we are only 3.Due to my mom my relatives are currently talking about my marriage all time but I said them I will not do this unless I complete my MS. Now please guide me which path is best for me.

Path that I need to choose:
1. Just left everything and fully focus on career and try myself as full establish person then comes to marriage side.
2. In my class there is a lady, I like her a lot she is pure Islamic. She cover herself all time and I never saw her from last 4 years to talk to any guy like gossips. I believe she is very nice lady but I have only 1 issue from her that she talk very less, she never participate in any class activity.
3. In my university there is another girl who is studying software engineering and she is 1 year junior from me she also Islamic and more beautiful than the first one.This lady looks me sharp and fast but she talks too a lot.
4. My one aunt is my mom best friend and she has 2 daughter one is studying MBBS and she is 3 year younger than me and other daughter is in Intermediate and she is 6 year younger than me.

I am confused because I will pass out from university from next week and I only have 1 week to tell my class mate that I wants my life with her.

Please what you think is best path for me.

talhaalam


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7 Responses »

  1. I recommend reading this article:

    http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/

    You should approach the girl that you can make happy the most, that will be a good mother for your children, that you want to have a family with. Which girl can you offer your services to that will benefit and appreciate it the most and that you would be happy in offering them to her?

  2. Asalaamu alaikum brother,

    May Allah guide you to whatever is best. It sounds like you already have a lot of responsibilities are handling it all very well mashAllah. Keep it up. Keep away from the tempting fruit of women for a little while longer. Finish school properly and find a nice paying job before settling down with a woman. The time will come and the person you were meant for will be there for you InshAllah.

    If you marry now, you will unnecessarily complicate your life. She will place significant demands on you, even if she says she won't right now. And of course, kids will come when Allah decrees, which could be very soon. That will make your life very difficult.

    However, all that said, if you are tempted and feel shaitaan will overtake you and will do something haraam with any of these women, then marry to defend yourself from this.

    And Allah Knows Best.

  3. While I agree with the posters above, you also need to realise that your mother and brother are very much your responsibility. While it is definitely important that your future spouse should understand your family dynamics, it is also necessary that you realise that she will come to share and be a part of your life and not to become your family's caretaker while you are busy with your work/studies.

  4. OP: In my class there is a lady, I like her a lot she is pure Islamic. She cover herself all time and I never saw her from last 4 years to talk to any guy like gossips. I believe she is very nice lady but I have only 1 issue from her that she talk very less, she never participate in any class activity..........My one aunt is my mom best friend and she has 2 daughter one is studying MBBS and she is 3 year younger than me and other daughter is in Intermediate and she is 6 year younger than me. I am confused because I will pass out from university from next week and I only have 1 week to tell my class mate that I wants my life with her.

    I just read a post by a girl who has been friends with a nice pious muslim guy for 5 years who don't want to marry her but won't mind using her as a "friend" as long as she allows him to.

    The girl you think is "pure Islamic" may not be like that in her real life. In this age of Internet and cell phones, girls even in country like Saudi arabia find friends for fun.

    Your aunt knows you and your family well and if she is willing to let her daughter marry you, it may be the best thing for you

  5. Why not try and Istekhara. A dream isn't necessarily going to fife you an answer but then trust Allah and he will open the right paths for you.
    Although things are tough. I've liked my husband since the past 15yrs. He never knew. I never believed we'd get married.
    If one of these is destined for you it will work in the most miraculous of ways. If not a better and more suitable will come along.
    Right now your mother and brother should be your priority and finding a good job so that you maybe able to support all member of your family.
    Best wishes. May Allah bless you with the best always.

  6. Forget the girls. I think that you should continue with your studies and job. cos if you don;t work you don;t get paid and what woman will want to be serious with a man without income? That's not to say ignore woman completely. What you need to do is get your priorities set: first is family, then work, education, then friends and socializing, and then lastly women. Sure talk to the girls you are interested in, tell them how you feel, but don't put all your eggs in one basket. If she says yes, fantastic, but don't compromise your work and responsibilities for romance. if she says no, thats ok, you still have your work and family. And there really is no rush to get married - you have to know a person first. women may come and go, but the one wife will eventually find you. marry the first girl you meet?? i felt like doing that when i was a teenager in love for the first time. but after 15years, many women that i was interested in just weren;t the marriage type. focus on your responsibilities foremost because chasing women won't put food on the table. if you're under 30, then any woman that comes into your life should be seen as something extra, not something that sacrifices anything else - think of it as 'just passing through'.

    You'll find your wife one day but till then, just carry on making money and providing for your family.

  7. Dear Brother

    Marriage is essentially a materialistic relationship. Men prefer an attractive lady over a less attractive one and a woman prefer a man with higher social status over someone with low social status one. Spiritual element only comes later in the marriage, when a strong social bonding has developed between both. This spiritual element maintains the marriage but cannot solidify it for ever.

    That is why a wife considers only that husband(last one) truly worth of her love, who has sincerely supported her till her last breath. This fact is the motivation of the hadith (about the last husband in heaven) So Allah does not oblige a woman to be with her husband(last caretaker) in afterlife but in fact she chose him with her own free will at her last breath.

    Keep in mind that while you are focusing on the girl's character and beauty, they(with no matter how idealistic values) may not even consider you as an option because of your unemployment. So thinking about marriage(no matter how nice and caring they are) without job is not just a waste of time but also an insult to your own self.

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