Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I feel broken since losing my boyfriend

Depressed girl heartbroken distressed

Assalam alaikum,

I am 20-year-old female. I lost my father in childhood itself...I was raised with my grandmother as my mother and got married afterwards. I grown up in such condition that my relatives will interfere in every matter because I don't have my father. They were very strict. But I was following them without any problem.

As I joined my college, I was too close with one of my senior guys and he was in love with me..but I was not..I told him I like him, but later because of my family issues and all I told him "I can't love you." We didn't had phone calls, msgs, kisses, hugs, or any kind of relationship things. But he lied to everyone in the college, telling them that he is in relationship with me.

After 7 months, I committed to another guy. He learned about my rumored relation and made an issue in the college..everyone started telling him that I had cheat him and went with a new one..and made me like a cheap girl who go with everyone.

My friends also cheated me, telling everyone that I did not tell anything about the new relation to them, even though I had told. This issue reached till my relatives and they started harrassing me. That made me emotionally so weak. I made my relationship too stronger and was deeply in love with him. We committed major sins, including zina, several times..I trusted him so much and we really wanted to get married.

I felt shameful and guilty after doing this. I kept telling him we should not do this, but unfortunately, we would commit sins again and again. After 9 months of relationship he broke up with me saying that he got one year back in college and we can't get married. I broke into pieces..and was totally depressed. I was pleading to him not to leave me and go..but he left me..he stopped contacts and everything..I can't even imagine anyone else in his place..I can't even imagine anyone else as my husband. I was crying and praying to Allah(swt) to make him come back in my life and also for forgiveness for the sin we had done.

After few months he started keeping contact with me. I told him not to contact me if he can't marry me. Still he used to call and text me. I put his call on reject list but still he used to call me. So I thought Allah (swt) grant my prayer and gave him back to me. I met him and spoke to him. He wore the shirt I had given him as birthday gift. He started saying sorry and crying..seeing this, I fell for him again.

We started our relation again, and again we committed sins. But after one month, I came to know that he is having a relation with his classmate, a non-muslim girl, and also committed zina with her! Also, she called me and told me everything about their relation. Also, he had committed zina with another muslim girl before me and she got married with someone else too!

I was totally broken and lost, and he broke up with me when I asked about his classmate. I seriously can't bear this pain. I lost everything which a girl should not lose. I don't know what to do. Should I marry someone? Should I not marry? Will Allah forgive me for these sins? I did tauba for committing these sins and sincerely repented. I pray daily for the forgiveness of Allah(swt). Will I get a good life after doing all these sins? I cant suffer this pain and guilt. I felt so much shame and started hating myself for doing these things...I don't know what to do. Can you please give advice for me and help me in this difficult situation?

Sister

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2 Responses »

  1. Salaam sister I would say pray ask Allah Pak forgiveness what mistake you made in past relationship doing zina
    Don’t do the mistake again forgot your past and move on settle down by getting married and don’t mention about your past to your husband
    Do touba don’t repeat the mistake again

  2. Assalaamualaykum Sister Zooni,

    You write,

    "I lost everything which a girl should not lose. I don't know what to do. Should I marry someone? Should I not marry?"

    You did not lose everything. You have Allah. Pray to Him whenever you are sad. You do not even have to wait until it is time for an obligatory prayer, as Allah has given us an additional recourse out of His mercy. Pray the Salat Al Nafl which can be prayed at anytime and is an easy 2 rakahs with any combination of Surahs you wish. Cry to Him and He will show you the way out of this, I promise!

    You are also now equipped with knowledge that you didn't have before. You have experienced firsthand the pitfalls of premarital relationships...there is no guarantee or protection for you in these kind of relationships, making you susceptible to heartbreak, gossip, backbiting, etc. The pain you are experiencing will no doubt make you think twice about whether to engage in a premarital relationship again, which is a good thing.

    So you have definitely not lost everything.

    As to your question about whether you should marry someone, I would say that this is not the best time. You need to solidify your recovery from this, and not jump into another relationship (marriage) prematurely. Try to focus on yourself. I know that your family history makes that somewhat difficult, as you are so accustomed to having external input from all directions. But quiet those voices and search for your own. This is a time for reflection and pondering.

    When you have found yourself again and preferably finished school as well, you will be a beautiful strong woman and will marry a loving a loyal man, Inshallah.

    Hugs,

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers

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