Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Will he be able to forgive me and give me a second chance?

STDs

I'm going to try to summarize this, but I also want to make a lot of points, so it might be kind of a long read.

I started chatting with this guy online about 5 or 6 months ago. He sort of reached out to me, and I was sort of caught off guard because I never anticipated someone from so far away contacting me. From the very begining he said he wanted to get to know me, chat on the phone, and eventually meet me. And it was not long before he started to tell me he wanted me to go to where he lives and meet him. He also told me very quickly that he really wanted to help me in any way possible, and that he loved me. I am born and raised in the US and I just assumed it was a cultural difference. Because here in the US we do not take "I love you" lightly. It is a BIG deal.

People get really freaked out if you say it too soon, or if you wait an appropriate amount of time it is very meaningful and powerful and it is a big deal to say " I love you too" or "I am in love with you too". So he said "I love you" and he was like "do you love me?" so I explained to him it is different in our culture. Let me also say, I have never been really religious. My family encouraged me to learn about religion on my own, and make a decision after. I recently started to read about Islam (probably due to the fact that this man is Muslim) And I really enjoy learning about it and I respect and appreciate all people.

With that being said, I decided to meet him. This is where things get really crazy. I did not plan on having sexual relationship with him, I sort of thought he would want to wait a while because of his culture. And I thought he really loved me and would respect waiting. Our culture is very different, because here, to say I love you is a really big deal, but sex, is not at all. We are a little backwards and I think, wrong, for that. So, we met, and the first night I was there, we had sex. Please dont judge me, or him, everyone makes mistakes. To make a long story short, when I got home, he only called me 2 times in like 3 weeks. Which was weird because before I went we were speaking everyday online and at least twice a week on the phone.

I thought he was ignoring me, and possibly married to someone there. And just didnt tell me and would cheat on his wife often, I really did not know.  So after a week, he told me he was having issues with his genital area, and knew there was something wrong, turns out I gave him an STD. I did not mean to and it was the last thing I wanted to happen, obviously no one wants such a thing to happen. I did know about my STD but I did not know it was so easily transferred and I hoped he would not be affected by it. I realize how stupid that was! SO stupid! Not only stupid but very unfair and wrong for me to do it to him. And I regret and hate myself everyday because of it.

But I told him I knew about the problem and I tried to tell him that it would not really affect him after the initial stage. I told him how sorry I was and how awful I felt about it. And while I was there with him he told me he wanted to marry me and have a child with me, so I thought this would not really affect us because he wanted to spend his life with me. I guess that is also very stupid because after something like that happens it is hard to forgive or understand why someone would do that to you. I get it. And I feel horribe. I just want to know if you (anyone) thinks he will ever be able to forgive me and give me a second chance? There were also weird things that occured while I was there that made me believe he is married already to a woman here, but I am not sure and he will not even speak to me now. Its been like 2 weeks since he went to clinic and got results.

This is so hard to even talk about because it is really embarassing. But this disease is common, and it is not life threatening. So I thought with embarassment or shame aside, maybe he could forgive me. 🙁 I might not deserve any forgiveness, but I do want the chance to show him I am not a horrible person. I am a good person that had something horrible happen to me. And stupidly, I made that same horrible thing happen to him. :/ 🙁  Like I said though, that was not my intention at all, I really care about him, and I did not even plan to have sex with him or anything like that. I didnt plan anything, and I did not know what he wanted or expected. I did fall in love with him while I was there. And I just want to speak to him and see what he thinks of me now, and if there is any chance to fix our relationship. I want to know if we are never going to speak again, or if we can work things out.

If he will never speak to me again, it is understandable, although I will miss him, at least I will know. I just want either closure or to try to do what we can to make things OK What do you think? Do you think he will ever talk to me again? Do you think he might be able to forgive me? Should I try to call him and explain myself? Also, do you think he ever really loved me, or was it just for a sexual experience? Please help. I know I made a big mistake. I cant change the past but I can repent for my sins and try to be a better person. And thats all I want, to be better, and be a good woman for him. 🙁

Ciara88.


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22 Responses »

  1. ciara88 - did he speak with you again ?

  2. Ciara, if the STD you have is not curable, then it is even more important that you avoid casual sex; you come across as having a nice heart and I'm sure you would not want other people to be faced with the same diagnosis. I would still encourage you to have a checkup with regards your sexual health to make sure you don't have any other conditions.

    It would also be sensible to learn more about your illness, so that you can discuss it with anyone you meet in the future and so you can be aware of what would put other people at risk. Having any chronic health problem is a challenge, and your two greatest allies in managing it are faith in Allah and education. You have a responsibility to yourself to ensure you are protecting yourself and looking after yourself as best you can, and a responsibility to anyone with whom you are intimate - they have a right to information about the situation in order to make an informed choice.

    Does the man you were with know that this is an incurable disease? He will need to know this, as he will need to tell anyone he is with in the future - if he is looking to get married then he will have a duty to tell potential marriage partners, and if he is already married then his wife may now need to seek testing and treatment.

    While it would be best if this came from you, most GUM clinics offer a notification service which would be able to tell him more about the problems he may face.

    I pray that you find strength and hope in the lessons you have learned, and that you are able to improve your situation. I would encourage you to learn more about Islam and have faith in Allah to guide you through this.

  3. Again, I was not here for judgement, only for advice. You can be angry all you want but it wont help anything.
    I dont see many "western women" trying to change any views on being promiscuous. And you are the one that seems naive. You speak like women need to change, maybe some of us do, and I for one, am already doing that, but I think it is culture as a whole.

    Men are also to blame, they want a pious or nonpromiscuous wife, but will have sex before marriage, possibly lots of it. Is that fair? Is it mine or any other womans fault that men want to have sex? No, it is human nature, whether against religion or not.
    And like I said, I was never religious and had no expectations to live up to. Only my own. And now mine are set higher.

    I appreciate your insight. It has made me think a lot. But like I said, anger or judgement is not going to help or change anything.

    • Also, I am not making any excuse. I know what I did was wrong. I said that in my original post. I did not anticipate him contracting the STD. We did use protection and I thought that would help to prevent it.

      • Ciarra,

        I get that you're embarrassed, and you're defending yourself against me, but I'm not attacking you. I gave you advice, and also made an honest statement. That is something I am allowed to do, make a statement because what you did, and who you are or rather more where you're from reached close to home. But if you're going to ask for advice, then you have to expect both spectrum's of reaction. It's not up to you how people react, and trust me I've learned by how our editors follow each comment, that if I crossed any line or said anything inappropriate that my comment would be edited or removed.

        I don't want this to become about you and me, back and forth. You need to understand the point I'm trying to make, because it seems to have eluded you. The point you should have learned from my reaction is that you don't know enough about this man, his religion (which I encourage you to learn of course), but most importantly his CULTURE to understand why you have most likely destroyed any chance of a future with him or his family. That's not "yelling"... there's no italic option here so that's capitalized to bring attention to it. Allow me to explain:
        Of course Islam is important with this topic, because the sexual exchanges and self control are so emphatically emphasized in Islam. It is so very important for a woman to keep her chastity until marriage according to Muslims and Islam. However, that is something you can learn in a few minutes. In fact, you've probably already learned that just from the comments and responses you got on this post.
        But the deeper, multifaceted, dynamic thing that will take you a long time to learn, a lot of exposure to a variety of people from around the world and conversations and observations are the Cultural differences and how this will allow you, or disallow you entry into a family. These issues are the things that often make or break relationships, Not religion. Religion is easily explained to a family. "She's Muslim." Everyone knows what that means... it means that you're allowed to marry her according to Allah (God), it means she believes in one god, it means that she believes in our prophet, Mohammad. That is the foundation of how we allow ourselves to communicate with others. They are either a believer, or they are not. It's sort of "a picture is worth a thousand words" thing. Now, onto the cultural point.

        You said something to the affect of "I'm sorry you got angry, but...". What you don't understand is that people from the middle east and africa don't often inter breed with other cultures, the way people from the west do. So many people have problems when they want to marry someone from another country. Indians and Pakistanis, Saudis and Somalians, Arabs and Indians, Afghanis and Saudis, already there is a HUGE hill to climb when wanting to take a foreign person as a spouse, because for them it's not just two people that marry, but two Families that marry and most families want their children to marry within their culture... even within their towns or families (cousins). Desiring someone from a different culture often brings up things like status, honor and cultural differences.
        On top of all this, we western woman already have a bad reputation for being raised without any sexual self control, and completely unprotected from the sins of the world... we're looked at like damaged goods. Not pure, innocence lost a long time ago, knowing of things that only a married woman should know, bound to cause trouble with our extensive exposure to sex and men. So after we cross over the huge hurdle of a family being ok with taking a foreign wife, we have to then tackle the idea of that foreign wife being western.
        I can't count the times I read how a western girl invests twice the time that a girl from his own culture would, in getting to know him, just to convince him that she's a good girl. Then, after he's finally convinced, the next most difficult thing is addressed which often is proposed like this; "Now, just to convince my Mother."

        The point here, is that of course I think he probably just wanted sex. And no, I don't think there is any chance that you will have a future with this man. BUT...
        Should you continue to learn about Islam which I encourage you to do, and you find another man who happens to be married Muslim, take a moment to understand that to have a relationship with this man, you must be accepted by his family... specifically his parents... specifically his mother. A mother wants a good, pious good girl for her husband, and you have an STD that will be with you for the rest of your life. And btw... no you didn't say anywhere that you used protection in your original post, from what I saw.

        Now imagine this:
        You're an old school woman in her 50's or so, who raised a son, the apple of her eye, and protected him from all the sins of the world, tried to encourage him to remain a virgin until he got married, tried to keep him a good Muslim, and dreamed of him marrying a good, pure girl that would bring joy and help to the family. A woman who would be a good mother and a supportive, kind wife who would blend with their family. A good, clean girl.
        Now, your son comes and says he met a girl online. You're like 'online?' and he says, 'Yes, she's from America, or the UK, or wherever'... and all of a sudden thoughts of alcohol, premarital sex and sin enter your mind. If you're lucky, she'll try to support him, until he says 'She has an STD'. Her dreams of a virginal, untouched wife for her son, and sweet daughter for herself are all but in the trash.

        That's the best case scenario. Unfortunately, you're in the WORST case scenario. He has to go to his mother, and say 'Mom... I met an American girl, we had premarital sex, and now I have an STD. Can I take her as my wife?'
        Case closed.

        I'm not saying it's right, I'm not saying you're a bad person, I'm not saying this is supposed to be Islam, nor is it what Islam teaches us, but unfortunately it is what it is. There are lots of things that I found when I was living in the middle east that I found to contradict Islam. Islam teaches acceptance and patience, love and tolerance but many middle eastern, african and asian cultures are not like that. That doesn't mean you won't find a man or family that won't accept you, but it will be nearly impossible if you continue to conduct yourself like this.

        Maybe learn about Islam, and look for another western revert man? Let me tell you, you'll find more tolerance and understanding from men that are either from your own culture or already living in the west. Try not to infuse yourself into the life and family of a man who has never lived in the west. I know many amazing people that live in the east, but I own a condo in Iran and live there and here in the states, back and forth. I travel all over and after all my experience I can say this...
        You may find Muslims in the East, but you'll find Islam in the West.

        Best of luck
        Sister Stacy

        • Typo alert... I said
          "Should you continue to learn about Islam which I encourage you to do, and you find another man who happens to be married Muslim..."

          I just mean muslim.. Not married muslim.

  4. Ciarra,
    Whatever your reasons and excuses are, this sweet, sensable girl was no where to be found when you were alone with this man and an available bed. It's not your words, or your intentions, but your actions that define you. Also, like it or not, your actions affected other people, specifically western women. We have been trying to overcome these reputations of being promiscuous and careless in bed, and your actions don't do us any favors, tilting the scales in the wrong direction. I know you don't like it, but I have every right to be angry.

    We western Muslim reverts know we are supposed to get married to avoid sin, and we try to keep faith that we can find goos men, who can mentor and guide us in Islam which often means they are born in the religion. But to break through that stigma of western, un pious character, we have to defend ourselves against actions of people like you that have sex with a brother, upon meeting, with no protection, give him a disease you know you had and then scream "don't judge me!"

    I bet my idea of you and this man's idea of you isn't that different, so you ask if there's any hope.... Would YOU take you seriously if you were him?

    Salams

    • Wow harsh maybe? I hope you arent judged in yh

      The way you just judged her? Kick her while shes doen right? And deeds are weighed by the intention per the quran. ... Lastly it takes two so they are both responsible

      • You didn't pay attention to the whole conversation.

        • Wow again harsh.. Are you muslim? Fyi i read it and as the other reader was astonished by your coldness. And again i have been proven correct. You sound very aggressive.. Islam is to soften the hert not harden or give people a liking to bash people when they are down

        • Lol, are you being serious? Hahahaha. "I have every right to be angry at you"

          You DO not know what this persons intention was, and she clearly knows that she made a mistake. She wants people's opinions not people to judge her and express how angry they are. Lol, you need to get over yourself sweetheart.

          You don't know what her intention is, she made a bloody mistake. We ALL do. She is obviously confused about the situation and she needs people to help her - NOT judge her.

          Damn

  5. Sister Najah,
    Thank you so much for your reply. I have already started improving myself, for myself, not for anyone else. I want to be a better person for me. I just said for him, because I meant, if he gave me another chance to be with him,in a relationship, that I would want to make him happy and be better than I was before. But you are probably right, he probably planned it all out and was only using me. I wil never make a mistake like that again. 🙁 I do not look to anyone any more for happiness. I put my faith in God, and know He will help me and lead me on the right path. I just want to say, to everyone who might read this, I am not a bad person, I have a good heart. I contracted an STD at a young age, from oral sex, I was never taught to save myself for marriage or anything like that. It does not make me a bad person, it is very different from a Muslim lifestyle, I understand that, but I had no religion until recently, and I am trying to be better than I was. No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes, it is just important that we learn from them. I wish some one had taught me the importance of waiting until marriage. I did not even have my mother in my life. And I just recently started to learn on my own, and now I am putting it into practice. Again, thank you for you feedback. 🙂 Your answer helped a lot.

    • Sister,

      I don't for a minute think you are a bad person...fact is, you are right...we all make mistakes. The wonderful thing about you is that you recognize this and you are working towards being a better person which in turn will help you to have a better quality of life. Allah works in mysterious ways and sometimes when we think we know everything, we in fact know nothing. I always try to look at at something and find the good in it and I think both you and this guy learned a little something here. His lesson is a hard one but nothing keeping his pants zipped up won't solve. All his little scheming in the world didn't save him from the unplanned gift you gave him. God willing it is a lesson he will not soon forget. For you, your lesson should be this...you are someone of value and you deserve better. Your mother may have never been around growing up but I am. I am here to tell you that you are worthy of so much more. You are not some guys bootie call and you should never put yourself in a position where you are ever alone with a guy...ever. When you value yourself, others will too. Keep yourself heading in the right direction and put your faith in Allah to guide you forward.

      Salam

  6. Sister,

    Where do I start? You met him in a chat room online and in 5-6 months he says, "I love you". He didn't even know you to say those words. You are correct when you say the words, "I love you", means a lot. It really does. It is so sad how some people toss those very beautiful words around as if they mean nothing.

    You say, "Our culture is very different, because here, to say I love you is a really big deal, but sex, is not at all". Yes, America is in a sad state of affairs that is a fact however, sex is a big deal beautiful. Sex is something a husband and wife share together within the confines of marriage. Forget about what everyone else does...it is a big deal and as a Muslim, it is a sin.

    So, he planned to meet you however, from what I can gather...he planned a whole lot more. This man had no respect for you at all sister because if he did, he would never have put you in the position of taking you to bed. He took advantage of you clear and simple and you allowed it. Furthermore, any man who meets anyone and sleeps with them within the confines of a day is not looking for anything long term.

    I am going to come off as being cold here and I do not mean to be but I cannot feel an ounce of sympathy for a man that would chat with a young girl online, meet her and use her for his own sexual gratification. I have not an ounce of sympathy for him at all. In fact...if he is married, he may very well have passed on his STD to his wife. Oh the tangled web's we weave.

    You say, " I just want to speak to him and see what he thinks of me now, and if there is any chance to fix our relationship." Love...you did not have a relationship and quite honestly, you shouldn't care at all what he thinks of you now. He is some tool who found you via the web, chatted you up and used you. He isn't worth the time in your day to think about...seriously.

    You say, "Do you think he might be able to forgive me? Should I try to call him and explain myself? Also, do you think he ever really loved me, or was it just for a sexual experience? Please help. I know I made a big mistake. I cant change the past but I can repent for my sins and try to be a better person. And that's all I want, to be better, and be a good woman for him.

    Sister, I wouldn't think twice about the forgiveness of this man who clearly used you. I would be more concerned about the forgiveness of Allah. I pray that you will repent and seek guidance from Allah sister...that is where you need to begin for change. Should you try to call him and explain....no...it is what it is. Maybe this STD will be a life changing experience for this man and if he is married, he will think twice again before he does something so callous. It sounds as though he planned things out very carefully and got a little more than he bargained for. To that I say...good. Karma is as karma does.

    Yes, you made a mistake...one I hope you learn and grow from. Meeting a guy via the web is not the way to go. Your lucky you didn't end up dead somewhere and I'm not joking...it happens every day. Sister...you say you want to be a better woman for him? Be a better woman for yourself. You don't deserve to be treated by any guy in this manner. Have more respect for who you are and where you want to go in life. You deserve so much more and I hope you believe me when I say this. You are not some cheap goods for anyone to use like this guy did. Move on and reflect on what has happened. Internet chat rooms are not the way to meet someone no matter what anyone says. Get yourself some treatment for the STD you have and take this time to reflect on your life. Changes can begin one step at a time, repentance and love for yourself is a great place to start.

    Salam 🙂

  7. Hi Ciara,

    I think that the first thing you need to do is get treated for your STD. There should be a family planning clinic in your area that can help, or you could speak to your primary care doctor. While some STDs can be treated easily, others can have long-term effects if left untreated.

    Then, I think you need to take a hard look at your lifestyle, as you're putting yourself at significant risk. Casual sex, especially without precautions, is extremely risky - you've already experienced harm from it. You've also travelled to meet a man you did not know (online interactions can't really count as knowing someone, as you've no way to know that what they say is true), and then had sex with him on the first meeting - he could have been a psychopath, or a criminal, or have had an infectious disease himself. I don't mean to scare you, only to highlight the risks you have taken. If you can, take steps to prevent yourself taking such risks in the future, and if you continue to have casual sex, please always remember to use a condom.

    I'm delighted that you've started to read about Islam, and hopefully it will help you to heal and become stronger.

    With regards the man you slept with, I think the only people who can resolve your relationship issues are the two of you. Many people would find it very difficult to move past the fact that they had sex with someone who knew they had a sexually transmitted disease but did not tell them prior to intercourse - it's a huge betrayal of trust and taking away the person's right to choose whether or not to take the risk.

    If you wish to try to resolve things, maybe you could write him a letter or an email, in which you could take responsibility for and apologise for your actions, and tell him the ways in which you are ensuring this will never happen again. He may or may not want to continue things, but either way, he will probably appreciate an apology and to know that you are taking action to change your life for the better.

    • I love this answer but do you really think it's wise to put down such details about yourself on paper? Just saying... maybe keep information about a stranger that may have a grudge about you completely verbal and leave no paper trail so they can't use it against you later? You never know what ppl are capable of. Just a thought.

  8. Salaam ciara

    I have to give the famous saying," why buy the cow when the milk is free?". In islam men marry apart from completing their deen to ve abke to relieve themselves sexually in a halaal way. As a man many would think esp since you had an std that you left untreated that this is normal and common for you, why shoukd he see you as a prize when you dont see yourself as one? Look i am a born muslim with 2 brothers... My brothers in the past used to only value women who valued themselves. A man wants a woman that loves herself. Sister you have to be strong stop committing zina and risking your life and fertility for a cheap thrill. ALLAH swt is our guide and the angels record our deeds. Remember this when you get tempted! Dont even put yourself in a compromising position again. Move on. He has cos he got what he already wanted. Let this be a learning experience. To be honest i was a virgin until married and if my husband were to knowingly give me a disease he had from the past it would be a divorce.. This brother probably thinks the same

  9. Without being judgmental a few things to consider:

    - You want to be a good person for him or a good person, period?

    These are two different things, id rather you aim for the latter.

    - You have an STD which means well, you know what that means

    You really need to turn to Allah and repent, pray your salat, fast and do all those things a practicing muslim does

    - You are sorry about transferring the STD to him and not sorry about committing the act

    You need to be sorry about the act that you have been doing in the past, not just the fact that you transferred the STD to him

    - You want to know if he will ever forgive you?

    Honestly, i have no idea why you asked this question, how is any one to answer that. But if i were him, i would forgive you but only if you changed your ways to that of a practicing muslim. But since he and I are different people, i have no idea what he will do.

  10. Salam,

    Hi Ciara, I'm not sure what to say, I just woke up and I'm getting ready for work but I got this on my email and I'm sitting down writing this just because of the nature of this post, so sorry if it's not the eloquent and well dialogued writing that I'm used to submitting...

    Ok so first, I have to say that I'm born and raised American also. I'm a caucasian woman, Italian, Irish and Czeck, classic American immigrant blood. Parents are from NY. Just so you know who's giving you advice. Second, I'm a revert muslim, married to an Iranian.

    It doesn't sound like you really know a whole lot about people from the middle east or that part of the world, they all very so widely on their levels of fundamentalism, their exposure and acceptance to western culture and so forth. I really wish you'd told us which country he was from, so I had a good idea of just who you (and we) are dealing with.

    Let me give you some rushed, before-work information before I hop off and chug my coffee.
    You seem naive, even for an American. I just want everyone who's reading this post to know that we, here in the states, are pretty much free to do whatever we want in a relationship. We don't have the same general sense of shame or dishonor when carrying on a premarital affair, as people from the other part of the world, especially those parts that are founded in Islam. Our parents are ok generally with us having "girlfriends" and "boyfriends" at early ages. This does NOT mean it's ok to have sex at an early age, and in a perfect world, most parents hope their kids DO wait until after marriage before having sex, but we here in the states understand the environment that the government and society was founded on, and supports. We are a nation of freedom and it's both a blessing and a curse, but I find more of a blessing for reasons which I don't have time to defend right now. Americans have a very "realistic" point of view and understand what our kids are going to be exposed to, and we've for the most part decided to handle it by "low-dose-therapy", easing our young people into the idea of a relationship, rather than trapping them in the house for their young life, then later tossing them into a marriage leaving them to deal with the shock of sex and relationship later. I know, that sounds bias, and many of you are raising an eyebrow because look at Ciara88, our poster... this stuff is VERY common. Maybe not the STD's, but we have a high awareness of STD's and most people protect themselves during sex for this reason with condoms or other devices.

    Ok, now onto the poster, yes, the words "I love you" are important to everyone, but the type of credit you give to that phrase is something we're at the psychological level of at here in the states at around the ages from 11-16 years old. Normally by high school, most of us have learned that those words don't really mean much unless someone backs it up with action. Our children are very grounded and informed and you don't seem so informed. I wonder how old are you? You seem young... yet you went to visit this man... did you drive, or fly... if you're at the age where you're driving or flying alone to meet a man from another country, then you should be mature enough to understand how to control yourself, especially since you're already sexually active to the point where you picked up an STD.

    Something that just occurred to me... maybe if you had it, and didn't take care of it and it was "treated easily" as you imply, then you, yourself, carrying around this STD and giving it to others KNOWINGLY doesn't show much maturity in the first place.
    (sorry all... still waking up)

    Ok, point blank, it's getting late... I'm pretty sure you embarrassed the guy and tainted any nice idea in his mind that he had of you... but it might not matter, if he's into you for citizenship. Men from other countries are old school and want to marry men like their mothers. They want a good, pious woman... but I'm not sure he's into you seriously if he had sex with you the first night. I just don't know what to say, my mind is fuzzy...
    sorry to all the readers but please don't judge all of us by girls like Ciara88 and her actions. We're all left to make our own choices, and sometimes people make the wrong ones and I understand that, and I'm not judging but I just felt like counter balancing the high brow people will raise reading this, especially if you've never been to the states.
    Ciara, leave the boy alone, get your STD treated, read more about Islam Insha'Allah and if you're meant to be Muslim then Allah will guide you. Otherwise, stop having premarital sex and get on a good path in your life. Most people know, no matter where you're from, that you're shooting yourself in the foot so to speak to have sex with a guy on the very first night you meet him. That's just one more middle easterner out there screaming about how American girls are easy in bed. 🙁

    Salam,
    Sister Stacy

    • Hi Sister Stacey, Thank you for your reply. I just want to say I dont think it is fair for your to say I am immature or naive. I am only here for advice, not critisism. The std I have is not curable but it is treatable. It does not really effect my life, other than when it comes to sexual relationship. I did not have intercourse when I contracted it, it was oral sex, I was young and experimenting. If there is anything I could change in my life, that would be it. 🙁 And I dont really appreciate your last comments about how people should learn from my mistake. Thats not nice. I was not born into a religious family. No one ever taught me to safe guard myself or anything like that. You do not know me and like I said, I was here for advice, not to be put down. No one is perfect and I know I made mistakes which is why I was looking for some answers to questions. I did not expect to have sex with him, I did not know that would happen, it just did. It happened because he wanted it to, I did not pursue him in that way. To sum this up, all I can do now is be a better person than I was recently, which I am already doing. I have already learned from this mistake, and I was here for suggestions or advice, not to be made an example of or called immature or "easy".

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