Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Secret Marriage Maybe?

Performing Nikkah

Salams brothers and sisters,

I am Muslim sister who has married a recent Muslim revert but I am scared and worried that I may have done things wrong please tell me if I am on the right path.

We sealed our marriage with me saying Arabic surahs and my husband saying the English translation (As he does not know how to read Arabic as of yet). We found the surahs online from a source which said 'what you need to perform a nikkah' as well as this we had 2 witnesses (1 boy and 1 girl) that are like brother and sister to us. We had no Imam present.

My problem is that I have no real family per say. By this I mean I have been in foster care since the age of 7. I do not consider my foster parents as my family even though they raised me because they have no love except for their own blood (children). My now husband initially went to ask for my hand in marriage because he wanted to do it correctly to my foster father and my foster father replied 'wait until after university' but no actual yes or no.

As soon as I reached 18 years old I went off to university and lost all support from my foster careers because I no longer lived in there house. I had to move to uni dorms in order to be close to uni. I lost all suport from them because they were no longer receiving money for looking after me. So now I was in this big world all alone.

The only person in my life thay I could turn to was my not yet husband (I still wanted to make sure I wasn't committing sin so I asked my friend who is like a sister to me to accompany me every time I went to see my now husband so I was never alone with him)

I didn't know what to do about marriage and contact with my now husband at the time. So I tried my best to do research and we mutually agreed to marry however because his family are non Muslims and because I don't know any imams we sealed the marriage ourselves. I don't know how correct this was. I wish there was an imam there but I still don't know any imams and I am worried about my husband because I don't know where to send him to learn about Islam.

My husband's family are non Muslims they see me often because they know that me and my husband are together and in there culture it is usual for marriage to happen during mid 20's. My husband and I have agreed to marry again and sign official registry so they can witness when we both finish university. His mother wants him to finish university. Is this okay?

As soon as I turned 18 I went to search for my real parents. My mother is mentally ill and I cannot have a sane conversation let alone ask her for help. I found out that my father left my mum to marry a younger women and he was never around so I could not talk to him about the matter. I am deeply saddened about this life situation that God has given me but God knows best and Insha'Allah someone will help me so that I can become a better Muslimah.

Thank you.

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5 Responses »

  1. Dear Sister: As Salaamu alaikum. May Allah reward you for all your good deeds. From the information provided your marriage is consider valid, but "fasit" or valid but still requiring more validation. Waiting until you graduate from college is not advisable. Under your conditions, I would suggest you have a complete Nikah at a masjid near you, with your mahr being received and a respectable, reputable male serving as your representative. My preference is that you should have had your marriage recorded with the state you live in. Many men avoid this in order to make a divorce easy in the event they no longer want to be married. Unfortunately this is a common occurrence and women often are manipulated into lowering the standards by men who are not adult enough to be decent husbands.

    • @roses

      how in the world can you say this is valid with no wali, no mehr, one male and one female witness is also not sufficient

      what are your scholarly credentials that entitle you to make a ruling

      @op
      I am sorry for the hardships of your youth, but Allah has blessed you with a new life, however you went about it the wrong way
      you don;t need to know an imam beforehand, just go to any mosque and ask for help
      if you post a location people can help you find a place
      some Universities also have an islamic organization or someone you can talk to
      are you in a country with no muslims and no mosques? did you go to any mosque when you were growing up? if you did just call them and ask them
      if not you can ask people here to help you find someone in your country

  2. Dear Sister: As Salaamu alaikum. May Allah reward you for all your good deeds. From the information provided your marriage is consider valid, but "fasit" or valid but still requiring more validation. Waiting until you graduate from college is not advisable. Under your conditions, I would suggest you at least have a complete Nikah at a masjid near you soon, with your mahr being received and a respectable, reputable male serving as your representative. My preference is that you should have had your marriage recorded with the state you live in. Many men avoid this in order to make a divorce easy in the event they no longer want to be married. Unfortunately this is a common occurrence and women often are manipulated into lowering the standards by men who are not adult enough to be decent husbands. Far too often sex is the motivation to avoid basic Islamic wedding etiquette and usually the woman is the one who is used and then left. You certainly should seek counseling with a knowledge Muslim woman to help guide you in any future decisions regarding the status of your marriage. It appears to have been done in secret since only two other people were present. There is no secret marriage in Islam, but it happens so often. I am sad to say that I am certain once you begin to question your status, ask for your rights and requirements to be met (the way a father and mother would) your husband will not be pleased, question you and being a rant about being obedient, being dutiful and some other double talk about YOUR duty to him and to Allah. This also happens often as well.

  3. Salam..it is sad to see that the muslims today are soo weak..they have know clue about the basics of life also the purpose of there life .I'm going to recommend that u direct you to mufti menk...you can find his website when you google he does have YouTube channel...look you cant get answers from people who our not scholors.

  4. Wherever you are, there must be a masjid somewhere. If you live in the United States, there's a masjid in every state. If you live in the UK I presume it wouldn't be hard to find one. It's good to see you're taking the permissible way of doing things. Go to a masjid, find an imam, elder or knowledgeable person and have them guide you in how to perform an Islamic wedding ceremony.

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