Married a year and half
i am a converted muslim. I am a white 26 year old woman and my husband is a 30 year old pakistani. Our marraige at this point is a disaster. We fight constantly and every day litteraly.
It all started when i got involved with him and he use to run to his ex for help and compare me to her also a white woman. We use to have many conversations about it up to a point where i could not stand hearing her name anymore. He then stopped bringing her up in conversation so freaquently. He use to tell me there are many young girls he can have and that im not that pretty or special. This was about two months into our marriage. its a year and half later and those words still make me cry. I dont have parents to talk to so i dont know what to do. Beacuse he use to compare me to other woman and still threatens to leave me for more beautiful woman or he says he will have sex with who ever he wants when he wants to. I dont think hes chating on me. Its just these things have made me so insecure and there is no way of talking to him. If i try to explain why im insecure he just laughs at the conversation and says woman just cry to manipulate men.
We have a baby girl and it seems she is the only reason hes still here. Hes much better now than in the beginning because he leads salaat at the masjid and has become closer to Alla but our fights have stayed the same.
My main question is how do i resolve the hurt he caused. We dont talk except if about work our families or what he wants to do other than that we fight. Our fights are all about how he feels controlled and acused. I have tried sending him links about how a muslim couple can improve their relationship but he has no intrest in reading them. Till this day he hits me in my face. He swears at me alot and it makes me angry when he does then the fights just get worse.
I have come to a point where i just want to stop talking or take a break from him for a month but i cannot take our baby away from him for a month i dont want to have him miss anytime with her. I am no angle i do get angry also which i know makes things worse but keeping silent also doesnt help. We will have a nice day and just out of nowhere he will start insulting me and saying that i am controlling and acusing him when ive done nothing. The love between us feels dead because of all the nasty fulger disgusting things hes saidespecialy regarding other non muslim woman. I caught him watching porn aswell.
I feel distraught i tought my heart will be safe with a muslim man thats what he promised when he tried to convince me to go against my race religion and family. But hes done more damage than when i was christian. I do not wi bad on my husband and i do love him hence i try to fix what has come between us. But he just doesnt want to.
He told me when he goes to pakistan he wants to get three whores and bring them home to save their souls and privatly talk to them one one. It's to do good but this makes me feel so uncomvertable i told him he should do what he must but not to talk to me about it because it really upsets me because of past fights and things he use to say to me.
What else must i do other than pray. I dont want to talk to his mother because she is already very protective over me and i dont want her to think bad of her son. I just want honest love from him. His brother asked me how to deal with him coz one moment he will insult you and the next he will worship you. I told him i dont know just take the insults and keep quiet.
My husband is a good person very good the best but when hes bad hes the worst. Dont misunderstand please i love him so much that i want him as my husband in the hereafter. How do i get all the insulting and constant same foght to stop? How do i get the hurt out of my heart i prayed many times for Allah to make my heart softer. How do i know ive forgiven my husband for what hes done and said? Does the hurt go away once someone is forgiven? I want to stop crying over these disgusting things hes done and said to me. I dont want to curse my husband or cause Allah to be angry with him. I do not wish death on him or that he leaves me. I want to raise our baby with him she needs her dad. I grew up in a typical western life with typical pain and horrors so i do not want that for my daughter.
Crying for help
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i am pakistani but i grew up in america from age of ten. From my experience if a guy is a immigrant, don't trust him. I know many pakistani guys who marry white girls for lust, green card, money etc. Once they get what they want, afterwards they turn their backs. Most of the time their families won't accept a girl from different race, or religion and country. I would say very few of them are honest and genuine but majority of them are frauds. I hope your husband is not one of them.
Salam
Is marriage counseling possible? Would it be possible to meet with an Islamic marriage counselor? There are few of them that actually do a session over skype as well. I don't know how much you're willing to spend but perhaps that might help.
some people are foolish
you put sense in them to remove foolishness
some listen to words
some listen to stick
unless they are black and blue they will not listen
he doesnot know what he is doing
you should try to make sense in him that you also matter
as islam is equal for both
not for only one to have authority
a sweet word from toungue is worth more than many nawafil
talk sweetest as possible
may Allah bless you as you are new to religion
try to learn completely as it is complete in every sense
but nobody knows