Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Regret after rejecting marriages proposal

woman in regret, sad, depressed

Salaam

 

Recently  I received a very good marriage proposal form a brother who had a good career, was tall, good looking ect. Our families met and i prayed Istikara and I gave my mother an informal yes. However I started to regret it and felt anxiety and asked her to call it off.

 

I never really spoke to the brother but I have regretted it ever since. The difference between my situation and some of the other posts is that I literally had no basis what so ever to reject it, no red flags.

 

i now don’t know what to do and I don’t think my mum can go back to the family. Should I consider contacting him?

 

Also I am worried that because I was ungrateful for Allahs blessing I will never find anyone like him again. What if I  can’t come across an educated religious brother like him again :(. Was this Qadr or my own choice that self sabotage it? I literally cannot get over this and feel so depressed.

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3 Responses »

  1. ws

    You did have a reason for rejecting him - it was your instinct that told you not to go ahead.

    Most people's instincts often turn out to be right as our subconsciousness picks up things that we often ignore.

    Of course, it could be you just got wedding blues and freaked out. You need to ask yourself why you did not go ahead, what was it about this proposal which made you anxious.

    I don't see how you were being ungrateful to Allah. You felt uneasy about the proposal, you need to explore your reasons for backing out and trust me you did have reasons for what you did.

    Who knows this guy could be the type that would have cheated on you or would not have accorded you due respect - these are things your subconscious would pick up and relay to you through anxiety.

    Trust your instincts, they are almost always right. So in reality you most probably have avoided a huge mistake and have nothing to regret.

  2. Ask your mum to retry. If they ask why you rejected them so say you were nervous and scared of marriage. Which happens to the bulk of us. Even guys get cold feet when it comes to marriage and uses excuses to avoid.

  3. Sister, please stop over-thinking the matter of rejecting a marriage proposal. The prospective man may have had remarkable qualities, but if you wanted to accept his proposal and marry him you would have. You chose not to. Maybe at that time you were at a different emotional point in your life. Or perhaps you were just not ready for marriage. That was then. Focus on now and the future. No one can go back to even yesterday. You are not being ungrateful. Just because something good is offered to you, there is no Islamic requirement for you to accept it. If you were polite and respectful, that was that. If you want to consider the man at this time for marriage, ask your mother if he is still available and willing to meet you. Just be sure this time.

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