He is in a relationship with my “friend” and with me.
In a Qudsi hadith the Prophet reported that Allah says, "..my servant does not come closer to Me with anything more dear to Me than that which I made obligatory upon him. My servant keeps coming closer to Me with more volunteer deeds, until I love him. When I love him, I become His ear by which he hears, his eyes by which he sees, his hand by which he holds and his foot by which he walks. If he asks Me anything I shall give him. If he seeks My protection I shall grant him My protection"(Al-Bukhari 6021)
asslamualikum,
I am from a very good family, my family and I are extremely religious. We pray five times a day, with sincere dedication. I am the only one from my family that has committed such a sin.
I fell in love with a guy I went to school with, it was a feeling that I never had before, we committed sin, but we promised each other we would get maried. We got into various fights throughout our relationship. As a matter of fact so many that we were use to fighting and making up, we were really young. Seven months later, I thought he was with someone else so I fought with him and we broke up.
He started going out with my friend to get back at me, because he said he loved me dearly and I shouldn't of left him. Three years later, we still talk, get together, he's still in love with me I think, I love him, and we can't stay away from each other. But that girl "my so called friend" is still in the picture. He doesn't committ to a relationship with me, or her, he cheated on her with me various times.
Once I got scared that I was pregnant, so I cried and repented to Allah (swt) to forgive me and I would never do it again. We kept meeting afterwards and I always told him we wouldn't go that far but I made the same mistake, I know I´m not pregnant but I´m scared of loosing him, on the other hand I want Allah tala to love me, because I don't want to be on the bad side.
I love Allah swt dearly and I want his approval for this relationship. But he keeps leaving, and he hangs out with her too, so my insecurity tells me that he might be doing the same things with her. I´m really scared of loosing him , and I´m scared that Allah swt hates me now since I broke my promise and committed sin. I want to talk to him and tell him that I´m going to leave and wait for him to come get me, because Allah swt said that it´s wrong to have an intimate relationship, but I´m scared he won't come for me. I don't know what to do anymore. I´m scared and sad. I love him so much.
Please help me. What should I do?
thank you
ilbrb
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Asalamoalaikum sister,
I am very sorry to hear about your situation. It must be very difficult for you as you know what the right to do is but you do not have the strength to do so. Sister, you must immediately finish contact with this guy—no ifs, ands, or buts. Yes, I know you committed zina with him, yes I know you may feel like your life has come to an end, yes I know you may feel like you cant live or breath or eat without him, and yes I know you may feel like you will never love again and what should you tell your prospective husband? These are questions that will come in your mind over and over again. Rest assured, there is a solution to all of these problems.
There are 2 reasons why I’m telling you to leave this guy without giving it a second thought.
First, your haram relationship has led you to earn Allah swt’s disappointment and a bundle of sins and regret for yourself. You are not doing the right thing. You are disappointing our lord, your family (indirectly) and yourself. Honestly, it isn’t worth it. This guy is not someone who will help you prosper in this duniya nor for your akhirat. He has thrown you off track and will be the source of your destruction. I know this seems so difficult to do but a sister once told me: if we sacrifice something for Allah swt’s sake than inshAllah He will reward us and replace us with something/someone better.
Secondly, this guy is cheating on you with another girl. He’s done it numerous times before and he is still doing it. And this charade that he’s playing of “Oh I’m going to get back at you with another girl because you left me” is utter nonsense and immaturity. In this process, he’s damaging another girl too; that’s unacceptable. If he doesn’t care for you right now and is disloyal, what guarantee do you have those things will get better in the future (if he even marries you?) They always say that things get worse after marriage. If a person is abusing you from before, it is very likely it will escalate in the future. How about a guy who is two timing you from the start? Alhumdulillah, you are not pregnant and that is a blessing in itself because Allah swt keeps protecting you. What if one day He decides that you get pregnant and then you’re stuck? Also, if he is two timing you and you are worried he is having physical relations with the other girl, I highly suggest you get yourself tested—I am not scaring you but it’s better that you check if everything is okay physically.
I would never recommend such a guy to any sister as he is not a suitable partner. He will keep you miserable and you will be a loser in both this world and the hereafter. I know it will be difficult to take this step and shaitaan will throw you with different questions but you will come out of it successfully if you stay consistent with salat and practice patience. You do not have to worry in regards to your future and what will you tell your husband, etc. These matters can be dealt with accordingly and you will marry to someone much better in the future, inshAllah.
Right now I highly suggest that you leave this guy. He doesn’t love you, nor does he respect you. You guys are fighting already before marriage; things will only get worse after marriage. You need to gather the strength to sacrifice this guy for the sake of Allah swt and you will inshAllah be rewarded immensely. Years down the road, when you mature more you will see the betterment of leaving this guy, although right now it may feel like your world is falling a part—it isn’t though and you will over come this phase.
This is your test sister, whichever path you choose you will face the consequences—both good and bad. Remember sister, the haram path is very glittery and attractive but it’s an illusion and leaves you in misery at the end but the halal/right path is filled with difficulties initially but is worth it at the end when you see the prize/reward that Allah swt has kept for you. Allah swt is helping you because He wants to save you sister, not many sisters get this opportunity to repent and make amends. Some people die on these sins and on yaw-mal-qayyamat they will be raised in that state. And at that time nothing will matter…not even this guy who you feel you can’t live without right now—try to ponder over this please.
May Allah swt give you the strength and wisdom to make the correct decision that will be of benefit to you for both your duniya and akhirat, ameen.
-Helping Sister
As salamu alaykum, sister ilbrb,
I agree with Helping Sister, what I have to add is the following, come closer to Allah(swt) please, you have to fill your life with Allah(swt), this man´s presence has given you enough suffering, be the woman you are called to be and stand in your feet firmly, go back to Allah(swt) and tell this man to stop contacting you, change your number, stop contact with your "friend"and ignore them, they don´t deserve you.
I am going to be harsh with this, I hope you forgive me, he is probably having sex with your friend, or who else, who knows, you mention that you fear to lose him, but what I think is that you haven´t had him or any of the others, he is jus playing around with all of you. You fear of pregnancy, don´t be scared but you should be checked on STD, he is here and there, be careful about this and from now on `please think on loving to Allah(swt) and to yourself, instead of this boy that doesn´t deserve you, he is just using you and you should cool down your feelings towards him with real facts and Allah(swt)´s help, he can give you lots of problems, you are too young and too inocent to go through all this struggles, please ask Allah(swt) for guidance.
On top of the page you have a link with Tawbah, Duas and Istikhara, it will be very useful for you, pray your five salat on time and if you need us, just let us know, we´ll be here, insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Love, Support and Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I fully agree with Maria and Helping Sister. You must cut off contact with this guy. Forget about waiting for him to come get you, astaghfirullah, he is not a suitable partner for any Muslim woman. He is a liar, cheater and a wretch. Move on with your life and find your strength in Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
What are you waiting for? Are you waiting to end up pregnant?! This guy is a loser and using you and your friend. He's probably using other girls too, you just don't know about them. How can you not see that? Why are you allowing yourself to not see this situation for what it is? He is using you for sex and nothing more. If you have any respect for yourself and your family, end things today as this will only drag you down. If you think for a minute things are bad now...what do you think they will be if you end up pregnant? Do you think he will care? Do you think he will be there or ...marry you? No. He won't care and he will move on with his life whilst your life is ruined and raising a child alone.
Have some respect for yourself and be done with this trash. You must know that you are so much better than to accept this situation. As everyone before me has said, end it. You lose nothing but you in this mess.
well assalamu alaiki sister.... without saying much, i really sympathize with your situation and i know you really love ALLAH more than your boy friend. and also i know you are ready to obey and follow the commandment of ALLAH but due to weakness found in most human being, u found ur self into such a sin... My advice 2 u is 2 4get about dat guy and face ur new life nd pray 2 ALLAH 4 someone better dan him
Aoa! Wael is right y do u wana spend ur life with such a boy leave him n jst take a Name 'ALMUTAALI' as much as u can all the time Allah isthe most merciful n kind. Wait for wt Allah's going to give you.