Islamic marriage advice and family advice

When will the help of Allah come? I feel like a life sentenced prisoner and lonely…

Salam Aleikum we Rahmetullah

First of all I may make a lot of mistakes cuz am not an english speaker. This will be a little long and annoying cuz the sentences arent in good order, i have troubles concetrating now so thank you very much for reading this, and for your time and patience. I will try to make it short.

I started feeling terrile since i was in 8th grade. I was bullied a lot. I also tried to kill myself while taking lots of medicines, but it wasnt my time it seems. Then in the middle of high school, Allah made me muslim from internet. I was shaking the first time I went in the masjid, but i loved it so much that I stayed there from dhuhr to asr. Islam made me the complete opposite of what I was.

I was finally happy,everything changed. but this lasted very short cuz when my family found out i was going to the masjid my depression started even more. I live in a nonmuslim country where its a shame to be a muslim. To my mom its better to be a drug user than a muslim. But am not going to say how we came to this point cuz its very long but the thing is I cant pray, my family thinks i left islam, that, i just believe, and fast but i dont practise it. It was the only way to keep my islam.

I spent 3 years studying in another city, I wanted to go there so i could pray and practise Islam, and I did that, secretly, was amazing. But now i am back home. I cant pray again. The ramadhan is always when I am in vacations, so when I am home. Everybody gets happy when Ramadhan comes, I get extremely worried of the fights that will happen, the guests who will ask me to try some food, (ive done a cooking school,thats why), the terrible feelings of loneliness I get that its been 3-4 ramadhans that I eat iftar alone, watching unpurpously how others are eating and praying together, are getting engaged.etc. I see how a guy who left islam, is now living happily in a country where i always wanted to live. I see my nonmuslim cousins (i am the only muslim in both my family sides) how they live abroad happily, and those who are here, they have rich parents and the one who is my age has a home and mercedes for himself and hes not finished uni yet. I see how my high-school friends either were sent aboard by their families or studied in the capital and now have jobs, some engaged, some married, or are happy in general. And what i have in my life except Allah and Islam, is the yelling and the ignorance of my parents that are making my life miserable. A house where alcohol is drank, and pork is cooked. I have Islam but i cant enjoy the beauty of it. Others dont have Islam, and they are having what they want. This is making me feel jealous towards them. I dont want to be jealous,  because if I can enjoy Islam I know I am blessed infinite times more than them.

The world is progressing, people are progressing. And am stuck, am here with my legs tied up. I want to move closer to Allah, but I am drifting towards jannaham. Wallahi If I had an opportunity I would go closer to Allah, what I want is a little push ,so I can get out of here, thats all. I cant move out within the country cuz this is a poor country, i need someody to support me financially at first. Thats why am saying am stuck, every door is closed. With the help of Allah i have managed to make some papers to try to get citizenship of another country, and now I am waiting for a response from them, but it may take months, years, there is also no guarantee. (Its been more than 1 year that I wait for that already). But I still hope Allah will help me. Its the only way to salah, to Allah, to jannah, to my wife (in shaa Allah,I will have one too). So How can I speed things up? What duaa can I make?.

I am afraid I will lose sanity. I am showing sings of psychotic behaviour already. My hair is falling. Im tired of people asking if am going to blow people up or join Isis. My eyes lost their shines. They are colored but they look dark. Am exhausted physically. Am 21 and i look way bigger, with swollen eyes cuz of crying at night. I have no muslim brother to reach out to. Its been a very long time since I met a muslim. Thats why i wrote so much cuz I had to express a bit of my pain. There is still alot more, going in my life, but its too much to include all. Sorry if some sentences didnt make sense, all this grief made me loose concentration at everything. I even forget what am talking about in the middle of the sentence.

A general advice about all this,would be highly appreaciated.After all,islamic youtube videos filled with hope are the cause I keep my imaan and deen alive.Thanks for reading all of this.

May Allah make everything easy,and everything better,for us,and the muslims who will exist in the future.

Ameen

Gelid

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13 Responses »

  1. Salaam brother what's your name and where are you based? Are there no muslims where you live?

  2. Assalaamualaikum Brother,

    May Allah(swt) ease your situation. I am so glad that in such difficult situations, you are still thinking only about how to keep your relationship intact with Allah(swt).

    take care

  3. Walaikumassalaam warahmatullhi wabarakaatu

    Dear Brother, All You Need to Do is Ask. For whatever problem you have, whatever difficulty you find yourself in, you have the most powerful weapon to ward off the pain that plagues you. It is the weapon of du`a’.

    Insha’Allah, you will be answered. The Prophet ﷺ said, “Verily your Lord is Generous and Shy. If His servant raises his hands to Him (in supplication) He becomes shy to return them empty.” (Ahmad, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi)

    Allah has named Himself Al-Mujeeb, which means the One who responds. Just as we are certain that the Qur’an is true, we must be certain that Allah, Al-Mujeeb, will answer our call. We should never think that Allah will not answer, because by feeling so, we are denying this attribute (siffat) of Allah. Whenever we are feeling down, we should not hesitate to ask Him over and over again, and to go into sujood (prostration) and plead because that is the closest that we are to Him. If we realize this, the doors of mercy have been opened for us, because the Prophet ﷺ said, “For whoever the door of du`a’ opened, for him the doors of mercy are opened.” (Tirmidhi).

    Your du`a’ is deposited with Allah, and as was narrated from the Prophet ﷺ, your du`a’ does something. Either Allah will speedily answer your du`a’ or He will save it for you until the Hereafter, or He will avert something bad equal to the value of the du`a’ (Ahmad). So we should never leave du`a’. The Prophet ﷺ told us, “Do not stop making du`a’, because nobody who makes du`a’ is forsaken.” (Hakim)

    We must always have certainty that Allah answers. But sometimes doubt enters one’s heart: “…But I asked, I made du`a’... and I don’t see anything?” Firstly, just as we know that Allah is Al-Mujeeb, we must also know He is Al-Hakeem (the Most Wise).

    He may delay answering your prayer for a number of reasons; one is to test your trust in Him. We all say we believe Allah is the Al-Mujeeb when everything lands at our feet, but what about when we don’t immediately see the fruits of our du`a’? I knew a woman who was telling the story of how her husband did not pray. When she married him, she didn’t know, and as the marriage progressed she discovered that he was skeptical of religion as well. So she would wake up every night for qiyam al-layl (the night prayer) and plead with Allah to guide Him. Do you know how long she prayed for? Two years. And she says it was so unexpected; he came home from a business trip with a complete change of heart. It turns out that on the plane he was seated next to a great sheikh who began talking to him. And that is how he changed.

    Another reason is that Allah knows when it is best to answer. You are asking to move out of the country and He could make it happen at this very moment, but He will delay it because He knows that in a couple of months, a better opportunity will come along. Perhaps what you are asking for is not good for you, or He will give you something better in the Hereafter.

    Ibn Al-Qayyim said he who fulfills the following conditions should know that Allah will surely answer his du`a’:

    1. Have certainty that Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala will answer your du`a’. The Prophet ﷺ said, ”Ask Allah with certainty that He will answer your prayers.” (Tirmidhi)
    2. Show submissiveness and devotion during your du`a’. The Prophet ﷺ said, ‘Know that Allah will not accept the supplication from an absent heart.’ (Tirmidhi)
    3. Be patient and do not hasten for an answer. The Prophet ﷺ said: ‘The du`a’ of any worshipper will continue to be responded to, as long as… he is not hasty’ i.e. as long as he doesn’t lose patience. [Muslim]
    4. Continue to gain a lawful means of living. The Prophet ﷺ narrated a story about a man asking Allah, saying “O Lord! O Lord!” but his food was unlawful, his drink was unlawful, his clothing was unlawful, and he was nourished unlawfully; so how can he be answered?!” (Muslim)

  4. Whatever grief we go through, whatever hardship we endure, we must understand that we are never alone. Even if we feel abandoned by the world and those closest to us, Allah is there. He reminds us in the Qur’an,

    “Fear not. Indeed, I am with you [both]; I hear and I see.” (20:46)

    “Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said, ‘When is the help of Allah?’ Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.” [Qur’an, 2:214]

    As human beings, we will be tested. But this doesn’t mean that we are going to live our lives in perpetual hardship, because ‘unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.’ So what does it mean when we are going through hardship? Is Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) angry with us? What if there is no way out?

    Whenever we go through hardship, there are things we need to know with certainty. Allah (swt) tells us in the Qur’an:

    “[…] Allah will bring about, after hardship, ease.” [Qur’an, 65:7]

    Certain hardships are so consuming that we cannot focus on anything but the difficulty. But we have to remember that if we were to enumerate the blessings of Allah (swt), we would not be able to count them. Reminding ourselves of the other blessings in our lives helps us to see the test within the context of the grand scheme of things. Just the fact that you can make sajda (prostration), and call out, “O Allah!” is a blessing that surpasses all others.

    There is a purpose behind the trial, and this purpose corresponds to our internal state and our relationship with Allah (swt). Allah (swt) has 99 Beautiful Names, and it should suffice us to know that He is the Most Merciful, the Most Just and the Most Wise. Your test is not being put upon you by a random being, but by the Almighty Allah, who is closer to us than our jugular vein.

    Tests are a way to purify us. The Prophet ﷺ said, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that,” [Bukhari]. Our ultimate aim is to earn Allah’s pleasure and Jannah (paradise), and all of us fall short in truly worshiping Allah (swt) as He should be worshiped. Many of us fail to ask for forgiveness regularly, or to reflect on our state and return to Allah (swt). These tests, as burdensome as they are, ease our burden on the Day of Judgment, if we respond with patience.

    Trials also have a way of reminding us of our purpose. If we are far from Allah (swt), the test is usually to bring us close to Him. Whatever heedlessness we are engaging in, the test should make us realize we have no one, no one at all, but Him.

    The Prophet ﷺ said, “When Allah loves a servant, He tests him,” [Tirmidhi]. In a hadith qudsi (a hadith relating the words of Allah [swt]), Allah (swt) tells Jibreel to delay the response to the du`a’ of a servant because Allah (swt) loves hearing his voice [Tabarani]. Sometimes the answer to a test is that need for Allah (swt), those long hours spent in the night, and the tears of sincerity.

    • Assalaamualaykum Brother Yusuf,

      What terrific advice for the brother in need. May Allah bless you both abundantly.

      Salam,

      Nor

      • May Allah accept your dua, thanxxxx.

      • Salaamalaikum, Nor.

        Could you please suggest a name for an Islamic channel that I'm going to launch on Youtube. I need a mix of both English and Arabic. Is 'GoIslam' okay?

        • Assalaamualaykum Brother Yusuf,

          I apologize for not seeing your post sooner and don't know if you will get this.

          I think "GoIslam" is good, as long as the font that is used makes the "I" distinct from an "L." The font being used here (Calibri I think) makes it almost look like GoLslam, which is confusing.

          You could also name it something to the effect of IslamNow or IslamToday but that kind of sounds like Islam has changed which it hasn't.

          So I like your idea.

          Inshallah the channel will be a success and helpful for visitors/viewers.

          Salam and Best,

          Nor

          • Walaikumassalaam, Nor.

            Thank you soo much for replying. I chose the name 'ClosertoAllah' though.

            You know, I wanted to create a new channel to take people to the highest levels of Iman rather than those usual fancy videos with some sad music in background which raises your Iman just for a minute or two and then you forget it.

            You know what happens when you watch those islamic videos with music in background? It never compels your nafs to do anything good. Anyways, only few people subscribed because, you know, people want those fancy videos with sad music. So I deleted my channel. HAHAHA.

            If I want to become a good doctor, I should study 4 to 5 years, 8 hours every day, right? So, what about Islam? People just want to watch short reminders and spend just a little time to gain knowledge in Islam and want to be successful.

  5. And do you want specific answers for why you are going through depression, oppression from family members, living with nonmuslims, your hairs falling, etc. ?

  6. i recently went through some hardship and struggle myself but at least i had salahh to take refuge from them , I'm sorry if you cant pray your salahh but if you could have , your hardship would have been eased a lot more , take refuge in salahh . god doesn't need our prayers it is us who need them to keep focused and see the bigger picture .to know at the end no matter what we will be victorious because we have Allah's mercy and forgiveness.

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  8. Gelid, are u still here? Your post is a bit old. Hope everything is good with you in shaa Allah. I am looking for muslim brothers to befriend, maybe we can talk?

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