Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Hair loss is affecting my faith in Allah

Components of ImaanAsalamualaykum,

I am a 29-year-old female. I've had PCOS for the last 12 years, but for the last eight years, I have also been experiencing extreme hair loss. I used to cry a lot about it. I did everything: I went to almost eight doctors but nothing worked. I tried every medicine, oil, home remedy, as well as painful procedures such as PRP INJECTIONS.

For some years now, my parents have been trying to find a match for me, but they weren't  satisfied with the proposals I've had so far. I have not met even a single boy for marriage, and nothing is working. Now my parents are trying to find match for my younger siblings.

I started praying Tahajjud at one point, but my hair loss did not stop. I've tried every dua for this condition. I am so afraid that when I have to show a boy my hair after marriage, he will reject me. Because I wear hijab and won't see my hair until then. I don't even know if I will even get married.

It has been many years now and I'm not able to control my sexual desires, so I masturbate. I repent to Allah but still end up doing it again. I want to get married as soon as possible.

What should I do about my hair falling out? I have been left with extremely thin hair.  I have stopped praying Tahajud because it is affecting my Iman. When my prayers and duas are not being answered, I feel low in Iman. I cannot tell you my pain. I even have to take sedatives to sleep.

I just want my dua to get answered. I know I don't deserve Allah's love but his mercy is bigger than my sins. Why does Allah hate me soooooooo much? Why, why? I love Him sooo much and trust Him. But he breaks my trust. I wear hijab, don't talk to the opposite sex, pray five times a day, read Quran, and observe fast, but He still doesn't love me. Why? I just want my hair to stop falling out. But He doesn't even listen to this single dua.

Sister


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8 Responses »

  1. I can't give you much advice on hair loss other than remaining healthy and stressing less. And for masturbation is easy to over come by going to YouTube or opening the Quran and remind yourself what will happen when YOU (In caps because some of us believe we wont die anytime soon, which is wrong. We can die at any moment) die

    However, the problem here is not your hair, it's you. You don't understand God. You forgot everything he has given you and done for you and that's why you're here questioning him. You don't have faith in him and nor do you understand the purpose you been set into this world.

    One of his names is Al Wadud - The Loving, the Kind One

    Our emotions and God's emotions are incomparable. For us, emotions are evoked by hormones, events, etc. For God, he is eternal and already knows all that was, is, and will be. He is by his essence Al Wadud, the Loving - not by biological hormones etc. As such, our love can not be compared to his, but what it does do is that it provides a window for us look at. Imagine you grew up your whole life in a dark house with no light, and one day you're walking around randomly and you look upwards - looking at the lamp and it flickers on - quickly off again. For a slight moment, you experience light. You think you've understood it. Yet, if you ever had walked outside of the house, the sun would be nearly blind you. When we experience love, we experience that flicker of light. We can never understand God's love - we barely understand human love as it is.

    We cannot say who God does and doesn't love - but generally speaking the Mumin & Muslim is loved as he is taking steps towards God to fulfill his duty. The one who hates God or prays to others than God, then he is not only neglecting his duty, he's actively moving away from it. Does God love you? Ask yourself who you are? Have you sincerely worked towards understanding God, the universe, etc? Sometimes - despite how sincere we may be - we are holding ourselves back for one reason or another. Self assessment is always important - no matter who we are or what we believe in. Once in a while lay down on the floor, look at the ceiling, and ask yourself who you are and where you're going. God loves those that move towards him, and hates those that actively and knowingly reject truth (See Surah al Masad) . See his love? If you move towards him, even not knowing what you're doing - he will love you. But the only time he will hate you is when you actively acknowledge his existence, yet knowingly decide to go against him (e.g Abu Jahl, Abu Lahab, Fir'awn, etc)

  2. Walaykumasalam Sister,

    I agree with brother Ahmad in that your hair loss, while traumatic, is going to require a wider perspective to overcome. Remember that this life is not the life where we get everything we want. This life is hard and can be painful at times. Allah tests us with everything that we have, as well as things that we don't have. Our job is only to survive, try our best, and remain true to Him.

    Have you thought about wearing a wig or hair piece? These days, there are wigs that look very realistic. I know that it's not the real thing, but there is no shame in wearing one. Some women choose to learn to love themselves without hair, while others choose to wear a wig and keep life moving! I understand your plight, as I have also been losing a tremendous amount of hair since puberty. Furthermore, I lose a ton of hair as a side effect of medication that I take, for which there is no alternative. I just think to myself..."Well I rather be bald by the time I'm 50 than suffer mentally as I do without my medications." But I had to go through that pain first to be ok with this pain. But really, I have researched options, and I think that a combination of a wig and a different mindset...looking more to the future and the Akhirah instead of your present situation...will help you feel better Inshallah.

    Hugs,

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers

    • Aselamu Aleykum Dear Noor,

      Is wearing a wig or human hair allowed in Islam?

      • Asalamualaykum,

        I don't see why not. Allah has said that for every disease, there is a cure. And wigs are sort of a "cure" for hair loss in this age when no other solution, except transplantation which is mostly suggested for male pattern baldness, exists. That's the way I see it.

        Best,

        Nor
        IslamicAnswers

      • Aoa

        I am sorry , my islamic knowledge is not the best but once i asked my dad about wigs and he said if a person wears a wig to deceive others then it is not permissible but if one wears a wig because he/she suffers from a medical condition and it serves as a cure for it then it is permissable.

        Off the topic ,
        in the west most black women have very short hair or receded hairlines and most off them wear wigs. I know this cuz i have seen a lot of them falling off.

  3. Salam Sis,

    I hear you loud and clear. I too suffer from PCOS and lost hair in my 20's, I'm in my mid 40's now and match my husband, ha! Except he won't let me just keep my hair short. Keeping it short helps make it look fuller...long hair makes it look thinner because of all the weight. Oh well, I just wear hats everywhere I go. Everyone really gave you great Islamic advice, just gotta keep in your mind that one hundred years on Earth is but a second in the akhira...so when you make du'a know that it will be answered, but when HE deems it the right time. Also remember (and this is tough because I have three daughters), everyone was born with a soul mate already declared for you. Do not rush anything, as you may think you know what's best for you, but you're just fulfilling your nafs. Marriages based on desires, do not last, are not joyful or respectful...so have sabr and control your time and money properly and all shall fall into place.

  4. Asalamalykum dear sister,

    I am also suffering from extreme hair loss, i used to ask Allah swt to give my hair back but no luck still praying , pls dont lose hope. Try applying kalonji oil which cures every disease except death. Have patience there are many girls suffering like us.Read Surah Fatiha and blow on hair. Jazak Allah khair.

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