Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I love both my boyfriend and a guy I met at school…now what?

decision making, two directions


I was in a relationship with someone for one and a half years. I know this is haram but we love each other. Now I got admission to a university, met another boy who loves me a lot, and he's also met my family. However, my boyfriend also met with my family.

Both guys want to marry me, but I don't know who I should choose. I still love my boyfriend...actually, I'm not satisfied with him at this very moment but I'm also not happy to leave him. In fact, I think if I leave him for someone else, Allah will punish me. After all, he loves me a lot!

But I honestly don't know if I'll be happy if I marry him...please don't judge me for this...maybe I'm wrong to have a relationship without marriage but they both are ready to marry me if I just say yes! I'm confused as to whom I should choose. Maybe I like both of them...again, please don't just. Tell me...can I do istikhara? If yes, then how?


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6 Responses »

  1. Asalamualaykum Sister,

    I think your situation presents the perfect conditions for praying the Istikhara prayer, and making dua afterwards. When you pray this amazing, special, and effective prayer, you are essentially asking Allah to guide you to the best of two options using His perfect knowledge and power. He will lead you to what is good for you, and keep you away from what is bad for you. Furthermore, you will find yourself content with His decision for you. So leave it in the hands of Allah and pray Istikhara, which you can find information on at the top of this page in the blue bar (Istikhara Questions and Answers).



    • Intresting there is no advice to tell that having boyfriends is haraam ?

      • Asalamualaykum Cool,

        In her first sentence, she says she knows her relationship is haram. There is no point harping on it. This board is for advice, and I gave her advice on what she should do moving forward.


        • If instead of two boyfriends if there was husband one side and new boyfriend on other side ,same advise you would have given to her ?

          Obviously people start with some kind of disclaimer like "I know its haram but i need it .. lab lab laa " ..

          Problem with not repeating "this is haraam " in answers is that it appears its cool to continue such stuff .

          As answers will be read by different types of people with zero knowledge,less knowledge or more knowledge about Islam so duplication is fine as it should convey that basic message at least ..

          Also second point, if my knowledge is correct,
          Istigfhar for haraam things is not allowed.
          For example if some one want to do istigfhar to choose between husband and new boyfriend then it is not allowed as it is for haraam ..
          You can cross check this point probably as here you advise is to choose between two boyfriends ..

          • Asalamualaykum Cool,

            You are correct that Istikhara is not to be made for haram things. However, marriage is not haram, and is one of the most common things that people make Istikhara for.

            She writes:

            "Maybe I'm wrong to have a relationship without marriage but they both are ready to marry me if I just say yes! I'm confused as to whom I should choose."

            In this particular case, she and both the guys intend marriage and to make the relationship halal. Let's not make the deen difficult and uninviting to her. Everyone has something to repent from...does that mean that one should just go on sinning? Obviously, there is a place where someone must start to follow deen. If I gave the impression that it's ok for everyone to have boyfriends and then just do Istikhara, I'm sorry. That was not my intention. I will think about your suggestion to duplicate the message that it is haram in future posts. Thank you for your feedback 🙂



  2. To address a couple of your other concerns Sister Maimoona, Allah will not "punish" you for leaving either one of these guys, as the relationships, as you've mentioned, were not halal. Furthermore, Allah has not given women the ability to love more than one guy! So you definitely love one more than the other...Istikhara will help you decide which one!


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