Should I leave him as he won’t marry me or just stay for the sake of our children?
Not that I'm in the habit of taking advice from church billboards, but in this case they have a point. Secret relationships are always a mistake.
Assalam O Alaikum,
I have been in a relationship for 5yrs with a Pakistani man and I have 2 children with him and my other children all think he is their dad. He won't marry me. I have done everything he asked and I am not doing anything wrong other than being with him; he says he loves me but I am not sure. I tell people I am single parent as I am ashamed and his own family has never met their grandchildren. I new him for 18months before we got together when my daughter was just born then I had my son and he still wanted relationship with me.
I thought this was weird and didn't trust him. Before him; I was in a very abusive relationship and had to move property so my ex couldnt find me to be able to keep my kids. I do everything myself I take nothing from him he gives me nothing in return. I don't want this life; its haram and embarrassing I have to lie because I feel ashamed of myself and for my children. But then I have 4 small children that he is a father too please help because I really think I need to walk away but I have the children to think about. Also I didnt find out till after a few years he has a wife and has kids with her; now I feel very trapped. Or does he have a big heart and I should be grateful?
Shazia001
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Salaam Shazia.
Im sorry to hear about your predicament. I understand that you have children with him so it makes it difficult for you. However by being in a relationship outside marriage you are committing sin so I would advise you to either marry him or leave him. Ideally I would say marry, but as he has another wife this may be difficult. If he refuses to marry you then you should leave him. If he is not willing to then you are better off without him. We do not know when Allah swt will take us so leave this haraam relationship and make sincere tawbah. Never forget that Allah swt is the Most Merciful and He will forgive you if you are sincere.
The change will be difficult for the kids so be there for them and allow them to see him. Make sure that they know they are loved. Also be aware that children learn from their parents, so if they see parents not practicing or doing wrong it sends the message that it is ok.
Change your life dear sister. Turn to Allah swt. It is the holy month of Ramadan and the doors of Jannat are open Alhumdulilah so utilise this time, and seek His forgiveness.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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Asalaamu alaykium
You have children to this man.. so what.
He is not good for your Eman. He will not give you any of your Rights.
You marry at the level of your self Esteem.
May Allah bring you someone better! Ameen
salaam on you
make tawbah to Allaah and leave him straight away.
strenghen your lost relationship with Allaah.
start to pray a.s.a.p, save up to go to 'Umra or hajj for Allaahs forgiveness.
learn the qur'aan and teach it to your children, ask Allaah not to corrupt your children.
i truely hope you read this and take my advice, just one time of zina is a huge burden, let alone 5 whole years of zina and children out of that is a great geat inconceivable burden
dont tell ever tell your children that they were born of a haraam union, dont tell them that you have made them illigitemate children.
Allaah ma'ak