Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I have no love for my husband – I want to take divorce


Assalam o alikum!!

My story is very complicated. I got engaged almost 2 years ago ..the guy was settled abroad. We had a normal conversation during whole tenure. his family was very nice at first but later they came up to be a laalchi type of people. Though they didn't put any huge demands but still they were kind of irritating. Meanwhile i fell in love with my colleague who was recently married to a woman whom he loved 10 yrs almost. He after his marriage tried to end our relation several time but failed since i loved him very much, had physical relation with him too.. and i always went back to him. Then there came a time that we decided to get married. He was financially strong and asked me to talk to my parents before my fiance comes pakistan for marriage. I spoke to my parents and they were angry that how can u get married to a guy who is already married. They went to his brother and the guy was angry on this event as he didn't wanted to involve his family. Anyways he refused to marry me, and did not came to meet my parents. and we had a breakup.

I in my anger started preparing for my wedding. We started talking again and met several time before my marriage.. Though we loved each other very much but were unable to figure out solution. Finally decided to end our relation and i got married. Now problem is, i am not happy with my husband.. We have zero understanding.. He is very immature,childish n a bossy person. He wants me to obey him all the time..i cant even dress up according to my own wish.. I never accepted him whole heartedly.. in this 4 months of marriage he gave me 15k only for my personal expense (he went back after 15 DAYS). Very careless and self centered type of person. Now actual problem is,i never loved him. Never, and i am not ready to compromise at all.

the guy whom i had relation is still with me, talks to me meet me and we committed fornication, which is killing me inside. But he wants to marry me and asking me to get divorce from my husband. I love him truly and so do he. but he is not willing to tell his family about our shadi rite now.. though he is ready to provide me my own home and fulfill all my necessities. He will tell about our marriage after some time in order to avoid any strong response from family. here i want to mention that he is very nice to his first wife and will keep her with him..I really want to marry him.. Since we have committed a sin that can never be forgiven.. So i want to marry him in that case too. please suggest me in the light of islam .. i am very confused.i know even if i decide to live with my husband ,we can not carry this relation for long. i want to take divorce and marry the one whom i love!!


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20 Responses »

  1. Then divorce your husband and marry the one whom you have been talking about.

    In your words " Apney pairon pe khud Kulhadi maar hi lijiye " .. 😀

    You dont love your husband because you love that man who is already married, wants a secret marriage with you, wants to keep you hidden from his family and the world. He might provide you with a house and your necessities but a house isnt house until you stay with your family. He will provide you all those things and go and stay with his previous wife. Then what will you do ? Keep phoning him texting him. One fine day his present wife will see all this and then this man will divorce you.

    So again in your words " NA AAP GHAR K RAHOGEY NA GHAAT KEY "..

    Right now for you 15k is lesser amount as compared to the haram things what that other man is giving you. How much does your husband earns ? Rather than being grateful you are being greedy again in your words "Laalchi". Grow up lady grow up. Materialistic things dont make life complete if there are no people around to see what you possess.

    You are physchologically attached to this colleague of yours that is why you dont love your husband. You are in short trying to compare him with your colleague which is absolutely wrong. He is childish immature as per you .. So what are you ? Have you asked that to your ownself ?

    Dont be stupid enough to take some wrong step which you might regret for your lifetime. This colleague of yours just wants you to be his puppet, rather a hidden puppet. If he was firm in is LOVE for you he would tell his family first and then marry you not vice versa.

    There is nothing i have to say in the light of ISLAM. Use your brains also sometimes. Your case is crystal clear. ALLAH has himself shown you the path. Its just that you are dead confused. Think over it. Once again

    I wish you all the very best.

  2. I agree with the last post.. You need to grow up. You are selfish and greedy and childish yourself. It seems your husband hasn't done anything wrong but you are just Kit picking bcuz you want to be with a married guy. Why don't you leave the married man along and move on with your life? You are a married muslim women. You are a lady not an animal that goes around. If you wanted to marry him he should come and ask not hide you. How do you feel about be a secret ? Your like a used trash bag. How can allah bless this marriage more when u are going around? No one said marriage is going to ge perfect but it's seem to me you have you head in la la land

  3. You are an adultress,
    be thankful for what you have, make tauba. Turn to Allah.

    many women dont even get married, if they do, their husbands are abusive and cheat on them.

    make tauba, you are whats wrong with the muslim Ummah of our time.

    hope that helps.

  4. why you are not ashamed i m speechless how can someone cheat his partner why?
    you are destroying your life and you will give pain to your husband i dont know what he would do but if he is bossy he would likely to beat you up and divorce you
    where will you go
    please repent. Allah is giving you time to ask for forgiveness you are doing a major sin dont you feel humiliated after having sex with a married man oh god i hate extra marital affairs there should be death penalty for cheating thats it.

    • Well, teeecchnicallyyyy.

      Adultery (extra-marital affairs) is punishable by death in sharia. U know, with the proper trial, witnesses, etc.

      I agree with you though, I hate it too.

  5. Save yourself and the man you love...if you are both Muslims and are willingly committing adultery you are harming yourself and doing an unforgivable act..May Allah guide you to the right path.

  6. Your act of zina and your colleagues act of Zina despite getting married are an example how some of so called Muslims behaves worst than animals ...even lot of kaafirs behaves in a human way ..there will be no peace in your life and after death if you continue this haraam path are not able to fix issues with your husband because your mind is with other married guy are on a destructive path .

  7. Since we have committed a sin that can never be forgiven.. So i want to marry him in that case too.///

    Who said that it cant be forgiven ??
    If you truly repent to your lord for this bad deeds , it will be forgiven in sha Allah. And promise your lord to never do it again and be happy at what your lord has decided for you. Wait for Allah's decision.
    Though you have wronged yourself b deceiving your husband, but still there is time, the dorrs are pne for tauba. yYou know and we all know that you are doing wrong. plz stop his wrong act and leave everything to Allah swt.

  8. islamically i think you know what is right. relationships before marriage are haram and having a relationship outside your marriage is a grave sin. you need to put your feelings to one side. you say this married man tried to end the relationship with you several times but failed as "you loved him very much and kept going back to him". here lies the problem. instead of building on your marriage, your heart has been attached to this other man, how is this fair to your husband? yes, you both made a mistake but he tried to end the relationship and you kept on pursuing him.

    you say he loves you and asked you for marriage, but he became angry when your parents approached his brother. he wants to keep you a secret. what does this say?nothing that is ever a secret is right. he wants to keep it secret for a reason, he does not love you, he does not have respect you, he has no intention of every making you his wife. read all the posts here on girls who have been involved with married men who use second marriage as an excuse to continue haraam relations.

    i feel your feelings for him have clouded your judgement, and u have made bad choice. you made it clear he refused to marry you, and you say you were unable to come to a solution, he was a married man who does not want to leave his wife, this was his choice, so how could you agree to keep meeting him after this point?

    this man is asking you to ruin your marriage and divorce your husband, yet isn't willing to leave his wife for you nor is he prepared to tell his family about you?he had the chance to speak to your parents and you say how he responded yet you have continued to chase him. he has already made a fool of you once, by telling you he wants to marry you and when you told you parents he made it clear he would not and ended the relationship. how would you feel if you divorced your husband and you tell this man i have divorced him only for the married man to do the same again? sorry to say but he is playing with you.

    you need to put an end to this. its never to late to repent and go on the right path. forget this man and cut all ties. focus on your marriage. give your heart to your husband. let him move on and be happy with his wife, and you should now to the right thing and move on with your life.

    you say you want to divorce to be with the one you love, but sadly this man does not love you, and it would be the biggest mistake of your life. he will only leave you, and leave you i na worse position than you are now.

    please open your eyes and and find the strength to make the right decision

  9. Pls remember you are not a victim but equal partner in grave sin . If you die during the act of Zina you will die as a kaafir..i will search n give reference for it later

  10. What a complete and utter mess! I have no sympathy for you or your boyfriend but feel bad that both your spouses are being cheated on.

    It's so obvious how selfishly your thinking. Marriage is not a game, you've ruined your husbands life and your boyfriend has ruined his wife's life. Do you understand how painful it is to find out that your spouse is cheating on you?

    I think there are two options. Cut ties with your boyfriend repent for your sins and focus entirely on your husband and marriage.

    If you Can't leave your boyfriend then let your husband go and get married to your boyfriend as a second wife. But be prepared to be treated like a second class citizen, and to be responsible for the pain that your going to give his first wife.

    All I can say, despite sounding harsh is that you need to grow up and stop ruining other people's lives.

  11. I unknowingly had relations with a married. Found out after I got PREGNANT. Treated me like absolute garbage once I started to encourage him to confess to his wife. Now my sons growing up without a father.

    If I knew he was married, I would have avoided him %10000 percent!

    Seek forgiveness. You'll indeed be punished if you go ahead with this marriage.

    Allah knows best.

  12. Is this website not used for freedom of speech? To seek help for your problems you can't confide in to anyone else.

    So many judgemental people, giving your personal opinion that's beyond harsh. Remember, its up to Allah to judge. Not you.

    • Everyone will give reply as per there Opinions based on what has been asked. Which is natural. Just for the person to feel better you cannot sympathise him / her. How harsh could that be ? The replies are Practical.

      Why would someone give personal opinion ? If someone is reading this only those will give. And have given. And if its harsh then there is no COMPULSION to accept them simply Ignore.

      And no one is being Judgemental as per the replies which are given above. Freedom of speech and words applies there too.. I hope that is clarified Alicia.

  13. You say your in-laws are "lalchi", yet here you are acting greedy and selfish yourself.
    Watch how you talk about others, you might just be talking about yourself.

    Right now, under shariah law, you both would be stoned to death and rightfully so.
    I feel disgusted by what you wrote. You don't have any courtesy for that man's wife, or your own HUSBAND.

    Grow up.

  14. Don't make this mistake. I made it but I wasn't married before I just fell in love with a married man who always told me he's separated from his wife and I found out everything was a lie whe. I was 5 months pregnant and now it's eating me day and night. Pls don't make this mistake.

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