Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marriage Istekhara by Mother / Evil Asraat


Hello scholars,

Before questions I want to share my story, I had a colleague who proposed me and convinced me hard to let his parents visit my place, since I never noticed him, neither had any feelings but he was so persistent that I considered his proposal and let him send his parents to my place. His mother came to our home but she didn't show much interest, neither she talk to me once and most of the time was silent. After couple of weeks they invited us to their place and his mother had same attitude. However the boy is a very nice guy, a gentleman and since I found him a perfect partner and started thinking about him during this course.

After few weeks his mother called us and asked about our decision, since they were middle class family but still I convinced my family nicely to say yes. His mum seems disinterested and said few things which might have resulted no from us but I kept my parents positive and they say yes, it was more like if someone is consoling on some funeral, no joy, no happiness no wishes etc which was really strange.

I asked my colleague if his mother is okay with this he told she isn't happy and I tried to convince her. Since we were waiting for them to fix date for engagement or dua e Khier but they took weeks and my colleague consistently asking her mum to call us at least and one day she just call my mum andsaid istekhara didn't come positive so excuse us. My mum said you can do it again and we can do as well but we doing it Allah Tawakul but she refused and said it's final.

My colleague who took four years to propose me and to disclose his feelings, he did a lot of efforts to convince me and my family got in extreme depression and said he will do something with him. His mother didn't tell him that she is going to do this in fact he asked to fix the date.

I called him and made him relax and asked him to do istekhara again it's sunnah that you need to do istekhara yourself. He since trying to convince his mother for his istekhara but she is stick to her one time istekhara. Or she just made it a base for her decision and she might have this misunderstanding that I was having an affair with his son which is not true. That guy is so fond of me due to same reason that I'm a strong character woman.

However still I'm unable to understand her mother's disliking towards me where she didn't even see me properly neither talked to me.

My questions:

1- Can mother's istekhara considered right? And if she is not willing to do twice in case of negative, what should oneself need to do?

2- For marriage proposal whose istekhara should be considered you and prospect or the mother? If Son's istekhara comes positive then he should marry or should check his mother's istekhara result?

3- to do one should leave his own choice aside and do Istekhara, if mother isn't willing accept her son's choice and do istekhara and it comes negative, then what one should do?

4- Can I make decision Allah Tawakul?

5- Since I'm doing many istekharas from some mufti as well but never comes positive for anyone and upon asking he said I got some evil Asraat and no matter what or how many times I'll do it will come negative until I get free of these asraat.

Please all these questions are important and looking forward to your answers.

Jazak Allah



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6 Responses »

  1. As salam O alaikum Sis

    Foremost Thing : - I am no Scholar. So whatever i might reply here dont take it from a Scholars point of View.

    * If this guys mother was not convinced about you being her Daughter In Law then why at first place did she ever come to your home to propose you for marriage for her son.

    * Had she not told her own son that she is not convinced about you? Well if she had not told this to her son then why did she first come at your place with proposal and then did Istikhara and now jumbling up the issue? If she was so really kin and was dependant on Istikhara she should have performed it first and then visited your home with the proposal. Sounds such a foolish behaviour of this female aka so called mother.

    * Now when your parents respected your words and your likings and agreed to go ahead with this proposal this is when thay female is creating a issue. Probably she thought that her misbehaviour verbally would lead to your parents saying a NO for this marriage which would keep her above in the eyes of her own son ( meaning she agreed to his wishes but the girls side denied )

    * So since nothing of that sort happened she probably took the shield of Istikhara and so denying the whole marriage thing now. A complete Controversial Woman ! Who is playing with the emotions of her own son.

    I feel sad for your parents. They tried to agree even after that womans misbehaviour verbally just to keep up to your wishes and now all this has happened. What does Evil Asraat means? I am sorry since i am not aware of that term. If you could put some light on it.

    To end it all. Stop doing istikharas over and over again. Keep your eyes wide open and see for yourself what all has happened. Did you knew from istikhara that something of this sort would happen after you making your parents agree? Its an eye opener for you from ALLAH (SWT) just try to get his signs which he is showing you. Move on in life. Because i am sure you wouldnt like to deal with such a controversial woman in your future day in & day out who could manipulate her own son and make him dance on her tunes even though he is married.

    I Wish you all the very best Sister !

  2. your answer is not an answer but the extended explanation of her own question

  3. Read up the istikhara section on this very site and its interpretation. Evil asraat has got nothing to do with istikhara.
    As Aeliah said, the way things are unfolding you do not exactly seem to sit well in his mother's eyes. If there is so much negativity now, what will happen later? Let the guy sort his mother out himself instead of you repeating istikhara from here and there. Istikhara is not a lucky charm that you keep on casting till it comes positive according to your choice.
    Muslims always do everything under Tawakkul Allah meaning we do our best in terms of our knowledge and resources, then remain satisfied and place our trust in Allah SWT that whatever He chooses for the result is the best for us.

  4. Assalaamualaikam

    Please read the articles on istikhara which are available on this website. InshaAllah you may find they help you in your situation.

    Midnightmoon editor

  5. What is the Islamic law to divide the property in the family? My father / Mother has died and we are total seven family members, three brothers including me and have four married sisters. We have Rs. 8000,000. How we can divide this amount in our family?

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