Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband converted to Islam in secret… Now his family want to raise our baby as Hindu.

mum and baby

Assalam, I am born muslim and my husband is converted to muslim (earlier he was Hindu). Before Marrige, he has agreed to convert to islam by saying shahadah. He got the help from one of his muslim friends and learned to offer namaz and byhearted some of the surahs. Also, he was offering namaz daily in secret without his parents knowledge and used to go to jummah on every Friday for about 1 year before mariage. My parents brought him a local jama-at and they also examined how truthful he is in his belief. They also confirmed that he is true and steady in his belief. He married me with our parent's acceptance but with a condition that we should not reveal the truth about his conversion. He said he will tell his parents at a right time and by slowly he will make them to understand the situation. We believed in his words and agreed for this condition.

But after marriage, whenever i ask him as when he is going to reveal his parents about his conversion, he will get angry at me and will say that he will not reveal them till they are in this world. and he is saying that if they know about the truth they will suicide. So, i thought it's enough if he is true in his beliefs and follow islam in a right way. But afterwards I found changes in his behavior like he stopped going to jummah and at home also he stopped offering salah. When i questioned him about that, he will remain silent.

Later I got pregnant and came to my parent's home. He used to come once a week to see me and most of the time we spend by arguing about his current state (whether he still follow islam or not). On one day he said, his parents blackmailed him and told him that they will suicide if they ever come to know that he is converted to islam. Seems they emotionally blackmailed him and got promise from him that he should remain in their religion (Hindu) forever. So he told me the following, "For time being I cant do anything as you expect but slowly I will manage to do things. I am true in my belief, it doesn't mean that i am not following islam if im not offering salah. I am true to God and He knows that. He knows my sitation and He will forgive me". After his words, I stopped questioning him about this and started discussing about how to bring up our child. He agreed for all the duties we need to perform for our baby.

We got a boy baby and as soon my baby arrived, my husband's mom also started giving troubles to me saying her grandson should be brought up in their belief. My husband gave aqiqah without their parents know it. For head shave, my husband agreed but when we informed his mom about that, she started shouting at my parents and me saying she knows when to do head shave for her grandson. Later he also started convincing me to postpone the head shave for 11th month of my baby. But i never agreed and did head shave without my husband's presence and then informed him.

They wanted me to come and stay at their home during my maternity leave (I am a working woman). And I went and stayed there for 1 week and then refused to go. I remained to stay at mom home till my baby turn 6 months. Later we planed to look for a separate home for us nearby my parents home. We found a house and gave advance also. My husband's mother again started problem saying she will keep idol in that house even though she won't stay there. I refused for that too and got the advance back rather than staying in the home where the idols will be kept.

Now I am still staying with my parents and my mom will take care of my sone while I go to office. My husband comes twice a week to see his son.

The problem itching me is, all the time when my husband's mother raise problems and whenever she shouts at me, my husband remains silent and wont even spil a word about anything. After that also, he never convince me for what his mother did to me. He also neither reveals his conversion nor allowing me to do that.

He will always say that he still remain truthful to God and its between him and God. He is also saying he wants both his parents and me to be happy and for that only he is struggling. He says, his parents are most important for him in this world. He never wants to hurt them or leave them alone. His Elder brother has got settled with his wife family and now husband is the only support for his parents (both physically & Financially)

I am confused what is in his mind. Whatever he says true or not, Allah knows the best. Now my concern is, to bring my baby in islamic way. My husband's mother is eager to bring my son in their belief for which I am struggling day by day. They are waiting for my son to turn 2 years (till he breastfeeds), after that they are planning to take him with them. I don't really know how to overcome this situation. I am thinking of revealing his conversion to his parents but i am not sure whether that will work or not.Please suggest me and add me in ur du'ah.


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7 Responses »

  1. DO NOT let your mother in law or anyone take your baby from you. She has absolutely no right to do that. Make it clear to her that if she tries anything with your child you will go straight to the police.

    As for your husband, it is way past the time when he should have told his parents about his conversion. He needs to tell them immediately and make it clear that your child will be raised Muslim and no Hindu idols will be allowed in his household. This is non-negotiable at this point. His parents will not commit suicide. At most, they will cut him off, and even that is unlikely if he is their main source of financial support as you say.

    You should have put your foot down about this issue long ago, and now you must resolve it without delay. You must make it clear to your husband that there are no other options, he must come clean to his parents about his conversion. How else can you stay married to this man? He cannot even stand up for his own personal beliefs. What kind of role model is that for your child? Is he a man or a mouse?

    Bottom line, as a parent it is your duty to do whatever is in your power to raise your child in the Muslim faith. This does not mean he should never be exposed to any other religion or belief system. But it does mean that what you teach him should be Islam, and what his parents practice should be Islam, openly and with pride in their faith and their choices. May Allah help you in this task and guide you to the best path.

  2. Your husband didn't keep his promise and i doubt he will ever tell his patents about his conversion. If he cant stand for the right thing how does he want to be a rolemodel for your child?? its absolutely disgusting his mum uses emotional blackmailing to make him listen to her and it's more disgusting that he cant stand up for himself. I don't think his mum would do suicide anyway and even if, its her choice. Talk to your husband and make it clear to him, he has to tell them he is a muslim snd you want to raise your child as a muslim. If he doesn't want to, then you have two options, either stay in this marriage or leave. Whatever you decide to do, under any circumstances do NOT let anyone take your child. It's your child and they have absolutely NO RIGHT to take your child from you, even if they were muslims!! Please protect your child, you are his mother and its your duty to take care of him and protect him. I personally wouldn't even let them to see my child as they sound very evil and there is a chance they will take him from you without your permission. Talk about it to your husband and make it clear to him, you dont let anyone to take your child or to teach them any other religion other than islam. The whole point why muslim women are allowed to only marry a muslim man is because the children will follow their fathers religion.. I pray you make the right decision and may Allah protect you and your son.Ameen

  3. Sister ,

    I appreciate you for the effort you are making to keep your family in a right path .
    Yes , Its time now when your husband should tell to his parents that He has converted to Islam and no longer believes in his old faith . This is a serious concern where your mom in law want to take the kid and raise as non believer .You need to tell this to your husband that this request from your mom in law will never be tolerated .

    He needs to raise to the occasion and tell his parents the truth in a calm and polite manner .

    If you find your husband is not serious in his faith and he just got converted for the sake of marriage then it is a serious problem .

  4. I will speak bluntly so please excuse the language.
    Firstly before marriage you should have kept the condition that your future husband will convert to Islam and announce it.
    I think (hopefully I am wrong) that your husband didn't actually convert to Islam but just pretended to be Muslim so he can marry you.
    Hold on to your baby and demand your husband to start practicing Islam and announce his conversion.
    Use your head what done is done. Don't get emotional and make right choice.
    Make sure you raise your baby as Muslim.

  5. Salaam Sister,

    This is a tough situation as Indian boys are so attached to their mothers. I agree with what everyone else said about not letting anyone take your child from you. I would take your husband to an imam and have him talk to your husband and see what the situation is and also get advice from the imam. Never let your son be with his mother WITHOUT YOUR presence. They seem like the type to take him. I can guarantee that they talk ill of you to their son who may keep his mouth shut and not defend you.

    He may have Islam in his heart, but he is a coward. I also do not understand why he would stop praying when he is not around his parents. And even if so, is Allah not superior to his parents? I knew of converts who prayed in closets so their parents would not know.

    I also knew a girl who used to be a hindu, converted to islam and her mother died of a heart attack right there. she knew that could be a possibility, but she still told her mother. She converted to islam and married a nice Bangladeshi guy, and today has children as well. The hindu community disowned her (i asked my hindu friend about her and she told me we don't talk about there anymore), but her brother did not and she gained a whole new wonderful community.

    Also i do not understand how the older brother just stopped correspondence with his parents. It is his responsibility to take care of them as well, right? i, of course, do not know their religion.

  6. Slms
    Sister please dont these hindus control you and your baby.Islam is more important then anything and anyone who is against Islam is our open enemy. They are not your family because they are not Muslims.your husban however should always be respecful and kind to his mother and you should avoid to cause tention amoung them, but if he really loves his mom then should not hide such a thing. Tell him to face the music and be a man!

  7. As Salam O Alaikum Sister

    Humbly sorry to read about what you are going through . May ALLAH (SWT) Bless you always with immense happiness and joys

    First thing i would like to ask you.
    When your husband accepted ISLAM (ALHOMDULLIAH RABBIL ALAMEEN ) Do you have any LEGAL PROOF or any document concerning the same

    ( because in several countries when a Kafir accepts Islam and legal Notarized AFFIDAVIT is must by the person ) as the IMAM of the particular Mosque or the WAQF board asks for the same. It is obvious as later some problems should arise which would give ISLAM a bad name ASTAGHAFIRULLAH

    So if in case you have the same .. Then sister forget about your mother in law .. No damn person in the world can make your child follow some other religion without your consent

    Thank You

    Wa Salaam

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