Friend got pregnant while getting to know a guy for marriage, but he abandoned her
Assalam O Alaikum,
I am writing this on behalf of my friend who is in a very difficult situation right now. She was getting to know a brother last year for the purpose of marriage but they committed zina and she fell pregnant. He asked her to terminate the pregnancy. She started to take medicine but couldn’t take the second tablet as she thought this was wrong. She bled and thought it was finished but she found out after a few weeks that she was still pregnant.
There relationship was not good and despite his promises, he didn’t treat her well as he was suffering from depression at the time. When she told him that she was still angry, he got angry and told her to get rid of it again but she didn’t as she had her reservations. She lied to him as she wanted to see if he will actually stand by her. Also, her pregnancy was very high risk du to a clot from abruption and her doctor advised her to terminate the pregnancy due to risks towards her own life.
Few weeks later this guy “took a break” as he felt he could not be in a relationship and then married his cousin 2 months later. My friend had an induction at 30 weeks and has a little baby boy who is not feeling well and is kept in hospital. She told to the father of the baby that she was still pregnant as soon as she found out that he was married. He told his wife about all this a few weeks later who left him and went back to Pakistan.
Now, the father of the baby has not seen the baby and my friend is in a mess. She has been repenting since all this happened but has spiralled and her family do not know anything as she lives alone in another city. Please, tell me what options she has and what should the father do? She is in desperate need of help.
Zarakhan.
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Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh!
umm ...Dear editors
Could you please make sure the pictures you put are not islamically inappropriate. I guess abstract pictures is a better option.
JazakaAllah Khair and may Allah S.w.t bless your efforts to help our brothers and sisters...
@zarakhan: At the moment my mind is not functioning well to give you appropriate advice so I hope people with more knowledge and wisdom will help out. Meanwhile please ask your friend to repent sincerely and at the same time ask her not to despair.
May Allah S.w.t forgive and guide us all!
"keep your trust", I agree and I have changed the photo. It's not abstract, but I think it's more modest than the one we had.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
JazakaAllah khair brother wael for changing the pic. But when I say Islamically inappropriate it includes women without hijaab as well. Just to be on the safe side. 🙂
I understand your point, but it's not always easy to find an appropriate pic. And a woman showing her hair is no different from what you see every day in any city, and even at many Muslim functions. I always try first to find a photo with hijab, but it's not always possible. For example this post is about a pregnant woman, but if you search on google images for "pregnant Muslim woman", you will see many shocking and disgusting images posted by anti-Islamic websites.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As salamu alaykum, Zarakhan,
Alhamdulillah, she has you, to be so worried about her tells a lot about you. It is an honour to meet someone like you, Alhamdulillah, may Allah(swt) bless and guide your sweet Heart.
She has been and she is in a very painful situation, to have a baby in this sad circumstances it is really heartbroken plus all the health problems she had to handle during the pregnancy and now after delivery, but this baby seems to be a strong boy, Alhamdulillah, he is fighting hard for life, I am really happy she is with him, giving him the care he needs to keep alive, Alhamulillah, a mother´s love brings a child to life, insha´Allah.
For sure, the baby and the mother need as much support and prayers we can give to them, insha´Allah.
She should tell her family, she needs all the support she can get, her family deserves to know that they have a baby in the world, he needs the prayers of his family, they are not alone in the world.
About the father of the baby, it seems to me that the situation was too big for him, and he wanted to scape, but his son was in his heart, no way to scape him, that is why he told the truth, and now, his son may be calling his heart some way, he hadn´t been there for him, but his loving presence could help to your friend and the baby, but if he is out of balance, I don´t think he is going to be of much help.
Right now, I respect this man and he is in great need of support and prayers too, but the baby´s life is pending then the most vulnerable for me right now are the baby and the mother, if he wants to get close they will be one, then all of them will be supporting each other, insha´Allah.
But I insist, she needs to tell her family, her baby needs her family, she needs her family, ...God bless your kind and sweet Heart. Alhamdulillah, you care about them. May Allah(swt) give you the strength and the Light to help your friend in this painful circumstances.
All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salam sister
What a sad situation your poor friend is in right now, but she is not alone and that is what you need to convey to her. She has you but more importantly she has her family who are oblivious to her suffering (albeit bought on by herself). Firstly sister as a freind you should advice her to visit her family and open up to them, maybe tell a sister first, reveal all her pain and suffering, show to them that she is regretful of her actions, maybe you can go with her for moral support. It will be hard, they will be shocked by her actions but she will be have to show them that she has changed esp with the birth of her son, which is a blessing bestowed upon her by God. The baby is innocent her family will eventually accept him.
As for the father, maybe she can email or write to him, detailing her circumstance, if she still wishes to marry him then she can let him know- there's not much else she can do if he refuses to marry her at this stage, she'll need to be pateint with him considering his mental state, maybe he can be encouraged to visit the baby in hospital, that may help him a little. BUT please ensure that your freind does not force him into a decision, tell her to let things take thier natural course. She needs to concentrate on herself, tell her to work on redeeming herself for her baby and be pateint, pray to Allah, He resolves all issues. If her family accept her circumstance I'm sure they can be persuaded to help her in terms of the baby's father, maybe extend a proposal, get the elders involved like his parents- its always best to have an older and wiser input.
I hope it all works out for your freind.
they both commit Aram which Allah warned us against..y wud they make sex b4 marriage ...and more over they ar not planning for it b4....teenage pregnancy is at risk of aborting nowadays ,,u dont try such aborting Allah forbid us not to spoiled what he created abortion can be measured as killing..........Alliandullilah d child and the mother is alive .my sis u don't what dis child is going to become tomorrow .....take care of ur child.. i want u to remember that even if it is 100 centuries to now d father of this child is going to clam it later..take care of your child.
Allah would be with u..
ASA
jzk for your answers so far. More sad things have happened since I posted this, my friends father passed away suddenly and she has been looking after her family, her son is now out of hospital and is well Alhamdolillah.
The father disappeared for several weeks and is now back together with his wife who he married in January.
My friend will tell her family soon and then be with her son who she has become very close with. Allah SWT is the best planner but these are testing times. She has tried to stay away from the father as he was unwell and also married, but finding it difficult and now no longer knows what the right thing to do is. I tried to get involved to let the father know he has responsibilities and my friend cannot do this alone and their son needs his father. my friend became angry and asked me to also stay away as the father became angry towards her.
what is the right thing to do? should the father be involved? His family? what about his wife?
ma salaams
Walaykum as salam, Sister,
This is my personal opinion about it, please, take it with a pinch of salt.
Your friend is the one to take the decisions about who she wants to be involved, she would be grateful to you if you stay close to her, just for the fact of knowing you are at her side, you respect her decisions, and you support her. This is enough. You don´t have to solve the situation, she has to do it, insha´Allah).
All this situation needs time to settle, give it the time and you will experience how your friend will move according to her and her baby needs, just be patience.
I understand your feelings, but better to stay on a side and don´t give an opinion unless she asks you for your opinion, this way you are giving her the power to solve her situation, which is a big sign of respect towards her capability of doing it.
You can ask her for forgiveness if she felt you did wrong, explain to her, I am sure she forgave you already, but better not to have anything between both of you.
All my Unconditional Love and Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sorry not to tell you before, congratulations that the baby is out of risk, Alhamdulillah, and related to her father, Inna lillahi Wa inna ilaihi Rajioon.( Indeed to Him we belong and surely unto God is our return).
Trust your friend, you will see many changes on her now that she has her baby with her, Insha´Allah, Alhamdulillah.
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
thank you sister, you are right, it is for her to make the decision about what she wants, but I wonder about what roles/responsibilities the father and his new wife should have in this situation, and surely the fathers family should know they have a grandson/nephew etc.
thank you for the wishes, I have sent my friend the link to this discussion so she may find some answers and peace Inshallah. She has changed over the last months you are right, this is Allah's planning.
Jzk
ma salaams
Salaams, Sister Zarakhan,
Thank you for listening to me.
I know that what is moving you is the deep love you feel towards your friend, but be sure that everybody knows about the baby already. When the time is right every piece of the puzzle will fit perfectly, even when you think that for now is a mess, it is part of the process, don´t worry.
Maybe months, maybe years, maybe days, only Allah(swt) knows, thank Allah(swt) this baby is well cared by his mother and for now he has all he needs, his mother will know what to do at the right time, insha´Allah. Alhamdulillah, this baby has mother, everyone has a role in his growth, but you should consider too that every situation has its own reason to be, unknown and we maybe not even able to understand the root that is taken us to make some movements, but there is always a perfect synchronization in all that happens in life, Alhamdulillah.
What you think could be the best, maybe not the best, then be patience and let everyone digest what is happening in their life. This man has put all his family under test, his wife included, then let all these energies settle down, give everyone their time, I am sure they will need it. And again, I trust your friend will know what to do at the right time, insha´Allah.
All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor