Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband wants to send my kids away from me

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I am married for 7 years now and have two boys. My husband and I are always fighting and he makes me feel like nothing. He tells me I'm trash and I ruined his life, and now he wants to send my kids overseas for a year.

My oldest is 4 and youngest is 2. I told him I can't live without them and he calls me all kinds of names and says he will give me divorce and leave me with the boys but I will leave with no money or anything. What should I do? I am not allowed to work or go to school or have any money.

Sometimes I feel I would be better off dead. I told him this and he told me I should go do it.

I feel if I send my kids there I will not be ok and also he may keep them there without me. They have dual citizenship. I am a converted muslim but I do not know what is right in this situation and I am so scared to lose my kids. What should I do? Thank you.

fahoum


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10 Responses »

  1. Sorry I can't give you long reply (I just got out of work), but sis whatever you do do not let him take your kids to another country no matter what! If he doesn't treat you right, then you have every right to separate from him and I am sure you would be better off without someone who doesn't respect you when you are his wife and the mother of his children. Why is it that you cannot work? Try to get a job, so you won't have to depend on him and depending on wich country you reside in; you will probably be eligible for government assistance.may Allah keep you steadfast in this tryin time and give you the strength you need to pick yourself up and give your children a better future insha Allah. Ameen

  2. asalamu alaikum,

    sis you said, " he will give me divorce and leave me with the boys but I will leave with no money or anything"? I say divorce him and keep the kids, and as far as money goes, Allah(swt) is the best of providers. this life is a trial stay firm.

    ma salama..

  3. What finger do Muslim men wear there wedding or engagement ring??

    • The wedding or engagement ring is not an Islamic custom. There is no basis for it in Islamic teaching. I'm not saying it's haram - I have not researched it - but I don't imagine it matters much how you wear it.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • There is no such thing as wedding rings in Islam. it is more of a cultural thing then a religious think. My Husband has a wedding ring but he doesn't wear it. It doesn't make him unmarried or anything. It is more a western culture thing. I don't wear my rind either. Actually I don't even remember my wedding ring and which one it is... my engagement ring i donated to someone. So this really doesn't matter. I am just telling you my stuff so you know. Only people who we know, know we are married and ALLAH knows we are married. since we both know we are married, we never cheat on each other or do wrong things.

      @wael is there any way we can tell people why we don't have rings? Alot of my husband's friends ask him but we have no answer.... what is the reason behind it???

      • Anna, maybe you should ask them why they DO have rings and see what they can come up with. Why not a necklace, or a bracelet, or special haircut? These are man-made traditions and have no basis in religious teaching. In fact the idea of a diamond wedding ring was invented by the American advertising industry to sell more diamonds.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. Salam sister,

    Sorry to hear of your troubles. You are better off dead? Allah has given you a life, don't take it for granted sister. Be thankful for everything you have. If your husband doesn't treat you right and is emotionally and verbally abusing you seek try to talk with him, he married you for a reason after all bring the love back and do some search on the net of the duties of a husband to his wife and present him with it. Don't give up so easily and maybe you can talk to the elders in the family and get there support. Try everything you can and be patient if his behaviour and attitude continues, in my opinion it is best to be alone and happy as oppose to being with one and live unhappy. Women have a very high place in Islam my sister, know your worth and remember this will all have an impact on your kids so watch your steps. Make istikhara and ask Allah for guidance.

    May Allah may it easy for you my sister in you difficult time.

    Salam

    Sister T

  5. Sister, your husband is a tyrant and a malicious, horrible bully. It's so sickening to hear how this "man" is totally destroying you, his wife's, confidence and will to live, while leaving her with very little choice to leave him by ordering you not to work and be able to look after yourself without his help. He's clearly a sadist and an opressor who gets pleasure out of seeing you in pain...and I really don't think you or your children are benefitting from staying with him. Honestly sister, take your kids and get away from this horrible person! Don't even tell him where you are, but let someone mediate between you so that your husband can have supervised time with his children if he wants to see them.

  6. Assalam alaikum sister,

    Sorry to hear what you are going through.

    First, please do not let another person determine the need of your existence. Allah created you and you are here for the purpose of worshipping Him--your husband is very important, but not important enough for you to decide you should end your life. Please change how you think about that--focus on the fact that you are here to worship Allah and Him alone.

    Secondly, do not give any written permission (or verbal for that matter) for your children to travel overseas--in fact you may even want to have a consultation with a lawyer to make sure he can't do that secretly either and make sure you can prevent that. Has he made passports for the children? If so, where are those passports? You may want to have them held in trust by a lawyer so that neither parent can take the children out of the country.

    I would suggest try to be the best wife and mother that you can be. If he continues to make threats or does actually divorce you, know that Allah is the best of providers and inshaAllah you will make it through this difficult time. Whenever interactions with him make you feel down, do not take your focus off the fact that Allah created you and you are important. Allah watches and sees all. Try to settle matters with your husband, go to counselling if you have to--do whatever you can so that your arguments stop. If after all your efforts, nothing works out, then you may not be able to prevent him from ending the marriage--but I hope that you try inshaAllah.

    All the best, and may Allah bring peace and joy into your marriage. Ameen.

  7. Sister,

    I am sorry to hear of your predicament. First and foremost, you are the mother to those two boys and letting your husband send them overseas will be the worst decision you will ever make. Chances are, your husband has ulterior motives and has no intentions of those boys coming back to you. Take a stand a say, "no"...they are not going.

    If you can, involve your parents in regards to what is going on between you and your husband. No marriage is perfect however, when hurtful comments are made such as calling you trash and the like, it cuts deep. It causes depression and wreaks havoc on our body, mind and soul.

    Please reach out to family members and ask for help. You don't need to accept being treated this way and disrespected the way you are.

    Salam

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