Forced Marriage, Family Violence and Threats of Rape
Greetings my brothers and sisters I am new to this site and i feel i have no where else to go to. I am inlove with a girl with all my heart and all my intention towards her is good, but she has been forced marriage without her having a No option. She was Threatend and Harrased by her Aunt on her father side. She only agreed on the marriage because there is a threat on her mother would die if she dose not marry her cousin.
This has been going on in her family for decades and in her society also, the adults teach the women that woman has no rights in islam that girls are only sex tools for men and nothing else, and also if a women is raped it is her fault and she will be called names like a prostitute.
The girl loves me also all her life her family has been full of problems, after she got marrid with her cousin at the age of 17 she was also forced to have sex with him and he is 25 years old, she refused but he physically hurt her and told her he has the right.
My brothers and sisters, I am a good muslim. I dedicate and devote my self to Allah, but after the next thing she told me it has led me to no other choice but to take her away after her graduation.
There is still 3 years of college for her, after her graduation she will be forced to live with him, I think that the demon has influenced this man like what happens to other islam brothers he has nothing but lust full intentions. This woman this girl who is God fearing and loving and inteligent woman will be a slave to this man forced to give birth to his babies until he gets tired of her and might kill her. She is asking for a divorce towards him but he told her if she try to divorce him he will have his friends rape her and kill her.
I am afraid my brothers I don't want this woman to end like this, there are thousands of woman who are in this position, I cannot let this happen my brothers. My question is, is the marriage void if a woman is not given a chance to say no and was abused and harrassed?
And is it bad if I take her away to save her life? I am a muslim convert, and before I converted I promised Allah I will be an active muslim who will help his brothers and sisters even if it kills me. But I am very afraid and confused what to do. I don't want to sin to Allah but I also have to save her life. I know divorce is bad but she was not given a chance to say no and was threatened that her mother will be killed if she say no, she was also forced to have sex with a 25 year old man while she is still in a minor age.
Please my brothers help me tell me I am on the right path. I promise to Allah I will give this woman the life she desearves she is very kind smart and God fearing a woman does not deserve this. And I am also very angry that they are teaching children wrong things of the Quran.
I am very sad that alot of my muslim brothers are influenced by bad things on the internet, they are watching pornography and so they marry a good woman to slave them and let his friends sleep with the woman like in the pornography movies. It is very bad and I believe in islam a woman deserves freedom and not be forced to live a bad lustful life and just to be killed. Please help me
~MuhammadAbdullah
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MuhammadAbdullah, Asalaamualaykum,
This woman you are talking of is married - so yes, it will be bad if you take her away to try and save her life. Without causing any offence, I have to say this, but you are in living real life, you are not the super-hero of a kids action show show where you can just fly in save the world, even if you do have good intentions.
If this woman is truly going through what you say she is - this is unjust but it she who must decide what she wants to do. You should have not involvement with her - if you must do, just inform her that as a Muslimah, she has rights and that there are places from where she can get help and send her in the right direction. She can consult with a qualified Imam, if he is a genuine one he will advise her well. Or she can go to a women's refuge for help. But you should not be thinking of running away with her, or fuelling her anger. If she tells you that her life is under threat, encourage her to tell the police and if the danger is imminent, then inform the police yourself. At the same time, encourage her to befriend some female practising Muslim sisters, so she can confide in them and not you - as you are not her mahram.
Furthermore, I must point out that Islamically a 17 year old female is not a minor and can marry and consummate her marriage - so that there is no offence of 'sex with a minor' committed here. I understand from what you say there have been other threats and issues involved, but if you really do care for her, the best thing you can do for her is to inform her of her rights, tell her where she seek help and then keep your distance from her.
If she decides to get divorced for her own reason, then you are free to approach her for marriage whilst remaining within Islamic limits.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
The way I see it is, she was forced into a marriage under the definition that we know, however she is married and you have no business with her. Personally, I think your lucky to still have your limbs in tact, if a man was contacting one of my cousins after she was married (if we forget for a moment the forced marriage part) he'd have been in serious trouble.
Leave her alone, let her carry on with her life. If she's not happy with her marriage, she can leave, not easy, but definitely possible in the 21st century.
A 17 yr old is not a minor, I don't know what western shows have polluted you to think this way, but a 17 yr old in the eyes of Allah SWT is an adult perfectly capable of making decisions of their own. Having sex with a 17 yr old in the west may/may not be a crime, but Islamically if she is your wife, it's perfectly ascceptable and in fact you are rewarded for it.
You on the other hand need to fix up and start getting on with your life. When you're ready to marry, let your parents suggest a suitable spouse for you.
You don't have to respond so harshly.
1. She was forced to marry this man so therefore the marriage invalid. (Hadith)
Khansa Bint Khidam said “My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah (May Allah bless him and grant him peace). He said to me “accept what your father has arranged.” I said “I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.”
He said “then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.” I said “I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them). (Fathul Bari Sharah Al Bukhari 9/194, Ibn Majah Kitabun Nikah 1/602)
And it is viewed as rape if she has not consented.
The husband cannot just enter her whenever he feels like it their rules and boundaries for everything in Islam.
2. John I think its you who needs to fix up not him he is a revert himself and has the best of intentions to help this sister out of her difficult situation. you should try advice him instead of trying to belittle him.
3. JOHN Many reverts have not got family members or support to help them find a spouse. John just put yourself in his shoes and stop being so arrogant.
4. If you think that her life is in danger brother then call the local authorities get one of your female friends to meet with her ask her what she wishes to do.
Asalaam alaikum Brother Muhammad Abdullah,
First, it's important to make sure that what you are being told is the truth. Though this is difficult to ascertain and you should not do it on your own, you must make sure that you are not getting yourself into a situation in which the complete facts are unknown. You did not say which country you are in, but it may have an impact of who you can contact for this woman to get her true help under the law. If she in in one of the corrupt countries in this world, this may prove more difficult, but there may be organizations that can help.
I also must warn you that until you are certain of the situation, your life could be in danger and/or hers', as well. Please proceed with caution.
It is also worth noting that in some similar situations, the men have been duped by a disgruntled woman and so you may be susceptible to your own feelings. Be very careful in this regard.
However, if what you say is factually true and proven, then please read below.
Forced marriage is invalid. The scholars of Islam agree on this and that no marriage can be made under distress or duress especially concerning the threat of death. I am disappointed to see that the posters above, including an Editor, did not acknowledge this and one even brushes it aside to make his point.
If this woman is truly in agony and under the threat of bodily harm, rape and/or death, then she must make contact with the police, a NGO, a U.N. organization or a women's right group. From the sound of it, she may be living in a place of corruption where women are treated as commodities like in the Age of Ignorance which permeates throughout many countries till this day. However, these cases have also been seen in the West wherein deviated husbands and fathers abuse and murder their own daughters over marriage issues. May Allah (swt) save us from this fitna.
It should also be pointed out that if the woman claims she refused sex due to her situation of a forced marriage, then yes, this is rape and against the laws of Islam. It is a further shame that the replies above do not address this issue for what it entails. No Muslim is rewarded for raping his wife. May God forgive such an insinuation.
I am quite disappointed with the above posts that do not mention the invalidity of forced marriages and the claims of rape. May Allah (swt) save us from that.
I so completely agree with professor xs response. Everytime i read your responses on any post not only do you give such insight , information but you also give advice taking into consideration the persons feelings. may Allah reward you for helping so many people. The first two responses i believe were quite harsh. Like you said, none of them addressed the issue of rape and when i read the part about reward for having sex , gosh i thought really.. the responses actually sort of offended a little and i wasnt even the one that asked the question. fair enough the woman is married but this guy sounds really concerned for her and as professor x has pointed out she may be within a corrupt country where help is not readily available. May Allah guide her and help her inshallah
Professor X,
Thank you for addressing the poster so well. And you are completely right, I did fail to give the 'rape and forced marriage' issue the right importance. May Allah forgive me. Insha'Allah I will think before I offer advice in future.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Professor x your always.
And so intelligent too marshallah! 🙂
Salaam Alaykum.
The sister who has been forced to marry may Allah swt help her inshallah, and my duas are with her inshallah. Also i would like to underline that in islam Forced marriage is unvalid. so her marriage through out however long its been, is invalid. You can guide her to the right path inshallah.
May the almighty Allah help you through this tough stage inshallah amin.