Marriage with a Christian woman
Christian/Muslim Marriages
Asak,
I'm a Muslim man, 25 years old. I like a Christian girl and would like to get married to her. She is ready to accept Islam (if she has to) and lead life as a wife the Islamic way (Hijaab.. etc). I understand that Surah Ma\'idah allows a Muslim man to marry a chaste Christian. But I have a list of questions I would like to get clarified:
1) Is it necessary/better if she accepts Islam before marriage?
2) Is it necessary for all her family members to accept Islam before marriage?
3) Since any relationship before marriage is haraam, is it best to get married soon and repent for the sins together OR end this relationship altogether? Would I be committing a sin if I don't marry her because I don't know if she will accept Islam then.
4) What are the pre-requisites for this marriage to be valid? Who can be a wali for her (since there is no Muslim man in her family).
5) What if my parents/relatives do not approve of this marriage (solely based on the fact that she is a Christian and the society will talk ill of us)? They do not know yet but I wish to make them aware of this as soon as possible. What is the right thing to do? What rights do parents/relatives have over my decision of marrying someone? (Although I cannot think of going against my parents will. May Allah guide us the right way).
6) What are the things the girl should be made aware of before marriage? (Like example, telling her that the children will follow Islam ONLY and will not participate/learn/follow any other religion).
7) Is her family welcome to our home after marriage? Are they considered and respected the same way as a mother/sister-in-law (had this been a marriage with a Muslim woman)?
Your answers will be appreciated. Thank you.
May Allah bless us and guide us to the right path.
- Ali1234
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assalamo alaikum, you asked many questions, i am not sure i can help with all of them. it is not necessary for all of her family members to accept Islam before your marriage. you should respect her family, be kind to them and care for them. the Holy Prophet was kind to Muslims and Non Muslims both, and this is an example you should follow, you will get blessings for your kindness Inshallah. make sure that her family are aware of limits in their behaviour though, such as not bringing alcohol or pork to your house.
if she is going to convert, it should be a genuine conversion,not a conversion only for sake of marriage. she should spend time reading about Islam, reading translations of Quran and hadith, praying.
you should not be having any premarital relationships Islamically, so it is better to put some distance between you whilst you are still unmarried.
a muslim man is allowed to marry a christian, so you can marry her regardless of whether she converts. i dont think it matters as much as whether you marry before or after she converts. i think it is more important that she makes a genuine and heartfelt conversion, and believes the Islamic way of life, so she is able to help pass on the religious teachings to your children.
whether you marry her before or after she converts is your mutual decision, but it is haraam to have premarital relationships. so if you think she is the right girl for you, either
1) agree to have distance between you and marry in a couple of months/years or
2) marry straight away, continuing the relationship.
also, seek forgiveness from Allah for conducting a premarital relationship.
the girl should be made aware of what type of lifestyle you live, eg. no drinking, no alchohol, how you wish to have the children brought up, what your expectations are of her, and what her expectations should be of you as a Muslim husband. she should know what are her rights as a wife, and what are your rights as a husband.
about children learning other religions, i think it is important for children to learn about other religions, so that they know the differences between the religions, know why Islam is their chosen religion, and be able to explain to others why Islam is such a beautiful religion. islamically, children follow the religion of their father. i would have thought you wanted your children to be Muslim, so if this is how you wish the children to be brought up, discuss this with her also. be clear, honest and respectful of each other
Good answer mona, thank you.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
assalmalaikum-
Dear brother
pl note the abswers for yr questions.....
1.Surah Ma\'idah allows a Muslim man to marry a chaste Christian. AND MONA'S ANSWER
a muslim man is allowed to marry a christian, so you can marry her regardless of whether she converts.....
.Surah Ma\'idah's VERSE......
THIS IS THE REFERENCE OF THE UNITARIAN CHRISTIANS WHO BELIEVE IN ALLAH AS ONLY TRUE GOD AND JESUS A PROPHET-NOT THOSE WHO BELIEVE IN TRINITY AND SECTS LIKE PROTESTANTS ETC-
PROOF THEY ARE CURSED BY ALLAH AND THOSE WHO BLASPHEME ALLAH ARE DOING MOST HEIOUNESS CRIME-Qur’an says this:
"They do blaspheme who say: Allah is one of three [in a Trinity]: for there is no god except One Allah. If they desist not from their word (of blasphemy) verily a grievous penalty will befall the blasphemers among them." Qur'an 5:73. (Yusuf Ali Translation)
2.HER FAMILY MEMBERS ARE NOT MARRYING YOU THEY CANT BE FALLING IN LINE WITH YOU-
3,STARTING YOU SAY THIS She is ready to accept Islam (if she has to)3RD QUESTION YOU SAY THIS- I don't marry her because I don't know if she will accept Islam then.
ABSWER-
SHE HAS TO BECOME A MUSLIM PRACTICE ISLAM/HIJAB ETC PROVE THAT SHE IS GENUINELY DOING IT OR JUST TO SHOW YOU AND CONVINCE YOU...
4.HER PARENTS HAVE TO APPROVE THIS MARRIAGE AND FOR THAT FATHER HAS TO SIGN IN YOUR NIKAH NAMA. AS THE MEANING OF THE WORD WALI MEANS GAURDIAN-
5.QUESTION-
What if my parents/relatives do not approve of this marriage (solely based on the fact that she is a Christian and the society will talk ill of us)? They do not know yet but I wish to make them aware of this as soon as possible.
ANSWER IF YOUR PARENTS DO NOT APPROVE THEN IT IS NOT POSSIBLE TO MARRY HER.AND ABOUT OTHER RELATIVES AND THE WORLD DONT CARE.
6.(Although I cannot think of going against my parents will -ANSWER .....IF THEY DONT AGREE THEN YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THEM AND THE GIRL ...
7.7) Is her family welcome to our home after marriage? Are they considered and respected the same way as a mother/sister-in-law (had this been a marriage with a Muslim woman)?
ANSWER IS THAT THIS IS THE ETHICS ISLAM TEACHES YOU HAVE TO DO THIS AS BEST AS POSSIBLE....
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
You are completely wrong.
"1.Surah Ma\'idah allows a Muslim man to marry a chaste Christian. AND MONA'S ANSWER
a muslim man is allowed to marry a christian, so you can marry her regardless of whether she converts.....
.Surah Ma\'idah's VERSE......
THIS IS THE REFERENCE OF THE UNITARIAN CHRISTIANS WHO BELIEVE IN ALLAH AS ONLY TRUE GOD AND JESUS A PROPHET-NOT THOSE WHO BELIEVE IN TRINITY AND SECTS LIKE PROTESTANTS ETC-
PROOF THEY ARE CURSED BY ALLAH AND THOSE WHO BLASPHEME ALLAH ARE DOING MOST HEIOUNESS CRIME-Qur’an says this:
"They do blaspheme who say: Allah is one of three [in a Trinity]: for there is no god except One Allah. If they desist not from their word (of blasphemy) verily a grievous penalty will befall the blasphemers among them." Qur'an 5:73. (Yusuf Ali Translation)"
ALL Jews and Christians are kuffar.....ALL OF THEM. Even Unitarians. Don't go around spreading wrong fatwas. Even at An-Nabi sallahualayhiwasalams time they were kuffar.
Salam alaykoum brother,
As far as i am aware a man can marry a women of the book without her conversion, the trouble lies that it is difficult to find a christian in this era that is practicing how God intended it has become an inherited status, so people may say they are christian not knowing anything about their religion or having stepped foot in a church.
i wish you the best of luck and the best thing to do right now is to turn to Allah and pray for guidance.
ASSALAMALAIKUM........
THIS I MUST TELLAND CLARIFY THIS REFERS HARAM AND HALAL SUBJECTS NOT KUFFAR AND BELIEVERS-
And do not say about what your tongues assert of untruth, "This is lawful and this is unlawful," to invent falsehood about Allah . Indeed, those who invent falsehood about Allah will not succeed.....
NOW COMING TO-
ALL Jews and Christians are kuffar.....ALL OF THEM. Even Unitarians. Don't go around spreading wrong fatwas. Even at An-Nabi sallahualayhiwasalams time they were kuffar.......
1ST YOU KNOW WHAT IS UNITARIAN CHRISTIAN;AN UNITARIAN CHRISTIAN IS THE ONE WHO BELIEVES IN THE UNITY OF ALLAH AND JESUS AS THE PROPHET OF ALLAH AS PER THE QURANIC VERSION HE IS A MUSLIM IN BELIEF AND FAITH- BECAUSE HE DOES NOT ASCRIBE JESUS AS THE SON OF GOD NOR THE 2ND PERSON-OF THE BLASPHEMIOUS TRINITY-
(and you will find the nearest in love to the believers those who say: "We are Christians.'') refers to those who call themselves Christians, who follow the religion of the Messiah and the teachings of HIS INJIL[NOT 4 GOSPELS]. These people are generally more tolerant of Islam and its people, because of the mercy and kindness that their hearts acquired through part of the Messiah's religion. In another Ayah, Allah said;
(And We ordained in the hearts of those who followed him, compassion, mercy, and monasticism...) ﴿57:27﴾. In their book is the saying; "He who strikes you on the right cheek, then turn the left cheek for him.'' And fighting was prohibited in their creed, and this is why Allah said,
(That is because among them are Qissisin (priests) and Ruhban (monks), and they are not proud.) This means that among them are Qissisin (priests). The word Ruhban refers to one dedicated to worship. Allah said,
(That is because among them are priests and monks, and they are not proud.) This describes them with knowledge, worship and humbleness, along with following the truth and fairness.
(And when they listen to what has been sent down to the Messenger, you see their eyes overflowing with tears because of the truth they have recognized.) This refers to the good news that they have about the advent of Muhammad ,
(They say: "Our Lord! We believe; so write us down among the witnesses.'') who testify to the truth and believe in it.
("And why should we not believe in Allah and in that which has come to us of the truth And We wish that our Lord will admit us (in Paradise) along with the righteous people.'') Such sect of Christians are those mentioned in Allah's statement,
(And there are, certainly, among the People of the Scripture, those who believe in Allah and in that which has been revealed to you, and in that which has been revealed to them, humbling themselves before Allah.)﴿3:199﴾ and,
(Those to whom We gave the Scripture before it, they believe in it (the Qur'an). And when it is recited to them, they say, "We believe in it. Verily, it is the truth from our Lord. Indeed even before it we were Muslims'')﴿28:52-53﴾
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Yes, akhi the Christians who hear about Islam then become Muslim, those are the righteous ones.
However, even Jews profess faith in one God. Yet we Muslims believe Jews will take their seats in the fire unless they become Muslim.
And whoever seeks a religion other than Islam, it will never be accepted of him, and in the Hereafter he will be one of the losers” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:85]
Don't take ayat out of context and let them mean something they do not at all mean. You can't just take an English translation and use that. You have to take the Quran as a whole.
No "Unitarian" is a Muslim. All of them are People of the Fire if they heard about Rasulullah (S) and did not believe in him. They HAVE to become Muslim.
Even the Jews and Christians who profess la ilaha illalah are Mushriks because they are taking their rabbis and preists as lords besides Allah.
One of Shaytans traps is getting people to believe shirk is only saying there is more than Allah or that Allah has a son or a wife. But we see in the Quran and Sunnah that shirk is far more comprehensive.
The Messenger of Allah recited this Ayah;
﴿اتَّخَذُواْ أَحْبَـرَهُمْ وَرُهْبَـنَهُمْ أَرْبَاباً مِّن دُونِ اللَّهِ﴾
(They took their rabbis and their monks to be their lords besides Allah). `Adi commented, "I said, `They did not worship them.''' The Prophet said,
«بَلَى إِنَّهُمْ حَرَّمُوا عَلَيْهِمُ الْحَلَالَ وَأَحَلُّوا لَهُمُ الْحَرَامَ فَاتَّبَعُوهُمْ فَذَلِكَ عِبَادَتُهُمْ إِيَّاهُم»
(Yes they did. They (rabbis and monks) prohibited the allowed for them (Christians and Jews) and allowed the prohibited, and they obeyed them. This is how they worshipped them.)
Imam Ahmad, At-Tirmidhi and At-Tabari recorded this hadith.
http://www.qtafsir.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2565&Itemid=64
Also brother, considering any Christian to be a Muslim or someone who can go to Paradise after proof has been established upon you would make you a mushrik. Anyone who fails to declare the kufr of the disbelievers after knowledge has come to him is a kaffir himself completely and has left Islam.
Perhaps you are confused by this ayah.
Indeed, those who believed and those who were Jews or Christians or Sabeans [before Prophet Muhammad] – those [among them] who believed in Allah and the Last Day and did righteousness – will have their reward with their Lord, and no fear will there be concerning them, nor will they grieve.
This is the sixty second ayat in Surah Al-Baqarah.
If we were to take this alone we would be negating other ayat in the Quran which make in clear that only Muslims can go to Jannah and that.
That is why we use hadith....we are not Quran only!!!
The relevant exegesis of this verse from the Tafsir (exegesis, or interpretation) of Tabari, on the authority of Suddi and Mujahid (the student of Ibn ‘Abbas, may God be well pleased with him and his father), establishes the orthodox position from the earliest period of Muslim history:
The Suddi Hadith
Suddi relates the lengthy story of Salman the Persian’s coming to Islam, telling of his conversion first to Christianity from Zoroastrianism after meeting a Christian monk, and how he travelled to one sage after the next, serving each until their death, until the last one told him that a prophet was about to appear, saying: “I do not think that I shall live to see him, but you are a young man, and are likely to live to see him. He will come forth in the land of the Arabs.” The account continues to when at last Salman meets the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) in Medina, and:
while he was talking with him, Salman remembered his former companions, and told the Prophet ﷺ how they had been, saying, “They used to fast, pray, and believe in you, and they testified that you would be sent as a prophet.” When Salman had finished praising them, the Prophet ﷺ told him, “Salman, they are of the denizens of hell.” And that distressed Salman greatly, for he had said to him, “Had they met you they would have believed and followed you.” So Allah revealed this verse: “‘Surely those who believe, those of Jewry, the Christians, and the Sabaeans—whoever has faith in Allah and the Last Day . . .” (Tabari, 1.323).
The Mujahid Hadith
The second hadith (record of the words or actions of the Prophet ﷺ) is from Mujahid, also about the conversion of Salman to Islam and the subsequent revealing of the verse “Surely those who believe...” In this account:
Salman told the Prophet ﷺ about those Christians and what he had seen of their works, and he replied, “They did not die upon Islam.” Salman said, “The whole earth darkened around me,” and he recounted their spiritual rigors. Then this verse was revealed, so the Prophet ﷺ summoned Salman and told him, “This verse has been revealed about your companions.” Then he added, “Whoever dies upon the religion of Jesus and in submission [lit. “upon Islam”] before he hears of me is in goodly state. But whoever hears of me today and does not believe in me has perished,” (Tabari, 1.323).
Tabari comments:
Therefore, the correct interpretation (ta’wil) of the verse is what we have just mentioned from Mujahid and Suddi; that those who believe of this Umma [community], and those who were Jews, and the Christians, and Sabaeans: whoever believed—of the Jews, Christians, and Sabaeans—in God and the Last Day, “their wage awaits them with their Lord; no fear shall be upon them, nor shall they sorrow.” The interpretation we first mentioned [in his Qur’anic exegesis a few pages earlier, that “whoever believes in and acknowledges the Resurrection after death on Judgement Day, and does good deeds, obeying God, shall have their reward with their Lord”] is closest to the literal content of the text, for Allah (exalted is His praise) has not chosen one segment of humanity above the rest in rewarding good works when they are accompanied by true faith. [Tabari, 1.320, 323–24]
Ibn Kathir also states in his Tafsir:
[After narrating that the verse was revealed as mentioned by Suddi] The faith of the Jews was that of whoever adhered to the Torah and the sunnah [tradition] of Moses (upon whom be peace) until the coming of Jesus. When Jesus came, whoever held fast to the Torah and the sunnah of Moses without giving them up and following Jesus was lost.
The faith of the Christians was that whoever adhered to the Evangel and precepts of Jesus, their faith was valid and acceptable until the coming of Muhammad ﷺ. Those of them who did not then follow Muhammad ﷺ and give up the sunnah of Jesus and the Evangel were lost.
The foregoing is not contradicted by the hadith relating that the verse “Surely those who believe, those of Jewry, the Christians, and the Sabaeans—whoever has faith in Allah and the Last Day...” (2:62), was followed by Allah’s revealing: “Whoever seeks other than Islam as a religion shall never have it accepted of him, and he shall be of those who have truly failed in the next life,” (Qur’an 3:85), for the hadith merely confirms that no one’s way or spiritual works are acceptable unless they conform to the Sacred Law of Muhammad ﷺ now that he has been sent with it. As for people prior to this, anyone who followed the messenger of his own time was guided, on the right path, and was saved.