Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Depressed – My mom is having an online affair

AOA. I have been stressing about this issue since an year. I had no one to talk to until now I decided I wanted to share with you all.

My mom is having extramarital affair with a guy who's recently married. They haven't met but it's kind of online affair. My mom has sent him my pictures as I'm 20 yrs old and he thinks that it's me who he's talking to. Recently on Eid I somehow managed to delete all my pictures from my mother's cell phone, there were more than 1000 random images of me and other sent secretly via my phone which I didn't knew. As soon as she found out that my pictures are missing she created a fuss I refused that it was me but somehow she was sure because only my pictures were deleted. Later she asked me to swear on Quran. I'm so devastated about it because I did as I'm so scared of her.

Since a kid she has always abused me when spoken upfront and now she has taken this too far she takes my pictures while I'm doing normal routine work. I can't sit, I can't eat, I can't do any normal stuff around her because I know she'll be taking my pictures secretly. I seriously feel like running away from home sometime.The best part is that she doesn't even allow me to have a phone. I'm posting this secretly via a friend's phone because I needed to. I haven't said a word about it to anyone not even my closest friend. The thing  is I don't trust anyone and posting my story on this site is that I'm tired too tired.

I cant even have a simple mother daughter conversation with her. Are moms really like that? Even a stepmom wont do this to her daughter! I can't even tell my father because I know he'll surely divorce her and he's already a heart patient.Please give me good suggestions regarding my problem and don't tell me that I should speak to her and share my feelings because it's of no use. She's not like any ordinary mother she's not even a mother to me at all and I have zero level self confidence to even face her. All I can say is pray for me!

All I really need is some help. I'm totally broken and sometimes I fear that I might do something crazy, kill myself maybe but I have a sister who's just 8 yrs and just like a daughter to me. Please help! It's a REQUEST.

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6 Responses »

  1. Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem
    As Salaamu Alaikum, May Allah guide you this difficult time and protect you. In shaa Allah, I hope this help, there's a link at the end download it to your mother's phone so she can see it. Also speak to your Imam or someone of Islamic knowledge you trust. Your mother is putting not only herself in danger of Allah's wrath but she is putting you in danger of a creep harming you. This is an evil plan of shaytan but Allah is the best of planners and best to protect.

    The Islamic Position on Extra-Marital Affairs
    Islam is very clear on the topic of extra-marital affairs, and considers it as one of the major sins. In The Qur’an in (Surah 17, al Isra,, verse 32), Allah says: Do not go near adultery, .surely it is an indecency, and an evil way [of fulfilling sexual urge]. (17:32) Fornication and adultery have severely been condemned in the hadiths of the Prophet (s). While describing the believers, the Qur’an says, “The believers are… those who protect their sexual organs except from their spouses… Therefore, whosoever seeks more beyond that [in sexual gratification], then they are the transgressors.” (23:5-6) Again Allah says, regarding His true believers: “Those who invoke not, with Allah, any other god, nor slay such life as Allah has made sacred except for just cause, nor commit fornication; – and any that does this deserves punishment.” [Sûrah al-Furqân: 68]

    The Prophet (s) said: “The fornicator does not commit fornication while he is a believer” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

    A young man once came to our Prophet (peace be upon him) and said: “O, Messenger of Allah give me a permission to commit fornication.”

    The Companions were angry with the way that young man who dared to ask such a thing from the Prophet (peace be upon him), but the Prophet (peace be upon him) did not grow angry and immediately asked him: “Would you like a man to fornicate with your mother?”

    The young man replied: “No.”

    The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Hence other people do not like it for their mothers. Would you like it for your daughter?”

    The man said: “No.”

    The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Hence people do not like it for their daughters….” [Musnad Ahmad]

    Moreover, those who engage in fornication and do not repent are the most maligned of people. Allah says: “The adulterer cannot marry any but an adulteress or an idolatress, and the adulteress, none mary her but an adulterer or an idolater; to the believers such a thing is forbidden” [Sûrah al-Nûr: 3]

    Please note that extra-marital affairs may not involve any sex. It could be an emotional affair via the internet, and that may itself be equally problematic and dangerous. Please click here to watch a clip on the dangers of emotional affairs.

  2. In Islam, parents have been granted many rights. And we should always respect them.
    BUT
    Parents should not be abusing their rights!
    Islam does not teach us to turn accept and allow the wrong done to us, even if by our parents.

    Any parent would want to keep photos of their child on their mobiles, etc - but not for the reason your Mother is.
    She should not be using your photos to catfish someone or to even encourage Zina as well as participate in it.

    I’m sorry to say, but your mother is in the wrong.

    I’m aware that you said that we shouldn’t advise you to sit down and have a chat, as she is unlikely to listen.
    Let her know what she is doing.
    Sometimes, people are so deep in a sin, that they don’t realise it’s a sin.
    Talk to her, make her view it from your perspective. Perhaps, she does not completely understand the effects on you.

    I would advise you to talk to your mother respectfully and remind her that children also have rights. The parents are bestowed with the honour and responsibility of being the protectors of the child. Why is she then using your pictures and exposing you to non-mahram?

    If it seems like she is not understanding, perhaps- it would help to let her know that you are aware of the online situation.
    She may be having this online fantasy relationship - where she feels that she has not been caught and therefore there are no consequences.

    But if you let her know that you do know, maybe it will help her rethink her actions and let her know how real it is.

    Whatever you do, don’t hurt yourself and don’t think of committing such a grave sin. Hopefully things will get better. Perform dua. That Allah helps you. That He makes things easier for you.

    And you say you have a younger sister.
    She will need your love and guidance. She will need her big sister for her wisdom.
    You have been patient so far. And the fruits that are borne out of patience are normally the sweetest.
    So wait and watch. Things will get better hopefully.

    • A little clarity please:

      You say your Mother took pics from your mobile phone. Then you say you’re not allowed to have a phone anyways?

      Please clarify. Why are you not allowed a mobile phone?

  3. Assalaamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatu, sister and to everyone here.

    Allah Subhanawatalah says in the Quran: "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." (An-Nisa 4:135)

    The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam said, “Whoever seeks the pleasure of Allah at the risk of displeasing the people, Allah will take care of him and protect him from them. But whoever seeks the pleasure at the risk of displeasing Allah, Allah will abandon him to the care of people.” Reported by Tirmidhi.

    Dear Sister, whatever grief we go through, whatever hardship we endure, we must understand that we are never alone. Even if we feel abandoned by the world and those closest to us, Allah is there. He reminds us in the Qur’an,

    “Fear not. Indeed, I am with you [both]; I hear and I see.” (20:46)

    As long as we begin by recognizing that Allah is with us and He is close to us, there remains a solution to our inner worries.

    “Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said, ‘When is the help of Allah?’ Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.” [Qur’an, 2:214]

    Whenever we go through hardship, there are things we need to know with certainty. Allah (swt) tells us in the Qur’an:

    “[…] Allah will bring about, after hardship, ease.” [Qur’an, 65:7]

    Certain hardships are so consuming that we cannot focus on anything but the difficulty. But we have to remember that if we were to enumerate the blessings of Allah (swt), we would not be able to count them. Reminding ourselves of the other blessings in our lives helps us to see the test within the context of the grand scheme of things. J

    Trials also have a way of reminding us of our purpose. If we are far from Allah (swt), the test is usually to bring us close to Him. Whatever heedlessness we are engaging in, the test should make us realize we have no one, no one at all, but Him.

    Allah, the One – the only One – in control of this universe has said:

    “…And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him.” (Qur’an, 65:3)

    Allah has named Himself Al-Jabbar and given Himself this attribute. Al-Jabbar is the One who is able to restore and mend what is broken. Some of the great scholars would supplicate “Ya Jaabir kul kaseer” when they were faced with overwhelming difficulty, meaning “Oh You who mends everything that is broken.” Thus, when we feel broken, we need to go to the only One who can mend our state–al-Jabbar.

    The example of the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) is a beautiful one. The beautiful Noble Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) being 50 years old, having just lost wife of twenty-five years and uncle who took care of him sallallahu alayhi wasallam as a child, walking into a town in order to ask people for their protection, and instead have them throw stones at him sallallahu alayhi wasallam until his feet bled. How would he sallallahu alayhi wasallam have felt? How exhausted, both spiritually and physically, would he sallallahu alayhi wasallam have been? And yet, the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) calls out to Allah in one of the most beautiful and heartfelt du`a’ (supplication):

    “O Allah! To you alone I complain my weakness, my scarcity of resources, and the humiliation I have been subjected to by people. O Most Merciful of those who have mercy! You are the Lord of the weak, and You are My Lord too.

    To whom have you entrusted me? To a distant person who receives me with hostility? Or to an enemy to whom you have granted authority over my affair?

    But as long as You are not angry with me, I do no care, except that Your favor is a more expansive relief to me. I seek refuge in the light of Your Face by which all darkness is dispelled and every affair of this world and the next is set right, lest Your anger or Your displeasure descend upon me.

    Yours is the right to reproach until You are pleased. There is no power and no might except by You.”

    Therefore, we have to always remind ourselves of this blessed name al-Jabbar; Allah will mend your broken heart. It may be through a kind word from someone that brightens your day or it may be a talk that you attend. It may even be something greater. But call on Allah like the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam did, recognizing this attribute, and know that He will manifest this Name in your life.

    Allah says in the Quran: “Truly it is in the remembrance of Allah that hearts find rest.” (Qur’an, 13:28)

    Whatever problem we have, whatever difficulty we find ourselves in, we have the most powerful weapon to ward off the pain that plagues us. It is the weapon of du`a’.

    Allah has named Himself Al-Mujeeb, which means the One who responds. Just as we are certain that the Qur’an is true, we must be certain that Allah, Al-Mujeeb, will answer our call. We should never think that Allah will not answer, because by feeling so, we are denying this attribute (siffat) of Allah. Whenever we are feeling down, we should not hesitate to ask Him over and over again, and to go into sujood (prostration) and plead because that is the closest that we are to Him.

    Our du`a’ is deposited with Allah, and as was narrated from the Prophet (saw), your du`a’ does something. Either Allah will speedily answer your du`a’ or He will save it for you until the Hereafter, or He will avert something bad equal to the value of the dua (Ahmad). So we should never leave dua’.

    Insha’Allah, your dua will be answered. The Prophet (saw) said, “Verily your Lord is Generous and Shy. If His servant raises his hands to Him (in supplication) He becomes shy to return them empty.” (Ahmad, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi)

    “Is He [not best] who responds to the desperate one when he calls upon Him…” (Qur’an, 27:62)

    We must always have certainty that Allah answers. But sometimes doubt enters one’s heart: “…But I asked, I made du`a’... and I don’t see anything?” Firstly, just as we know that Allah is Al-Mujeeb, we must also know He is Al-Hakeem (the Most Wise). He may delay answering your prayer for a number of reasons; one is to test your trust in Him. Allah also may delay the answer to make us work harder so we are prepared for it. Allah does not place a burden on us greater than we can bear.

  4. This is shocking that your mom sending your pictures to that man and continuing online affair .
    There is high probability that your pictures can be mis used .
    He might morph those pictures and put somewhere.
    Be careful. Just make sure there are no hidden cameras in bath room or any private places as she might have captured such videos .
    Your mom seems to be sexually frustrated and mental person .
    Probably she is having phone sex with that guy by showing him as young girl of your marriage .
    Some people do phone sex or sexting where other person talks in sexual way till this person ends up in masturbating .Probably to arouse him she is sending your pictures .Its dangerous.
    This is the time you need to open up and tell your mom how bad she has done by sending those pictures .She might deny and slap you but a hard stand from your side will scare her from inside.
    Tell your dad even if he is heart patient. NOTHING will happen to him .

  5. Take that so called mans number from your mothers mobile .. call him.. and tell him upfront about all this mess.

    Tell him its your mother fooling around with him. Since you cannot sit with her and talk about it.. you need to take a chance this way.

    Its like one shot 2 pieces.. So digusting behaviour of your mother just not acceptable. Where is she going to repent and how ?

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