Husband interested in brother’s wife; also wants me to take part in haram activities
As Salaam Wa Alaikum,
I have many marital issues with my husband. So far I have simply put up in light of Allah's command to submit to your husband and out of respect for parents/family etc.
The issue of greatest concern is that recently my husband has began showing an increased interest in his brother's wife. This interest or flirting is mutual infact they both encourage each other. Rather even my mother in law gives her silent approval. I explained to him calmly that I feel uncomfortable in both his and her presence. To my amazement he spun the situation around to accuse me of creating divisions in his family. He even clearly stated that it was over between us, that I should leave his bed and his house. I apologised for MY mistake and finally we made up. But he still writes her love poetry.
Since then we have had intercourse a few times each time I tried very hard to make it an enjoyable experience for him, even though I felt sick inside. On occasions in the past and most recently he has physically hurt me during penetration and I have told him, but he has continued.
I feel so alone, so cheap, so lost. It doesn't matter what I cook for him and the kids, he will never say it is nice. Even when I ask. He will never compliment me. Worse still my eldest daughter is beginning to imitate her fathers behaviour towards me. I lost some weight recently by exercising regularly and watching my diet. I asked him what he thought. He didn't respond. I go to great lengths to make myself attractive etc but he will not compliment me.
About four years ago, things were really bad, and he stood by and ENCOURAGED a racial attack on me. After this incident I decided to take a stance. I got a part time job and gradually became more independent. I am now doing a degree in nursing.
During the last four years he has tried very hard to put obstacles in my way. First I became pregnant with our second child without my consent, then he stopped working and wasted a year saying that I should get a job. When I was applying for medical assistant jobs he would convince me not to go for them one way or another. So I decided to go back to college but every career choice that I was making was the wrong one.
With the nursing degree however he does not know how else to stop me but by making me so lost in other aspects of life that I will want to stop myself. (P:S he will never say don't do the degree). I know cause I have asked him many times. My family say I have to put up with it and leave the degree. They will never let us divorce.
Financially, in the fifteen years we have been married for; he has bought me clothes only but a handful of times. My income is from state benefits, he says he doesn't need to provide any more as that is sufficient for me and the kids. I really don't care so long as he is nice to me and our children.
My car has been vandalised on many occasions, I strongly believe it is his cousins. I asked if he would help me get it alarmed, he told me that the manufacturers have stopped making them as they were too sensitive and became a nuisance. I know he is talking pants.
In addition, he wants me to take part in anal sex and always has. I have declined and explained that not only do I find it disgusting but it is haram, although some scholars allow "playing" without penetration. He said we will go with those that allow what they allow.
When he was unemployed he grew his hair long and tied it into a ponytail, and also grew a beard, but neither are kept. I have requested many times that he should tidy himself up, but he won't. I think he sees this as his defence-in the event that we were to separate everyone would undoubtably blame me for the separation because I didn't find him attractive or must have found someone else.
My question is; can a husband be like this with his wife? And if he can how is she expected to deal with this? Are we still legally married in Islam? Can any one sign post me towards any Islamic organisations that can advise on such issues according to Sharia Law? I have tryed a few but have not had a response. And how should I deal with situations that will potentially arise in the future with him and his sister in law?
JazahKalah Khair,
Muslimah 786
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It's not a religious obstacle you're dealing with, but a cultural one. Unfortunately, you're stuck unless you seek a more liberal culture to assist you in leaving your abusive husband and encouraging and giving direction to you in your more compassionate environment.
Stacy,
I beg to differ on this. There may be a cultural aspect to this issue, but it IS a religious issue. Islam is a way of life, so every aspect of life should be seen through the prism of how to please Allah and act in a halaal manner.
AmerianMuslim
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Walekumsalam,
Sister mashallah you are putting up with this man for so many years.In my opinion he is not a good person or a good husband
or a good father and he does'nt support you financially as he left his job.So why are you with him?
Are you there because of your kids,don't be just leave him.You would'nt want your kids to be raised up in a family like this.
In Islam khula is there for situations like this.You have the right to divorce him and plz do.I will pray to Allah (SWT) to give you strength.Ameen
Salaams,
I intend insha'Allah on writing a more detailed response, but I would like to ask you a question first:
You mentioned you get state benefits. Could you explain what you mean by this? Are you on some kind of disability? And if you are, is it for a physical medical reason or mental health?
The answer to this will help me give a more precise response to your post. Thanks!
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As Salaam Wa Alaikum,
Thank you for your response, we live in the UK and now my husband is running his own Business again. I help aswell in between the Degree and running the house and caring for our children. The income that the business generates is not considered by the government to be a sufficient amount to live on, so they top it up-this is what I receive.
Muslimah 786
Muslimah 786
Assalamualaykum, sister.
No one deserves to be treated in this manner. It is not you creating the division, but him. To have an offense spun around and having to apologize for pointing it out is absurd.
And your husband is taking liberties with a great blessing from Allah, lovemaking between a husband and wife. It should be the culmination of affection for both people, the ultimate way to show express your love in a physical manner to please each other. Instead, your husband is using you as tool for his own pleasure without regard for you. In every marriage, there may be times when a husband or wife may choose to express their love in a physical manner even if they are not "in the mood". This is not one of those cases, and his blatant disregard for your feelings in this matter is offensive to me as his Muslim brother. We all need to show the respect and honor to a spouse as Allah has intended it.
Encouraging a racial attach is beyond contempt. Again I am offended and sickened that a Muslim brother would act in such a fashion.
Lack of support for your schooling is also troubling.
Since you have no direct proof of the vandalism, please do not assume the worst of his relatives in this matter. Do not assume the worst of someone without first hand knowledge. Rest assured, if it is them, Allah knows and they will be punished justly for this offense.
One thing of concern to me is your statement that you are pregnant without your consent. Is is confusing to me. Can you explain that further, maybe we all can provide additional advice in that area.
But to get down to your real question, "Can a husband be like this with his wife?". I answer emphatically that no, this is surely not an Islamic way to behave.
I suggest that you go first to your masjid and see if you can find a sister you trust to help your think this through. If you want to give your husband another chance, then you need to procede carefully and rise above his abhorrent behavior. If you choose to divorce him, and based on what you have said, who would blame you, then you need to carefully plan how to procede. In either case, support from sisters at your masjid is the best starting point. If we knew where you lived, we might be better able to direct you to organizations, but given your circumstance, it might not be prudent to further identify yourself in the event someone in his family should happen upon this post, it could result in retaliation.
I will offer a dua for you that Allah may reward you greatly for your suffering, both now and in paradise. I will also offer a dua that your husband will cast aside Shaytaan's whispering and return to a halaal path where he will treat you and your children in the proper manner.
I know I speak for many of the other readers when I say we are with you, and Allah is with you. We cannot know His will or why He has chosen to allow this to occur, but we can stand with you to support you with our duas in your time of suffering.
AmericanMuslim
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam sister, so sorry to hear of your sufferring, may allah (swt) ease your pain.....one issue I dont understand is why you continue to have children with this man...or even why your husband continues to have children with you?
Your clearly both not happy albeit in different ways, so why add innocent children to the mix....?
As salaam Wa Alaikum, Jazah Kalah Khair to all those who have commented
Re: American Muslim
Thank you greatly for your kind words. With regards to the vandalism, it is as clear as crystal for me as to who was responsible-Alhamdullilah it has stopped now and I have left it to Allah SWT to punish those concerned. For verily He is the best Judge.
As for the pregnancy, we were blessed with a happy healthy baby boy Alhamdullilah.
I have some good news for all those that were concerned for me. Following many arguments and the intervention of our local Imaam, my husband and I have made up. Sadly he did not admit to flirting with his brothers wife, although even the Imaam could see that he was lying. I realised that he will never admit his faults, so in order to bring the matter to a close I said I hold Allah SWT as my witness and the Imaam (with their consent) as my witness that I will forgive and forget upon one condition that nothing like this would ever happen again-would you believe he was very reluctant to to agree to this, but eventually agreed.
I sincerely hope that as I have shown him mercy, Allah SWT will show me mercy on the day of resurrection.
His sister-in-law is currently out of the country on holiday, my concern is what will happen when she returns? What happens if they continue to flirt with each other either in my presence or worse still in secret?
Also from an Islamic perspective, if I know that my husband is uncomfortable with my Degree, but will never state that he is uncomfortable do I have to stop.
I know that the easier option is to leave him-but I can't for several reasons
My Sister
I am happy of the news that you and your husband are trying to work through this, and that you have forgiven him.
Undoubtedly Allah will show you mercy on the day of judgement. He is the forgiver.
Regarding what may or may not happen in the future, I say, why borrow trouble? What I mean is, you have had enough trouble already, why worry about trouble that may never come your way. Assume the best of your husband and his sister-in-law, they may surprise you and act in a completely halaal fashion. That does not mean you do not need to be alert for repeat episodes of their abhorrent behavior, but don't expect it either. Give them a fair chance to act properly, and assume they will. Until then, don't imagine scenarios and plan how to react or what to do. If something does happen, let the situation unfold and act appropriately based on what happens.
Regarding your education, if you know your husband is uncomfortable with it, you may want to have a heart-to-heart discussion on why he is uncomfortable with it. He may be intimidated by an intelligent woman. If that is the case, he will likely not admit to it. Just understand it may just be a male ego thing (as a male, I know we men can fall into such a trap of letting our ego get in the way, even when we try not to). It may be that you can find ways to bolster his ego and make your education less threatening.
May Allah grant you His best.
AmericanMuslim
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
AmericanMuslim
As Salaam Wa Alaikum, to a caring brother.
Your words "my sister", have touched me greatly as we have no brothers-Thank you
Thank you for all your advice aswell, sometimes I get so lost in myself, but your words help me to come back to reality.
Is there a way to post comments that are not published-I ask because there is much more to this story and I feel if I disclose this info-someone somewhere will know it is me.
Jazah Kalah Khair
Sister I think you can post it privately only editors will see and comments. You can ask the editors how to do. On other hand after reading your story I was sad but after reading everyone advice and your comment I smiled because at-least you are trying your best. May Allah bless you and your family.
Thank you Nadia-please pray for me.
As Salaam Wa Alaikum Editors,
I wish to post further issues relating to my personal affairs-but they are confidential, could you please direct me as to how I can do this confidentially
Thank you
My suggestion is to add your comments here, but change your personal details so you will not be recognized by those who know you.
Alternatively, you could submit another post and mark it as private.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank you Wael,
I was in a very dark place in the days that I posted my original post. As i was not getting any support from my family, I completely turned towards Allah SWT and supplicated. I also began doing Istiharah (not even sure if I was doing it correctly-may Allah forgive me for any mistakes). In my panic I asked Allah to guide me in several matters relating to the one big issue re: my husband and his sister-in-law. I did this continuously for about four - five days.
Among my questions were the following
1-should I speak to the sister-in-law?
2-should I speak to her husband?
3-should I leave him-this would mean leaving everyone inc my family
4-should I go back to my parents, and listen to some more lectures and allow them to totally derail me?
5-should I silently sit back and allow all this to continue?
Following this, four things happened
1-I had a dream, in it I was sitting with some girls who were my "friends". We then decided to go to the ladies. There were three cubicles I took the middle one. The other two were taken by these friends. As i was using the toilet I felt uncomfortable, and looked up only to see that I was being watched by the friend in the next cubicle.
I understood the dream to mean that I have no "true" friends
2-the following day (and I mean throughout the day) I kept thinking about something which occurred a while back. The sister-in-law asked my husbands brother-in-law to do some DIY for her. She was wearing rather revealing clothes and hovering around him-pretending to help. Stupidly, I said to my husband you should go see if you can help too. He went to help but wouldn't come back and it was time for us to leave. I went to call him, and really did not like the way she was behaving. She kept bending over and was wearing a very low cut top, which meant a lot of her front was being revealed-I remember my husband being rather quiet that day.
He has five sisters and all five have had more than their share of marital troubles-all five of their husbands are serial adulterers, one even had a long standing affair within the family. Which brings me back to the thoughts that I was having- was my husband doing this ie: flirting with her to protect his sisters????
But then why would he be mean to me about this and do this in front of me surely he could have been more discreet ! Or was he simply trying to kill two birds with the same stone????
3-the next day, the local Imaam and family friend knocked on our door as there was a very heavy and sudden downpour of rain and they got caught in it-they asked if they could wait in the porch until the rain eased. We both waited a while for the rain to stop-but I felt I had to confide in them and was convinced that Allah had sent them to my door. I told them a little of my troubles, they consoled me and told me they would also supplicate for me.
Prior to their arrival, I had also submitted a question to the Shariah Council UK. My question was re: whether or not a valid divorce had taken place between my husband and I. The following day, Shariah council told me to stop sleeping with my husband-when he asks why, I should explain that we need to clarify the events of that day in front of an Imaam or other knowledgable person.
4-I followed their instructions, but more and more arguments were arising-The sister-in-law, decided to invite us round for another dinner. My husband didnt tell me whether or not he would be going, but told HER, that he will not be attending (i think this was because things were getting really bad at home) she asked him if me and the kids were going to attend and he told her that she should ask me herself, when i found out about this i really flipped (not only was he actively flirting with her but was also showing her the cracks in our marriage) In the heat of the moment I blurted out that I had spoken to Shariah and according to them the chances of us being legally married were very bleak.
My husband then decided to involve my family and for one reason or another was unable to explian the full story to them(the way he saw it). He then went to mosque and funnily enough bumped into the same Imaam and told them how unreasonable "I" was being. They said they would like to speak to both of us together-during this meeting they explained that our nikah is still valid, Alhamdullillah and tried very hard to make him acknowledge his faults. Sadly he did not admit these more so he even stated the first kalmah to "prove" his innocence.
I don't know if I have understood the outcome of the istiharah in the correct manner, but if I have and he is trying to protect his sisters-then potentially this could carry on for ever-I can't discuss it with him anymore as he has blatantly denied everything.
As for the sister-in-law it is a fact that she openly flirts with all the men in the family-regardless of looks/age etc and this is actively encouraged by mother-in-law, I do have some theories for her reasons for dong this.
Re: Anal stimulation, I have explained and encouraged him to also check this out for himself but he still continues-I don't know what to do anymore. I read somewhere that the woman will also be held accountable is this true? If it is what else can I do to discourage him-without turning him away???
As Salaam Wa Alaikum, Editors
Please edit as much as possible-and somebody PLEASE respond.................
Sister I am really sorry for not answering your all question you got but I will answer you the last one.
As per I know I read it long time ago that I don't think you will be accountable for that if your husband keeps forcing and as long you saying no, and if your husband still keeps forcing anal sex, then you need to seek counseling. If you say no, and your husband keeps on going, then this is considered marital rape, and no woman should tolerate this.
My Sister,
1. It is always better to talk to someone about issues. Even of they do not respond kindly, at least you tried. I am not good at interpreting dreams.
Allah will be pleased if you treat a sister with respect and expect the best of her. Give her the chance to do the right thing.
2. Her behavior was inappropriate. You had good intentions suggesting your husband help. You have learned, and don't do this again. Help your husband stay on the right path.
If he likes that sort of thing (dressing sexy and acting flirty), you may try dressing like that in private with him to please him, if you think he would enjoy it and you feel comfortable doing so.
3. I don't feel I understand the issue enough to comment.
4. You made an error here. Ask Allah for forgiveness, and also apologize to your husband. The poor behavior of another does not justify poor behavior on your part. But once you have asked Allah for forgiveness, put this issue behind you and strive not do it again.
5. Do not act passively. You can effect the future of your marriage. Treat him with respect and try whatever you can think of to repair the damage. Pray to Allah for guidance. He will be pleased with your efforts.
Regarding the sexual issues, do not participate in haraam acts no matter what the reason, sister. You will be held accountable. You know what is right.
AmericanMuslim
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
My sister
I will respond more later today.
Please understand the editors are all volunteers, and there are many posts each day.
May Allah sustain you.
AmericanMuslim
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Thank you so much for all your advice may Alah bless you and your family.
Re: the last point you made concerning haram acts-is touching and stimulating the anal region also haram-like I said I have researched it and came up with differing views. Some scholars said it was permissible so long as anal sex does not take place-whereas others have said that touching or stimulating is also NOT allowed
Can I just state for the record I find it all repulsive-I have on many many occasions clarified this-and also explained my findings as well as encouraged him to research this. I also explained that if he needs me to speak about it to make intimacy pleasurable for him I can do that but he must understand the limitations.
I'm not sure even I understand the limitations any more.........
salaam
sister you will be in my prays and may allah guide you
i'm not quite sure how to respond but felt an eurge to respond
first of all sister i am very proud of you and blessed that i have a sister like you. yes i do not know the full situation but i am really happy that you decided not to just sit on and put a lid on it but face it and am so proud of how you faced it by turning to allah.
in light of how things have turned out i would like to segussed a few things
1) now that you have gone down this route, goin with it with an open minde and an open heart and with a true heart
2)turn to allah further for guidence in the form of prays and istaqhara
3) do not stop studying knowledge is the true wealth and you can never get enough
4) keep strong keep your eeman strong
5) you and others may not like this suggestion, try to avoid having any further children till such time that you are fully on your feet your husband is with 100% again and by this i mean he respects you and the childrens and he provides suffeciently and with love not for the sake of it or for the show of it
6) you still have one big hurdel to get past and i don't say this lightly thus another reason for suggestion number 5 him wanting anual intercourse stay strong in this as i know it is very difficult personally i say this becouse when i tryed to say no and defend myself in this issue my ex and notice i say ex he held me down and fourced it on me and he also did this whilst i was PREGNENT
i would like to make other suggestions on how to deal with point 6 but fear they might cause more problems for you so wount for now
but i pray that THAT ALLAH guides and gives you the tandak (coolness) that your eyes so desperately desire
Thank you sooooo much sister, may Allah bless you for taking the time to consol me thank you
assalamu alaikum, sister.
i've read all ur posts and u keep mentioning that ur husband and his sister-in-law are flirting with each other back and forth AND they are quite open about it as well. naturally, this bothers u, but what about the person who should be AS bothered about this as u? where is ur husband's brother in this picture? no self respecting man would tolerate a wife that goes around flirting with all the males of the family including his own brother? how come there is no mention of this man? does he know about the inappropriate relationship between his brother and wife? if not, why dont u find a way to let him know so he can put his foot down and be stern with his wife? i think that could inshallah help to a great extent. by the way, ur mother in law is weird, actually encouraging and happy with the fact that the wife of her one son tries to seduce the other son! may Allah turn all ur difficulties into ease and grant u peace and security ameen!
Wa Alaikum salaam brother,
You have no idea how weird she is aswell as the son in question (as in my husbands brother). My mother in law manipulates and controls everything in that house including intimate relations between the couple ie. between my husbands brother and his wife. How???? Well they dont sleep in the same room for a start-and i know this is my mother in laws doing cause she did the same to us, for the brief time that we lived in her house. Then the whole world and his dog were told that we (my husband and i ) dont sleep together.
This is why I feel soooo helpless.
Trust me if I was somebody in your shoes reading this story I would also say this sister is off her head-totally mad-but I'm NOT. Yaah Allah please help me.
If I go into greater detail of EXACTLY what goes on in that house, someone somewhere will know who this is about as I'm sure there are not many Muslims who behave in such despicable ways-they are sick in the head but are soo smart that anyone who kicks up a fuss ends up looking like the mad one while they remain almost untouched-it's taken me all these years to finally see them for what they are Alhamdulliah-my issues among many others are how do I move on-how do I save myself and my kids from being tarred with their filth whilst also continue to play happy families with them and my husband.
Please help me-please pray for me-please
salaam sister
look you are not off your mind and those who do not get this go back to the basics "THERE IS ALWAYS ONE ROTTEN APPLE IN THE FAMILY" so corrupt the sole which took an oath infront of allah befor been put in a body is almost non exsistance and yes i have also wittnessed this in my family it was the aunt and the only words that i could use to discribe her are as harsh as they may sound "two faced, back biting, manipulating, brain washing b . i wount use swearing but you get the picture she was the shaitan of the shaitan. people like this are on a course a path to distruct as many people as possibel and use as many as possible on the way and those who are no longer a uas to them they send them on a path to selfdistruct death they don't care if it is their mother father sister brother son daughter neice nefew grand kids you name it.
i am shocked at how you have kept your sanaty
sister i pray for you and keep you in my prays
the way out for you is to get as far away from her as possible and as quick as possible and do not lose your kids be very careful with what you eat and from whom and if possible and i pray to allah for this find a way to get your husband on your side to move aswell
and i say this with real fear in my heart
this aunt she killed two brothers sent another mad who is also not alive now uses another brother and sister she uses her old age parents she uses violence against them i wount go into too much detail but i know what you are talking about
i feel your fear
may allah protect you and your family
jazakala
Alhamdulliah!! thank u sister, and most of all thank u to Allah SWT - SOMEBODY believes me!!!!
But what now sister-how do I move on??
I thought after the imaams intervention that we could still make our marriage work. I have really been trying so hard to keep everything sweet with my husband and even all my in laws-but my husband can see this too so is hell bent on being difficult.
Question is sister how long......how long before I am all cuckoo sister???
Earlier American Muslim recommended that I also try to seduce him when we are together, honestly I know the brother is only trying to help but I've done this-and do you know what he says "cover up, the kids will see you", if I try after they have gone to bed, he's too tired or there's something great on on the telly or he,ll make himself engrossed in something else
The only thing that is keeping me going is that Allah SWT is watching
Yaah Allah, please guide me, please please guide me out of this horrible mess!
And no my husbands brother is not self - respecting, he as almost been programmed by mother in law the way a manufacturer programmes a computer
Salam,
I hate mother in laws
(Remainder of comment has been removed by Editor).
Salaams,
Rana, no where in Islam are women made to be treated poorly or oppressed. Women are treated that way because of cultural mindsets and arrogance, not because of religion. You can't blame Allah for the sins of mankind, for which everyone will face their just judgment in the hereafter.
Getting back at someone is never the solution. It will not heal the pain already caused, and only further sears one's conscience and compassion. If you continue to give advice like this that clearly goes against the spirit and teachings of Islam, it's very likely they will begin to be deleted.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Rana, do you watch a LOT of movies and not offer prayers to Allah? This is the impression I had about you. Read your own comment. It begins with Salam, ends with Khuda Hafiz, but in between, there is nothing Islamic, infact, it is full of hatred. And we advise, not based on personal prejudices.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Rana because of this comment and other awful comments you have left, you are now blacklisted on this website. Your comments have employed bad language, criticism of Allah and Islam, and terrible advice to people in difficult situations.
You know, it's odd, you started out giving relatively good advice, then your comments degenerated into cursing and insulting the deen.
I sometimes think that trying to offer advice on this website is not a good thing for people who are weak in the deen, or who are prone to mood swings.
We see a lot of the worst of human nature on this site. We see people cheating on spouses, being abused by relatives, confused, lost... not because this is typical of Islam or the lives of Muslims, but because this website was specifically created to help such people. The millions of people who have happy families and are prospering physically and spiritually do not write to us. The ones who write to us are the lost.
Some people can't handle it. They read the posts here and become progressively more outraged or depressed. They become short-tempered with the questioners, or they begin accusing Islam itself of creating these situations (when in reality these are universal human problems).
For such people, I would recommend leaving this website alone, and focusing instead on activities that build imaan and bring the heart closer to Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Somebody please help me,
To cut a long story short, he is making my life hell, but in very suttle ways-in ways that should I start talking I will look like a complete prat, because he will provide what will appear to be "reasonable" explanations for it all
Dear editors As Salaam Wa Alaikum
I know what he wants, he wants me to leave the degree-because of his insecurities-so I have started doing Istahara again. I asked Allah SWT to guide me in this situation i.e. should I continue with the degree
I had a dream, it was quite muddy as there had been a lot of rain. This water had been collected in containers of varying shapes and sizes and the containers were all standing on individual pedestals in an almost diagnal line.
There were too many to count.
There were some children, just two maybe three. I remember one he looked Asian maybe Indian. He was wearing a white/cream cloth to cover his nether regions. He was standing towards the further end of the line of pots. Almost suggesting/gesturing with his hands that this was what had been collected. All I remember is that he looked at me, but didnt actually speak.
Can anyone tell me what this means?????
One other thing relating to the hadeeth which staes that if a husband is NOT happy with his wife, before they retire for the night seventy angels will curse the wife for the entire night. This will continue every night until the husband is pleased with the wife.
Will this be valid even if the husband is forever looking for things to pick arguments over? or if he is never pleased with anything that she does? or chooses to fall out with her over the smallest of issues and then expects his wife to fall at his feet for forgiveness in such matters????? And if this doesn't happen then he will continue to be upset with her until she does
I feel like he is using my studies to metaphorically hang me with the same knowledge
Somebody PLEASE respond!!!!!
Dear sister,
After long time I came back to this site. Feel so good. Sister o won't suggest you anything nor make my post long. I just want to tell that you already got lots of very good suggestion from the editors, and other members. Sister I realize you facing same problem again and again and the right answer will be same it's you now have to work it out and decide. Sister I am not saying that you asking it's a mistake no not at all that's why this site is for.
Sister I think it's time to think very deeply that can you stay in this marriage? What your husband is doing it's islamicly wrong, you deserve better.
So far your main question about the dream I don't know, but about the behavior about your husband is wrong. Allah only gets upset when your husband saying or making you doing RIGHT thing and if you donot obey then, but in my knowladge I don't think Allah will be upset if your husband makes you doing wrong thing and you try to help him in right way.
Sister sorry if my post sounds rude. This is my opinion you may or may not like it but you need to be strong...
Thank you sister, and no your post was not rude-this is so hard for me and this site and the people that respond in light of Quran and Sunnah are really all that I have to lean on (aside from Allah SWT)
May Allah SWT help us all Ameen
Dear Muslima 786.
Innalillahi wa inna ilahirajioon,
This is terrible circumstances but it is a test form Allah, i pray he grants you strength to bear it. From your previous posts this problem seems like an on going thing, a repetitive circle.
There are a couple of issues:- your husband, your sister inlaw and mother inlaw who seems to be encouraging the situation.
We can only advice but ultimately you decide what you want to do.
Talk to the sister inlaw and tell her you find her behavior and dress inappropriate and you do not want her to speak or communicate with your husband.
The question is do you want to be with this man?
I suggest you arrange a meeting with the sharia council again and you propose a contract that he needs to agree to for example
1) that your and your husband move out of his mothers house and rent for yourselves
2) he has no interaction with the sister in law and does not attend any invites or social gathering to hers
3) he will not ask you again to take-part in such haram acts intimately
4) Your right to peruse a course in nursing because he is not providing for you and the children and benefits is to sufficient to provide for you and your children
etc
Get the sharia council to propose this to him and if all fails then your right to a divorce (if this is what you want). Also get the Shiekh to explain to the sin of the haram act he wants to do intimately.
If all else fails and you do not want a divorce then you will have to be prepared to accept his short coming and live with him how he and accept his shortcoming, and you will have to be the one to make compromise on certain things such as your education. You will just need continue to make dua that Allah changes his heart and just do sabr and hope in reward form Allah azza wajal.
Also check your room to make sure there are no taweezes and make sure you do your adhkhar after fajr, maghrib and before bed. Recite surah baqarah daily and protect yourself, get your husband to do the same. Shaitan is having to much fun messing in your marriage. Also recite the duas specifically for sadness, anxiety, depression and calamity these are all in fortress of the muslim. Recite lots of Quran for shifa and ponder on its meaning for healing your broken heart. My duas are with you sister.
stay strong. xxx
Asalamualakum sister,
I have read the problems you have been going through and I pray to Allah that he makes your life much better inshallah with your husband and family . I have been going through similar problems as well and totally understand how you feel. I have been married with my husband for 17 years and Ever since I married him he has been having affairs with women throughout my marriage with him , I have children with him and he gained Canadian citizenship through me . Every time I would confront him about things I find unintentionally I end up getting beaten very badly for even suspecting that he had been doing something . He even would keep me in the house not allowed to visit family or friends or even complete my studies, he would stay out until 5 Am even sometimes later , sometimes he would even sleep out of the house . When he gets home I would check his cell phone and get the numbers he would call and call them back where ladies would answer, and I would speak to them and they would say they never knew he was married, and one even told me he slept with her at a hotel and bought her clothes . I tried many times to leave him but I keep giving him chances for the sake of my children but I really am fed up and can't take it longer I always pray to Allah to give me more patience but from the inside I am very hurt. I ask for you and everyone who reads this post to pray for me that Allah would guide me and give me strength . My advice to you is that you are the only person who knows what's best for you everyone can give you advice but no one really feels you , just do what you feel is the best for you and may allah be with you sister Jazakum Allah Khair
asslam o allaikum
i sympathise with you sister been in a similar situation as yourself it's not easy may ALLAh SWT help you and ease your problems.
i agree with star flower but suggest one thing think of your children as well as of yourself i would suggest sooner you get out of this relationship better it will be and i am talking from the experience
it's not going to be easy either way , as they say there is always a silver lining underneath every dark cloud
don't despair
may ALLAH SWT help you xx