Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My wife avoids sexual contact with me

Sexless marriage, lack of intimacy, no sex

Salam, I really didn't want to write this but I was hoping to get some advice, my wife and I have been married for almost 2 years, we have a beautiful baby boy. Ever since my son was born my wife avoids sexual contact with me. I understand women go through post natal depression and I have been very supportive towards it. I tried talking to her, encouraging her to seek medical advice and she did. After few months she said she is ok and there are no concerns however when it comes to intimacy it still seems like she avoids it. Sometimes twice a month or not at all. She hardly makes conversation and I have tried so much and there's only so much I can take, she responds to me in a rude manner and doesn't realise it. I have told her so many times and made her aware. It has had impact on me mentally, I'm doubting myself, I'm thinking if she doesn't love me, I'm so stressed. This has had an effect on my health, as most nights I am not sleeping. I can't do this no more. Every time I bring it up she says she's fine and there's nothing wrong with her. Finally after almost a year I have snapped and had a go at her. Told her to leave and go, I no longer wish to be part of this relationship. Am I doing the wrong thing. Please help

ikky

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4 Responses »

  1. In most cases women don't want to go through pregnancy again..1st time experience is tough...talk to her say how you feel .listen to what she says ...let her talk...unless she is scared of you?
    BUT HAVING A GOOD RELATIONSHIP FAIRNESS HONESTY KINDESS AND TAKING HER OUT OR SUPRISING HER MAKES A LIVING CONNECTION..REMEBER THE CHILD IS ALSO A JOB ITSELF

  2. I do understand your frustration. I have been going through the same except that in this case it is my husband that was not touching me.
    After I gave birth we have not been very close. He moved out to his parents because of some work stress issue and he didn’t want this to affect me. It had the opposite effect.
    We have been intimate about 4/5 times this year and yes it does affect my stress level, my insecurities and i got completely depressed.
    I decided I would seek divorce because it is unfair to be in such position of suffering while they watch you and pretend all is ok.

  3. So you confronted her with a request for her to leave and NOW you ask for advices. Something is going on with your wife. It could possibly be something you are doing or not doing. Most of us present our problems online, to friends and family and even health professionals from our viewpoint. Once a friend talked with me about a difficult conversation she had with her husband. My response was that both of them needed to learn how to communicate better. I ended my response with "Of course you think you are perfect." Her reply was "Yes." I had to point out to her, like what I have said to you, that sometimes we think we are doing everything right, when in fact we are not even close.

    Consider apologizing to your wife for suggesting that she leave. That is a lot damage control, but a sincere apology is a good start. Buying her a gift, flowers or a dinner out might also help. Try to find out what she is really thinking. And listen. It may not be pleasant for you or it may seem that what she is saying is not important to you. But it is. Your wife me be overwhelmed with new motherhood, the reality that she is now a wife and mother and her life, her time, even her body is no longer hers alone. Sometimes when women have a baby and become a mother feel that their husband will no longer find her attractive. There could also be some type of negative cultural hangups about love, sex and marriage that your wife might have. Talking about whatever is going on would benefit you. A woman responds lovingly to man she feels safe around. By safe I am saying that when a woman knows she can express herself and not be judged, ridiculed or criticized, she will feel safe. I would also suggest considering finding a good marriage counselor that both of you meet with for a period of time. You probably also know that making nafl prayers and dua will always help in some capacity.

  4. I don't think you have handled the situation very well - instead of snapping at her and telling her to leave, you should have suggested couple's therapy, and you should have given her an ultimatum. Sometimes, when people realize that they are on the brink of losing someone, they pull their act together and agree to getting help.

    How did your wife react to you kicking her out? Is she careless about it? If she is, then it probably is a good idea to go your separate ways (as I don't believe in grovelling and begging). If she shows upset, then maybe use the opportunity to tell her you really want your marriage to work, but it will require from the both of you to get help and be willing to make changes.

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