My parents keep fighting and the girl I love is marrying someone else
Asalam-o-alykum brothers n sisters,
This is my first time that I'm writing on any site, but now I think that things going on in my life are a bit more than what I can handle. But I know Allah gives someone as much tension that a human can bear.
The first problem is about parents. It's been more then 20 years that my mom and dad are married, they have 5 kids, both of them are nice humans but not good for each other. They are trying to live their life for us or may be just because they were married(arranged). You know the image of divorced women in Pakistan, so we dont want our mom and dad to be separate- but they are fighting 24/7, hurting each other again and again:(. Mom cries almost everyday but I dont know what to do, for I have asked all of my brothers and sisters and they can't live without both of them. People says that one of my aunts (my dad cousin's wife) have some sort of magic(taveez) on my dad, and my dad calls her at least once a day and does whatever she asks my dad to do. My aunty's brother is in tablighi jamat and they don't have enough money to survive. My dad prays five times (even more than that- I have seen my dad praying in night times as well- tahajud), but poeple saying that he is in adultery( relationship with guys). We got some proofs as well, but as he is our dadwe are not ready to accept this. We have been praying for the last 20 years that Allah sets up everything, but we lived our whole life in these conditions. The only thing I believe is that we did so much for our dad and one day he will come back.
- should we can keep on praying(dua) and wait for God's mercy?
-should I take some step?
-dad said many times to my mom, "go, I have freed you from a wife's relationship", but he never used word 'Talak', so are they allowed to live together?
-should I believe in magic(taveez) and stuff? I do believe on magic because our prophet Muhammad S.A.W had magic on him, but if I believe on it then what should I do? My mom is an alima and she is doing many wazeefa and stuff for my dad?
Second problem:
I am in love with a girl, we met on facebook, and we both equally love each other. I'm 22 and she is 19, but the age writen in her documents is 16. Her mom and dad don't like me, because a year back she left everything for me and came to my place. But being a Muslim, I tried the best that I could but after that her mom and dad start hating me and they want her to marry someone else. Since I'm having family problems as well, I tried to forget her so that I can concentrate on my parents. But she loves me alot and I feel that if I leave her then Allah will not forgive me, but I can't see her marrying someone else. I was searchin about love/marriage and knew that it is halal in Islam.
-should I leave her? Because chances of getting together are almost none.
-if she leaves her parents now for me will that be acceptable in Islam?
( thanks brothers for reading all that )
-zain_malik
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Salaams,
I am going to answer the second part of your post first.
You met a girl on facebook whose parents don't approve of the two of you getting married, but nevertheless she ran away and has been living with you for the past year but you are not married with each other (from what it sounds like). There actually is nothing halal about what you are describing. You should not have been consorting with females on facebook to begin with, and once you were discovered you should've respected her parent's wishes and gracefully left the scene. I understand it was her choice to come to you where you are, but there is nothing Islamic about her staying with you if you are not married. If you want to do what's acceptable in Islam, contact her parents (no she won't like this but it's the best thing to do) and work with them in making arrangements for her to return home to them. If you still want to marry her after that, have your mom and her mom work out those details, if Allah wills it. Anything short of this may put you in the category of being sinful, and it is for this that you should be seeking the forgiveness of Allah.
As far as your family is concerned: Of course you should keep praying for them. I was a little bit confused, because initally it sounded like your parents lived together and fought a lot, and then at the end you mentioned about your dad coming back- seeming to indicate he was away somehow.
I can tell you that the arabic word "talak" does not need to be spoken for a divorce to be validly given. As long as that idea is communicated in a language the hearer understands, that is what matters. That being said, only a qualified scholar could make a judgment on whether your parents had actually ever divorced or not, and they would need a lot more information than what you listed to make that judgment. Since that seems to be more a concern of yours than your actual parents, maybe you should not spend much time trying to figure that one out.
Certainly black magic exists. However, most of us don't know the degree to which (if any) it may be influencing a situation. I'm not sure if there is a way for anyone other than a qualified shaykh to make a determination about whether or not your dad is under black magic from your aunt, so maybe that query is one you should take to a local imam or Muslim scholar and see what they advise to do under the circumstances.
Your mom and your dad have to work out their issues on their own. Regardless of whether he is living a double life in sin or they just have personality clashes, no one is going to be able to iron those problems out except them. I understand it is painful for you and your brothers/sisters to see your parents fighting. Every child hopes their parents will get along and be together forever, but sometimes it doesn't happen. I can't say what your parents should or shouldn't do, or what they will or won't do, but it sounds like the best thing you children can do is find support with each other so that no matter what happens, you will have strong bonds with each other. Perhaps all of you can sit down with both your mom and dad and share how you all have been feeling about what's been going on, and tell them what you hope for them. Offer them your support and ask them what you guys can do to make it easier for them.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
mashallah may ALLAH reward you for this website inshallah
Tricky... and confusing post too...
Anyway, as for the girl, end whatever haram relationship exists, be patient and make dua. I say that from experience. Somethings that prevent duas from being accepted is sin. Before my husband and I got married we were acquaintances on facebook. Eventually we said 'stop, this is haram. bye'
and that was that. and 1 year later Allah brought us together in a halal and happy relationship. thats the first thing
as for your parents, dua is powerful. always make dua and never give up on it. May Allah give you all patience and ease
Allah listens ...make loads of dua...
i m from pakistan too..i can understand the situation...ask ur mother if she would like u or some elder sibling to help solve the controversy btween them...similarly ask ur dad too..but ask both of them in separate situations........u r 22,ur old enough to sort out their problems maturely......or help them both separetely tp get along with eachother.....u need to counsel them both...either together or separately....
as for the girl....give her parents some time....make it clear to them that u don't want a relationship with their daughter...tell them that u want her hand in marriage....make ur intentions clear...
may Allah help u,ameen
if you ever need anyone to talk , feel free to email me. id love to talk and am going through the same thing. salams bro.
samim, I removed your email address. We do not allow posting of personal contact info.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor