Angry husband issues
Salam o aleykom dear brothers/ sisters,
Please help and advise me, I don't know what to do or what to say to my husband 🙁
My husband gets mad easily over things I do or say, even though I didn't do wrong... it's my habits/mistakes or he is annoyed of me or bored of me, saying I ruin everything we do. He starts swearing and calling me bad things... I try not to cry, because when I do, he hits/pushes and hurts me. We never had bad violent fights like this in the first months of marriage, as most people I assume. He told me to leave him, and he will not allow me in our bed to sleep. He tells me to go back to my parents (who are non-muslims- I reverted to Islam) and he hits my face, saying he doesn't want to see it again.
I am so sad, depressed and stressed out! I pray for us with hope. My feelings and heart are hurt to hear and feel these awful things from him:( I keep thinking of how he used to say he will always love and care for me and never wants a divorce. Now he says he hates me and that I am worse than his ex girlfriends, and that I ruined his life 🙁
I cannot leave, I love him even after the fights and him ignoring me. I miss the real him. I feel that he is listening to shaytan and making him happy. All I want is him to be normal and happy again, and our marriage to be successful.
I can't talk peacefully or explain to him what I feel, and try to get things better. He yells and swears more, says to leave the home, hits me, or hides in our room and locks the door on me.
Please pray for us to stay together and stop fighting. I usually blame myself and feel that I just want to die, but this time I know I didn't do wrong, and I'm just praying and thinking of Allah for peace. I need my husband to be normal again though...
If you have advice for me, please offer it as I am in need of help and am embarrassed to talk about it to my parents or friends. I don't want any outsiders to think bad of my husband, he is always good to them it is just fights with me:(
Jazak allahu khayran,
Muslima sister
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Asalamu alikum,
Sister, I am very concerned for you. You say he hits, pushes, punches, and hurts you for no reason. He puts you down and makes you feel like you are nothing. Is this the kind of marriage you imagined your life to be?
Does anybody deserve this kind of treatment.
Sister, please do not have children with this man as he will punch them and teach them how to abuse you and other people. My suggestions is RUN AWAY- very fast.
He is abusive, this is a crime what he is doing to you and you need to leave this man before he breaks you down and hurts you even more.
You may have loves his facade- his act before marriage because he was trying to woe you and make you like him- but trust me sister- this is the real him. He is an abusive man. He has tested you and found you to be weak and manipulatable and he can punch and kick you and will still stay and he is enjoying abusing you because he know you still "love him"!
I am sure you love the idea of him, but you cannot let him do this to you- i hope you see how wrong this is. Marriage is NOT supposed to be to be like this. I know you said you revereted and i think you are isolated - but know that you family will always love you, there are womens' shelters, there are people in the mosque who can help out, there are friends whom you can escape to.
Dont be fooled by his niceness and dont let him play you for a fool sister. He is abusive and deserves to be alone. I dont think you want to have children with this man, because worse than him beating you up and putting you down- he will do that to your next generation. Please get some courage, turn to Allah, and walk away from this man who needs to learn how to treat women properly.
You are worth it, you are beautiful, and you are good human being and you do not deserve to be treated like this. Allah does not allow this kind of abuse, you have the right to leave if you are unsafe.
I wish you all the courage in the world sister, and may you be strong in all your adversity.
Seriously sister, what advice can one offer you when you have already made up your mind that you don't want to leave this abusive man at any cost? You sound like you have very low self-esteem, you need to value yourself more and realize that no one has the right to treat you this badly, and you absolutely need to draw the line with your husband. Don't be so blinded by the so-called love that you're feeling for him - I don't think you love him, I think you're probably afraid of being alone so you choose to remain with this man for that reason. It's not unusual for people with low self-esteem to feel like it's better to tolerate abuse than to be on their own, and, as you mention, blame themselves for their spouse's bad behaviour.
If you're determined not to leave your husband, then what else can one say than good luck wasting your life on a dead-end marriage with a man who doesn't care for you and wish you weren't in his life. He directly tells you to leave him, yet you choose to cling to him like someone who's desperate. Please don't degrade yourself like this, sister :(.
I agree with you brother, no one deserve to be treated the way he's treating you. Just because he's married to you doesn't mean that he can abuse you. The only advice I could give it to you sister is ask him for divorce. My Allah help you
Salaam sister,
I hope and pray you are well and this reaches you in good spirits, it's really hard to advice you because you are isolating your self from family and friends to keep his respect as you don't want anyone to find out, you say you are a revert to Islam, Islam is one of the religions of the world that gives women so many rights, but you have to except those rights and get help. No one regardless of religion should be treated the way he is treating you! Stop making excuses for him you are beautiful strong woman even more so now as you have Allah to help and guide you, the thing is its not your fult no man has the wright to put there hands on a woman in this way, he is just bored with the responsibility of marriage the novalty has worn off, and he knows you don't tell your family or ask for help so he can carry on treating you this way as there are no concequences for his actions, my sweet sister this is not down to you, you can not change this man, you have to think of your self, this is not a life, please speek to your family or friends as he could become more violent. I know it's hard you don't want to be judged by your family and friends and he knows you will keep this situation to your self, and there for treats you in this horrible way. He is not a man! A man does not hit woman and call them names, he loves them looks after them and respects them.
Please get help and leave him,
I'm so sorry sister that you are going through such ordeal. My empathy from the bottom of my heart extends to you in every possible way.
I will suggest that you ask someone to become an arbitrator.
I strongly recommend that you should read a book " Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" by John Gray to better understand the nature of men.
Brother farrukh
what good would it do for the sister to read that book and to understand the better nature of men? Is the better nature of men to beat women and treat them like an amimal? . This is the worst type of men. the sistrer will cause her self harm if she hangs around any longer to understand his bad nature.
Quite possibly the worst advice I've ever seen on this site. By a couple of tiers. Something that belongs in Yahoo Answers.
A: I'm being abused
B: Read Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus
Just horrible
You haven't seen the comments that we delete every day!
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
"I strongly recommend that you should read a book " Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" by John Gray to better understand the nature of men." - Your advice to an abused woman who's husband sounds like pure evil is to read a book? Oh my God, I'm not perfect and sometimes I find my comments deleted, probably because they were bad advices, but this is actually the most...oh man. I'm just going to stop in my tracks before I end up saying something wrong.
Read a book...pfft.
Dear muslima sister
I understand how you feel cause once upon a time i felt like that my husband treated me badly and i loved him and desperately wanted to change him and theres kids involved too!. i tried for a long time and felt like i was going through hell with him. I relized that matter how much i beared and how hard i tried it was useless i could not change him! Because HE didnt want to change. Thats the fact of the matter sister.
You cannot force someone to change. They have to put in the effort for something to give. If changing the person to your preferred charectaristics was possible nobody would divorce!.
Allhamdulla since i have left my hubby i feel the most peace i jabe felt in thelast three years fighting with hom. Things are getting better for me. Me and my kids are more happier . Even the kids saw their fathers behavouir and didnt want him round. I was so depressed and could not function or even concentrate prayers. An abusive marriage destroys every aspect of your life.
It is worse for you as you have no support from family. Please tjing about your life and how much are you willing to tollerate? You dont have kids there are still some good muslim men out there who will be willing to take on a divorcee and may love and respect you. Thats what you deserve.
I pray for the best for you. Please be strong to make the right decision.
"I miss the real him."
This is the "real" him.
Get.Out.Now.
Sister,
How can you possibly love anyone who treats you the way he does? What is it going to take you to wake up before he really does some damage to you? Do you not believe you are worthy of anything better? The best advice I can offer you is to pack your bags and go to your parents. If you choose to stay, you risk harm or even death at his hands. He is abusive verbally and physical towards you...why do you accept it? Why do you allow it? As long as you stay and keep silent, he will continue. He does it because he can. He thinks no one can stop him and he is untouchable. If you live in the U.S., next time he lays a finger on you call 911. He'll be in jail and then you will see the coward that he really is. Leave him...he isn't worth a single golden tear from your eyes.
Salam
Dear Sister,
We love humans coz of their actions, u really dont love him, ur scared of him and the insecurity of being left alone.
Recite "Hasbun Allahi wa naemal wakeel" every moment and pack your bags go back to ur parents and start a new life with dignity, inshaAllah khair.
Sister, just leave him! He is too much wallahi! Yes, married couple argue, but all that it's something new.