I cry night and day thinking about him
I got married to my husband on th 1st March 2011, I knew that he was married the 1st time and all his circumstances and I still married him cause I love him..
He has a son from his first marriage and I have a son from my 1st marriage but now I am divorced and married the man I love. His 1st wife come to my house called me a prostitute called my house a brothel i did say nothing. Its been two weeks to my marriage my husband start pushing me away from himself, he hit me and left the house so i went to his house where his first wife lives, she was all alone and her son was asleep upstairs she opened the door for me and I came inside the house.
I told her about my marriage and she rang him and called him home he came and began to hit me in front of her, she told him to choose one, and say talaaq word three times to one of us, as soon as she said that I left the house cause I knew it was going to be me. He doesn´t come to see me anymore he thinks i tried ruining his life he even says that he´s not going to help me financial wise my four year old is son is really attached to him, he calls him daddy, but my husband does not seem to care anymore.
I cry night and day thinking about him, I even beg him to see me and he doesn´t see me. I love him a lot he means the world to me, but it doesn´t feel the same from him anymore. Am I wrong?
PARO
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asalamu alaikum,
it seems to me he never cared for you to begin with otherwise he wouldnt treat you like this. shockin thing is you jus recently got married. and he already layed his hands on you, the husband duty is to take good care of his wife/s finaceally, emotionally etc equally in your case.
for a marriage to work both party's gotta put equal amount in otherwise the marriage will most likely to fall through.
sista im gonna say my favo words " get a divorce" he doesnt deserve a good woman like yourself, theres plenty of good brotha's out there who will love you and take good care of you.
its not right for you to do the beggin and cryin for no reason. hes not worth the time.
ma salama
Salaams Sister,
Sorry for the terrible situation you are in. Your husband could be getting alot of tension from his first wife and he's probably directing all his anger and frustration on you. He should of realized before what this was going to do to his first marriage before deciding to take on another. No matter how much you love him or he loves you, physical abuse is definetly a NO NO in any marriage. You don't deserve to be treated this way. Question him about his behaviour. Ask him the reason for pushing you away so soon after your marriage but as you pointed out " he thinks I tried ruining his life" he could be having alot of problems with his first marriage and he believes you are the ultimate cause of this.
Sister in my opinion I feel you should leave him. Yes you do love this man dearly and he is married to you, but look what this is doing to his first marriage, look what this is doing to his family. Don't ruin a family. His wife may never accept you. Was she well aware that he was going to marry you? I doubt it! No women would easily accept this. This women would always hate you. Her son would always despise you for breaking up his family. And it seems to me that your husband is doing exactly the same. Maybe you should move on and leave this family to live in peace.
Rumaysa
Salaams PARO
I agree with both advices above however it appears to me he may have not been 100% honest in the first place maybe he was already married to his first wife and never actually divorce. I strongly suggest you leave him and it is not fair on you or your child as I believe you been honest through out and he lied. No person has a right to hit another violence and abuse I do not agree with and it seems he is no good of a husband to you or a real man. I pray you get through this difficult time ameen.
Salaam
He's not a good from you can tell from the outset. Whilst it is very honourable to try and take on a 2nd wife especially if she is a single mother, but you can only do this with the utomst of care to ensure both wives are treated with love,care and respect but above all else EQUALLY.
He treats you badly and it seems to have little care for you. Divorce him and wait, wait until a better man comes along.
Salaam sister paro... I 100% agree with d advice b4 me.. This man does not deserve someone like u... I ve seen many people having polygamous family and yet leaving in peace. I don't think d problem is from his 1st wife, it is from him coz he is entitled 2 marry more than one and his wife can in no way stop him.. He can mobilize her 2 accept it by force whether she like it or not.. The truth is he does not love u dat is why he is maltreating u dis way.. And sister i see no reason 4 u loving someone dat don't even care about u... I think d best thing is u sit with him and ask him why is he treating u dis way, if d out come is not positive then seek 4 a divorce. . . May almighty Allah bless u a husband dat will love and care 4 u. . .
You don't love this man. You love your dream of this man. He doesn't seem to love anyone except (maybe) himself. Why waste time and energy on illusions when you could be building a better life for yourself? (Not with him).