IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

Asalamualaykum,

Mine was an arranged marriage via some relatives to an unknown family at long distance considered only for their religious background and education. The marriage happened in a short time interval without properly checking the groom's character and behavior. In the marriage, the clothes and jewelry given to me was of very cheap quality. The husband used to keep his phone locked and password protected and used to come to the room very late with many excuses. Even on the very first day, they were suggesting opening a private hospital in the village to earn money, which was not told to us before marriage. I never ever wanted to live in a village and my dream was never only to "earn money," and neglect my other priorities: her family, health, etc.

I got pregnant immediately after marriage and could not continue my job so he left me at my parents home. My husband refused me to go to his workplace even for one day despite my pleading for him to do so.  My parents bore the whole responsibility of pregnancy and delivery (medicine, vaccination, doctor visits, etc.) and the husband did not provide any kind of support (love, care, attention, affection, financial, physical, emotional, spiritual, mental, etc.) during the entire pregnancy. He only visited once for one day during the entire pregnancy even though he had enough leave from work) I had many complications (threatened abortion, premature labor pain, raised sugar and blood pressure, etc.), but he came only the day after delivery and that too for only 4-5 days (on paternal leave according to him) and had very cold behavior towards both me and my child.

My husband is arrogant, egoist, rude, and money-minded. Although he is a surgeon with a good income, he always shows financial crisis to me and never took any kind of financial, emotional, or spiritual responsibility towards us. There were only telephone conversations every 3-4 days for 10- 15 minutes and only patient-related--never on love, romance, future, child etc. He did not take me on a honeymoon or any other places to visit, never gave me gifts, and did not wish me Happy Birthday, Anniversary, or Valentine's Day, etc. In fact, I lived with my husband only for the first 10 days of their marriage! Husband used to share minute details of his wife and her parents to his family in negative ways and disrespected us. Also, there were things that were kept hidden to us before marriage, like the groom's two nieces having a genetic disease, his age, his loans, responsibilities, his joint family system, his dream of having a hospital in his village, money being his priority, etc...

After delivery, the same behavior persisted and the husband neither took us with him nor left his workplace. Upon our inquiring due to his suspicious behavior, we came to know he was engaged in a relationship with a Hindu girl (we'll call her X) for the last 5-6 years! He had introduced X to his family members as a "friend" only, which wasn't true. He was living with her family in their house, doing all his AND her daily chores from there! The two of them spent 24/7 together shopping, going on long drives, outings, daily evening walks hand-in-hand, laundry. studying, meals, sleeping etc. Whenever he or she is away from one another there are frequent calls (25-35 in a day) of very long duration (sometime almost 2 hours) even at odd hours, even on the marriage day itself. He was also known as X' s husband by many! The husband lied about his ACTUAL marriage date to his colleagues, and hid the fact that he had a child.

He completely neglected me and my child. He had married only for his family or for a village hospital. He probably wanted to marry X but X's mother refused, so both of them married elsewhere for family's sake but never tried to leave their relationship and move on. On asking, he was not ashamed and had no regret of destroying two lives (me and my daughter's) saying we are just "best friends," while they share all their problems/everything with each other. There is no change in his lying, cheating, or disrespect, even after the truth came out. He even said that his marriage will last till X's marriage lasts, as I threatened to tell the truth to X's husband. His family members forced him to quit his job, but he has changed his phone number and is still talking to her. His family members are now suggesting he come to the village to start his private practice and earn money, in the hopes he will leave this girl completely only once he will be burdened with responsibilities of a wife and child.

What should I as the wife do now?:

1. Live in the village (not my dream) with a liar, cheater, manipulator, and mind gamer in the hopes of changing his behavior into taking care of us?

2. Take a divorce and start my life afresh with my daughter as a single mother (very difficult to find a spouse with a child). Note: I am self-sufficient and can take care of the daughter alone.

I appreciated any advice, Alhamdullilah.