Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Will Allah forgive me for my sins?

True Love

Assalamualikum

Am a female of age 24 ..I have made many sins and now am very confused with my life.

let me start from the begining, everything was going well in my life in the age of schooling and suddenly when I was in 7th standard my ammi expired. I was the youngest gal in my family and everyone was feeling alone at home nobody was sharing their pain with any one as my family is reserved. my dad is a serious person. we never shared hard moments. I was feeling all the pain inside.

Later I completed inter and secured good marks. I forced my dad for engineering and he joined me in engineering. in first year itself every one had boyfriend and I too started chatting with a guy online and suddenly I came to know he was senior in my college. We became good friends. later we became so close.

I was not in a position to understand what type of relationship is this. he was flirting and I was loving him madly. once he asked me to come to room then I went everything happened between us physical things but no sex - i'm virgin. after 2yrs I came to know that he is also talking with my classmate and he used me.. with so much fight I broke up with him. I forgived him I tried to move on. I cried near allah so much that he used me. I asked allah to give a person who loves me so much and cares me like my mom.

somehow I started new life and again one guy came in my life he is a hafiz e quran and I liked him so much. I was close with him to know each n every doubt of Islam. One day when I was feeling alone by remembering my mom, he supported me so much and he asked me to meet. I was fearing a lot coz I was thinking that am doing sin again. he forced me so I met him. he holded my hand and supported me. daily we were talking on calls and msgs and we met out. in just 3 months I went soo deep with my heart and loved him.

with some issue and misunderstanding he stopped talking I begged him for relationship he came back after 1month and said he too missed me. we both were in relationship and went physically apart from sex. he loves me so much and he even fears from allah for all the things he did. I never revealed about the past with him. I feared if he leaves me I cant live without him..

I prayed so much for our marriage and he too tried. I once talked with his mom. she said that my son dont have job and before my daughters marriage I cant marry my son. with her words I broke into tears n I avoided him. we were fighting so much and slowly he too avoided me as his mother scolded him with my reason.

I still love him so much and I feel he too. but our marriage is impossible we seriously tried for marriage coz we did zina. and in 3yrs relationship we fought so much. my parents are searching for a guy for me to get married. I tried so much to move on but am unable to do so.

will allah forgive for my sins? I had relationship with two guys and went physically but am still loving second guy. even am ready to marry another person for my family happiness but no match is going to set for me. I have these secrets in my life. is allah not allowing me to marry? did I get any good spouse for marriage? as I did zina n all sins allah will never forgive me. or will allah make possible to marry my second love? Plz help me.

am dying with all the sins I have did in my life

I lost my self respect near myself

Even I have scar on my hand when I cut my nerves for the first guy who used me?

Shall I reveal the truth to my future husband that it was me who cut my nerves of my hand (its a clear scar visible one)? I have to say any story to save myself from the truth?

shaik amreen

 

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2 Responses »

  1. Allah always forgive right till your last breath.So stop saying non sense.You have chance to hang ur life through your experience and you will become more stronger .Read the story of hart and Marit the 2 angels. They are a lesson and example.

  2. Dear Shaik sis,

    Allah swt will forgive your sins in Shaa Allah but you have to repent and repent and also feel remorse as well as never turn back to the sin again.

    Pls listen to this:

    http://www.seedsofguidance.com/mp3/June%202/Yasir%20Qadahi/The%20Power%20of%20Repentance%20Sh.%20Yasir%20Qadhi.mp3

    I would say forget about this hafiz brother. Let go of him. If he comes back then be very strict on accepting him back into your life. For now totally break all communications with him because your focus should be to become happy with yourself again. Of course you have memories but let those be just memories with no time to spare to think or worry about.

    In Shaa Allah be patient.

    I think you shouldn't think of marriage for at least a year or until you feel totally emotionally stable to be with someone else and want to raise good Muslim family.

    In the mean time, become better Muslim. Pray on time. Observ proper hijab. Always be in state of ablution. Spend time with your family and good female friends only. And if you can spare some time to do some voluntary work as this may help you feel better and give you better prespective to life.

    Please do not share your past with anyone. Just keep it as it is, between yourself and Allah swt. And if ever, may Allah forbids, your future spouse finds out then deal with it then. In Shaa Allah you will be blessed with good brother who would be more concerned about hereafter than this dunya.

    May Allah swt make it easy for you, ameen.

    - Me
    Xx

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