Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Father is betraying

Assalamu Alaikum,

I am from India (south India), in the year 2016 my father arranged my marriage with a very filthy person, I didn't like the person right from the beginning and I said to my family to call off the marriage, but they were abusing and beating me and so, I had to say ok. after the engagement, he started to speak with me and he used very vulgar words and was emotionally abusing me. I said this to my father and family (father is also an emotional abuser ), I didn't have a good childhood, I was emotionally and physically abused by my parents and they were justifying this man's behaviour saying that "he doesn't know how to seduce a woman and that's why he is speaking like this", I couldn't tolerate so, I left my house and gave a police complaint.

I was also sexually abused by my maternal grandfather, I wrote this also in the complaint letter to the police, but my maternal uncle, who has very good political influence, threatened me saying that he will cancel my educational licence and I won't be able to work anywhere if I didn't withdraw my complaint and I was getting constant blackmail and tortures from my family members and hence I withdrew my complaint.

after 2 years, my parent spoke very politely to me and I thought they had changed and asked me to come home, I used to come home from my workplace once in a month. Now, I  was working as a teacher in the Maldives, and I have got an offer to pursue my Ph.D. in Malaysia, I was supposed to join there by January 2018 and hence I resigned my job and came home, due to some reasons my visa is delayed and I had to defer my intake.

Now, three days back, my father with the help of my first younger brother hacked my Whatsapp and Gmail account and had sent a mail to the university to cancel my application as I am suffering from health and personal issues. Luckily, i got a mail from my supervisior asking for the reason, and then only i came to know that he has done this cheap thing.

This is not the first time happening, in the year 2015, i got Ph.D. offer from New Zealand and he did something like this and i couldn't go there and then this is second time.

He is physically and emotionally abusing me and my family is not supporting me. My brother had brainwashed my mother saying that if a a girl is working, it will bring poverty to home and thats y we don't have rizq.

I need your prayer, am waiting for my visa to come soon , so that i can leave this place soon.

because of this family, no good boys are ready to marry me. and my parents are also seeing people who are in their wavelength.

please dua for me.

Saf Maria

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6 Responses »

  1. assalmualaikum!
    you are educated, working. u don't need such creepy things around you.
    and your marriage isnt valid in islam, since its done against your wish.
    and your parents. better i don't say anything.
    get your visa, leave this place n live your life. n please have guts enough to stand for yourself.

  2. Assalaamualaykum Sister Saf Maria,

    I agree with Sister Sheny. You need to stand on your own with the help of Allah. May Allah guide you and make it easy for you. Pray and make dua to Allah to help you with whatever you need to get done that day, and then pray for the same thing every day until you are finally on your own two feet.

    MashaAllah you are very intelligent and will do just fine on your own.



  3. Assalamualaikom sister

    Protect yourself and go do your Ph. D, but never talk in an appropriate way to your parents. If you can send some money of your salary to help them in their lives, this will soften their hearts and bring you more blessings.

    For your visa, do not worry, no one can cancel it, once a visa approval is issued in Malaysia, its done, even the university wont cancel it until it expires by itself.

    Good luck

  4. Just cut communication for a while until your family understands they can't be controlling your life and making you do things that you don't want . If I was in your position, honestly , I would break my relationship off with my family as what they're doing is very cruel.

    I think you should take this PhD opportunity only if it makes a huge difference, because at the end of the day you will be the one taking care of yourself and not your family. Also having a PhD would be a great addition to your qualification and would make your future more brighter to whatever field you're trying to get into .

    With your parents , I recommend that you make due and I make it clear to them that you don't like their treatment. Try understand why they're treating you like this and just assure them that everything is fine. someone like your uncle I would completely cut contact with as he's just pure evil. Also your grandfather who committed the sexual act.

  5. you are a strong person and i am very sorry for you to have such parents. i can relate to you becouse i have i father that are abusive to. so inshaallah you will have your visa and ceep on living

  6. Alhamdulillah you have a way out already. Try and go back and study and try to register in a Muslim network or matrimonial through a mosque so you can find a righteous partner. I think you should avoid marrying a person who your parents find for you. And read this dua daily

    Allahumma la shla illa ma ja’altahu shla, wa’anta taj-alul hazna idha shi’ta sshla
    O Allah there is no ease except in that which you have made easy, and you make the difficulty if you wish easy

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