The story of my life
Indeed I am feeling very ashamed of myself
salam alykum to all my muslim brothers and sisters
i want to share something with you because i am feeling very heavy on my heart. i am 25 years old, brought up in a strict family. I spent 7 years of my life in a religious seminary , not forced by anyone but out of my own desire to know my religion and become CLOSE to My Lord. Indeed i am feeling very ashamed of myself to write that i turned out very bad in the end.
i DONT know what to skip of my story and what to write but i think there are some actions of me which has left its dark marks on my personality.i am suffering from low-self-esteem and inferiority complex. I HAVE MANY INSECURITIES.
I had a friend (girl) we got physically involved with each other (kissing etc) then 4 years back i befriended with a guy whom i found on internet. i used to chat with him, never met him in person, but we started talking rubbish over the fon. i fell in love with him .
ONE YEAR back i got a proposal from my cousin to which my parents agreed. I told my siblings and my mother that i do not want to get married to my cousin but i like this guy whom i met on net. He was ready to bring his parents to my place to ask for my hand. but my mom became very angry and she said it was never possible. My father did not know about this guy. actually i wass afraid to let him know and i could not tell him because i was afraid i would end up hurting his feelings of respect and love for me.
now i am engaged to my cousin but i feel very insecure i am afraid of my future and i have very deep unrest in my heart because i have ruined my life this is what i feel. my mom is always angry with me and i do not value myself either.
plz could some one tell me how could i get rid of these feelings?
- ruinedmylife
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Salamualaikum,
My brother, you have been trapped by the Shaitaan. And currently, you are in his trap.
Is it only the inferiority complex that you are concerned about? There is much more to worry.
Homosexuality is Haraam in Islam.
A hadith says the following:
"Kill the one that is doing it and also kill the one that it is being done to." (in reference to the active and passive partners in gay sexual intercourse)
This is the punishment for such and act.
There was an entire nation (Ummah) which was destroyed, just because they had this bad habit or this bad characteristic.
Allah says in Surah al Hijr:
73. So As-Saihah (torment - awful cry, etc.) overtook them at the time of sunrise;
74. And We turned (the towns of Sodom in Palestine) upside down and rained down on them stones of baked clay.
75. Surely! In this are signs, for those who see (or understand or learn the lessons from the Signs of Allah).
This is a reminder from Allah, a warning from Him. We should pay heed to this at any cost. I know it is difficult to come out of the trap of the Shaitaan, but remember that it is your life and you have to answer to Allah on the Day of Resurrection.
You need to cut all contact with this man and if your cousin is Religious and has Taqwa of Allah, then you should marry her and try to overcome the problem by fulfilling your desire from your legal wife. Insha Allah, thus, you will have a way to deal with the issue. Then whenever you have a feeling that you are again falling in the trap of Shaitaan, then go to your wife and fulfil your desire.
There is a Hadith of such a nature:
“If anyone of you is attracted to a woman, let him go to his wife and have intercourse with her, for that will calm him down.” (Muslim)
Just keep in mind that Allah does not like those who practice homosexuality. Infact, as you have read above, this act is enough as a justification for the destruction of an entire Ummah.
It is very dangerous and should be kept away from, at any cost, if you are concerned about your Aakhirah.
Allah Has given you the perfect time to get over this habit by keeping away from this man, as far as possible. It is the month of Ramadan. The month when all the major Shayateen are chained up. Take advantage of this and slap the Shaitaan in the face. Follow what Allah ordains in His Book and through His Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and keep away from this act, which calls for Allah's displeasure and His Punishment.
May Allah protect you and give you strength to overcome this
Aameen
Wassalamualaikum
Muhammad Waseem
Salam brother Waseem,
I don't think ruined my life is a lesbian anymore. She fell in love with a guy and now engaged to male cousin. You have jumped to a conclusion worked you up most.
Getting engaged to someone she does not want to be married to seems to be her main concern now. She wants to marry that other guy and her parents must understand.. Unless they know that something is not right with that other guy.
Sister Muneerah,
Please read my last reply
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Also remember that Allah is The Most Kind. Insha Allah He will accept you, any time you repent to Him.
But the condition is that you repent to Him. That is to say that you need to cut any contact with this man and resolve not to ever even look at him or any other man with such intention.
If you do Tawbah, then insha Allah, you'll find Allah with more Forgiveness than the sins you might have committed.
Also concentrate on reviving your Eemaan and practicing Islam to the extent possible, to forget about this matter
I pray that Allah enables you to do Tawbah and gives you a lot of Patience
Aameen
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
@ Ruinedmylife - Are you a brother or a sister ? It seems as though you're a sister 😕
Salaams,
I think this is a sister, if a man was coming to ask for her hand in marriage.
Sister, after reading your post, it seems like the issues are stemming from the fact that you fell "in love" with someone you met online, but your parents want you to marry your cousin.
The one part I'm missing is how you feel about marrying your cousin. Do you want to marry him? Are you trying to find a way out of marrying him? Not so much because you still have feelings for another guy, but because you feel that you two are not compatible?
If you are feeling badly because of guilt, because you know you shouldn't have been talking to a guy online or falling for someone who had not yet approached you for marriage, then you can make tawbah and start focusing on making the right choices going forward. You will also need to start working on getting over any remaining feelings of attraction toward the internet guy.
This is a separate issue from one about feeling bad because you're being coerced to marry someone you don't want to marry. If you are feeling badly also because you don't want to marry your cousin, you don't have to. You can't be forced to marry someone you are not satisfied with. You can reject the proposal, and work on getting your inner life back together.
Talk to your parents about what you need and want to do, and try to get them to be supportive of you. If they cannot be for you, then maybe it's best you separate yourself from them for a while and go stay with another relative you feel comfortable with. Spend some time focusing on what you need to do for yourself, and repairing your relationship with Allah, and then you can start looking at other areas of your life (ie marriage) you want to develop after that.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
@ Ruinedmylife-
Sister I advice you to hasten to get married to a MAN. Why ? Because of the physical relations you had with a girl. Read what brother Muhammad Waseem wrote about homoseualtiy. You have indeed performed a monstorous sin. Regret and repent insha'Allah.
I would also advice you against marrying that online dude.
Sister, sorry for the confusion.
I considered you a brother in my above reply 🙂 still,the rulings about homosexuality apply, because they are for sure.
So, do sincere Tawbah for this deed and keep away from such in the future.
Further, if you think this internet guy is so important, then have your father evaluate him, to see whether he is Religious enough and can he take care of you as he (your father) would. And perform Salatul Istikhaarah regarding this man.
If your father deems fit, he should agree. And if Allah Sees this man to be better for you, insha Allah, He'll make your father agree. Otherwise, you will need to go by the Decree of Allah, even if it is that you marry your cousin (provided he is compatible with you). Perform Salatul Istikhaarah regarding him also, so that, whichever man is better for you, that one is chosen by your father.
Do not grieve. Just obey Allah and His Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam with Patience. Insha Allah, you'll find success.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
dear sis,
if you dont want to marry this cousin of yours because you are interested in someone else, then just say no. dont ruin your life and your cousnis life as well. be prepared that you may not get married to this internet proposal guy as well. ocourse unless allah wills. you dont have to bow your head and marry your cousin thinking its the decree of Allah. Allah has given you right to say no- so use it. bring thisinternet guy in the picture very sensitively specially because your mom is also against this idea.
may allah help you stay away from sin and give you peace of heart and mind.
Asalamualaikum,
After reading your story even I thought that you are a brother and doing the same what Kaum-e-lut guys used to do for which Allah SWT has sent Azaab on them. But after reading the other comments and your story again and again it seems that you are a muslim girl fall in love with a guy on the internet.
The first thing I would suggest is to repent towards Allah SWT for the sins that you have done before in your life and thanks to Allah swt that he has given you a chance to repent towards him.
On the authority of Anas, who said: I heard the messenger of Allah say:
Allah the Almighty has said: “O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as its.”
The second thing about your love over the internet/phone
You have never met this guy and don't know how he is in his real life. Most of the guys tries to be very smart, well behaved and mannered over the phone and says only those things which a girl likes to hear. Flirting over the phone has now become a fashion in this modern world.
So keep your eyes open and think twice before you marry your cousin, as this will hurt him a lot as no man can share the love of his wife with anyone else, and then there will be problem in you married life.
Talk to your family especially your mother as then she can convince your farther if you really think that the guy on the phone is really near Allah swt and follows the path of his prophet (PBUH).
You cannot be forced to get married to your cousin as its against the law of Islam.
Offer your salaat regularly 5 times a day and ask Allah swt to help you to take correct decision of your life.
And never again think of doing the sin that you did before as Homosexuality is completely Haraam in Islam.
He has the knowledge of unseen and he knows the best.
May Allah swt bless you with happiness.
as-salaam-u-alaikum-wr-wb..! first of all SMILE! It's Sunnah! and like seriously?! Just repent! It's as simple as that.. If you truly repent from the bottom of your heart and don't repeat your mistakes Allah *swt* is forgiving.. that's all you can do anyway! you can't exactly turn the clock back? so It's pretty much pointless killing yourself over it.. Just do tawbah.. mean it! be sincere.. and as for your mother with time her fury will cool down too.. Just take it easy.. keep yourself occupied elsewhere rather than sitting there depressing yourself.. righttt so.. and as for your cousin.. look It's not exactly fair to be yoyo'ing him about.. be sure of what you want first.. don't let your emotions take control of you.. stop being emotional to such an extent where you're incapable of thinking straight.. I understand you want to please your mother.. and not cause any further harm to your family by "letting their expectations down" as such.. (they didn't expect you to fall for a guy on net) anyhow.. ukhti I strongly suggest you do "Istikhara".. ask Allah *swt* for guidance.. direct! even better? get your mother to do Istikhara for you too! that way she's being told directly too.. (which'll make life easier for you).. that may mean that marrying your cousin is more beneficial for you as opposed to that net guy.. (or could mean the opposite).. you just never know!.. and be proud of yourself for feeling ashamed.. It's a good sign.. you get several people out there who sin.. sin and sin and just don't seem to feel ashamed.. you're feeling ashamed fantastic! Allah *swt* has given you a great opportunity to repent.. *Jazak' Allah* for reading my comment with patience.. and If i have said anything to offend you then do forgive me.. and Just one last thing.. regarding your insecurity.. are you performing Salah 5 times a day? It makes a big difference! If you are not sister then please try performing all Salah's.. because MOST of the time evil whisperings.. absurd thoughts.. things that root to insecurity are from the Shaytaan, as-salaam-u-alaikum..
salam alekum i am very thankful to all of you who considered upon my problem and replied may Allah reward you for this amin.
i am asking for tawbah from MY LORD because i am not hopeless from His mercy. i am no more into that sin alhamdolillah becoz that was a few years back but i feel like it has left me with guilt and fear. i am praying fie times a day but please pray for me i want to feel the effect of my prayers in my heart. i feel it is more like a ritual.
the guy whom i met on net he is not very religious and i know my parents will never agree to him. i am stil in contact with him becoz i know he will get hurt too if i marry my cousin. i have no other option except for marrying my cousin so please i request you do pray for me that Allah straighten out everything. if i am to marrry my cousin i am afraid that guy will get soo hurt so pleasee pray may Allah have mercy on both of us. to be patient on decree of Allah and never to look back amin. thanks again to all of my brothers and sisters ass salam aleikum
Wa'alykumsalam Sis !!
Its great to see that you have improved in some aspects of your life. masha'Allah that you are praying 5 times and all. but there is one major problem, that is you are still in contact with that stranger who is a non mahram and you are sinning. For your tawbah to be accepted, you need to regret, stop and repent. but in this case you havn't stopped your contact with this guy and it seems as though your tawbah might be in vain. sorry to say this though.
SO WHAT ???? Let him get hurt !!! He is a stranger and nothing else to you. You make your family happy by marrying your cousin atleast. (they chose him for a reason, they are your parents and they think best for you) and forget this non-religious stranger,who will only force you to sin. So stop talking to him. he'll eventually fade away.
Its not your duty to make a stranger happy.
You fear that he will get hurt, but do you fear that Allah's wrath is on you whenever you talk to this online stranger ??? Forget him, its all fake love. Your love for him is blind love, trust me.
Go ahead and read on this website all about online boyfriends/girlfirends. See how cheater and fraud they are. Dont walk on the sinful, wrong path. Follow the path of Qur'an and sunnah and do good by obeying your parents and not a non mahram.
i'll inshallah pray for you.
Masalam.
My sister, it is true that you have the right to choose who to marry. But make sure you do not hasten to choose a wrong person. If he is unReligious, would he help you Please Allah? If there is a doubt, then its something to worry about. If your fear that he will be hurt, then what if you displease Allah in the process?
Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said:
“He who displeased Allah for seeking the pleasure of people, Allah is displeased with him and those people are also displeased, for pleasing whom he had earned Allah’s displeasure. And he who pleases Allah, although by it he displeased people, Allah is pleased with him, and also those people whom he had displeased for pleasing Allah become pleased with him. Allah makes him splendid and his speech and acts in the eyes of others beautiful.” [Tibrani]
This is a temporary World. We will all return to our Lord one day. That is the real life. Wouldn't it be wise to choose a guy with that perspective? Just think about it.
Moreover, perform Salatul Istikhaarah. You never know what Allah intends.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor