Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My marrige is ruining

no communication

Salam to all members

I m going to share my 4 month marrige experience . Which was a bad dream for me. I belong to a happy family with no such issues like husband wife quarrels and mother in law and bahu disputes .

I was married to a govt. Lecturer he looks like a nice guy. As I step in to his home I consider it my home and I do  whatever he wants to make him feel happy. I give him respect love and do all home chores for him which I never done before in my life.

I am an educated girl completed my m.phil studies just before marrige.  His mother was like a worst dream for me. I make her happy by doing all the house keeping and also give her massages and ironing her cloths his father cloths, making breakfast, lunch dinner, taking care of house,  washing cloths,  in short I had done each and everything which they told me to do.

In his house total ten members, and I take care of all of them. My mother in law making unnecessary  issues everyday like all day I m talking in phone with my family, I m bad in cleaning house, these cloths I don't like change it, what ever u do for us we don't need it. And alt of typical tanna  mari  she was doing.

While my husband degrade me by saying  I don't need you. I can live without you. I can do each and every thing by my own self even his brother tell me that he don't like you and tell me that what ever you do to us is not a big deal all girls do this.

They do not give me permission for higher studies  while I was selected . My husband abuse me,  my family and also they created problems for my married sister and said you Ur sister about Ur bed talks and he got anger on that and  abuse me a lot while only 4 months of our marrige has passed.

I don't know how many days I can manage this relation I feel so lonely and desperate what to do. In all these days I never miss my prayers and seek help from ALLAH but I don't know what to do.

Sidra khan

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5 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaykum Sidra,

    Thank you for writing in and giving us the opportunity to help you. What kind of relationship do you have with your parents? Do your parents live nearby and/or do you have a means to get back to their home? If you do, I would separate from your husband, go back to your parents house, and then go about seeking a divorce. From what you've written, including the fact that you've only been married for 4 months, I think this is the best option for you as you are not appreciated in your marriage and your husband and his entire family would need constant communication and reminders from you, almost like hand-holding, to merely treat you with respect. If you are willing to do all that, then you could try, but it will exhaust most of your energy and I think it's better to part ways while you still have that.

    May Allah grant you peace.



  2. Asalam Alaikum.
    Divorce is the halal thing that Allah hates most!
    Your problem is very simple and can be solved.Its very simple,but there steps to be followed.
    All you need to do is do make a lot of dhikr and Quran reading whenever you get an opportunity.Especially when your husband is away.This takes you so close to Allah.Do it for some time.You also perform Salatul hajja.For sometime.
    Allah tells us when we are faced with any challange in life we should run towards him.Infact Allah raises some hardships in our lifes so that we remember him.
    Having done that for a certain period of time,you will have to talk to your husband.Your words will carry a lot of weight if you totally put your trust in Allah.
    The dhikr will make you love Allah more.It will make you love Allah more than your husband.If done with a lot of sincerity and ikhlas.
    You will then explain your challanges to your husband,and even sugest to him that you need him to look a house somewhere else because you are having a difficult time currently.
    Insha Allah things will work for you.
    Thats my take.My opinion.Its not a specific procedure that Must work.
    Their is Qadr in our lives.Some challanges are predestined.Some are a test for you,may be uour husband,his family and may be your family.Allahu a'alam.God knows best.
    I dont remember the hadith off head,but there is ahadith also talking of power Sadaqa.That it can prevent a calamity that was destined to strike you.Allah can prevent because of kindness of giving out charity.
    Also there is a lot power in repentance,whenever you are in some sort of dificult situation,we should do istiqfar.Ask for Allah's forginess.We all have our past sins.Some may that we forget.Look at the story of Prophet Yunus(AS).
    Its also essential to read suratul Baqarah in your house oftenly to drive out the Satan from your house.
    My opinion lucks citations may be a brother or a sister can rephrase my opinion with relevant illustrations from the Quran &Hadith of the prophet.So that it can be relied on,without the relevant illustrations it cant be relied on in total.
    Jazakallahu kheiran.

    • Leave dear. It probably won't get any better. If at 4 months this is happening already than likely it will get worse...not better unfortunately. Rarely do people change like that.

      I don't advocate divorce easily but I have some experience. It will wear you down. Break your heart. Spend the nights crying yet those who cause it don't care. Happiness will start to diminish as will your self-esteem. You will find yourself wishing for a much better marriage.

      Before you go; ask your husband to do it. Do NOTHING for him. Laundry? His job. Cooking? His job. Get him glass of water? His job. Ironing? Also his job.
      You don't have kids yet so that complicates things a lot later. Not something they need to learn treat women like garbage.

  3. That's true, some people treat women like garbage. And if you are amidst a whole family of these people, then they are passing it on from generation to generation. I wouldn't waste time doing du'a for them. Save your dua's and your prayers for the well-meaning people in this world. With some people its like throwing things into a bottemless pitt. It will never be enough. The longer you stay, the more frustrated and bitter you become. These people are harmful to your nafs. They will never appreciate you and they are not worth the effort. It will only get worse

  4. Bismillah
    Please don't listen to these people that are telling you to leave your husband and go to your parents. These people don't know how to handle real life!

    Secondly please hang in there inshAllah everything will be alright. You need to continue praying and read surah Yaseen before you start your day, when you start your day with surah yaseen Allah makes your day go by with ease.

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