How to get rid of husbands masturbation?
Masturbation in Islam?
Assalamualaikum !
I have been married for four years, my husband was in USA and I joined him 2 years ago, he was very nice to me and in love, vie were joined by name of Allah and he said he got married at age of 24 cz he wanted tsatay away from baddi.
But things changed, we had some problems at our wedding, the usual dowry stuff, his father wanted to cash his son's marketability , and we couldn't support the stuff, still we got married ,he became very bitter.he stopped me from contacting my family except my mom and I was not to leave the house and stuff.
I adjusted because he was still kind to me in a way and I thought he is my husband he has rights, his ego has been hurt so I shouldn't push things,time would heal things, things took a bad turn during my pregnancy.
He started becoming distant, sleeping and waking atdifferent time than me, stopped his daily routine of Quran and namaz , he has a differentaa count on the laptop , one day heforgot to logg off and I saw things I shouldn't have seen, I was horror struck, I went thru his old mails and found porn subscriptions, hitting on other women etc.
I couldn't dare to confront him and thought things would be better after our son but a failure,n ow he comes from work and goes to sleep wakes up late in night when I have slept and masturbates daily, I know because I once caught him touching himself but pretended to not know, he has lost all interest in me.
We hardly have sex once or twice a month and I have to keep asking him for that ,he just wouldn't care, and tells me I am not a pious woman to ask for such stuff, also he says he can't do it he is not a horse, but I know he masturbates every nigh, he would never offer a Salat without taking a shower or changing clothes
he has become more angry and bitter, he talks too disrespectfully about woman, he is getting lost in the American dream, he doesn't say it but all his behavior shows he is only impressed by rich people who have the playboys lifestyle,. I can never confront him if I do sohie would deny it and may I could get hit for talking such blasphemy, he is very conservative about me., I have been praying a lot but to no effect till date,don't know how to bring him back.
I am very tensed don't know how far I can tolerate this pressure, i have lost my self esteem, I am powerless to get rid of this habit of his, what hurts me most is that he has lost that ehsase gunnah in his hiras for dunya, please help what should i Do to get peace of mind, sometimes I think he is spoiling his Qabar not mine but I can't stop thinking that his addiction is going to kill our marriage or lead to his extramarital affairs if he has so hots for white or Asian women.
- ummeabdullah
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Sister,
Your husband hasn't a clue how to be a husband. You have every right to ask for what is rightfully due you in the bedroom just as your husband has of you. How silly of him to tell you that you are not a pious woman for asking for something which is halal and your right!
Sister...you said you didn't confront him but, you need to. You need to sit with him if he will and ask him why he has no interest in you? Why would he rather masturbate than come to bed with you? What your husband is doing is wrong and is not fair to you in any way. I say to you, either he make an effort to change his ways or let him go. You don't deserve to be treated in such a manner. Life is way too long to put up with his type of behavior.
Salam
oops...I meant "life is too short"!
if he does not give up sins for halal even though it would be better then he does not deserve you
As Salamualaikum,
Sister Umm Abdullah, I believe you should confront him and remind him that watching pornographic material is Haraam. If he has to masturbate, why does he not involve you? Why does he not make use of the Halaal option, and instead chooses a Haraam one?
When he says you are not pious, ask him if watching porn is being pious. You deserve much better life. If things don't seem to work, intervention of a third person could help, preferably a person who has an influence on your husband, as well as has good knowledge about the Deen.
Your husband needs to realize that he is sinning. He needs to realize that he is taking your rights away.
Also pray to Allah that He Turns the heart of your husband towards the Deen. And guard all your prayers, supplicate the duas of day and night and seek Help from Allah Subhaanah.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam. Maybe the husband feels guilty of asking you to masturbate him, and thinks that by asking for this sex act you the wife might be thinking that he only asks you for sex. Even though It's halal some people still feel guilty. Maybe when he gets out of bathroom you should give him a towel and lay him down on the bed while laying on top of him and whisper in he's ears where do you want my hands. Or you could go out for a day and connect with him through questions and answers.
Wasim,
Masturbation can not be called Halaal. It is ambiguous. It should never be done, until one fears Zina for oneself. In the above case, masturbation by himself is unacceptable while he has a wife.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
sorry if i made you angry waseem i did not mean to say the husband do it i meant to say the wife to do it to the husband. my name is also wasim XD.
Assalamoalikum,
Only you can help him now, sister. Bring him back towards the true faith, or let your heart be trampled on everytime you look at him. You need to instill a good grasp of Islamic faith in him, and the only way you can do that, is if you make him and Salaat inseperable. When the time for namaaz rolls by, tell him," It's time for praying salat, are you coming to pray?" (and then pray yourself so he does not call you a hypocrite).
Open up your computer and Google up some articles that highlight that masturbation is haraam, like, "Masturbation: A Haraam Act in Islam" webpages, you get the idea? Leave it turned on when your husband is nearby, and go do something else, like put the kettle on for tea, or go to the bathroom, so that when your husband comes from the office, he may read them as he attempts to turn off the computer, and find out for himself.
If all else fails, sit him down and discuss this problem with him, and tell him that he needs to quit. That yes, masturbation really IS HARAM. And that masturbaters, when they arrive on the Day of Judgement to be handed their records, will not be answered or looked upon by Allah, and He will turn His back on them, henceforth they shall be sent straight to eternal hell. Secondly, on the Day of Judgement, all people who masturbated in this world will be brought back up from the dead with their hands pregnant!
Whatever you do, DO NOT GIVE UP. For the sake of your marriage, and so that he does not poison your childrens minds with this UNACCEPTABLE act.
May Allah be with you.
salam.....the best way is to cure that is dont allow him to be alone....just be with his company....and try to divert his mind to some other things which he likes the most....try to cure now itself otherwise it will lead to a bad future.....nd tempt him to involve in islam ...
Sister i feel very sorry for you 🙁 may Allah give him and all such husbands hidayah and take away all your stress. Verily Allah is the turner of hearts . Keep praying and stay patient . May Allah give you sukoon and happiness in both deen and dunya . Ameen .