Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m confused – my parents want me to marry this man…

Muslim woman

Salaam, I’m an 18 years old muslim girl and I am very confused. My parents are very good people and they always try to do the best for me. My dad’s sister asked for my hand for her son and my dad accepted it considering everything he should. He wants to get our nikah done soon. The family is really good and kind, they guy has a good job and seems to have a good character, although he lives alone in a different country and is 9 years older than me. At first I didn’t have any problem, I was happy with it. The problem is that I have discovered that he smokes and drinks, doesn’t pray, spends time with girls and he even mentioned once that he wanted to get a tattoo. I don’t know what to do. If I should tell my parents or not. I know that if I tell them they would do everything to make me happy and would never force me. But I fear that my dad’s relationship with her sister could get bad, and also, my parents were happy about the fact that they were going to fulfill their duty as my parents. I don’t want them to get stressed over this, to be worried for me. That’s why I’m thinking about behaving like I don’t know anything and marry him anyways. But I’m really scared, I pray to Allah a lot, but I don’t know if I should do something or let it be.

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7 Responses »

  1. Sister I understand you are caring about your families pride and connection but this is not the time. Family is Family they will take it as Adults or get over it . But your future and marriages is very important than anything put yourself first at this situation tell them what you know . You are very young. Nothing in hurry don’t let it slide down . You don’t know how his going to treat you

  2. Tell to your parents whatever you know about him. They will be more upset when they will get to know after marriage and burden will come on your shoulders bc you knew it already.

    • I agree. You would rather tell your parents now and prevent issues in the future rather than leaving it. What would you rather, your parents being a little stressed now until you find someone else to marry or marrying this guy and it potentially resulting in more problems which would make your parents even more stressed for as long as you’re with him. Marriage is a life long bond and you should be careful what you get yourself into. Discuss it with your parents and let them find out and then see what they say.

  3. Tell your parents. Immediately. You're worried about your ruining your dad's ties with his sister? Well, once you marry him, and he never comes home to you, the truth WILL come out. The only difference in telling your dad NOW is avoiding the heartbreak you'll deal with later when you marry him. Your parents duty is to settle you with a man who has good deen, and this man doesn't seem to be one who's religious and would give you your rights. You're still extremely young, the man youre waiting for isn't this one. Please tell them.

  4. Salam sis,

    your sacrifice won't benefit your parents rather it will make them sick when they found out later. What they need is your happiness. So, tell them as soon as possible.

    May Allah show you the right path, Ameen

  5. Don't do it. Show your parents some proof. Like Facebook pictures of him. Maybe your aunty knows her son's activity and just want to get him married off to you because you are a family member and will not think anything bad of him.

  6. Asalam Alakum sister,

    I totally understand your confusion and concern at this stage about the strain that could be caused between your fafter and his sister as a result if you were to refuse marrying this man.

    Please sister I am pleading with you not to do something you are not happy with as marriage is a lifelong commitment. your life as well as every one else's could be much worse if the problems are revealed afterwards.

    I am talking from a personal point of view having been divorced 2 times, and I know that painful feeling of getting divorced because I rushed into both of my marriages not knowing who my 2 x wives were, as I didn't get the opportunity to really know them before marriage (this includes their true habits, their negative traits etc).

    I guess it was partly due to family pressure and a bit of naivety is what resulted in me getting married quicker than I had hoped.

    Fortunately for you, you are already aware of this mans negative traits , of which you are already disapproving of.

    My point is this is your future, so you need to do what you feel is right for you. You are very young, you have your whole life ahead of you, you dot want to ruin it as a result of making a very rash decision being influenced by family members.

    Your well being is much more important than worrying at this stage about the strain that could because between your father and his sister.

    So kindly talk to your parents about your concerns and am sure they will totally understand your decision.

    Wishing you the best outcome for you and all family members.

    Best Regards

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