Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Marriage emergency help

Young woman looking thoughtful, pensive

I have been married for 7 years now out the 7 years  i only experienced one good year of my marriage. I don’t think i have feeling for my husband no more bacuse of how his been treating me for the last 6 years so we have 4 kids and when i was pregnent with my 3rd child thats when our marriage became worse then it has been. I caguht my husband talking dirty like in a sexual way to one of his friends wife and couple of other wimens he has been telling to meet him and other he is prominsing to marry and bring them to the united state. After i found out all of this i confronted him on but he just simpliy lied in my face. And one time while we were fighting about his lies as i was sitting on the toilet reading the sexual text conversation he pushed me i slammed on the bath tub than the next week as i went for my appointment because i was pregnent during this altercation they found blood sitting in my stomach and asked who did and am i in abusive relationship  i told them what had happen. More fights happened our marriage wasnt looking good i got olders involved but they just made excuese for him as how its ok for a husband to hit his wife. Than i left to my parents house i said if your not going to change i will be at my parents house till than fast forward he apologized said he will change but nothing appertanly changed since than except that he doesnt touch me because his afraid of runing his reptution we have 4 kids and i do everything on my own weather its cleaning, cooking, taking care of the kids etc its too much that i have became depressed and it started afffecting my school. He doesnt give me allowence i have to borrow money to get the kids needs and my needs or do side jobs . He works but he says he uses all the money to pay bills and take care of my late father kids.his always working and the days his off he travels with friends he comes home late the kids dont see him much. I am just so stressed of doing everything myself sometimes my kids see it and its just too much to deal with and i told him what his doing wrong he tells me to be just patients and he only wants me for sexual need. And i dont know what to do because i have 4 kids i am in a lot of depth already and i dont think i can financially support me and my kids.what should i do?

when no family member is offering no help and they just telling me to be patient?

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8 Responses »

  1. AS A SUNNI MUSLIM .A WOMEN HAS MORE RIGHTS THAN A MAN...HIS DUTY IS TO TAKE CARE FEED CLOTHED PROVIDE FOOD SHELTER.THERE IS NO WAY A MAN CAN TOUCH HIS WIFE IN A BAD WAY.TO HIT OR MENTAL ABUSE IS THE WORK OF THE DEVIL..YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO DIVORCE AND LIVE WITH HAPPINESS. BUT HAVE A WELL THOUGHT OUT PLAN..YOU SEE SISTER TODAY ARE NAMES ARE MUSLIM BUT WE ARE FAR FROM PRACTICE..WE ARE HYPOCRITES..THATS WHY SOMANY RELATIONS GOT PROBLEMS DIVORCE IS HIGH AND ABUSIVE SPOUSES ARE NORMAL .THERE IS NO GUIDANCE FROM ALLAH..THESE PEOPLE ARE CURSED....REMEMBER SUCCESSS IS ONLY OBEYING THE COMMANDMENTS OF ALLAH THROUGH THE WAY SHOWN BY ARE PROPHET MUHAMMAD PEACE BE UPON HIM THIS THE ONLY SOLUTION TO ALL PROBLEMS. I MYSELF IS MARRIED TO A WOMEN SCHOLOR OF ISLAM!

    • Raul Ali not helpful advice, in an ideal world yes but she's far from living in peace and happiness.

      OK so your in an abusive marriage allow him to be you see some times in life Allah gives these hardship as a test in order to test our iman. No doubt you've tried screaming and arguing at him to change his ways but to no avail. You have to accept he will only change his ways if Allah allows it to be and in order for that to happen you need make dua to Allah but you have to accept Allah may answer your dua many many years later.

      You have a responsibility to your 4 children so you need to pull yourself together and use all your energy to give them a good life inshallah, your not gonna be any good of a mother if you keep breaking down in front of them, when you do break down choose to break down in dua and allow your heart to cry out to Allah the most high.

      You need to accept the situation that your in, the more you complain to your husband of his faults the more further he goes away from you. Leave him be instead Spend your time towards loving Allah the most high after all Allah is your provider not your husband. Ask in dua and inshallah Allah will answer you but you need to bear it with patience.
      Before you consider ever divorcing him you need to pray salat al- istakhara Allah knows best. You see the grass is never greener on the other side, after all this is what Allah has decreed for your life you need to accept your situation with patience.

      • Did you really just say that ok you're in an abusive relationship let him be!? I usually never comment on these thread but that is the most ridiculous I'll advised comment I have heard. Islam does not tell us to this kind of "patient"! We are taught to stand up for what is wrong and make it right. Her test is not staying but leaving!

        Sister I am very sorry about your situation. Under no circumstances is physical abuse ok. Involve elders on both sides of the family. And if that doesnt work involve the authorities in your country.

        You said you are in school. Focus on that and you can be there for your kids. This person said be there for your kids and dont break down in front of them. Well you wouldn't even break down if no one is beating you. Literally. My dear if your parents are ok with you staying with them then do. Stay until you finish school and work and make enough to support yourself and kids. A man who doesnt provide a healthy home.doesnt deserve a wife and kids. Leave him and dont feel one bit of regret or sadness.

        The hardest part of leaving is that first step. But remember you are setting a wonderful example for your kids. To be strong! It takes alot more strength to stand up for what is right than to do nothing at all. Please remember that. May Allah be with you and make things easier for you <3

    • Brother Raul -

      Your advice is appreciated, it shows that you care , but however, try avoid being emotional as it clouds our judgement and prevents us from us giving the best advice as we can. Typing in caps is really unnecessarily.

      • Ahmed, I've told him that many times (about the all caps) but he doesn't listen. Finally I decided to just let him be him.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Sister im sorry for all the pain u have to endure. I pray u get relief soon. Don’t tolerate any man putting his hands on you. Not only does he beat u his never there and he only uses u to satisfy his sexual needs. That is no marriage. I’d rather stay with my parents and go to school and get a career if possible. But it all depends on you do what makes u happy and also keeps ur kids fed.

  3. So I’m not advocating divorce in no way shape or form ( unless he doesn’t change and you feel divorce is the only option).... but I just want to point out that since you live in the states there’s a lot of government aid and financial help if you fall below a certain income level and a single parent. So don’t let your financial situation be the only reason you stay in a hostile situation.

    I also recommend that you read سوره البقره everyday and to turn it on in the house so that it’s heard in most rooms. I understand with kids life gets busy and before you know it the day is gone, but please make this a priority and inshallah Allah will see you out of this calamity you’re going through.

    I will most definitely make duaa for you and your kiddos , keep your head up momma, you got this it’s just a test in this thing called life .

  4. This is terrible.. Allah has not given the man such right to adjust his wife.. He will surely be punished.. I'm not sure how you are living with such a man.. If he is cheating on you then there is no point living with him..

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