Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My Story – Forcefully Divorced

Young woman looking thoughtful, pensive


I was married for 1 and a half years. (It was my 2nd marriage) I have had a very traumatic childhood and suffer from depression, anxiety and OCD. My father had just died during the time I got married. It was a shock death and I was going through severe depression after his death. The person I got married to had just lost his mum to cancer during the same time that my dad died. It was his mums dying wish for her son to marry me. She only had a few days to live so she wanted the nikah done asap. (Bear in mind it had only been 2 weeks that my dad had just passed away). As it is understandable my head was all over the place and I was in no fit state or mood to get married but out of respect for his dying mother I agreed on getting married to her son. She passed away a couple of days after we got married so her last wishes had got fulfilled.

Little did I know the person I had got married to was very strict and he was a control freak. (He had been previously married too). He did not understand the importance of marriage and he emotionally abused me. I was scared of him and his whole family as they were emotionally abusing me too. Throughout the one and a half year all I remember is mostly crying. He did used to say that he loved me unconditionally but yet I didn't understand why he was being the way he was with me. He had a bad temper, he had bad habits and told me he was never going to change. He stayed out late at night. He worked in his takeaway from 2pm-3am. He would go to bed at about 4am or 5am. He would lock himself in the other bedroom from 9am-2pm saying he had business calls to make. And then he was back to work from 2pm-3am. Every time I said I wanted to go out he'd say it's a housewife's job to sit at home. But sitting at home 24/7 was making me go crazy!

He didn't understand my depression. I am a very sensitive person. I kept telling him I will get better InShaAllah and that I just need some time to recover from the trauma. (My dad's death). My OCD got worse too during this time and I was constantly scared. He didn't seem very understanding and instead called me 'ill' and 'tapped in the head'.

It all got nasty when his dad came to live with us after doing Hajj he came for a little break in the UK before returning back to Bangladesh. His dad and siblings started to brainwash him towards me. His older brother deliberately told his dad to stay with us so that his dad can pick on bad points about me so that they get rid of me. The whole family kept shouting at me and were threatening to hit me etc. All of them including him were giving me a lot of pressure and it wasn't good for me as I was mentally unwell. I went to an elderly person to help sort my marriage out (this person was the middle man who got the rishtey) but that man had got brainwashed by them as they had already gone to him before I did and they made up a lot of stuff about me and brainwashed him towards me. This man then humiliated me as well and told me to get out of his house.

My partner finally divorced me by saying I would have disabled babies due to my depression (which he made up in his head) and he said he did not want to have babies with me. 2 months after saying this he was involved in a car accident on the motorway and injured his back fracturing 3 vertebraes. He is now physically disabled himself. He kicked me out of his house a couple of months before the accident. After his accident I used to go to see him. Some days he opened the door to me some days he didn't. If I could get into the house I used to fall on his feet and ask for forgiveness and I used to beg him not to divorce me. I used to tell him I want to look after him as he was not well. In that state he started getting a little bit violent where he started pushing me around and throwing me onto the sofa etc. (He threatened if he got me back he would begin to hit me) I still did not want a divorce because I loved him or I thought I did. But he still forcefully divorced me.

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4 Responses »

  1. Salaam Sister,

    Speaking as a Brother, please have some self respect and dignity for yourself. YOU are Allahs beautiful creation and please dont demean yourself by begging at the feet of this "husband" of yours. For someone to get into an accident and failing to see his wrong ways even after you attempted to care for him is despicable. Remember that you are not an object to be thrown away and picked up again like trash. I am appalled at this kind of person and his family. It seems pretty hypocritical of his father to do Hajj and then resort to these actions.

    Sister, I'm not sure what you want over here? Do you want advice to go back with him because that is a terrible idea. People like him will never learn and it shows even after he is physically disabled. Better to remain single than endure this. You as a woman need to know Allah dislikes divorce but it is absolutely necessary in situations like these. Things will not get better and I hope you realize that. This marriage doesn't define who you are.

  2. Sister, feel lucky that you got out when you did, without kids in the picture. Also you did not ask for the divorce. That blame does not go on you. You are willing to devote yourself to an invalid and even then he is too much of an animal to see you as the precious gift you are. Good riddance to bad rubbish. His accident was probably Allah's way of punishing him for his treatment of you. Accept this great blessing and move on. I am sure Allah has someone better out there for you. Don't fight it. Accept it and move on. The door that closed was not the right one for you. May Allan guide you towards the right path. Ameen.

  3. Salaam darling
    I know it’s painful however take some time in taking care of yourself. Allah surely has better plans for you.
    I would advise you pray, make lots of Dua and move on with your life. Make yourself and mind better, heal yourself and then inshallah you will be in a better place. Keep the door on your past firmly shut. You deserve so much better please believe this.
    Love from your sister x

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