Anger towards Allah
assalamu alaikum,
I honestly dont know where to start. But my life is getting worse and worse im trying so hard to control my anger towards islam but i cant handle it anymore.my childhood is one big mess. I dont have any brother or sister or any good friends to ask help. So now im here.
my father is not a very nice person. He shouts at my mother for no reason if his day go bad then she get shouted by him. If anything goes wrong he shouts at her. he used to beat me when i was little after the age of 14 he stopped .At that time i honestly didnt know i thought my family was normal.
before 2010 i was poor i was not going to school for 3 years but we sold our house and then got the money then we bought a house and saved the money in the bank after that i felt i was rich like not that much but i was grateful. he was still abusive but at that time i was little i didnt think that much in 2015 my life was the best my father was fine i watch shows with him i thought im normal we used to visit people even physically i was fit my height was good my skin was so much clear and i thought i look beautiful when i was little i was bullied very much but i thought after all that hardship allah is making my life better.
but then in 2016 a problem came so we thought we should make a house and rent it so we can get money when making that house i used to help my father my mother but by staying in the sun for so much time my skin got darker and oily and when making the house anything goes wrong my father used to shout at my mother same thing started. then one night my mother coudent breath i thought she was gonna die but thank god she didnt we took her to the hospital and stabilized her then the next time my father was shouting at her for being sick she was crying and that was the first time i realised that how messed up my life is.
then after that same things kept happing and happing i lost everything even my face i coudent even look at my face anymore. then in 2017 before my papers a fight happen between my father and mother and again my father was shouting at her for no reason and i got angry at my father but instead of talking to him angerly i started crying i dont know why but he said me that shut up then he called my uncle(my mothers brother)to take her after he came they had a little chat and then it was fine.
then in 2017 in june something even worse happen we thought that my mother had asthma problem but instead she had heart problem and her heart was 70% damaged when they told me that i was broke from the inside and then the next day my father again started shouting at her but this time i stayed quiet after that my anger grow my towards my father and islam i hate my life i honestly want to die now i even abused allah and even the prophet even i didnt want to but i did and b/c of that im here i didnt want to abuse my religion but seeing so many happy people makes me angry i used to see people and help people give them money my mother used to give someof the poor family members money but now they are living a better life than me and im so much messed up that i just lost it i hate myself now and i even abused my religion and b/c i abused my religion i feel sad i didnt want to abuse it and i have heard if anyone abused allah or his prophet he is kafir and i did that i didnt want to but i was angry i dont know what to do plz help my can i be forgiven?
supermane22
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Hello, I know what you’re feeling and right now I’m feeling the same thing. I’m not relieved yet, but i find peace while reading the following. I’ll send you a link and in sha Allah it will help you
http://duas.com/dua/294/dua-for-one-afflicted-by-a-calamity
Assalam u alykum,
May Allah make life easy for you and your parents, inshaAllah and grant your Mother good health, inshaAllah.
I read your story and it was really upsetting to attempt to comprehend.
I can understand your anger and upset towards your father as he hurts your Mother. My bro/sis in Islam, please do dua for him- that Allah gives him sabur and maghfiraat for his sins.
But why do you have anger towards Islam, Allah and His Rasool?
Allah wants good for us and has given us the Quran to guide us.
And our beloved rasool? He loves us and did dua for our maghfiraat and our lives before we were even born! He labelled us as his ummah before we even knew! Allah sent him to us as rahmatul lil 'aalameen, a Mercy for mankind.
So you can see that Islam is a merciful religion that our Merciful Lord has blessed us with.
From this, I want you - my bro/sis in Islam to understand that allah forgives if we repent.
I know you feel bad about abusing Islam, etc- but what you can do is repent. Allah loves us and is always willing to forgive us. We just need to turn to Him.
...
Please also try to keep your Mother happy. If she sees some happiness through you, then she may get cured, in sha Allah. Her heart may be healthy again, full of good emotions and joy and happiness. In sha Allah.
It was really sad reading about your mother. It reminds me of a lady I used to know, a wonderful lady who went through an abusive marriage.
Please try speaking to your father. Your father may have a problem that you are unaware of. He may have his own pain and hurt that he is not disclosing to anyone, which he is taking out on your Mother.
Try to find something that is close to your father's heart, something that you can then use to bond over. Once you have that good relationship established with your father, it may make the relationship between your mother and father better too.
...
I don't know what your family situation is like, but trying doing some things together. These things gradually increase love between family members.
1- make dinner and all 3 of you sit together and eat it.
2- sit and recite durood Shareef together.
3- go out and have some tea together. (Something affordable or simple is fine; as you described your financial situation isn't great)
...
My duas are with you and please take care of your Mum!
Your sister in Islam.
Walaikumassalaam Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatu.
May Allah reward you for your patience to put up with your father's anger and may Allah reward for the great difficulty you have gone through. Yes, indeed you will be forgiven.
Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) loves it when people ask Him to forgive their sins. He is overjoyed with their repentance, since He hates to punish anybody. At the slightest excuse He washes people’s sins away. The only condition is that the human being must truly regret in his/her heart that they did what they did.
On the authority of Anas (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:
I heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) say: Allah the Almighty said: O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it.
Indeed, Allah does not do injustice, [even] as much as an atom's weight; while if there is a good deed, He multiplies it and gives from Himself a great reward. Surah Nisa (4:40)
You think your skin got oily and darker because as a result of you helping your father out in the sun? NO. There's Allah swt's Wisdom behind it. Maybe Allah made it happen to save you from falling into bigger sins like Zina! Maybe if you had a beautiful skin and personality, you would've fallen into love with the opposite sex and committed sins! What did Yusuf (AS) say when the wife of Aziz tried to seduce him? Yusuf (AS) prayed to Allah “He said: ‘My Lord! The prison is dearer to me than that to which they invite me; and if You turn not their guile from me, I may incline towards them and become of the ignorant ones’.” Surah Yusuf (12:33)
“Or think you that you will enter Paradise without such (trials) as came to those who passed away before you? They were afflicted with severe poverty and ailments and were so shaken that even the Messenger and those who believed along with him said, ‘When (will come) the Help of Allah?’ Yes! Certainly, the Help of Allah is near!”
(al-Baqarah 2:214).
"And give glad tidings to those who believe and do righteous good deeds, that for them will be Gardens under which rivers flow (Paradise). Every time they will be provided with a fruit there from, they will say: “This is what we were provided with before,” and they will be given things in resemblance and they shall have therein azwajun mutahharatun (purified mates or wives) and they will abide therein forever." Surah Al-Baqarah 2: Ayah 25
So let me put it this way: What if Allah swt directly (astaghfirullah) told you like he spoke to Musa (AS) that all you're going through is a test from Allah and Allah wants you to be patient. Will you not be happy to go through all of that? Of course Allah is not going to speak to you like he did to Musa (AS), but what can make you convinced like that? When your Emaan is strong, you will be convinced as if Allah is speaking directly to your heart and Allah will put tranquility in your heart to go through any difficulty whatsoever.
Those who believe (in the Oneness of Allāh - Islāmic Monotheism), and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allāh, Verily, in the remembrance of Allāh do hearts find rest. (Ra'd 13:2)
So how about you and your mother work on your emaans, which is the Belief of the Heart, Speech of the Tongue and Actions of the Limbs. Imagine your emaan inside your heart - your spiritual heart - and the Shaytan always tries to enter it, but you have to protect it from Shaytan entering it, but if the Shaytan enters it, he makes you commit sins, causes you depression, anxiety, fear etc. and eventually makes you lose hope in Allah.
The Prophet (SAW) said “There is a piece of flesh in the body if it becomes good (reformed) the whole body becomes good but if it gets spoiled, the whole body gets spoiled – and that is the heart.” (Bukhari
What causes the Shaytan to enter your heart? Well, failing to do any obligatory things in Islam. They are, simply put, Salah and Character, and in character, it's just mainly Anger, protecting your Gaze, and avoiding music.
So let's say, for example, you miss salah or listen to music, then Shaytan gets inside your heart and makes you sin!
(Iblis) said: "Because you misled me, I shall indeed adorn the path of error for them (mankind) on the earth, and I shall mislead them all. EXCEPT YOUR SINCERE, (GUIDED) SLAVES AMONG THEM" (Quran, al-Hijr: 39:40).)
The best way is gaining knowledge from lectures and acting on it. So you have to watch a lecture of, let's say, Yusha Evans every day consistently and take care of your 5 salah and character, which mainly includes anger, protecting your gaze from looking at haram things, and avoiding music. Do this for JUST FOR 5 DAYS and you will feel like you have everything in this world. The first video you should be watching is this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzHuFm4CvcM
Assalam-Alaikum
I could see why your feeling this way, but my question is why are you angry towards Islam? Why be angry with Allah swt. He is the one to guide you and heal your pain. Ask him to help guide you and I promise you he will.
As for your father step up and tell him where his wrong. If he's shouting at your mother than stop him from doing so. That is your job. By staying quiet you're Father think's its okay to shout at your mother. Sometimes as children we have to guide our parents, where have to tell them when they're wrong. That doesn't mean you hate them, but it means you love them to tell them their mistakes. Your mother is already going through so much at the moment, and since she's not being protected by her spouse it is your job to protect her. To care for her.
I want to tell you to cry out to Allah, talk to him, ask him to give your heart peace. Ask him to guide you through this problem. He will answer.
I pray that you May Allah take care of you and your family. I hope that he continues to show his love for you.
May Allah make it easy for you.