Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Please Help Me

Worried girl, unhappy girl, anxious girl

For the past couple of years, I have truly been struggling. Currently I am 16.

Almost one year ago, I became friends with a guy who lives down the street from me who is a year older than me. Over the year, our friendship grew strong. There was no lust between us at all. He is someone who I trust and is the only one who I can tell things too.

My mother and I don't get along right now. I haven't gotten the best grades for the past couple of years, and she is always on my case. Everyday she yells hurtful things at me and tells me she's done so much for me and I am ungrateful. In all honesty, she hasn't done much and puts more workload on herself rather than letting others help. She continuously pushes and yanks me, threatening me by telling me to get out the house. I honestly cannot do it anymore. I'm emotionally and physically done, I cry often and feel worthless, unloved and unwanted. She yells at me to get into a specific university since most of my family has gone there, and if I don't get in, "She'll want to shoot herself" or "Everything she has done is a complete waste" or "I will be the laughing stock of the family".

I just want to get my life in order, get into the university she wants (I want to get into it too, but my grades aren't that good and its a hard university to get into). I want to become a good muslim and be happy.

We yell at each other and she does hit me. I don't know what happens, but she turns crazy and continues to hit me and it hurts. I try and I want to get better grades, but I don't know why it doesn't come to me. The other day, my guy friend hugged me then kissed my cheek (he does have a girlfriend). I felt sick to my stomach right after that, and at that point, I told myself I want to become a good muslim. I'm not the best Muslim girl/ daughter.

I admit I've done bad things in my life and I honestly really want to change. I want to tell my friend that I want to stop being friends, but I don't know how to. I'm fine with doing it, but how do I tell him? I yell at my mom and I can see the pain I cause her. I lie, deceive and do horrible things, but I really really want to change. Can someone please help me and give me advice?

I know you might think I am a horrible muslim girl and that Allah (swt) must be disappointed with me and I agree I am not the best. But I really want to be a better muslim and a person.


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3 Responses »

  1. Asalaam alaikum. It's really sad to hear what youre going through, but don't worry life is just beginning, try to get into that university because you want to not because of anything else and remember if it doesnt work out- it's from Allah, no one else. I would recommend getting counselling even if it's some kind of online counselling so you can talk about your feelings. I know you know the way your mother is acting isn't okay. Im glad you feel you don't want this guy friend doing those things - that is a sign of a GOOD muslim. Tell him it's not okay (he cant have much respect for his girlfriend either or you if he could do that with you). Dont worry about how he'd feel sometimes it's best in the long run. Concentrate on yourself, see if there's anyone (even if its in the family but you trust) who can talk to your mother and help you with your relationship? Counselling can go a long way in getting your feelings out and learning how to cope with her behaviours. I dont know how bad the violence is but if she is seriously dangering you then remember your safety comes first. Try not to engage her in arguments, walk away etc. I pray Allah makes it easy for you

  2. Hello, you are only 17 a very young girl. Your mother only wants the best for you. She must not hit you because it will prevent you from
    Concentrating. I think you should tell her that you want to talk to her. Sit her down and say mother please, I will try my very best to go into this university but if I'm arguing with you everyday and you hit me then it will stop me from concentrsting.

    Allah has plans for everyone. If you must go to this university Allah will help you but you must be patient and speak to your mother more. Ask her if she will allow you to take tuitions. Go to after schools clubs and try to get the support you need. Tell your tutors your situation. A tutor you trust. Speak to friends and tell them how they deal with their mothers in such a situation.

    Your mother is only doing this for your future but she is not aware that hitting and shouting is not a good way. Don't say that you are a bad Muslim.
    The fact that you want to change is showing Allah that you are trying.

    Remember Allah loves you 70 times more than your mother and father. He will forgive you as long as you repent. Pray to Allah and ask for his guidance and help. Tell your mother in order for you to do well you need love now arguments.

    Please stay positive and don't allow anyone to make you feel like you're a bad person. Do as Islam says and pray and repent. You are young you can achieve what you wish but first you must pray and ask for the things you want from Allah.

    And Allah says when you remember me I will remember you.

    Chin up and smile 🙂 X

  3. I feel for you...just by wanting to be a good Muslim shows that you already are. Stay strong and pray, pray, pray to Allah. Answers may not come right away, but they will, they eventually do. You and your mother are under a lot of stress. No matter how stressful your lives are, she shouldn't hit you. My husband used to hit my boys and it broke my heart every time he did that. Those episodes also had a lasting psychological and emotional effect on them. Don't let that happen to you. I know it's hard and perhaps too much to ask of you, but try to understand your mother. The reason why I'm asking you to do this is because, even if you're the younger person, you seem to be more rational.

    Perhaps a serious talk or dialogue between the two of you may help, then again, it may not, but there's no harm in trying. Tell her you love her, tell her you appreciate what she's doing for you. Tell her, too, that you want to have a peaceful and harmonious relationship with her. She's tired and so are you. The two of you are all you got.

    May Allah continue to bless and guide you, my dear sister...

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